Episode 9
Welcome to the Shadow Side
With a dollop of Daisy sour cream and a dash of anxiety, we’re enduring the burnout and embracing the wisdom, extracting lessons from our experiences and finding inspiration in THE Monster verse (you know which one.) Drawing from our collective wisdom, we touch on the need to value our talents and challenge societal norms that lead us to undersell our abilities. Every ounce of wisdom is a reminder of your inner strength and your power to demand what you deserve.
We’re exploring a seasonal approach to our own healing, discussing how shifts in nature's rhythms can influence our habits and experiences. This time of year, we dive into shadow work. As we peel back layers of the self, we introduce practices to confront negative spaces and reclaim our power. We'll share some of our shadow work exercises that emphasize self-compassion, understanding triggers, and embracing all aspects of ourselves.
Lastly, we are not shy about navigating through the uncomfortable and the vulnerable. We confront our fear of asking for help, dissecting how our upbringing impacts our emotional expression and our approach to vulnerability. We discuss the power of speaking up and advocating for ourselves in difficult situations, affirming the importance of being heard. Remember, finding the courage to seek help is not a sign of weakness but an act of self-love and strength. So, join us, sit back, and let's unravel the threads of self-discovery together.
Topics this week include:
- If you dip strawberries or other fruit/sweet/cold stuff into sour cream or if you eat sour cream on your own, please contact us. We’re not mad, we just want to talk.
- Telling old folks just how awful they are and letting the chips fall where they may.
- You can’t unknow stuff, and we be knowin’. Sometimes that hurts.
- If you can command $50k for a verse with no album out, ask for it, because when someone sees your value, they will pay it. Don’t discount your rate for the broke ones that can’t afford you.
- Embracing a seasonal cadence to healing work, healing toolkits, and a virtual healing circle in our NEW PATREON OFFERINGS!
- What is “Shadow Work,” where to start, how to know if you’re ready for it, and a real-time example of jumping in.
- Listening to what resentment is telling us.
- Digging into the messages we internalized, where they came from, and deciding if they’re true or not.
- When the birth plan is to deliver your babies like a feral cat.
- Buying a car is an awful experience.
- Horror movie themes as a societal mirror showing us what we’re afraid of.
- The power of a good apology.
- Dime bags from Temu.
- Gold stars from therapy and healing work.
- How to find a therapist (thanks, BetterHelp!)
This weeks challenge: make a note when big emotions come up, acknowledge what triggered them in the moment, and begin to see where the patterns are.
Relevant Links:
- Gettin’ Grown Podcast: Casa Bonni ft Bonni Scotch
- Lantern Oracle
- Why Nicki Minaj’s “Monster” Verse Will Forever Be A Revolutionary Pop Culture Moment
- Monster by Kanye West featuring Jay-Z, Rick Ross, Nicki Minaj, and Bon Iver
- Let’s heal (and laugh) together on our Patreon!
- BetterHelp
- Movie Monsters Through the Years: How Does Horror Reflect Historical Fears?
- Astral 𓋹 Pharaoh on Instagram
Find Us:
- Healing Happy Hour on Instagram
- Healing Happy Hour on Patreon
- Healing Happy Hour on Facebook
- Healing Happy Hour Homepage
- Crystal on Instagram
- Vienna on Instagram
Music by FASSounds on Pixabay.
Transcript
MonIca's here, by the way, Vienna.
Speaker:She
Speaker:Like and subscribe!
Speaker:said, like, and subscribe.
Speaker:She's like, I have.
Speaker:Do your kids say that?
Speaker:No.
Speaker:Do you know what they've been saying lately?
Speaker:They've been going avocados from Mexico
Speaker:we've been watching a lot of Paw Patrol because that's Birdie's thing lately,
Speaker:and it's on Paramount Plus, and they have ads, there's a commercial for sour cream
Speaker:and in the commercial she like dips the strawberry in sour cream and now Nate,
Speaker:every time he sees it is like, do you ever dip your strawberries in sour cream?
Speaker:Can we
Speaker:an atrocity.
Speaker:don't eat strawberries, so I don't know what you're about to do
Speaker:Is this the Daisy, the Dollop of Daisy commercial?
Speaker:Yes, it is.
Speaker:I would never do something as abominable as dipping my strawberry into
Speaker:that.
Speaker:But, I would dip it into a little Chantilly cream.
Speaker:If
Speaker:I like that.
Speaker:I
Speaker:you happen to have any laying around.
Speaker:Like, I don't even understand people who would put like,
Speaker:creme fraiche on their shit.
Speaker:but like, you know, for a while or maybe it's still a thing and I've just turned
Speaker:that part of my brain off but diet culture was big into using Greek yogurt
Speaker:for everything was like replace sour cream with Greek yogurt and Greek yogurt is
Speaker:actually pretty good with strawberries.
Speaker:But it's so like, it's like,
Speaker:is Daisy just reclaiming that,
Speaker:it's like white trash Greek yogurt.
Speaker:it's like you know what, how about a nice little bowl of some sour cream
Speaker:with your granola here, how about that?
Speaker:That's disgusting.
Speaker:They're trying to convince us it's the same flavor profile
Speaker:and I feel like Daisy is like,
Speaker:you want it so fucking bad, okay, alright,
Speaker:like, it's like,
Speaker:Throw this in
Speaker:that like Hellman's is mayonnaise.
Speaker:It is not mayonnaise.
Speaker:Mm hmm.
Speaker:It's something else.
Speaker:It's something else.
Speaker:And that's, that's that.
Speaker:That's all I'm
Speaker:I feel like Daisy is just like, you know what?
Speaker:Throw this in your acai bowl, okay?
Speaker:Put some sour cream in there.
Speaker:They're not, but they feel like they're different temperatures to me.
Speaker:And I think it's because like sour cream you eat with hot stuff.
Speaker:It's the cooling effect of
Speaker:It's like
Speaker:on an enchilada or like a burrito.
Speaker:So I think of it as something warm and like melty.
Speaker:don't want that cross pollinating with what I do with my Greek yogurt.
Speaker:Well, with the Greek yogurt, I
Speaker:But I also think hot, hot Greek yogurt sounds nasty.
Speaker:I don't want hot
Speaker:That sounds disgusting.
Speaker:It's not a custard.
Speaker:You know what I mean?
Speaker:Like, that's not...
Speaker:I very much know what you mean.
Speaker:You are 1000 percent
Speaker:I'm having a lot of strong reactions to, like, eating sour cream on
Speaker:its own., why are we doing that?
Speaker:Can we just do what we do?
Speaker:Can we just have, like, can we not do that?
Speaker:we cannot do that.
Speaker:I mean, you and I can certainly.
Speaker:I think I want to talk to somebody
Speaker:Who's done it?
Speaker:who's done it,
Speaker:Monica, have you ever dipped your shit into a sour cream?
Speaker:but inappropriately.
Speaker:what are we dipping in sour cream?
Speaker:Like fruit?
Speaker:No, why would I do that?
Speaker:Okay, but has she, did she buy into When people were using Greek
Speaker:yogurt in place of sour cream.
Speaker:Like,
Speaker:I mean, my mom tried to do that once when she was trying to cut carbs and stuff.
Speaker:Her mom be like that though.
Speaker:Her mom be, you know.
Speaker:Diet culture really had us...
Speaker:We're recording right?
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:We are.
Speaker:We're just vibing.
Speaker:We're vibing.
Speaker:Um, well, hi, how are you?
Speaker:I'm, I'm doing well.
Speaker:I am a little tired.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Work is making me work this week.
Speaker:Not okay.
Speaker:And the day, the week just started.
Speaker:So work is really making me work.
Speaker:We have this ongoing week long workshop thing happening.
Speaker:And, um, I just, I'm up at like five.
Speaker:And so last night I went to bed, like I said, like in the middle
Speaker:of our text conversation, it was probably like, what, like eight 30.
Speaker:Woke up with the TV on blast light on.
Speaker:You
Speaker:was like, trying to build an entire website.
Speaker:Which, uh, HealingHappyHourPod.
Speaker:com, check it out.
Speaker:But, and also style you a whole new wardrobe.
Speaker:Were literally helping me build a brand new look like.
Speaker:It was so cute though, I
Speaker:It was really cute.
Speaker:And I think I, that jacket you sent by the way, I'm like,
Speaker:That little red one.
Speaker:one that I can't afford yet.
Speaker:I know.
Speaker:That's J.
Speaker:Crew.
Speaker:50 percent off though right now,
Speaker:This does J.
Speaker:Crew have sizes for the big ones?
Speaker:I can't remember.
Speaker:I think they go up to like 24 or something.
Speaker:Oh, I didn't know yeah, I was exhausted.
Speaker:So I passed out.
Speaker:And that's kind of how my week is going, but it's not bad.
Speaker:It's just, it's just tiring.
Speaker:But like otherwise fairly decent, I've been getting good sleep obviously
Speaker:as a result of me being exhausted.
Speaker:So
Speaker:that.
Speaker:that's that's what really matters.
Speaker:That's key.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So like, you know, not too bad.
Speaker:How about you?
Speaker:What's been cracking over in your world?
Speaker:I have been, like, in rare form this week.
Speaker:I had a, quite a session with my therapist today.
Speaker:I think the burnout that we talked about last week has really tipped from like
Speaker:the disassociation into just full on anxiety where I'm like, my brain cannot
Speaker:find a place to settle and that voice, my little inner hater, that stupid hater
Speaker:bitch, has really gotten quite a toe hold in there and um, yeah, that's the thing
Speaker:that's really driving the car lately.
Speaker:uh, yeah.
Speaker:I got some good insight, so what we're going to try to do this week
Speaker:is personify that tiny hater voice.
Speaker:stomp her on her neck.
Speaker:Yeah, so like give her a name, like maybe she's a combination
Speaker:of a couple people I knew.
Speaker:One of them will definitely be my third grade teacher who
Speaker:was a big old bitch to me.
Speaker:And part of my conversation today I was like, do you think she's dead?
Speaker:And my therapist was like, I mean maybe, how old is she?
Speaker:And I was like, I think she.
Speaker:is probably dead.
Speaker:But if she's not, I would like to write her a letter and tell her
Speaker:what a fucking bitch she was and that I think she's an awful person.
Speaker:That's how, I love me after a grade teacher, but my second grade teacher,
Speaker:that's literally how I feel about her.
Speaker:well, here's why I love my therapist.
Speaker:Because she's like, I think you should.
Speaker:She was like, I think like, and I
Speaker:her
Speaker:Facebook page and like write on it, be like, Hey, remember you were a huge bitch.
Speaker:she I was like, isn't that like fucked up to do to somebody who is
Speaker:like an old person and about to die.
Speaker:And she was like, you don't owe her anything.
Speaker:She was the one that was an asshole to a third grade kid.
Speaker:Like,
Speaker:Girl.
Speaker:And that's right.
Speaker:Give her something to ponder on her way out.
Speaker:I was like, you know what, maybe I will write her a nasty little note just to tell
Speaker:her that, like, she really fucked me up.
Speaker:And the stuff that she said to me when I was eight years old,
Speaker:I'm still carrying with me today.
Speaker:Regardless, personifying the tiny inner voice in my head, um, and just like really
Speaker:giving it a like, every time I hear it in my head to be like, Hey, I don't want
Speaker:to say the name of the, the, combination
Speaker:Hey teacher.
Speaker:but like, hey, um, you really suck.
Speaker:And apparently she was saying that that really helps because
Speaker:it separates that voice from you.
Speaker:So like, it's not you anymore and you're not owning that as yourself.
Speaker:You're like, it's somebody else and you're able to like, start to
Speaker:make a little more of a divide.
Speaker:So that's what I'm doing this week.
Speaker:That's good.
