Episode 8
Burnout and Other Bullshit
Are you feeling exhausted by the relentlessness of the modern world? Stressed out by the unending news cycle and societal pressures? Join us as we grapple with these realities, discussing the toll they can take on our mental health and exploring strategies for combating the burnout so many of us are experiencing. We share our own personal journeys, reflecting on recent wins and celebrating the power of self-growth. From teaching yoga classes to reclaiming a maiden name, we highlight the importance of acknowledging our successes.
We're not just talking about the problems, though. We're diving into potential solutions as well. As we navigate the complexities of mental stress in our chaotic world, we discuss the power of intentional pauses, appreciating moments, and making mindful choices. We also explore the potential dangers and benefits of using substances as a form of self-medication, emphasizing the importance of setting intentions and having a reliable support system in place. From stepping back from social media to cultivating self-care practices like listening to audiobooks and enjoying a soothing shower, we share the techniques we've found effective in managing our own anxiety and depression.
Wrapping up, we delve into the power of connection and physical touch, reflecting how nurturing our relationships can help us find balance in the midst of chaos. We're all on this healing journey together, and we're excited to share ours with you. So, whether you're feeling burnt out yourself or just looking for a space to learn and grow, we hope you'll join us for this candid conversation about mental health, personal growth, and the ongoing pursuit of a balanced, joyful life.
Topics this week include:
- Technical Delays and it's not even a mercury retrograde
- The Aaliyah and Selena collab happening in heaven
- Millennial Experiences
- Kids fighting over the Switch
- Bare essentials for survival
- Wash your ass
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Music by FASSounds on Pixabay.
Transcript
/ It's one thing after another.
Speaker:I feel like it's been nothing but technical nonsense.
Speaker:We're so delayed on everything.
Speaker:The computer and internet gods have not been with us, which is so
Speaker:fucking wild because the feedback we've been getting and people who
Speaker:are messaging us it feels like the universe has been saying like, girlies,
Speaker:get your shit together.
Speaker:And then every time we try to do it, it's the computer's not working, this
Speaker:isn't happening, this isn't happening.
Speaker:And it's such a pain in the ass.
Speaker:So it's like, what is it really?
Speaker:Quite emotionally taxing.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:It's a lot.
Speaker:You got your like computer engineering degree yesterday trying to get
Speaker:like all this recording shit back up.
Speaker:Yeah, I am having some major issues with the audio on a brand new laptop and if it
Speaker:doesn't get fixed, I might cry about it
Speaker:You should cry about it.
Speaker:That's worth crying about though.
Speaker:That's some shit
Speaker:For sure.
Speaker:It all, like yesterday, all my nails broke.
Speaker:Because, I don't know why.
Speaker:I'm
Speaker:about to say.
Speaker:You look real cute though.
Speaker:Thanks so much.
Speaker:As do you.
Speaker:As per you
Speaker:I did pull out the tart shape tape that you were praising to the high heavens.
Speaker:I knew I bought it a while ago based on, a million TikTok videos that I've been
Speaker:like, let me see your tutorials.
Speaker:I be looking tired all the time, and I love it because it's very, I could
Speaker:just bap it with my finger, and,
Speaker:that's
Speaker:that's the only makeup I've worn all week.
Speaker:You're right, that shape tape concealer.
Speaker:That is good.
Speaker:So we're here.
Speaker:we're here.
Speaker:We're queer,
Speaker:we're, I was gonna say we're certainly queer and we are
Speaker:ready to record a podcast.
Speaker:We are so ready.
Speaker:We've been ready.
Speaker:Okay, so it's been a couple weeks.
Speaker:You were sick.
Speaker:I was sick.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:You've had computer drama.
Speaker:It's life
Speaker:both been in a funk,
Speaker:But we also had some like wins that came up in the past couple of weeks too, and I
Speaker:don't want to,
Speaker:I think you should toot it.
Speaker:Are you going to toot it a
Speaker:we could toot it.
Speaker:I think you need to toot right now.
Speaker:We had, so I had my last couple community classes for my yoga training
Speaker:and then I started teaching like for realsies at a studio this week.
Speaker:yEah, it's really fun.
Speaker:I have been like loving it.
Speaker:I'm super proud of you.