Speaker:That's very like,
Speaker:I was
Speaker:that's big growth stuff.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I needed.
Speaker:I was like, I need, I needed like a tangible thing like that.
Speaker:Because.
Speaker:Yeah, that voice has really just been driving,
Speaker:It's a good action item.
Speaker:Yeah, I was like,
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:We've got to, we've got to stomp her.
Speaker:We've got to stomp her out because we cannot let her get
Speaker:a foothold in these streets.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:I was like, I've done too much.
Speaker:I've worked too hard to get ahead of that.
Speaker:I
Speaker:don't need any of
Speaker:that nonsense.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And you know, we've been talking a lot this week about how we're
Speaker:both like, let's not, let's not backtrack on the work we've done.
Speaker:Seriously.
Speaker:the faith that like, we've made these changes and the universe will,
Speaker:everything will fall into place.
Speaker:But
Speaker:It will.
Speaker:You know, I always try, I hate it because I, sometimes like old people phrases
Speaker:they piss me off, but they are right.
Speaker:Like when they're like, you know, you might not always get what you
Speaker:want, but you get what you need.
Speaker:Um, my favorite is, uh, God's delays are not his denials.
Speaker:You can interchange that with whatever you call God, but I'm
Speaker:like, I firmly believe that.
Speaker:Um, because I think I've had lots of evidence of it, like throughout life.
Speaker:So, um, you know, like things will fall into place.
Speaker:And if we think back by a few months.
Speaker:Even we can see where they have so mm
Speaker:yeah, I know, I was like, even if I think back, like, a year ago, I was
Speaker:like, when I left my job, the sessions, like, what we were talking about was
Speaker:like, Maybe I want to be a carpenter.
Speaker:Maybe I want to be an electrician.
Speaker:I don't know what I want to do.
Speaker:Maybe I want to go to beauty school.
Speaker:I don't know what I want to do.
Speaker:And I don't even know what I like to do.
Speaker:I don't know who I am.
Speaker:And I think in the past year and four months or whatever it's
Speaker:been since I left that 9 to 5,
Speaker:I've like started to find those answers.
Speaker:And just because now I have the answers, it doesn't mean that like
Speaker:immediately things start happening.
Speaker:I still have to like go down that road of letting things come together.
Speaker:And
Speaker:because there's some reconciliation you have to do between your expectations and
Speaker:where you are and what you want going forward and where you are, there are
Speaker:just so many things that are layered,
Speaker:mhm.
Speaker:know, that you have to kind of sort through.
Speaker:And there's no point in stressing yourself out about it because this is
Speaker:the process by which you find out like what you like, what you don't like.
Speaker:that's where the magic really happens too.
Speaker:I mean, we've talked about it so much that like, you take the first thing
Speaker:that comes along, because you're like, oh, this is the answer to it.
Speaker:And it's like, you don't even know where that path leads, right?
Speaker:Like, there's, it's, it just gets better.
Speaker:And it's better than you can ever dream it's going to be.
Speaker:So maybe don't rush into that first thing.
Speaker:Because
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts earlier and someone on the
Speaker:podcast was saying that like, it's, you know, obviously probably capitalism
Speaker:that's like, okay, well, what do you want to do when you grow up?
Speaker:And that's the thing that you do.
Speaker:And I have always been like, why do you need to adhere to one thing?
Speaker:Especially if you're creative, why do you need to adhere to one thing?
Speaker:Part of the reason why I always encourage people like do for the sake
Speaker:of doing not for any expectation of it.
Speaker:It might not be that thing, but there might be something associated a hobby
Speaker:or something you're doing that you end up being like, you know what I really
Speaker:love about this, this aspect, and that could be your thing, or you could have
Speaker:like five things, you just never know.
Speaker:I think if you remain open, we'll find that there are multiple things we
Speaker:really love that make us who we are.
Speaker:Some of, my favorite things that I've done, both for work and just,
Speaker:like, as jobs I've had, were things that I didn't even know existed as
Speaker:jobs before I got started in them.
Speaker:I believe that,
Speaker:found my way to it.
Speaker:So if I had set out to, create my adulthood or, my 10 year plan,
Speaker:I don't even think I, I couldn't, there's no way I could have done it.
Speaker:you sit down and you're like, what is my dream life going to be?
Speaker:And it's going to be even better, because there's things you don't even
Speaker:know about that you can work in there.
Speaker:you know, and don't you wish we would have like heard that when we were younger?
Speaker:It would have been like, Hey, these are some unknown things
Speaker:for you to look forward to.
Speaker:Oh
Speaker:it would have been so boring, I think, if it played out exactly
Speaker:as I thought it was going
Speaker:to, or that I wanted it to.
Speaker:I think I would have, checked that box and been like 25 and been like, okay.
Speaker:What next?
Speaker:Yeah, like, this is it.
Speaker:And you know what you
Speaker:do when you have all those things that fall into place and it's boring?
Speaker:You self sabotage.
Speaker:And you do really stupid shit, and you get into trouble,
Speaker:because it's boring.
Speaker:So I think I would have made it worse.
Speaker:So, so that's where we're at.
Speaker:That was a great therapy
Speaker:Oh my God.
Speaker:just right now, I feel like that was another good therapy session
Speaker:with you.
Speaker:Thank you.
Speaker:It's always a little, a little bite.
Speaker:Speaking of, um, things that can add to your therapy.
Speaker:If you remember a few weeks back, we used the Lantern Oracle, which I said
Speaker:was my favorite deck for shadow work.
Speaker:Shadow work.
Speaker:which will be relevant to our conversation today.
Speaker:Whilst I shuffle Vienna, why don't you tell us about the
Speaker:wisdom that we've gleaned from Nicki Minaj in the last few days?
Speaker:And listen, Nicki can be mad problematic, but this is one thing, what Nicki, I feel
Speaker:like she don't, she sometimes forgets like her talent and This bar that she made
Speaker:is such a bar.
Speaker:50k for a verse, no album out.
Speaker:Like, This, this person who, who Nikki was at that moment of truly
Speaker:like, one of the best verses.
Speaker:Period.
Speaker:Not best female verses, not best verses like in that time, like truly one of the
Speaker:best verses that has dropped in Monster.
Speaker:Like for me that is a Nicki Minaj song featuring Jay Z, Kanye, Rick Ross,
Speaker:She would probably agree.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I don't disagree,
Speaker:But like.
Speaker:how young she was, how green she was, how new to the game she was,
Speaker:and she knew her fucking worth
Speaker:unapologetically.
Speaker:Like, not only did she know it and bill accordingly, She flaunted that shit
Speaker:and was like, yes, ten times your pay.
Speaker:I'm the rookie?
Speaker:Like, yeah, that's what
Speaker:you want this,
Speaker:you want this on your, on your track.
Speaker:And I feel like as women, obviously we sell ourselves short a lot,
Speaker:especially professionally.
Speaker:I can tell you there are at least two people in this room over here in my house.
Speaker:Who are far more talented than they give themselves credit for.
Speaker:One of them is me, the other one is sitting on the couch.
Speaker:And her name is Monica Reed.
Speaker:So anyway, um, I say that because I feel like every woman, almost every woman I
Speaker:know has the relatable experience of Deep down, knowing, like having the feeling in
Speaker:their gut, like, I really, I know my shit.
Speaker:I studied this really hard.
Speaker:This is important to me or whatever.
Speaker:And still, because of just the outside world, because of patriarchy, because
Speaker:of everything, um, we downplay our talent, our skills, our creativity.
Speaker:Um, we make light of our solutions and what we bring to the table.
Speaker:And we're very, very afraid to ask for our worth.
Speaker:And, um, we really got to get that together because the men are
Speaker:average, the men are average, if even, if they are even average.
Speaker:Spoiler alert, barely.
Speaker:I Sent my friend a job posting today for something she's never done before.
Speaker:Like, at all.
Speaker:Not even a little bit.
Speaker:But she was like, I don't think I'm qualified for that.
Speaker:I was like, that's a minor detail.
Speaker:Like, what the fuck does that have to do with truly anything?
Speaker:Qualified, shmalified.
Speaker:let somebody else take you out of the pool.
Speaker:Why are you gonna take yourself out?
Speaker:Like, you might as well.
Speaker:This reminds me that,
Speaker:your shit in
Speaker:William sent me this job listing for here in Howard County.
Speaker:They're looking for, like a museum manager.
Speaker:For their African American history museum, something like that.
Speaker:And it's like, you know, have, um, like a master's degree experience
Speaker:and such and such and such.
Speaker:And I was like, yeah, I, I, I studied that.
Speaker:That was my minor Africana studies in college, undergraduate.
Speaker:Um, a thousand years ago and I was like, but I haven't really done any relevant
Speaker:work around like museum programs and like, you know, William was like, what
Speaker:kind of qualifications do you need?
Speaker:You have master's degree.
Speaker:You're black.
Speaker:Like, I was
Speaker:You're checking all those boxes, and honestly, like, if they don't at least
Speaker:interview you, that's, that's racist
Speaker:mean, when he said it, I was like, but also like just good, good insight
Speaker:into, um, the way men are like.
Speaker:Like they barely qualify for something and will, they will always oversell themself,
Speaker:not oversell, but they will always sell themselves.
Speaker:They are, they have no qualms about being like, I don't know
Speaker:how to do that exact job, but
Speaker:let me tell you how your little marketing friend here is gonna
Speaker:spin that for your cover letter while you apply for this, which
Speaker:obviously you're gonna get, it's a, it's a given.
Speaker:You have an authentic lived experience, my friend.
Speaker:Amen.
Speaker:That's what we call that.
Speaker:It is an authentic lived experience.
Speaker:Combined with your master's degree and your many qualifications,
Speaker:you have a lived experience.
Speaker:It's true.
Speaker:There is, it's about the only thing I know how to do.
Speaker:yeah.
Speaker:And
Speaker:I barely know how to pay my taxes.
Speaker:So,
Speaker:S.
Speaker:if you do not hire me, that's racist.
Speaker:also, that point.
Speaker:Get, get that lawsuit ready.
Speaker:Amen to that.
Speaker:But yeah, I do love that point.
Speaker:Um, yeah, we've gotta like, we've gotta start tootin tootin our
Speaker:horns a little bit about ourselves.
Speaker:I did also bring up Nikki to my therapist today, and she
Speaker:was like, Yeah, Nikki's right.
Speaker:I was
Speaker:She is right.
Speaker:you.
Speaker:You are a great therapist.
Speaker:She was like, Nikki Minaj was 100 percent right.
Speaker:She
Speaker:She's correct.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:She knew, she knew what was up.
Speaker:Well, okay.
Speaker:Let's do this
Speaker:I was like, we cannot progress without talking about that
Speaker:because
Speaker:know.
Speaker:I want everyone to just pause this podcast.
Speaker:Come back to it, but like, you can pause it.
Speaker:Listen to that verse again.
Speaker:And then like, send some emails asking for a raise, asking for, just
Speaker:ask for whatever you want and then
Speaker:Asking for resources, asking for help, like something that you
Speaker:know damn well that you deserve.
Speaker:Okay?
Speaker:All right.
Speaker:We're just gonna tap in a little bit.
Speaker:Just ask our I want to be a guide and non shitty Wooty Tooth City ancestors.
Speaker:Be with us.
Speaker:Give us a word as we go into shadow work season because
Speaker:baby, we just have a new moon.
Speaker:Scorpio new moon is here.
Speaker:So what do they want us to know?
Speaker:Where, where do we focus okay.
Speaker:Transitions.
Speaker:You have all of the inner resources you need to cross whatever
Speaker:bridges arise on your path.
Speaker:I mean, listen.
Speaker:When spirit.
Speaker:listens into our conversations.
Speaker:I get very, very excited when, when spirit spills some hot tea that is in abundance
Speaker:and in alignment with our topics, literally what we're just talking about.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:is a, this was a season of transformation, 110%.
Speaker:that email, right?
Speaker:You sent that email, asking for the things you want that you are well prepared for.
Speaker:Because the transition is you like, let's leave behind the doubting hater
Speaker:ass version or voice in you, right?
Speaker:So this says that I'm going to skim it a little bit, but, um,
Speaker:transitions transitioning takes as long as it takes to adapt to a
Speaker:new circumstances or perspectives.
Speaker:The tension of not being able to turn back.
Speaker:And not knowing how to adjust effectively to what is new can be disconcerting.
Speaker:There can be varying degrees of pain, resistance, and inner turmoil
Speaker:as we struggle to break free from our former self into a new way
Speaker:of life and version of ourselves.
Speaker:Until we figure out how all that is new to us works and reconcile
Speaker:ourselves with it, it can be difficult to trust others as well as ourselves.
Speaker:At these points of no return, we can either freeze, fight,
Speaker:or if we can do something about what has already happened, grow.
Speaker:Stepping or being thrust over a new threshold requires courage.
Speaker:There are no guarantees that familiarizing ourselves with our new direction
Speaker:will yield anything amenable to us.
Speaker:All that we can do is give life our best by being in the moment and
Speaker:putting 100 percent into effectively dealing with whatever presents itself.
Speaker:We learn as we go.
Speaker:Once we know better, we do better.
Speaker:A word, okay?
Speaker:Transitions are raw and unstable periods that require time and
Speaker:patience to adjust and recalibrate.
Speaker:. Understand that a return to what is past is not possible.
Speaker:Whoo!
Speaker:A word!
Speaker:The reality of it no longer exists for you.
Speaker:Another word.
Speaker:However, to complete the process of transition, you must choose
Speaker:to leave and let go of what was.
Speaker:Wow.
Speaker:The sooner you own the departure and reconcile yourself with whatever the
Speaker:change is, Vienna the smoother and briefer your period of transition will be.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:So the message from the crown here is that transitions are blessings
Speaker:rarely recognized as such at the time.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:And this, um, this really encourages us to be gentle with ourselves while
Speaker:we find a new rhythm and a new routine and a new way of doing things and to
Speaker:really reflect, um, about the kind of wisdom that we've gotten from where
Speaker:we came from as we move forward.
Speaker:Oh,
Speaker:A banger.
Speaker:that.
Speaker:I got to keep that up.
Speaker:back to you, like, I'm going to listen to you say that every day this week.
Speaker:I'm going to play this back to myself.
Speaker:It's on point.
Speaker:Yeah, that hit,
Speaker:that hit hard.
Speaker:I especially like the part that was like, you can't go back
Speaker:because it doesn't exist anymore.
Speaker:Because I think I've been like, maybe I take the easy way and
Speaker:I do the thing I already know.
Speaker:But I wasn't happy there.
Speaker:, now that I know that I wasn't happy there.
Speaker:It's like the veil's been lifted.
Speaker:You, you
Speaker:Now you can't go back.
Speaker:You can't unsee or unexperienced what you've experienced.
Speaker:right?
Speaker:Like you, when you're in it and you know it's not right, but like you
Speaker:haven't quite identified what isn't right, the box just feels too small.
Speaker:Like it feels tight.
Speaker:It's constraining.
Speaker:It's constricting.
Speaker:And then once you're out of that box, you can't, it's like
Speaker:trying to unscramble an egg.
Speaker:Like you, it's just.
Speaker:It's literally toothpaste out of the tube.
Speaker:You can't, and you're not meant to.
Speaker:And I think that that's, that's the, um, I think that's where like some grieving
Speaker:comes in, you know, like you have to um, Grieve like things that you no longer have
Speaker:even if they were like not the best things for you You still have to grieve them.
Speaker:And it's
Speaker:you've transitioned away from them.
Speaker:like a grieving of knowledge, like grieving that you're not as ignorant
Speaker:as you were because in some ways it was easier just to be a little ignorant about.
Speaker:Yeah
Speaker:like, let me, let me just be like a stupid hoe.
Speaker:I don't want to know anything.
Speaker:I know too many things.
Speaker:I have to think about too many things all day, but it really is that it's
Speaker:just like, I wish I was just like a stupid little bitch who didn't have to
Speaker:know anything and have done all this work because sometimes that was easier.
Speaker:you if I had a dollar every time I thought that like especially since like
Speaker:having you know Some kind of spiritual awakening or i've been like wouldn't it
Speaker:be nice if I could like sleep without You know, disturbance or like, I'll
Speaker:say disturbance, but like, you know, if things were the way they were before
Speaker:and there's no way, like we can all pretend, but, and I think that's a lot.
Speaker:It's like when you started your other healing journeys, when you start a
Speaker:therapy, you know, you can't unknow.
Speaker:it.
Speaker:Yes, we just said that at the same time.
Speaker:We cannot unknow it, though.
Speaker:can't unknow it
Speaker:because you'd be knowing, you know,
Speaker:we be knowing.
Speaker:Yes, that should be the alternate title
Speaker:of this podcast.
Speaker:we'd be knowing.
Speaker:Mm hmm.
Speaker:I like that by the way
Speaker:That was cute.
Speaker:I also had, uh, cackles and connection.
Speaker:laughter
Speaker:Cackles and connection with Crystal and Vienna.
Speaker:it's like the unhinged version of SNL, like Coffee Talk or
Speaker:Oh my god.
Speaker:That's literally what I was just thinking of
Speaker:Cackles and Connections.
Speaker:I keep thinking of like Dana Carvey's face
Speaker:Yeah, for like the little ratchet set, like us.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:I love it.
Speaker:Oh my God.
Speaker:Ugh, thank you though, that, thank you, Crystal, thank you, Spirit.
Speaker:Needed that message, just a little bit
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:Two snaps for spirit.
Speaker:Um, what else before we get into, oh, we, we launched something.
Speaker:Tell them about the beauty.
Speaker:this is a hard launch then I was gonna say like, let's soft launch this in the world.
Speaker:But
Speaker:really
Speaker:think it.
Speaker:launch, it's big news.
Speaker:Yeah,
Speaker:officially are Patreon official, we're Patreon live.
Speaker:We have so much for you over there.
Speaker:Taking it from just this couple hours a week into a whole lot more content
Speaker:and really bringing you and all your peeps and all your feels into it.
Speaker:And it's going to be amazing.
Speaker:There's a couple of different options for people to join us,
Speaker:but Crystal, do you want to talk about our seasonal healing guides?
Speaker:That's, I, that's the thing I'm so excited about.
Speaker:I know you are
Speaker:I am too.
Speaker:I am.
Speaker:I want to put into practice that as we move through the year and as we
Speaker:move through the different seasons that our healings be adjusted as such.
Speaker:That's a very big thing.
Speaker:And obviously I'm not like the first person to think of that.
Speaker:That is how many cultures and, um, Um, different practices do it and it makes
Speaker:perfect sense and it's why we're going to talk about what we're talking about today
Speaker:because we are in the season at that.
Speaker:So when we are going to be working with our Patreon, we're gonna be providing
Speaker:some goodies there that are very much in relation to what we're gonna be talking
Speaker:about here on the podcast as it pertains to these seasonal healing approaches.
Speaker:So for example today, we're gonna be talking about shadow work.
Speaker:And this is truly shadow work season.
Speaker:It lasts, you know, all throughout the winter months.
Speaker:It's really just ramping up here for us as we move through fall.
Speaker:And there are going to be some really good resources on our Patreon
Speaker:to Assist with your shadow work.
Speaker:We'll talk a little bit about those later, but definitely
Speaker:want to look for those things.
Speaker:Every season we're going to have things that are specially geared
Speaker:towards our theme, if you will.
Speaker:And I think that it's going to be a really nice thing to move people towards
Speaker:Approaching their living in that seasonal manner because like my thing is like we
Speaker:are all still animals and all the animals abide by these different things that
Speaker:they do from season to season for their health, for their survival, and I just
Speaker:think it would be really amazing if we as humans could get back to that as well.
Speaker:Instead of pumping it hard all year round.
Speaker:We're not built that way.
Speaker:We are.
Speaker:We are built to abide by the seasons as well.
Speaker:So that's something that I'm really excited about diving
Speaker:into and working with people.
Speaker:On that through our podcast,
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So that tier specifically, if you're looking for those types of goodies
Speaker:is the Growth Mindset Goddess.
Speaker:Um, and that includes the Seasonal Healing Toolkit.
Speaker:So each quarter or each season, like Crystal was saying, you get a full
Speaker:toolkit to support the healing journey.
Speaker:Um.
Speaker:And it includes so much stuff, so there's curated resources, readings,
Speaker:rituals, exclusive worksheets, journaling prompts, potentially like
Speaker:meditations, a whole bunch of different things based on whatever that theme is.
Speaker:So for the winter, yes, shadow work, shadow season.
Speaker:Lots of goodies and you're not alone either because in that tier also then
Speaker:you're accessing a monthly virtual healing circle where we'll all be
Speaker:working on these things together.
Speaker:We can connect in real time, share progress, connect with each other, and
Speaker:just feel more supported and uplifted as a community because we've heard
Speaker:from you and you are all so beautiful and wonderful and I'm loving hearing
Speaker:your journeys individually but I think we can Go even further together, so,
Speaker:power in sharing.
Speaker:There's power in sharing a lot of what we're going through, the things that we're
Speaker:tackling, um, no matter how, um, isolating some of these journeys can feel, um, one
Speaker:thing that I have learned in my experience is that there is no journey that is
Speaker:truly in isolation, I think we're all going through a variation of something.
Speaker:So to hear other people speak about it is there's some power in that
Speaker:and there's healing in that alone.
Speaker:If you did nothing else to be able to put words and energy to your story
Speaker:and also find ways to transmute some of that can be a really powerful form
Speaker:of, um, or agent of change for you.
Speaker:So we hope that you will join us.
Speaker:I thought Tara, because
Speaker:if you're wondering, if you're wondering what the vibe is going
Speaker:to be there, don't worry, it's going to be just like it is here.
Speaker:It's still going to be deeply unserious.
Speaker:I predict a lot of laughter and being silly and probably talking about
Speaker:Nicki Minaj and Cheesecake Factory,
Speaker:a letter to the teacher that you hate the most and
Speaker:yeah.
Speaker:send it.
Speaker:And if she's, and if she is not dead, we will hand deliver it as, as a pack.
Speaker:We're gonna show
Speaker:Send us your letters.
Speaker:We'll hand deliver it to your teacher.
Speaker:We're gonna, we're gonna go.
Speaker:We're gonna like, pound up on her door and be like, yeah.
Speaker:Um,
Speaker:that's actually the, the first December event, so, you know.
Speaker:Uh,
Speaker:Along with the Lexus December to remember savings, but anyway,
Speaker:you know how to work it in there.
Speaker:we're gonna curb stomp an old woman.
Speaker:Ha ha ha ha!
Speaker:always talking about that.
Speaker:board.
Speaker:Um, yeah, but you can check that out on our Patreon, which is also at
Speaker:our brand new website linked there.
Speaker:You can find a whole lot more over there.
Speaker:Healing happy hour pod.
Speaker:com also then for emails there.
Speaker:Uh, so you can be the first one to find out about all new stuff, special
Speaker:offerings, little bonus freebies.
Speaker:Like I said, we're in that flow state or hyper focus and just
Speaker:turning out the goodies for you guys.
Speaker:So, uh, get on board.
Speaker:And we love you.
Speaker:With all that being said, should we get into it?
Speaker:Let's get into it.
Speaker:Tell me everything about shadow work.