Speaker:CAuse I know you were like, I'm not gonna sign anything.
Speaker:No one's gonna hire me or blah, blah, blah.
Speaker:And I knew that was not the case.
Speaker:but honestly, I think it's so crazy 'cause I am, it's so hard to say it.
Speaker:I am a little proud of myself,
Speaker:Girl.
Speaker:You better be more than a
Speaker:say it, it's hard to say it because it's so easy to like, just brush off
Speaker:all of it and be like like it just started, they could still fire me.
Speaker:Or it might not work out,
Speaker:but you, like it was, there was this moment, like week, our training
Speaker:program did a beginner yoga workshop and I was like the mc for it.
Speaker:I was sick, so I was like, I'm not gonna teach, but I'll do the mc.
Speaker:I just, I can't.
Speaker:And so I sat there like at the beginning of this workshop and
Speaker:talked for 20 minutes encouraging.
Speaker:Communication from like the students who are there to learn.
Speaker:And I was like, this is a workshop.
Speaker:This is not a class, which means that we are here to learn from you just as
Speaker:much as you are here to learn from us.
Speaker:And in yoga, like we are all always students.
Speaker:Even no matter you know, how much
Speaker:of a teacher you are, we're always here to learn from each other.
Speaker:So even like a brand new beginner, your first day sitting on that mat,
Speaker:like you have something to teach too.
Speaker:And it felt so good to sit there and have this conversation
Speaker:and lead it so confidently.
Speaker:Also like eight months ago, like when we first walked into that room, the idea
Speaker:of introducing myself by saying my name, where I'm from, and like an icebreaker,
Speaker:two sentences in front of like my classmates was panic attack inducing.
Speaker:And then like after several months I was like, shit, I'm sitting here talking.
Speaker:That's crazy.
Speaker:I'm talking from not wanting to probably be seen fully in that moment
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:to throwing yourself into it.
Speaker:And like the thing is the commitment the time commitment and the commitment
Speaker:to the vulnerability that you have to be in that space is real.
Speaker:And for that alone.
Speaker:You deserve like a lot of recognition.
Speaker:It's a lot of time and attention that you give to the study and the practice
Speaker:thank you.
Speaker:Yeah I was like talking to my therapist about it last week and I was like, I
Speaker:think the piece that I'm really proud of is that I walked in and was like, if I'm
Speaker:gonna do this, I'm gonna fucking do it..
Speaker:But also I don't want to go in with a mask on because I feel like so
Speaker:much of what I've done in the past is walk into a new space and be
Speaker:like, is who I want to present as so I can get the end result I want.
Speaker:And so I'm gonna make people think I'm funny, make people think I'm charming and
Speaker:like distract and do all these things.
Speaker:And I would go in there with such the intention.
Speaker:Of who I was hoping they would see me as.
Speaker:And I think a lifetime of doing that has led to me being like, I
Speaker:don't even know who the fuck I am.
Speaker:I don't know how I would describe myself, but I went in with that intention and
Speaker:I think I was really true to that.
Speaker:And it was so crazy to hear how people in my class then would describe me.
Speaker:And I was like, wait, you got that from me without me having to
Speaker:didn't have to reach in your ass to get it.
Speaker:It was genuine.
Speaker:It came out because, you knew it and you meant it,
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:. I'm excited to see like what is next, but while you're, while we're doing
Speaker:that, enjoy where you are and just think.
Speaker:Savor this a bit and don't rush yourself don't rush yourself away
Speaker:from the moment and how awesome it is to achieve such a big goal.
Speaker:That's
Speaker:true.
Speaker:That beginner mindset is really, it is beautiful to be able to just give into it.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:about you?
Speaker:What are you celebrating?
Speaker:I
Speaker:know you have lots to celebrate in the last couple weeks.
Speaker:What do you wanna talk about?
Speaker:Oh my god, what am I celebrating?
Speaker:I am in state of transition again.
Speaker:My unfortunate divorce is final.
Speaker:And so I, while I am still grieving I am in a way, glad
Speaker:to have my maiden name back.
Speaker:beCause I feel like there, I never got to define myself for myself when I had it.
Speaker:And now that I have my last name back, I know about who I am
Speaker:much more so than I did before.
Speaker:I'm Just taking it as a next step to see what unfolds and what I become.
Speaker:So that's that's a little bit of a celebration that I'm having.
Speaker:What are we doing to
Speaker:mark the baptism
Speaker:of
Speaker:that's like a
Speaker:with your name?
Speaker:I don't know.
Speaker:That's like a question.
Speaker:I don't know that I've even...
Speaker:I haven't thought about it yet, but I think it's, I think it's going to be
Speaker:tied to the rebranding of Temple Honey.
Speaker:You know how you were just saying a moment ago about you have to really
Speaker:come into it without that mask.
Speaker:FeEl more like myself than I ever have.
Speaker:There's just additional layers that are dropping off and I feel like
Speaker:a rebrand is necessary to show a more authentic self, so I think
Speaker:that's what I'm doing to honor that,
Speaker:I'm so proud of you
Speaker:You've really channeled into this sense of knowing and
Speaker:knowing for yourself of who you are and what you What you deserve.
Speaker:And I don't just mean that in a relational way, right?
Speaker:Like not just transactions and relationships, but like
Speaker:it's this confidence and this knowing of just your value
Speaker:Yeah, it's been good though.
Speaker:I'm happy.
Speaker:I think we were tired.
Speaker:And that is why we maybe needed a little break and we can come back
Speaker:into it feeling a little more calm.
Speaker:We're going to talk about that.
Speaker:But
Speaker:Mm-Hmm.
Speaker:shall we pull a card?
Speaker:What you got?
Speaker:What you got in this deck for
Speaker:Okay since it's fall and it's feeling very fall like because the trees down
Speaker:here are stunning, okay, the leaves are leaving, literally, but also figuratively,
Speaker:like in terms of their fashion.
Speaker:They're gorgeous.
Speaker:The colors.
Speaker:And so I've pulled Denise Lin's The Sacred Forest Oracle and I just
Speaker:want to see what spirit has for us
Speaker:she
Speaker:Oh my God.
Speaker:Wizard of the Woods
Speaker:there's true magic in the world.
Speaker:However, to experience it, you must be able to direct your intention
Speaker:in the direction of your dreams.
Speaker:Thoughts are things.
Speaker:And as you focus your thoughts, wow, focus your thoughts towards the good, you
Speaker:will attract more positive experiences and loving people into your life.
Speaker:If you direct your thoughts toward what isn't working, you will create
Speaker:even more challenging situations.
Speaker:If you are pleased with the direction you are going, concentrate on what
Speaker:you desire, not what you want.
Speaker:To develop inner power, gather your energy and focus intently on one thing.
Speaker:Also diminish activities that aren't essential to this goal
Speaker:the spirit of the wizard of the woods says, put your attention on
Speaker:what's worthwhile, and beautiful.
Speaker:That's what will manifest in your life.
Speaker:What you focus on is what you create.
Speaker:This is the time to choose.
Speaker:I love that because I immediately thought about like how it's
Speaker:fall, it's your harvest season, there is a lot of work it's a lot
Speaker:It is a lot.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And it's so easy to rush through this season.
Speaker:I know that like I'm already so mind on holidays and Christmas and like we're
Speaker:even talking like spring break and next summer and I'm just like rushing
Speaker:through this like beautiful time.
Speaker:The
Speaker:even noticing the leaves
Speaker:I hate it.
Speaker:Isa And it's like the prettiest time.
Speaker:I was like, I wanna wear a sweater and some boots.
Speaker:I love it.
Speaker:It's like my favorite.
Speaker:Oh my god, I was just talking to a friend of mine Stacy via text.
Speaker:And I was telling her my favorite outfit right now is a black
Speaker:bodysuit and green cargo pants.
Speaker:And like my Doc Martens.
Speaker:Ugh.
Speaker:And like a camel coat, a camel colored coat.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:It's
Speaker:I wanna pull out like my army print cargo pants.
Speaker:Yes, do it.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah, I like, I'm in the
Speaker:platform shoe.
Speaker:Oh, always.
Speaker:I
Speaker:I wanna I think I'm gonna be channeling Aaliyah.
Speaker:I think that's where I'm gonna be at this fall.
Speaker:I love.