Speaker:Well, I'm not going to tell you everything, but I will tell you, what
Speaker:it is for me and how I like to use it.
Speaker:So, I feel like shadow work has a very bad, we hear shadow, you think, you do,
Speaker:you think darkness, maybe it conjures some images of something malicious,
Speaker:um, but it's truly not the case.
Speaker:Shadow work is necessary, and, I guarantee you, if you were talking
Speaker:about your problems, In therapy, you're probably doing some shadow work.
Speaker:If you are asking yourself, why am I the way that I am?
Speaker:Congratulations.
Speaker:That is to me, like the first question that you ask, why am I this way?
Speaker:I think is the strongest opener, of questioning into shadow work.
Speaker:So in my opinion, and this is me and lots of people will have different.
Speaker:definitions of what they think this is.
Speaker:But to me, it is an examination of the unseen, the subconscious, the often hidden
Speaker:or tucked away, um, or even sometimes shameful parts of ourselves that we, we
Speaker:put so far down that we don't want to look at them, but they are driving a lot of our
Speaker:actions, our emotions, and our feelings.
Speaker:And to look at them allows us to take the power back from a
Speaker:negative place and begin to heal.
Speaker:A lot of our wounds come from those shadow places, and we have to look at the source.
Speaker:We have to look at the why.
Speaker:And to me, the process of shadow work is looking at the why.
Speaker:How did we get here?
Speaker:Why do we feel the way that we feel?
Speaker:And asking ourselves some specific questions around some of our behaviors
Speaker:and experiences so we can get a better understanding of how those
Speaker:things that we have pushed very, very far down are affecting the way
Speaker:we walk through life today, because I guarantee you, you got them.
Speaker:Everybody has them.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:So this season I think is really, really important for that work.
Speaker:As we get into these months where things are a little bit colder, a little bit
Speaker:darker, like this is the earth shadow period, you know, for us anyway,
Speaker:here, um, this is our shadow period.
Speaker:We're going to be inside.
Speaker:We're going to have a lot of extra time.
Speaker:And I think sometimes, For me anyway, what kind of contributes to some of
Speaker:that seasonal depression is like I can hear it creeping up and a lot of it is
Speaker:like a little bit of that sadness and sometimes we have to sit with that.
Speaker:What feels like that dark energy.
Speaker:To understand maybe some things in our life that we're not so proud
Speaker:of or happy with and how we can change them again by looking at the
Speaker:source of where these things come from, what stems from this energy.
Speaker:So I have some very like specific things that I like to do in this kind of work.
Speaker:Oh, tell me.
Speaker:The first of them being like, one thing I want to say is be very gentle.
Speaker:This isn't what I want to say that shadow work is not to me is an
Speaker:opportunity for you to pick yourself raw.
Speaker:and point out all the things that you think suck about yourself.
Speaker:That is not the intent of this.
Speaker:The intent in looking at some of these aspects of ourself is Really in an
Speaker:effort to give ourself grace, we have to have some awareness about some of
Speaker:these things that we've pushed aside and how they affect us in our lives today,
Speaker:and they could, it could be anything.
Speaker:It could be sort of old source of trauma or, you know, childhood
Speaker:trauma, things of that nature that that come up for us now as adults.
Speaker:And it's not for us to pick ourselves apart.
Speaker:It is for us to look at it and say, Hey, I understand why I'm triggered by this.
Speaker:How can I start to unpack this?
Speaker:And how can I be gentle with myself while I do that?
Speaker:Because what's the point of re traumatizing yourself all over
Speaker:again by picking yourself apart?
Speaker:And this is where that, if you know better, you do better comes in.
Speaker:Because that's a part of it.
Speaker:Yeah, so I think what popped up for me there is like, alright, so we start
Speaker:to do a little bit of that digging, really ask yourselves like, why?
Speaker:Why am I doing this?
Speaker:Why is this coming up?
Speaker:Why am I feeling this way?
Speaker:Is the intent there then to fix it so we don't do it anymore, or
Speaker:are we just sort of integrating that side of us with a little more
Speaker:understanding, a little more compassion?
Speaker:I feel like
Speaker:right?
Speaker:it is certainly process.
Speaker:I have a shadow work guide that I'm going to actually share on our Patreon.
Speaker:So please be on the lookout for that.
Speaker:I created a few years ago and it's not a super long one, but it's just
Speaker:a really good introduction to it.
Speaker:So I think that it truly can be a combination of both things.
Speaker:I think there are absolutely things buried within us that we do want to
Speaker:embrace that can help protect ourselves.
Speaker:But then there are also things that, that could destroy us just as well.
Speaker:So for example, one of the things that I discovered through lots and
Speaker:lots of shadow work was just the amount of people pleasing that I
Speaker:have done over the course of my life.
Speaker:There's so many things that came up for me while I started to work through that.
Speaker:Like when did this start for me?
Speaker:Um, obviously it started with some, familial relationships and having
Speaker:the kind of personality where I really wanted to keep peace.
Speaker:And so I would walk on eggshells, just trying to make sure I was
Speaker:keeping peace, not, stirring up too much dust or too much trouble being
Speaker:agreeable where I could be agreeable.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And so that created for me.
Speaker:Some very non existent boundaries.
Speaker:So like you're going, you're going into adulthood, operating the
Speaker:same way as you did as a child.
Speaker:And now you're finding that your boundaries are so porous that literally
Speaker:they're non existent, everything gets in.
Speaker:And you're resentful because of it.
Speaker:You feel like you're maybe even a little bit bitchy when you're doing something
Speaker:because you don't want to say no.
Speaker:Why don't you want to say no?
Speaker:What feels so uncomfortable about it?
Speaker:Maybe is it because you're mirroring a dynamic that you had?
Speaker:Ages ago as a child when you were trying to people please and keep
Speaker:your parent happy or sibling happy or some other familiar relationship.
Speaker:Could that possibly be the case?
Speaker:And if we know that about ourself and we know that we are people pleasers and so we
Speaker:will like go at a hundred and ten percent.
Speaker:Until we are depleted, what does that do to our relationships now
Speaker:with our spouses, with our friends, with our family members at work?
Speaker:And we see that, um, very much play out in, in burnout that, that, you know,
Speaker:a lot of it comes from that place.
Speaker:And then one of the responses we have is to just become very
Speaker:resentful of the amount of energy that we spend on other people.
Speaker:In some cases, no one even asked us to do anything.
Speaker:We are just so used to saying yes.
Speaker:and people pleasing that we don't even notice that we're doing it.
Speaker:And so harnessing maybe some of that energy, or we feel like
Speaker:we're angry about it is the push we need to set some boundaries.
Speaker:And that's the hard part.
Speaker:That's the work.
Speaker:So like a lot of the questions, for example, in this guide are really
Speaker:meant to have you take a look at like where this stems from and so that
Speaker:you say like, okay, I know for sure this is something I need to address.
Speaker:Now I need to figure out how I set new boundaries so that I'm
Speaker:not running ragged trying to make other people happy all the time.
Speaker:that makes so much sense.
Speaker:I also was thinking, sounds like resentment might be a good...
Speaker:place to start exploring.
Speaker:I was so out of touch with my own emotions for so long that was
Speaker:really one of the first things I had to tackle in therapy was like,
Speaker:I don't even, I don't have feelings.
Speaker:I've numbed myself because I wasn't, I'm not allowed to feel potentially
Speaker:negative things, shut them down.
Speaker:I don't have them.
Speaker:It doesn't happen.
Speaker:So I might not understand when I'm angry because I'm, I've, become
Speaker:really, academic about a feeling.
Speaker:It's like, oh, this thing just happened.
Speaker:A person should feel this way.
Speaker:But also let me rationalize that and talk my way around it.
Speaker:Like, that's how I experience emotions.
Speaker:And I've had to just sort of get myself into feeling them.
Speaker:But I know when resentment is starting to creep up.
Speaker:And even that might be in like a more rational, logical way where it's
Speaker:like, Oh, if this keeps happening, I'm going to feel a lot of resentment.
Speaker:But for me, that feels like a It's the easiest place to start
Speaker:of saying like, all right, here, here's something that's coming up.
Speaker:Maybe this is a good way in to start doing some of that unpacking.
Speaker:What do you think?
Speaker:Where, where do you think is a good place to start?
Speaker:I think to start there, like right, right.
Speaker:As you said, to start into like, again, the why, why do I feel this
Speaker:way and where did it come from?
Speaker:And sometimes you might not always be able to walk it back all that far.
Speaker:But if you can, if you recognize the emotion, you've got to look at it.
Speaker:If you ignore it, it will continuously pop back up again.
Speaker:So identifying it for what it is and maybe even.
Speaker:Naming it aloud, I think, helps it to become less scary, but every time
Speaker:that you, that it comes up for you, if you can identify what the trigger
Speaker:is, right, identify the trigger and walk yourself through, like,
Speaker:why do I, why am I so triggered?
Speaker:So, for example, Um, you know, you have a family, you work with all of these
Speaker:different things and it's like, oh my god, I can't have one more thing on my plate.
Speaker:But say, I'm just using this as a very general example, um,
Speaker:Ronnie, so please don't think I'm like picking on you you, Ronnie.
Speaker:Um,
Speaker:But like say like your mom calls and she's like, Vienna, I
Speaker:like, I really need to do this.
Speaker:I'm sorry.
Speaker:I know you're busy like and you're just like and you're so fucking angry
Speaker:about it, but you're going to do it, but you're angry and you're pissed.
Speaker:You're bitching.
Speaker:It's like it is.
Speaker:It's not this thing like you want to do from your heart because
Speaker:like you love your mom anymore.
Speaker:You're just fucking mad because everybody always comes to you.
Speaker:You always say yes because well, if you don't, what else is what else can you do?
Speaker:Like then they won't have it.
Speaker:What's going to happen?
Speaker:You know what I mean?
Speaker:Like you put yourself in this place where it's like, like I'm indispensable,
Speaker:but I'm so fucking mad about it.
Speaker:You know what I mean?
Speaker:And it's like, well, why, why did you feel like you had to do it?
Speaker:If you had no room on your plate for it, why did you feel like you couldn't say no?
Speaker:Were you afraid that you were going to disappoint someone?
Speaker:Are you historically used to having someone like get in your
Speaker:shit when you tell them no?
Speaker:What, what are the consequences, the perceived consequences of you not
Speaker:saying no or of you saying no or not?
Speaker:such a good one.
Speaker:Let's like unpack this in real time so people can kind of have a little bit
Speaker:more understanding of the process of it, because I'm also thinking this too.
Speaker:So.
Speaker:I think a surface level and like kind of what I would do in the past is like,
Speaker:I'm mad because she asked me to do something, but that's not really it.
Speaker:Like, that's not why I'm mad.
Speaker:Maybe I would have loved to do that thing and I'm mad I said
Speaker:yes to the other 10, 000 things.
Speaker:I'm like this, that's the thing I really want to do.
Speaker:I want to help my mom.
Speaker:I don't want to do all these things that I've over committed
Speaker:and overextended myself to do.
Speaker:So then I guess the next logical question is.
Speaker:Why did I do those other things?
Speaker:And I, I think I do a lot of that stuff.
Speaker:Like the, um, just the overextending, overcommitting.
Speaker:And stuff that's not bad, right?
Speaker:Like, a
Speaker:just too much of it.
Speaker:Right, and I think I commit to doing those things because in my mind, it's
Speaker:like, this is what a good person would do.
Speaker:They would do all those things.
Speaker:They would be part of a community.
Speaker:And then even to walk that further, well, now I'm upset because
Speaker:I feel like I've created this vision of what I'm supposed to be.
Speaker:Or what like a good person is supposed to be right and I want to be a good
Speaker:person and I am not able to execute it the way I visualize that, but like,
Speaker:I'm the one that made that up or I
Speaker:Or did you?
Speaker:There's, so that's something that you probably have reinforced, right?
Speaker:But where, but who told you, or where did you learn along the way?
Speaker:Don't say who told you, but like, where did you learn along the way
Speaker:that what it meant to be, um, a good community member meant never saying no.
Speaker:And why, why would that be?
Speaker:Because what would the real reaction be if you were like, I am, I cannot, I'm just
Speaker:at my max this week, but here's what I can do, or, but next time, I'm happy to,
Speaker:you know, see, see what's possible for me.
Speaker:And is it true, do you know it to be true, that someone would be like,
Speaker:fucking bitch, she didn't help, like, she ain't in the community.
Speaker:No, like that, that is not likely to happen, right?
Speaker:So where did we learn along the way that it was not okay
Speaker:for us to state what we needed?
Speaker:And to not honor what we need in the moment, to not
Speaker:exhaust ourselves, you know,
Speaker:I'm just thinking about like this play group right like this this like in my mind
Speaker:because I also had an injury last week.
Speaker:I couldn't go to this play group.
Speaker:I had to go to the doctor and said it was.
Speaker:It's fucking agony.
Speaker:I was miserable last week.
Speaker:I felt so much guilt about not going to this playgroup because I was like, what
Speaker:if I was supposed to bring something?
Speaker:What if they were relying on me?
Speaker:And I think if I had realistically said, I cannot go because I'm
Speaker:underwater, I'm injured, I can't move.
Speaker:I'm having a really hard time.
Speaker:I think I, based on what I would do for someone else in that situation.
Speaker:I think that's when I would have given that community an
Speaker:opportunity to rally for me.
Speaker:Or they could have then turned around and said like, Oh my gosh, how can we help?
Speaker:Let us know, like, do you need us to bring you something?
Speaker:But I, uh, and I think a lot of people are so committed to not needing
Speaker:things, because that's part of the visual of that good person who just
Speaker:gives, does not need to receive.
Speaker:And it's such bullshit.
Speaker:And I'd like, so
Speaker:over
Speaker:it, it is bullshit.
Speaker:And what it does is robs you of the opportunity to have that community,
Speaker:um, come, come and help you.
Speaker:And, uh, I'm telling you that somebody here in the room also named
Speaker:Monica, um, really helped me, um, Help like reminded me a lot of that.
Speaker:Um, initially when I moved a couple months ago, um, because I am so used
Speaker:to being like, and I did not get it.
Speaker:I was a mess.
Speaker:And, um, she was like, you need to tell people like when you need help.
Speaker:And I'm like, why am I like this?
Speaker:Why, why am I like this?
Speaker:who told you that?
Speaker:Yeah, like who told me that I couldn't ask for help and no one had to tell
Speaker:me but it was the way that You know, like for example I tend to when I get
Speaker:upset about things I tend to go, I'm such a cancer, I go right back in my
Speaker:shell because I need to kind of process.
Speaker:Sometimes I'm not really good at speaking aloud.
Speaker:I'm getting better at it.
Speaker:But speaking about my, my emotions or how I feel about things, I can
Speaker:be a little avoidant about it.
Speaker:Because it was not common practice in my household growing up to be
Speaker:really vocal about your emotions.
Speaker:Um, is a matter of fact, there was there was often punishment for that.
Speaker:So when you grow up, um, you know, in an environment where you don't feel like
Speaker:it is safe for you to express yourself, or, um, you know, when you, when you do
Speaker:say like, I'm sad, angry, such and such and such and such and so on invalidates.
Speaker:that you learn over time, not to talk to anybody about your shit, not to,
Speaker:um, acknowledge your anger or your grief or you're upset about different
Speaker:things or just your emotions, period.
Speaker:Sometimes even your joys because.
Speaker:You didn't, you, you were not allowed to do that.
Speaker:So that those are like, those are things that I arrived at through the shadow work.
Speaker:Why don't I ask for help?
Speaker:Why do I not feel comfortable, um, talking about how I'm feeling?
Speaker:But I would, I would do it for other people.
Speaker:And like, remembering that, like, I would never tell my
Speaker:friend, like, Ah girl, you aight.
Speaker:You know what I mean?
Speaker:Like, with all of these things, um, and like, I would want, um, to the best of
Speaker:my ability to hold space for someone.
Speaker:Why would I not want someone to extend that same love to me?
Speaker:Why do I feel like I wouldn't deserve it?
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:really beautiful.
Speaker:Um, I, the, so this, this past week when I was injured, it was
Speaker:the first time in my entire life, like all 27 years, cause I'm 27,
Speaker:Baby.
Speaker:I've called my doctor and said I'm in pain.
Speaker:I've never done that before.
Speaker:And my mom was like, she came over and helped.
Speaker:She like, thank you, my mama, always.
Speaker:But she was like, you don't do this, like, this is not you.
Speaker:So if you are asking for help and like asking for a
Speaker:doctor, you're really in pain.
Speaker:And even now as you're talking, I'm thinking when people are talking about
Speaker:like birth plans when you're, when you're going to give birth, I always
Speaker:joked about like, it wasn't a joke.
Speaker:I wanted to give birth like a cat, like I wanted to go under somebody's
Speaker:porch and just like emerge with my babies and be like, here you go.
Speaker:And
Speaker:Look what I brought you.
Speaker:yeah, I want to be like, here it is.
Speaker:And like truly the reason why I wanted to do that is because I was so uncomfortable
Speaker:being vulnerable in front of other people.
Speaker:It shook me to my core to have to think that like other people will
Speaker:see me in discomfort and in pain.
Speaker:And I will have to advocate for myself, which is already
Speaker:really fucking hard for me.
Speaker:Like I cannot advocate.
Speaker:And like, and while in pain.
Speaker:And that was terrifying to me.
Speaker:Which is why when my kids were born it was only me and Jimmy.
Speaker:I mean, obviously, like, the doctor, like, whatever, and like, he was there
Speaker:to be like, I'm going to advocate for you, like, that's why, because,
Speaker:this is so stupid, and this is not about having a baby, but like, this
Speaker:is how the ADHD mind works, right?
Speaker:When I was getting my new car, like years ago, it was like my family car.
Speaker:I was like, I don't care what it has.
Speaker:I don't care any of the features.
Speaker:I want a white car.
Speaker:I want a white car.
Speaker:I want a white car.
Speaker:I talked about it for like two weeks.
Speaker:We go to the dealership and the guy's like, do you have
Speaker:any preferences on car color?
Speaker:And I was like, absolutely not.
Speaker:No preferences.
Speaker:You, I will take whatever car you get me.
Speaker:Thank you so much.
Speaker:Please
Speaker:You're like candy apple red it is.
Speaker:Thanks.
Speaker:I'm like, I'll take anything you want to get me.
Speaker:Thank you.
Speaker:You pick for me.
Speaker:You're so smart.
Speaker:I'm such a stupid little
Speaker:Please tell me that you got a white car,
Speaker:Vienna.
Speaker:cut me off mid sentence and he's like, no, she wants a white car.
Speaker:Thank God.
Speaker:Mm
Speaker:she only wants a white car.
Speaker:And then of course I have to be like, Oh, I don't know what he's talking.
Speaker:And he's like, no, we're only looking at white cars.
Speaker:The salesman is probably like this poor woman doesn't give a shit.
Speaker:And her husband is like making her get this white car, but like, truly.
Speaker:That, I mean, I also think buying a new car is probably one of the
Speaker:worst, like, things a person has to
Speaker:Where is, Charles
Speaker:oh my god, what a privileged fucking thing to say.
Speaker:But you get me.
Speaker:It's, it's like all the discomforts
Speaker:It's not, it's not as fun.
Speaker:It's not fun if you're not rich.
Speaker:No, it's not fun.
Speaker:You're like stressing about spending money, you know, but they're about
Speaker:to run your credit and it's like, I don't even want to know what
Speaker:you're going to come back with.
Speaker:Um.
Speaker:Yeah, like all those moments of having to like advocate and be vulnerable.
Speaker:It's really scary and it's really hard and So what a long stupid tangent, but it
Speaker:really comes back to like why would you ever want to show someone your weakness.
Speaker:Like, if you're a deer and you're laying injured on the ground, you're
Speaker:not gonna be like, look, look, like, come here, come get me lions.
Speaker:I don't think deer and lions actually exist in the same area.
Speaker:But like, you get my point.
Speaker:But like, why are you going to call attention to yourself when you're hurt?
Speaker:And
Speaker:like, you're going to show somebody else your weakness, so
Speaker:they can use that against you.
Speaker:I don't even know where that comes from.
Speaker:I have to do some serious digging on that.
Speaker:But like, that was the visual that just came to of like,
Speaker:You don't want to give yourself away to the threat.
Speaker:right.
Speaker:So there is some, there's, there's some hot tea in that analogy.
Speaker:but there's also like the part that's like, But you're not, you're not
Speaker:an injured lion or an injured deer, for some reason, in the savanna.
Speaker:Got
Speaker:dropped there.
Speaker:do you want to say
Speaker:A gazelle?
Speaker:Das thank you!
Speaker:An antelope!
Speaker:I want to be a gazelle because that reminds me of Gisele Bundchen, and I'm
Speaker:like, hmm, a little Brazilian baddie.
Speaker:But like, we're not.
Speaker:We're not that.
Speaker:We are women who have been giving birth in community, have been helping each
Speaker:other and lifting each other for our whole history, except not right now.
Speaker:Because there's something about this time that's like,
Speaker:no, you don't do that anymore.
Speaker:You can't do
Speaker:It's like you're, it's like people, when people are like, Oh, women
Speaker:have been doing this for centuries.
Speaker:And they're like, but not you.
Speaker:Like, yeah, not you.
Speaker:You fucking idiot.
Speaker:Like, we're going to be um, singled out for, being the one person that
Speaker:does it differently, which is just,
Speaker:I think we watch too many zombie movies.
Speaker:is that what it is?
Speaker:we'll think about it.
Speaker:The first person who's sick and injured in a zombie movie.
Speaker:They're leaving their ass out cold.
Speaker:I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker:They're pushing them out the door.
Speaker:You come in in a zombie thing and you have like a little bit of a fever,
Speaker:you're looking a little clammy.
Speaker:And you're
Speaker:like, go on without me.
Speaker:I'd be like, okay, girl, bye.
Speaker:Every like
Speaker:wrote a paper on this in college, but the the horror movies that a
Speaker:society is writing and watching in that moment is really a
Speaker:reflection on other things, right?
Speaker:It's like what's going on societally.
Speaker:So all these zombie movies.
Speaker:came up right around the early 2000s, like this new resurgence of it, like Shaun
Speaker:of the Dead and like all these things.
Speaker:And it was also around the time that like we had a really heightened fear of
Speaker:the other and we had terrorism start to become like this big thing that was like
Speaker:what everybody was talking about and Oh, like the Arab man who's coming in.
Speaker:He's an outsider.
Speaker:He's a stranger.
Speaker:He's not one of us.
Speaker:And then, like, all of a sudden you have, like, this weird zombie come.
Speaker:trope that you could think of.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And it, like, infiltrates in other things.
Speaker:And, like, generations earlier, you have, like, the monster tropes, right?
Speaker:And, like, there's fears about science.
Speaker:There's fear about nuclear.
Speaker:And, like, you start to see these things start to come into horror movies.
Speaker:And
Speaker:Yeah, we, we watched, we, we, we rewatched Midnight Mass, um, around Halloween and
Speaker:know what that is.
Speaker:I'm such a
Speaker:Oh my god, it's so fucking good.
Speaker:Oh my god, it's so good though.
Speaker:It's on Netflix.