Speaker:An icon for the ages.
Speaker:May she rest in peace.
Speaker:May she rest in peace?
Speaker:I remember when she died.
Speaker:God, I feel like I'm really gonna age myself here, but.
Speaker:This absolute sweetheart in my high school, his name was Javier.
Speaker:He went around and printed all these pictures of Aaliyah from
Speaker:the high school library, which like, you weren't supposed to be
Speaker:printing in color, but he went in and he just did it.
Speaker:And he was just hanging out these pictures all over the halls and it was so sweet.
Speaker:He was just like crying as he was hanging them up.
Speaker:And we just, we had pictures of Aaliyah in the halls and
Speaker:nobody questioned it for weeks,
Speaker:I mean for real because that one was that was a hard hitter I remember my dad
Speaker:came in my room and told me I was like devastated she was like she was that girl
Speaker:that girl.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:Yeah, she was that girl and she like oh and to be like so young and have
Speaker:already gone through a lot and like You know I just wish we could have
Speaker:seen more of her and her talent, but...
Speaker:Like between God, the way that jumped into my head, right?
Speaker:But even all the Britney Spear stuff that's been coming out lately, like
Speaker:those nineties era pop, hip hop, like those girls deserved so much better.
Speaker:And it's wild to think if we had a time machine and we could do right
Speaker:by them in all those situations and
Speaker:keep them safe, like where would they be now if they had been a
Speaker:little more grace and a little bit more psychologically and physically?
Speaker:Seriously.
Speaker:Like
Speaker:It's just so
Speaker:gifts, what arc could they be sharing?
Speaker:. What if we still had Selena?
Speaker:Oh my god.
Speaker:What if we had all the girls who were the girls?
Speaker:Legendary.
Speaker:Yeah that would be
Speaker:right
Speaker:would be collaborating, like right now.
Speaker:there would be, there must be like one hell of a fucking
Speaker:collab happening in Heaven or the afterlife or wherever that is
Speaker:I know it's lit.
Speaker:I know it's lit.
Speaker:I Gotta shape up so that I can get to like where I need to go in the afterlife.
Speaker:So I can experience these amazing things, but yeah, one can dream for sure.
Speaker:But yeah, it's funny it's weird speaking of nostalgia whenever my kids complain
Speaker:that they are just like so tired, but they won't actually lay down,
Speaker:and I really wish this past week that someone had told me to go lay down.
Speaker:Someone before this past week and the week before had told me
Speaker:to hey, you're doing the most.
Speaker:Go lay down.
Speaker:And I've been very burned out.
Speaker:What a segue.
Speaker:Damn, that was good.
Speaker:And we are here to talk about burnout it feels so heavy.
Speaker:I just, I don't understand how life is just so exhausting and it
Speaker:builds up and it doesn't feel to me like there's any way out of it.
Speaker:I was telling you earlier, I was like, I really thought that, like
Speaker:when I quit the nine to five job, like I was like, ha, fuckers.
Speaker:I'm never gonna have burnout again.
Speaker:I like found the cheat code and it's to not have a real job
Speaker:and that didn't really work.
Speaker:because it's just a symptom of being a human who's alive
Speaker:in a world that's really.
Speaker:Not very easy to live in these days.
Speaker:There's still so much labor, too, that you're doing.
Speaker:nOt to mention like all the labor and the thing, the stuff that we're doing
Speaker:in our personal lives, but also just like heavy energy of world conflict
Speaker:all the terrible people that are playing in our face right now, like out in
Speaker:humanity that just it's while that is also happening, like we are also
Speaker:like, the day to day life doesn't stop.
Speaker:It just continues to wear you out while we absorb that too in the background.
Speaker:And it's not it's like we're pretending it's in the background.
Speaker:It's not in the background.
Speaker:But we're just like, it's the oddness of going about our business you know what I
Speaker:shit is crumbling, like people are being slaughtered.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Small planet with us, there are people just streets over
Speaker:who are losing loved ones.
Speaker:There are people streets over who cannot afford to buy groceries for their family,
Speaker:who are living with heartbreak, who are living with medical conditions that
Speaker:they can afford to take on.
Speaker:And we're just supposed to be like going about our day let me
Speaker:create some value and pay taxes.