Speaker:It's um, I think one of Mike Flanagan's like creations if you've watched
Speaker:like Haunting of Hill House, Haunting of Bly Manor, um, Fall, uh, Fall of
Speaker:the House of Usher, like, you know, you've watched his stuff before,
Speaker:but he had one called Midnight Mass.
Speaker:Long story short, it's about, um, this priest discovering what he
Speaker:thinks is an angel, but like it's definitely a vampire or like a, you
Speaker:know, vampire demon bat or something.
Speaker:And the fanaticism that it causes in this very small seaside or, um,
Speaker:in this like small island community.
Speaker:It's about religious fanaticism and it's incredible.
Speaker:Like, because it's like, how could you think that this thing that is clearly so
Speaker:bad you, um, is actually here to save you?
Speaker:And so there is something about that.
Speaker:So anyway, this, this was a tangent.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:But holler, holler at that show.
Speaker:It's very
Speaker:good.
Speaker:went all
Speaker:are we talking about again?
Speaker:Oh, shadow work.
Speaker:Um, but, but that is, that, that would be, for example, a collective shadow work.
Speaker:Like, why do we as a collective, and listen, these are some questions that I
Speaker:know, given, um, the very, very dense and continually heavy and just, Horrifically
Speaker:sad situation, um, going on in the conflict that we're all probably asking,
Speaker:some very related questions, um, that that would be collective shadow work.
Speaker:You don't want to look at these things.
Speaker:You don't want to look at these things.
Speaker:But you have to look at them.
Speaker:You have to ask these very uncomfortable questions.
Speaker:And I will tell you that as a person, I, I think that my role, one of
Speaker:my roles in my family is to be the mirror, the very reflective surface
Speaker:by which other people see themselves and see both the good and the bad.
Speaker:It's a very difficult role for people to play.
Speaker:Um, but I think it is very necessary work.
Speaker:And, you know, we have to do that by walking back our triggers and looking
Speaker:at the origins of some of these stories.
Speaker:We'll probably find the, a lot of villain origin stories here.
Speaker:Um, we have to talk to each other.
Speaker:We have to talk to therapy therapists.
Speaker:We have to allow ourselves to be a little bit vulnerable so that we are not like
Speaker:cannibalizing ourselves, trying to hide.
Speaker:Um, all the things that we think are too terrible about
Speaker:ourselves to shine light on.
Speaker:Journaling and writing down some of these experiences and trying to remember
Speaker:how you feel or how you, how you feel when you bring them up and how you
Speaker:felt when they happened, you know, your body remembers, um, and sometimes
Speaker:the mind really wants to push it out.
Speaker:But the memories of those traumas.
Speaker:That create these shadows are in your everyday walking life now,
Speaker:playing out, playing right in your face, whether we look at them or not.
Speaker:wouldn't we rather be aware of them and the ways that those traumas
Speaker:can often trick us into thinking that we do or do not deserve.
Speaker:We, um, are worthy or not, you know, all of all of those various questions.
Speaker:Well then, alright, so I walked down a little bit of that, I tracked down a
Speaker:little bit of that resentment, and then I started to realize, okay, there's like a
Speaker:fear of being vulnerable, a fear of this, what do I do with that now, like what's
Speaker:that next step once I think I have some general causes that are underlying it,
Speaker:am I, following that thread even further?
Speaker:Am I
Speaker:could.
Speaker:find, like, do I try to then unravel those specific instances
Speaker:and moments that caused that?
Speaker:Is that what comes next?
Speaker:Because that sounds
Speaker:You could, but I always advise like, when you're doing this kind of work,
Speaker:this is a lot, and this shit didn't
Speaker:I don't, I'm not, I'm not going any further tonight.
Speaker:Yeah, like I was going to say it can be very, it can be very difficult to bring
Speaker:up things, um, like this that are, so hard to wrap your mind around, um, to
Speaker:bring back maybe some of the memories of these things that might be the
Speaker:origin for a lot of what we're feeling.
Speaker:So I always say like a little bit at a time bites, small bite sized things.
Speaker:That's why I like, you know, listen here people, I'm not a therapist.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:My thing is in energy work.
Speaker:All right.
Speaker:And that's, that is what I love about energy work because there's, there is
Speaker:something in energy work that is just so.
Speaker:It's so powerful, but it's so gentle at the same time.
Speaker:And I feel like it's been my greatest teacher about a lot of my shadows.
Speaker:It feels like it has been very affirming, um, in helping me acknowledge the
Speaker:ways that I have been hurt without re victimizing me all over again.
Speaker:And in these, and some, most of the time in these smaller bite sized pieces that
Speaker:are much more manageable than like seeing the body of my trauma that like, Holds,
Speaker:you know, everything fucked up like it's, it's like this very slow and gentle walk
Speaker:back to these things while also just really acknowledging the ways that it
Speaker:has shaped us making space for that and again, like grieving what could have been
Speaker:but saying like, okay, now that you know that you get mad resentful, for example.
Speaker:When you overdo it and you get stressed and you get anxious, what
Speaker:kind of parameters can you put in place to keep yourself from
Speaker:feeling that way in the future?
Speaker:Maybe you can't commit to as much as you thought.
Speaker:What do you need to commit to?
Speaker:What do you know?
Speaker:Like without fail, like what do you truly need to commit to?
Speaker:Not like, Oh, I, I need to drop this off at such and such such as house.
Speaker:I need to volunteer for this 10 hour long event.
Speaker:I need like, What do you need to do?
Speaker:Sometimes, like, you've got to scale all the way back and then slowly add
Speaker:things back in before, like, you can figure out, like, okay, this is, this
Speaker:has to be a part of my regular routine.
Speaker:So like, can you start small?
Speaker:Can you start small?
Speaker:Can you take away one thing?
Speaker:Can you practice saying no a little bit more often?
Speaker:Hey, we'd like for you to pick up an extra shift.
Speaker:You know what, normally I'd love to help you out here, but I'm
Speaker:just not gonna be able to do it.
Speaker:Just try it one time.
Speaker:It's uncomfortable.
Speaker:But on the other side of the discomfort are your new boundaries that prevent
Speaker:you from being burned the fuck out.
Speaker:You want the like continuous discomfort of being burned out or like what is
Speaker:going to be, um, a moment that is still uncomfortable, but it's going to
Speaker:help you establish a new way of being.
Speaker:I think this is something that anyone who's ever worked retail
Speaker:or like any sort of shift, right?
Speaker:Like, If they're asking you, it's because someone else already said no.
Speaker:So you can also say no to that then, too.
Speaker:You don't have to take it.
Speaker:I think two things that you said are really beautiful there, too.
Speaker:What like a Virgo moment of like, oh, we have an hour to talk like let's
Speaker:do let's unravel all my shadow work.
Speaker:Let's just get down the path like let's do it let's finish like check
Speaker:that one off that like we're done.
Speaker:Um, yes, obviously, no, that's not going to happen, but we
Speaker:have this is shadow season.
Speaker:There's so long to do it.
Speaker:We have plenty of time.
Speaker:There's no rush to get to the bottom of it.
Speaker:And I obviously am not the expert on shadow work.
Speaker:I Thank you.
Speaker:Definitely come to you for a lot of those questions.
Speaker:Um, but it seems to me like there's really not much of an end, right?
Speaker:Like, you can always go a little bit deeper.
Speaker:You can always dig a little bit more.
Speaker:There's always more to be done.
Speaker:Um,
Speaker:Healing work is never done.
Speaker:there's no destination.
Speaker:And at first that, that idea used to really intimidate me and actually stress
Speaker:me out, cause you're like, damn, what am I digging up all this old ass shit for?
Speaker:If eventually like the pain doesn't stop.
Speaker:Quite frankly, there are always going to be things that are painful to us.
Speaker:I think that it is what you do in the face of that pain that signals
Speaker:progress in your healing or not.
Speaker:iF, for example, our trigger is feeling like we're going to be ostracized and
Speaker:considered not in good community and, and because we are always overgiving, right?
Speaker:And we want to scale that back.
Speaker:If that's our fear.
Speaker:On the other side of it, that feeling might diminish over time.
Speaker:It might not ever go away fully.
Speaker:And so instead of being like, what am I ever, what am I not going to give a fuck?
Speaker:So listen, there's a lot of shit I don't give a fuck about.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:And there, there is some of this in the shadow work guide where it's
Speaker:like, what, what is your perception of yourself versus your, what other
Speaker:people's perception of you is?
Speaker:Like, what do you think other people think about you versus
Speaker:what you think about yourself?
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:You're never going to win everybody.
Speaker:Okay, but I guarantee you a lot of the time when we are thinking
Speaker:that we are the biggest piece of shit, people are not thinking that.
Speaker:They're not thinking that.
Speaker:Just because you said what, you couldn't like bake a tray of cookies
Speaker:overnight for your kids like thing that they asked you for like at
Speaker:nine o'clock at night on a Thursday.
Speaker:You know what I mean?
Speaker:Um, or because you, like me, every week, every week, y'all, Vienna and I
Speaker:set a time to record, and every week, a bitch, me being a bitch, is like, Hey, I
Speaker:we alternate weeks.
Speaker:We alternate weeks on it.
Speaker:Every week we're like, this is the week we get ahead.
Speaker:This is the week we're gonna get way
Speaker:ahead of schedule.
Speaker:No, it doesn't happen.
Speaker:it doesn't happen.
Speaker:But listen,
Speaker:but now it's like a little dance we do.
Speaker:We just do the little dance of it anyway, just
Speaker:Yeah, it's like, it's
Speaker:of rescheduling.
Speaker:super fun, um, but I mean, and, and Vienna at no point in time is like,
Speaker:fuck, Crystal, would you get it together?
Speaker:Bitch, you said you could do it Saturday and like, no, you can't.
Speaker:Cause like, she knows that that is not, this is, this is real life.
Speaker:And things are going to come up and you know, what best laid
Speaker:plans of my sin might not go awry.
Speaker:So things happen
Speaker:Just like
Speaker:I think that that's like,
Speaker:well, I
Speaker:know, I mean, it's like literally one of the only things
Speaker:I remember from high school.
Speaker:But truthfully, You have to learn how to give yourself grace through some
Speaker:of those things and realize, like, I'm not going to get it right every time.
Speaker:I'm not, it doesn't stop me from being triggered, but how am I going to
Speaker:respond in the face of those triggers?
Speaker:And am I going to, um, unravel and just be completely undone and, and
Speaker:beat myself the fuck up for what I think is a perceived weakness?
Speaker:Or can I say, hey, I didn't, I didn't nail that, or I'm disappointed
Speaker:that I couldn't make this.
Speaker:But here's what I can do going forward instead.
Speaker:like that.
Speaker:I think it also opens up that you can't unknow something, too.
Speaker:So like, you're not gonna change it, but just knowing it and having that
Speaker:awareness of like what's happening might.
Speaker:shift a little bit, how it lands within you.
Speaker:And that also might impact how you interact with other people about it too.
Speaker:I, I am, we talked about this last week, but like I'm big on just disconnecting
Speaker:totally when I'm feeling burnt out.
Speaker:I had somebody who like messaged me a couple of times with a question
Speaker:and I basically like pulled the ghost on them and I felt so bad about it.
Speaker:And today I had finally had a little bit more.
Speaker:Mental wherewithal and was able to apologize to them for it
Speaker:and say, like, I, it was net.
Speaker:My intention wasn't this, but I know the impact was probably really
Speaker:disrespectful and you didn't deserve that.
Speaker:And I'm really sorry that I did that.
Speaker:Um, I'm not saying that to be like, oh, let me pat myself on the back.
Speaker:I want a great apology.
Speaker:That was no, like, I was still an asshole and ghosted this person.