Speaker:Are you fucking kidding me?
Speaker:Like, how are we just supposed to be doing this when all I wanna do
Speaker:is spend all my time just hugging on people and be like, are you okay?
Speaker:How can I help?
Speaker:What can I do for you?
Speaker:Seriously.
Speaker:The grief builds collectively it makes the day feel like you
Speaker:are walking through thick mud.
Speaker:You do it because you can't stay there, right?
Speaker:But it's just, it's dense, it's thick, it's heavy.
Speaker:And even if we are Not paying attention or or, trying to not pay attention
Speaker:or whatever long enough to get things done in our day to day life.
Speaker:It's just so fucked up to think about it that way that like, it's
Speaker:oh, yeah, see, like you said, like a street over there is chaos, but
Speaker:I have to get on this Zoom call.
Speaker:Like time to go clock in at the content factory.
Speaker:And it feels like a denial of what we know It really means to be human and pretend
Speaker:that being human is only about being productive and doing labor for, I don't
Speaker:know, this tier of people up at the top.
Speaker:It's oh no, Jeffrey Bezos isn't gonna make another million dollars this hour if we
Speaker:don't get all this stuff out the door.
Speaker:Yeah, it's just, it's odd.
Speaker:I, I remember during the pandemic, like the first part of the pandemic and all
Speaker:this all of the stuff that came after it.
Speaker:This, I don't know what it was on, it was like either Instagram or TikTok,
Speaker:but someone asking this woman who She had been in America for several
Speaker:years, but she got here because she fled the USSR as it was falling
Speaker:the Soviet Union as it was falling.
Speaker:And she's in the time up to that the weirdest thing was, like, watching
Speaker:everything play out, on a world stage and in the media and whatever.
Speaker:And everybody's just going to work and going to school and how odd that was.
Speaker:And how nobody knew what else to do.
Speaker:And so I am in this process right now where I feel a little bit like feeling
Speaker:like some of that oddness and I'm like, okay, let me, the only way that I feel,
Speaker:I like feel like I can take some power back in this scenario is to say, okay,
Speaker:what are the skills or tools that I have and what can I do to aid in it?
Speaker:Because I know not , everybody has the same role when things are,
Speaker:um, when things are falling apart,
Speaker:and so I'm like, okay, where do I fall in that?
Speaker:And.
Speaker:What can I do with whatever, um, the universe has given me to put the energy
Speaker:out into the world that is the opposite
Speaker:Mm.
Speaker:That sounds, sorry to sound bleak, but that's I feel like a
Speaker:lot of us are there in that spot.
Speaker:it makes sense though, right?
Speaker:Because our human brains search for normalcy, right?
Speaker:Like they're searching for equilibrium, they're searching for a way to just
Speaker:normalize whatever we're seeing.
Speaker:They don't like things that are new that are aberrations.
Speaker:So of course, we're gonna be trying to like clinging to routine
Speaker:and make things feel normal.
Speaker:I've been thinking a lot about Like how that's our own individual inclination, but
Speaker:also how society really encourages that.
Speaker:So I grew up in New York City.
Speaker:Was in Lower Manhattan on September 11th, and I don't, it's, it's been
Speaker:so long and it's still I still don't like to talk about it a lot, but
Speaker:I was thinking about how quickly
Speaker:Then the conversation the news turned to, if we don't get back to
Speaker:normal, then the terrorists have won.
Speaker:And
Speaker:So
Speaker:phrase too, right?
Speaker:Like how many times did we hear that phrase?
Speaker:And when it came time for holiday shopping that year, it was very
Speaker:much spend your money, save the economy, or else the terrorists win.
Speaker:And it was a little jokey, but it was also just what people were saying.
Speaker:And I think that
Speaker:in our like very formative brains is shit, yeah, we gotta get back to normal.
Speaker:And I understand both sides of it, right?
Speaker:Like I understand the seeking of just normalcy in life
Speaker:Mhm.
Speaker:and I understand being like, this is fucking crazy.
Speaker:Let us, like we need to grieve.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:understand why it's so hard,
Speaker:aNd we're grieving still now, like the last few years.
Speaker:Yes, and it just gets harder and harder.