Speaker:Um,
Speaker:But I think it speaks to like, hey, I had this very human experience, which is
Speaker:not necessarily like my favorite look.
Speaker:But I want to apologize for that going forward, because also in
Speaker:this human experience, like.
Speaker:I know that it impacted you, and I'm sorry for that.
Speaker:You know what I mean?
Speaker:It's like you're not necessarily like apologizing for being
Speaker:human and fucking something.
Speaker:I mean, yes, you are, but the humanity part.
Speaker:It's like, hey, I know that this wasn't great, but allow me to do
Speaker:my best to reconcile this with you.
Speaker:And, and honestly, I feel like if we were on the other side of that, first of all,
Speaker:people rarely apologize in that manner.
Speaker:That's so nice.
Speaker:if somebody sent me an apology.
Speaker:The few times that I've gotten, like, legit thoughtful apologies,
Speaker:I'm like, Oh, damn girl, you're good.
Speaker:Like, don't worry about it.
Speaker:And probably, totally brushed off the fact that they spent time and the energy
Speaker:and thought going into this apology.
Speaker:And it's like, Oh, you're good.
Speaker:Like, you don't have to worry about that.
Speaker:But nobody apologizes.
Speaker:And I knew in the moment the apology would make me feel better.
Speaker:But I was like, You know what?
Speaker:Let me own this.
Speaker:Because that's it's less about you facing them and more about you facing
Speaker:yourself and your own expectations.
Speaker:that's it.
Speaker:That is it.
Speaker:Because you know what?
Speaker:Like,
Speaker:on that, and that makes me feel not good about me.
Speaker:Mm.
Speaker:and the stakes of this, the specifics, incredibly low, like,
Speaker:I'll even lay it all out there.
Speaker:It was the group therapy leader.
Speaker:I like missed a couple of them and she emailed me and was
Speaker:like, Hey, is everything okay?
Speaker:And turns out, like, the scheduling just doesn't work for me anymore,
Speaker:and I meant to email her and tell her I can't participate anymore, it's
Speaker:not working, whatever, but I didn't.
Speaker:And then, of course, like, every time I missed and I went by, I felt worse about
Speaker:not having emailed her in the first place.
Speaker:She sent me the most lovely email, just checking in on me, and I didn't
Speaker:respond to that in, like, the moment.
Speaker:And girl, she's in a group therapy group.
Speaker:You think she ain't seen you before in there?
Speaker:She's like, I've seen one of these hoes every time we do this group.
Speaker:Two, three of them.
Speaker:You know, like, you're not the only one in there.
Speaker:Like, so it's like, you're like, oh my god, I'm a piece of shit.
Speaker:And she's just like, I see this all the time.
Speaker:I know, like,
Speaker:like, this is how it goes.
Speaker:This is, This
Speaker:is, so yes, the stakes were low, but I think then I did have that room a little
Speaker:bit to play with like really low stakes of like, you know what, let me like
Speaker:own this and see how it feels to type these words and like say what I did.
Speaker:hmm.
Speaker:Mm hmm.
Speaker:I felt better to apologize.
Speaker:Oh, look at you, boo.
Speaker:I know.
Speaker:I love
Speaker:it.
Speaker:that gold star in therapy even though now I'm a group therapy dropout.
Speaker:I really wanted to win group therapy.
Speaker:Turns out
Speaker:I'm
Speaker:is never finished.
Speaker:You can always go back,
Speaker:you know?
Speaker:another way to get my gold star even though I dropped out.
Speaker:See, not every aspect of shadow work needs to be you digging in the deepest,
Speaker:darkest pockets of your subconscious.
Speaker:When you've just started to gain more emotional awareness and you are seeking
Speaker:some answers around some of these tendencies and behaviors, this process
Speaker:can be really, really helpful for things exactly like what you just described.
Speaker:So I Are you telling me I, I do get a gold star?
Speaker:Gold star!
Speaker:Yes,
Speaker:Um,
Speaker:alright, so another question for you about shadow work.
Speaker:So is it a Venn diagram or like how is shadow different
Speaker:or similar to inner child?
Speaker:To me, the overlapping is wild.
Speaker:I'm not saying like every single thing stems from them, but there are just
Speaker:some things that are just so very ingrained, in our behavioral patterns.
Speaker:And we've been doing them for so long.
Speaker:It's, I mean, we're truly are autopiloting a lot of them.
Speaker:Like, for example, my people pleasing, that's definitely stems
Speaker:from, from childhood, you know, um,
Speaker:So
Speaker:And like,
Speaker:of doing shadow work, you might end up doing a lot of inner child
Speaker:healing and work as well.
Speaker:absolutely, and you know, one of the things that I really like to do
Speaker:when you're talking about your inner child is like thinking about like
Speaker:memories for me are a really big thing.
Speaker:I Have memories from childhood, but I also feel like I'm missing big chunks, right?
Speaker:Trying to regain like the power of recovering some of those beautiful
Speaker:ones have been like a big process.
Speaker:That's been shadow work for me.
Speaker:Like, what have I blocked out?
Speaker:That's really beautiful.
Speaker:And I've discovered some of those.
Speaker:And that's been a really beautiful process for me.
Speaker:How do those memories, how do they affect who I am now?
Speaker:And why is that so difficult?
Speaker:Why do I have to pull those out like that?
Speaker:You know, why are they not at the surface?
Speaker:unPacking a little bit of that and asking ourselves questions like, you
Speaker:know, what brought us a lot of joy and what could we do now in our adult
Speaker:life to help us create more of that?
Speaker:What made us feel safe?
Speaker:What made us feel cared for?
Speaker:What would have, if we didn't feel that when we were younger, what
Speaker:would make us feel like that now?
Speaker:And that to me is that inner child healing.
Speaker:Because a lot of the time for me anyway, what that brings up is like,
Speaker:Hey, I didn't, I, I didn't get this.
Speaker:I've got to give that to myself now.
Speaker:And it's not always like a, Oh, I'm going to give myself candy.
Speaker:Cause I didn't get candy when I was a kid.
Speaker:Like that is not what I'm talking about.
Speaker:But for example, if you felt like you did something wrong when you were a
Speaker:kid and the reaction to it was really, really strong, almost like you really
Speaker:had to work for like the forgiveness or something like that, uh, self forgiveness
Speaker:is going to be a really, really big thing.
Speaker:You're, you're probably beating yourself up a lot.
Speaker:You're probably not being very kind in how you speak to yourself.
Speaker:You probably have very high expectations of other people.
Speaker:It might find it hard to forgive other people.
Speaker:Those are some aspects that come from that shadow.
Speaker:So practicing the act of self forgiveness can be a really beautiful thing to do
Speaker:when you have some of that experience because it teaches you grace for yourself.
Speaker:Like, yeah, there's a couple of things you didn't get right, but it's okay.
Speaker:This doesn't, it's not the end of the world.
Speaker:Cause isn't that like something that we probably would have
Speaker:wanted to hear as a kid?
Speaker:It's okay.
Speaker:This is not as big of a deal as you think it is.
Speaker:It doesn't say anything about you as a person.
Speaker:You know, like look for me in math.
Speaker:I fucking hate math.
Speaker:Still, I still hate math.
Speaker:Fuck math.
Speaker:I mean, not fuck it all the way, but you know, I don't like math.
Speaker:And math was such a thing of turmoil for me in my childhood
Speaker:because I just did bad at it every year, right through high school.
Speaker:And a lot of it was probably some self sabotage I just knew
Speaker:that I wasn't gonna like it.
Speaker:buT I think that if someone had approached it from like a, yeah, you don't understand
Speaker:this right now, but you just need to practice this little, a little bit more.
Speaker:You're going to get it.
Speaker:You just might not get it the way everybody else gets it.
Speaker:And that's okay.
Speaker:Would have made me feel a lot better than like, you know, the
Speaker:inner dialogue that I was having while failing math all the time.
Speaker:Yeah, just reinforcing the failure as opposed to the like, guess what?
Speaker:You're going to be a grown up and you're not going to need to know how
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:equal polynomials.
Speaker:I don't know.
Speaker:I don't know.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Guess, guess what, Crystal, your iPhone will be in your pocket every single time.
Speaker:Jimmy and I talk about this every time that we're like, every math teacher
Speaker:is like, you're not going to be able to carry around a calculator in
Speaker:your pocket and it's like, fuck you.
Speaker:What are you doing now, bitch?
Speaker:I sure, I sure do.
Speaker:you know what?
Speaker:Beep, boop, beep, right here on my iPhone watch.
Speaker:sometimes if I have to do a really complicated like percentage off, if
Speaker:I'm trying to like stack multiple sales and target those, like everything's
Speaker:30 percent off, but then this is 15%.
Speaker:Like, I don't know how to do that on a calculator.
Speaker:So you know what I do?
Speaker:You could just Google.
Speaker:You could just like type, type the
Speaker:I know.
Speaker:even know how to, you don't even have to know how to use the calculator.
Speaker:Okay?
Speaker:You just have to know how to ask a question.
Speaker:Yes, but not to take away from that because that is, It's so true, like,
Speaker:It's valid.
Speaker:It's like some of the things that we thought were like, gonna be absolute
Speaker:dear wiggers for us as adults.
Speaker:Didn't you think you were really going to have to stop, drop,
Speaker:and roll at least once in your
Speaker:oh my god.
Speaker:I did, I thought more people were gonna be openly offering me drugs.
Speaker:Like as a result of DARE.
Speaker:Uh, it turns out that people are not always walking around
Speaker:offering you dime bags of whatever.
Speaker:Um,
Speaker:I just tell you?
Speaker:We have made like three trips to Lowe's today to deal with this
Speaker:plumbing issue in our bathroom that was supposed to be a weekend remodel,
Speaker:it's like a month going on now.
Speaker:Um, multiple trips, we, like Brett is the fucking man at Lowe's in
Speaker:out to Brett.
Speaker:Fucking love Brett.
Speaker:Jimmy and I like tell each other, we're like, I'm gonna leave you for Brett.
Speaker:We both are like obsessed with him now.
Speaker:I was trying to like explain a thing and I was like, Jimmy, like, go look in the
Speaker:other room, see if you could find this little like, little like, rubber band.
Speaker:And he's like, like, what does it look like?
Speaker:And I was like, I don't know, it's in like a dime baggie.
Speaker:And then I was just like, is that not appropriate for, like, life?
Speaker:so funny how like a dime, like for me, a dime bag of weed in high school was like,
Speaker:What else would you call that little plastic bag though?
Speaker:what the fuck else are you doing with that?
Speaker:If it's not drugs in that bag, what's in that bag?
Speaker:What does that bag?
Speaker:What is that bag even made for other than drugs?
Speaker:I, well, apparently
Speaker:like the washers that go on pipes, but I don't.
Speaker:I, I think when the company needs to order them, they go on their
Speaker:Amazon and they Google, they have to like type up dime bags, like
Speaker:empty
Speaker:looking, I'm looking, I'm looking at, look, and I'm not the only
Speaker:idiot, uh, to ask this question.
Speaker:No, there's
Speaker:Not, not a website called dimebags.
Speaker:com, y'all.
Speaker:I guarantee the manufacturer, like on the box that they come
Speaker:in, I bet it says like dime bags.
Speaker:This is hysterical.
Speaker:With inflation though, that's now like a half dollar bag.
Speaker:So I don't know if we got to change the terminology.
Speaker:I'm down in the dregs of the Google results.
Speaker:And there is not one other suggestion for use for this bag
Speaker:other than drugs, specifically
Speaker:is there a
Speaker:name for the bag?
Speaker:Like, for the
Speaker:act, like if, like you know how you got like a sandwich size,
Speaker:or like a snack size Ziploc?
Speaker:There's no
Speaker:Nope.
Speaker:Let me see.