Speaker:Do you remember, I think it was like right around Covid and I, this
Speaker:is like a recurring cartoon that's popped up over the years, but it's
Speaker:like the dinosaurs and like you see the comet hurdling towards them
Speaker:oh my god, yes,
Speaker:of them is saying, oh no, the economy.
Speaker:And I think about that all the time and I'm just like, that's
Speaker:literally what we're doing.
Speaker:Like the world is on fire
Speaker:And we're like
Speaker:oh no.
Speaker:the economy.
Speaker:It just sounds so insane.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:It's insane.
Speaker:As elder millennials, right?
Speaker:We've seen a lot of this.
Speaker:Over the course of our lifetime.
Speaker:And I can't tell sometimes whether or not like sometimes different generations
Speaker:will be like, ooh, millennials are always whining, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker:I feel like a lot of the times we are, they are really trying to get us to
Speaker:forget that hey we've seen a lot of shit..
Speaker:There seems to be something, very particular about what
Speaker:we have experienced thus far.
Speaker:And the fact that we are all like, Hey, I'm really tired.
Speaker:The energy is very different.
Speaker:I have a feeling than maybe previously.
Speaker:And it's just so strange to me because I'm like, I knew this would happen.
Speaker:Eventually COVID would pass, quote, unquote, making earmarks
Speaker:if you're listening and everybody would tell us to just
Speaker:get over it.
Speaker:yeah, like it would, they would, everybody would pretend it wasn't as bad as it was
Speaker:when it was literally the fucking worst.
Speaker:And I just don't know, like I literally feel like the last few
Speaker:years still for me blend together.
Speaker:And this might be the only distinctive ear that I've had since then.
Speaker:But that's a chunk of our life.
Speaker:And it's just so crazy.
Speaker:It's just weird.
Speaker:I think I'm always still processing it.
Speaker:And I'm always still thinking about how not okay people are.
Speaker:And then to have all of this other stuff begin to come to a head again.
Speaker:And it's just, it's awful.
Speaker:It all sucks to see, to literally grow up during a war and then
Speaker:see, see it for several years more.
Speaker:And then have to see the heartache that is the Israeli
Speaker:Palestinian conflict is awful.
Speaker:And all while we are trying to like, somehow emotionally,
Speaker:trudged through our day to day.
Speaker:Obviously like we could have it worse, way worse.
Speaker:But like I said, it does, it keeps us in the zone of like, how can
Speaker:I do what I can from where I am?
Speaker:That's a valid question.
Speaker:And if you're, if anybody is feeling like very, I've just been like a couple times
Speaker:where I've had, I felt some powerlessness.
Speaker:I think that's obviously very normal.
Speaker:And I don't know that this is the like best strategy, but what seems to be
Speaker:working for me is asking what can I do?
Speaker:Being who I am and with what I've got
Speaker:Recognize that people hopefully are just trying to do the best they can
Speaker:yeah, agreed.
Speaker:All of that,
Speaker:and more
Speaker:life belifing,
Speaker:all of
Speaker:that and
Speaker:and more, has led to burnout.
Speaker:Yeah, I definitely got some burnout and I thought I was getting sick.
Speaker:I thought I was like, I thought it was like, I don't know what the fuck I thought
Speaker:I had like muscle pains and chills.
Speaker:No, a bitch was tired.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:tired.
Speaker:My body was like, stop and stop trying to do stuff.
Speaker:stOp trying to do all the things and stop trying to load
Speaker:yourself up with more things.
Speaker:It was like,
Speaker:I think that's also like where that millennial piece comes into, because I
Speaker:think as soon as I think we're very quick to deny when we are coming into that
Speaker:burnout phase because we've heard so much of it's you're entitled, you're lazy.
Speaker:And it's also just, I'm acknowledging that things are a little
Speaker:bit of a shit show right now.
Speaker:That's not necessarily entitlement to call that out, but I think we do deny
Speaker:what state we're in a lot of the time.
Speaker:I know it's not just you and I that do that.
Speaker:I've definitely heard similar stuff from a lot of my friends
Speaker:that, the show must go on, right?
Speaker:You gotta keep showing up for work, you gotta keep doing it.
Speaker:I'll deal with.
Speaker:These feelings, these thoughts, I'll deal with this all later.
Speaker:I don't have time to do it right now because I'm just trying to survive so I
Speaker:can pay the rent or buy some groceries
Speaker:Oh my
Speaker:pay these student loans that are fucking due again, because we're all on fire.
Speaker:But gotta pay Sally Maybach.
Speaker:Don't worry.
Speaker:I haven't done it yet.
Speaker:I think
Speaker:Honestly,
Speaker:This is bear with me on this tangent, but recently Lauren Hill said in
Speaker:response to people complaining about her late stage times, she's always late.
Speaker:She was like, you're lucky I show up night after night or whatever.
Speaker:That's how I feel about my student loans.
Speaker:You're lucky I even opened the email.
Speaker:You're lucky that I even am going to reply, apply, reapply for
Speaker:this income based repayment plan.
Speaker:You were lucky that you would see a penny from me.
Speaker:Because a bitch simply don't have it.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:I do not.
Speaker:I do not
Speaker:I want to, I want Kamala and Joe to hear the same message.
Speaker:I tell my children that I've told my campers when I was a camp counselor, you
Speaker:get what you get and you don't get upset because that is the energy that they
Speaker:have been giving us for a long time now.
Speaker:Oh, please, can we have
Speaker:Some student loan forgiveness?
Speaker:Can we please have some like single payer healthcare systems?
Speaker:No.
Speaker:You get what you get and you don't get upset, and what you get is nothing.
Speaker:So I'm gonna give that same energy right back with my student loan repayment.
Speaker:You get nothing.
Speaker:And whatever you do get, you could be happy with it.
Speaker:if you guys think I'm going to take.
Speaker:food off my table.
Speaker:My fat ass will not.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Absolutely not.
Speaker:I will not because I am like, obviously like things are still in flux for
Speaker:me and they will be for some time.
Speaker:So like you will get what I can.
Speaker:And like you said, yeah, I think that's the perfect thing.
Speaker:Student loans.
Speaker:You get what you get and you don't get upset.
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:I wish I could write that, I'm gonna check.
Speaker:WE should.
Speaker:I'm gonna tell that to the IRS.
Speaker:See what happens.
Speaker:I know they'll be like locking me up in no time.
Speaker:They'll be like, hey, I know that you want it
Speaker:to be cute on your podcast, but here, follow me into the jail.
Speaker:they're gonna be spending more to incarcerate me than
Speaker:I would even owe anyway,
Speaker:so have
Speaker:system is broken though, so let's not test it.
Speaker:The system is bullshit,
Speaker:I definitely get into that.
Speaker:What's the point?
Speaker:mindset so frequently, lately.
Speaker:And that is also I think something that goes along with burnout for me.
Speaker:As soon as I'm in that burnt out mind space, I'm just like, it doesn't matter.
Speaker:It just doesn't fucking matter.
Speaker:Like why I don't even care.
Speaker:I'm telling you,
Speaker:I don't know that I ever should really care about the state of the
Speaker:student loan, like repayment office.
Speaker:Like I'm actually never going to care about what happens to them.
Speaker:But yes, that is definitely something I noticed that like
Speaker:my give a shit just drops
Speaker:and unfortunately it drops like across the board even on things that do matter.
Speaker:when I hit that burnout phase
Speaker:yeah.
Speaker:That's a very big sign is having like little to no patience for
Speaker:a fucking thing, little to none.
Speaker:For me anyway, that's often one of the first signs is that like my
Speaker:tolerance level for BS is non existent.
Speaker:My diplomacy stops.
Speaker:I, if any attempt at masking anything simply does not work for me.
Speaker:And I just let the chopper spray in terms of my attitude
Speaker:yeah,
Speaker:that
Speaker:for me, that I don't care.
Speaker:It turns into avoidance for me.
Speaker:So I'm gonna avoid everything and everything.
Speaker:Like I will not open the email I will not to a text.
Speaker:I will not think about the things that are a little, like in a normal time, it
Speaker:would cause me a little bit of stress and be like, oh, I gotta get on that.
Speaker:I'm just gonna totally avoid it and I'm gonna shut it down and I'm
Speaker:not gonna let my brain go there.
Speaker:I have this like mental image of an inbox, like an old school
Speaker:inbox, not an email inbox.