Speaker:Dime bags.
Speaker:This is a tangent if we ever had one.
Speaker:Not them on being on Temu.
Speaker:bags from Alibaba.
Speaker:Wow.
Speaker:Don't get, don't get your Dime bag from Temu.
Speaker:You know those seams are gonna split.
Speaker:No, no.
Speaker:That's like some wish ass dime bag.
Speaker:It's gonna be split and you're
Speaker:know, you can get these joints on eBay, you can get them from Uline.
Speaker:This,
Speaker:Okay, what does
Speaker:calling them, Uline, so Uline, I've ordered, like, when I was making skincare
Speaker:before, I've ordered things from Uline.
Speaker:wow,
Speaker:them, do they call them dime bags?
Speaker:Please tell me they call
Speaker:oh no wait, that's for a different kind of bag, my bad, my bad, my bad.
Speaker:Not Head Choice.
Speaker:So like, listen, every, every single thing that's related to a dime bag is for drugs.
Speaker:Specifically marijuana.
Speaker:Now if you're putting crack in there, I'll have nothing to do with that.
Speaker:I don't know nothing don't, don't ask me nothing about that.
Speaker:If you want to talk about weed, you can talk about it.
Speaker:But you can get a hundred of them on Temu right now for 1.
Speaker:79.
Speaker:Anyway, the whole point is, I thought people were going to be giving me drugs.
Speaker:And they are not.
Speaker:Well, anyway, I don't know what we were talking about
Speaker:prior to the dime bag tangent,
Speaker:But for real, yeah, a lot of things are now they're much different than
Speaker:the way we thought they would be.
Speaker:Dimebags being one of them.
Speaker:Walking some of those things back I just again when you start this
Speaker:journey into looking at yourself and unpacking some of this the goal is not
Speaker:to push you further into your trauma, Although obviously some things come
Speaker:up when you're trying to work through.
Speaker:And that is difficult in and of itself and that's why part of your community
Speaker:hopefully is a therapist, if you were able to have access to one, your
Speaker:people that you trust, your friends that you trust, your chosen family, um,
Speaker:your family, if you trust their asses.
Speaker:Your journal will not snitch on you.
Speaker:So there, there are ways for you to do it.
Speaker:And listen, I've seen a plethora of shadow work journals popping
Speaker:up all over my damn TikTok.
Speaker:They're on Etsy, even they're on Amazon.
Speaker:When my therapist, my own therapist who I absolutely adore, we were
Speaker:talking about expressing ourselves and having that emotional safety.
Speaker:We were talking about community and she was like, I am your community
Speaker:because she needed to reinforce the fact that like every space that I
Speaker:attempt to visit for emotional safety might not be the safest, but that
Speaker:is literally what she is there for.
Speaker:There was something just very reassuring about that fact, that made it so
Speaker:much easier to look at what we were trying to look at without feeling
Speaker:like I was in an isolated experience.
Speaker:So,
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:There was a TikTok like, the village is not free anymore.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:So, you know what?
Speaker:If your therapist requires a co pay, or you're paying out of pocket, God
Speaker:bless you, but that doesn't mean that they're not part of the village.
Speaker:You just, you just gotta pay them for their time.
Speaker:Going back to the Nicki
Speaker:Minaj quote, right?
Speaker:yeah, and I, my, I love my therapist so much, I have every intention of
Speaker:continuing to pay her for as long as she'll have me because she's, she's been.
Speaker:So instrumental to my healing.
Speaker:So I'm telling you, um, game changer, by the way, for me to find a black woman
Speaker:as a therapist has like changed my life.
Speaker:How did you find your therapist?
Speaker:found her.
Speaker:So I went through better help at a time when I didn't have any health insurance.
Speaker:And, they have amazing scaled pricing and there's some great therapists there.
Speaker:And I found her actually, because she's here in my area, the funny
Speaker:thing is, and this always makes me laugh when I talk about it.
Speaker:I started seeing her during the pandemic because obviously my kids
Speaker:were acting insane because the world was falling to shit and they
Speaker:were sensing all of that energy.
Speaker:And I went to her because her specialization is in child therapy
Speaker:and she was basically like, Hey girl, have you ever considered that it's you?
Speaker:Absolutely not.
Speaker:No.
Speaker:I knew, but like the fact that she like so quickly was like, Hey,
Speaker:I like
Speaker:I was like, Oh, but like.
Speaker:She, she is right.
Speaker:And I have been working with her ever since.
Speaker:And she has just been the best, um, at helping me work through some really,
Speaker:really difficult things and obviously some very big transitions in life.
Speaker:I, through insurance, I probably would pay double or triple.
Speaker:Um, but thank you.
Speaker:Um, thanks to BetterHelp.
Speaker:And there's other amazing guides out there as well.
Speaker:And, you know, we can definitely link a couple,
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:No,
Speaker:I'll put these together.
Speaker:So the guide that you so graciously and beautifully wrote and are sharing will be
Speaker:available for the Mindful Magic Maker tier of Patreon where you get self discovery
Speaker:worksheets and some bonus content.
Speaker:Make sure to check out the Patreon, specifically, again,
Speaker:that Mindful Magic Maker tier.
Speaker:You'll get this beautiful resource that Crystal put together.
Speaker:It's so good, y'all.
Speaker:Like, I'm going to be working through it as I, uh, check Shadow Work off my list
Speaker:and consider myself a fully healed bitch
Speaker:Ordered bags from temu, check.
Speaker:Shadow work, check.
Speaker:She's done LLL, any other recommendations for challenges or
Speaker:action items for the week ahead pertaining specifically to shadow work?
Speaker:I'm gonna start with, once you do dive into this process, don't be
Speaker:talking to yourself all shitty.
Speaker:Don't do that, okay?
Speaker:Remember that when you are moving through this process, you're doing
Speaker:it because You don't want to suffer in your own shit anymore, right?
Speaker:Allow some room for grace.
Speaker:The process is not perfect.
Speaker:It's not always easy.
Speaker:And I'm not saying to expect miracles the moment you ask these questions.
Speaker:The magic is in the practice of continuously connecting with yourself.
Speaker:So just, if you can, and it's really hard, especially if you are burned
Speaker:out or if you are unregulated, right?
Speaker:But if you find that you can get to a place where you can say like,
Speaker:God, why am I so bothered by this?
Speaker:Where do I feel this in my body?
Speaker:Why does this irk my spirit so much?
Speaker:Maybe just write it down.
Speaker:Don't even do anything with it yet.
Speaker:Just write down what you're experiencing in the moment
Speaker:so you can come back to that.
Speaker:I love that.
Speaker:Is there a prerequisite for doing shadow work?
Speaker:Are there things that you think will tell you if you're in a
Speaker:good place to start doing this?
Speaker:I'm gonna tell you if drug companies say like talk to your doctor before
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:because like listen again Counselor but I think that this is like a,
Speaker:a, a, the kind of thing that you've got to do knowing that you might
Speaker:see some shit you don't really like.
Speaker:Or that you might bring up some things you don't really like.
Speaker:And so I do think that it is valid that you, before going into
Speaker:this work, just assess how you're feeling in your everyday life.
Speaker:Like, don't start shadow work when you are at the fucking end of your rope.
Speaker:And you're unregulated and whatever.
Speaker:I really do think that you should start with your therapist and say
Speaker:yeah I'm interested into looking into this a little bit more I don't think
Speaker:there's anything wrong and it doesn't have to be all the questions y'all It
Speaker:can be like one of the questions Start
Speaker:slow.
Speaker:There's no prereq.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Yeah,
Speaker:start to feel yourself getting really dysregulated, if it's
Speaker:hard to walk back, take a break.
Speaker:Like
Speaker:what I'm not going to do.
Speaker:This is a muscle that needs to be built.
Speaker:Your ability to deal with these things and you push it too
Speaker:fast, you burn yourself out.
Speaker:And we are already burnt out on enough here in life.
Speaker:yeah, we are on a, I'll say lifelong path towards enlightenment, towards healing.
Speaker:There's no due date.
Speaker:There's no deadline to get the shadow work done.
Speaker:Well, yes, while we are at the beginning of shadow season,
Speaker:guess what we get next year?
Speaker:Another shadow season.
Speaker:Like it
Speaker:one.
Speaker:There's one every fuggin year.
Speaker:And like, listen, there's plenty of amazing astrological events
Speaker:and cycles that are very, very relevant into shadow work as well.
Speaker:You are looking for stuff like that too, I'm gonna tell you what.
Speaker:Follow my homegirl , Astral Pharaoh, I will link her as well because one
Speaker:thing that Farrah is gonna do is give you the astro tea that will often link
Speaker:through these cycles in your life.
Speaker:And I feel like her work.
Speaker:She's, she's the bomb dot com uh, in many ways, but the way she pulls
Speaker:astrology into these cycles of healing is incredibly powerful.
Speaker:So I'm going to link her.
Speaker:Um, I also highly recommend that you like book readings
Speaker:with her cause she's just legit.
Speaker:I'm telling you.
Speaker:She is fantastic at linking what the planets are doing and, and
Speaker:saying like, Hey, do you know where this falls in your personal chart
Speaker:and how is it affecting you here?
Speaker:Because making the connection between some of these cycles and
Speaker:events is, is very helpful when working in this kind of realm.
Speaker:I love that.
Speaker:SHe's amazed.
Speaker:I
Speaker:Yeah,
Speaker:love
Speaker:her.
Speaker:reading.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Awesome.
Speaker:Well, thank you so much.
Speaker:I feel like I just bombarded you with all my questions
Speaker:I love them and, and it's again, slow and steady.
Speaker:I'll be able to report back next week and let you know how I am fully enlightened
Speaker:and fully healed on the shadow side.
Speaker:Whenever I think shadow work, my brain immediately goes to that Kermit the
Speaker:Frog meme where it's like dark Kermit.
Speaker:Oh my God.
Speaker:Totally.
Speaker:is my brain visual forever is dark Kermit.
Speaker:I love him.
Speaker:Yeah, I do too., that's the constant dialogue in my head.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I like him.
Speaker:Um, all right.
Speaker:Well, oh my gosh, there's so many more.
Speaker:I'm going to say where can people find us now?
Speaker:There's so many more places
Speaker:We have a Patreon.
Speaker:Find us on the Patreon.
Speaker:Find us on the Patreon, get your beautiful shadow work guide, and more goodies.
Speaker:Find us on our website, sign up for emails to get even more goodies,
Speaker:Mm hmm.
Speaker:Mm
Speaker:HealingHappyHourPod.
Speaker:com.
Speaker:You can find us, same name, on Instagram and TikTok.
Speaker:We're going to be in all the places.
Speaker:We're on Facebook now, too.
Speaker:I think I said that earlier.
Speaker:I think we're like the only
Speaker:We're everywhere, baby.
Speaker:we're the only one who's recently signed up for Facebook.
Speaker:But you, like, you know Facebook.
Speaker:Like, Mark Zuckerberg is like, we got a new page?
Speaker:Huh?
Speaker:this must be a mistake.
Speaker:Yeah, I know, right?
Speaker:Um.
Speaker:We're breaking barriers down and really just going all out.
Speaker:Um, so we're there.
Speaker:Where can people find you specifically?
Speaker:Please find me at templehoneyhealing on Instagram.
Speaker:Come say hi.
Speaker:Look at my unhinged memes.
Speaker:Me
Speaker:I love an unhinged meme that gets me through the day.
Speaker:You can find me at glowupinsideout on Instagram.
Speaker:Yeah, so find us everywhere on the internet, and then maybe find
Speaker:us in real time on one of our Healing Circle calls each month.
Speaker:So we'll talk to you soon.
Speaker:Love you.
Speaker:Bye.
Speaker:Bye.