Speaker:'cause if you've ever seen me post a screenshot of my phone, I have
Speaker:157 unread text messages and every time I post a picture, people are
Speaker:messaging me and they're like, oh my gosh, look at all those unread messages.
Speaker:I know.
Speaker:Okay, fuck off.
Speaker:But the mental image for me is like on a desk, an inbox and shit
Speaker:just keeps getting added to it.
Speaker:And it's not even like specific tasks.
Speaker:Like I think that I used to think you could only be burnt out if you're
Speaker:working like a full-time job and then you have other jobs and then you have
Speaker:side hustles and you have to do this, and you have to do that and you're on
Speaker:the PTA and you're doing this like that.
Speaker:For me, too many responsibilities
Speaker:What led to burnout, like very tangible
Speaker:responsibilities.
Speaker:Very real things that you have to do
Speaker:which is
Speaker:true, that can lead to burnout.
Speaker:But I also think what really leads to burnout is this buildup
Speaker:of things to process mentally.
Speaker:So like it could be things on the news, it could be a nasty comment from somebody.
Speaker:Like it could just be all these things that At the surface don't really
Speaker:seem like big deals individually
Speaker:or, they seem like, okay, spend a little time to think about
Speaker:this and move on with your day.
Speaker:But it's just the buildup of never having time for something to process.
Speaker:And like every time you turn in the news, it's something else awful.
Speaker:Every time you open the fridge, oh, guess what?
Speaker:There's no food in there.
Speaker:Every time you go to the grocery store, you're blowing your
Speaker:budget on less and less food.
Speaker:Like these are real things that need to be processed.
Speaker:And right now they're just building the fuck up.
Speaker:And that's what that inbox looks like to me.
Speaker:And it's Process this.
Speaker:And it's just like fucking flowing all over the desk now and like paper
Speaker:just shooting all over the place.
Speaker:It's too much.
Speaker:It's just too
Speaker:much.
Speaker:it's I could not agree more that's exactly the image.
Speaker:That's it's like there is so much information and it sits on in our body it
Speaker:sits in the air around us and It just sits there until we are ready to get to it.
Speaker:And I feel like sometimes we're maybe like a little crushed under the weight of it.
Speaker:Like damn, I'm just now getting to childhood trauma.
Speaker:In the last five years.
Speaker:And fuck, I gotta process all this other shit, too.
Speaker:That's very real.
Speaker:That's a lot of That's a lot of personal responsibility.
Speaker:And I think there's also this thing with our generation, too, that's
Speaker:very much we are going to have to look at this at some point in time.
Speaker:I think that millennials are very good about being, like, Hey, everybody thinks
Speaker:that we're, like, cool dead fish, but I think that we are very emotional
Speaker:and very much into wanting to see an improvement in our mental health.
Speaker:Most people I know are not being avoidant that they like, are not affected by
Speaker:all the things that are, that have not been said or dealt with.
Speaker:And again and again that, what that looks like when life is lifing
Speaker:and it doesn't stop and you're in that, that to do list keeps getting
Speaker:longer and that inbox is piling up.
Speaker:And like how can you even begin to process all that mental paperwork when you can't
Speaker:even stand up under the weight of it all.
Speaker:And it's damn, I know I need to be dealing with this, but whatever.
Speaker:And I think that is where that, at least for me, that mental avoidance
Speaker:clicks in as soon as it's like too much.
Speaker:I'm just like, you, there's no, you can't put any more in here.
Speaker:I'm sorry.
Speaker:Like you just can't put another thing.
Speaker:I'm not gonna even read my email.
Speaker:I'm not even gonna answer my phone.
Speaker:'cause I can't take on one more thing in this inbox.
Speaker:Which doesn't feel good.
Speaker:It doesn't feel good for me.
Speaker:Even like when I'm just like talking to my kids and I'm just
Speaker:like annoyed or frustrated by, like the switch isn't working.
Speaker:And I'm like, I don't even give a shit
Speaker:I'm
Speaker:not gonna tell them that, but
Speaker:The switch was taken away for the 1000th time today in our household.
Speaker:Because Javi and Enzo got into a fight.
Speaker:why do they fight?
Speaker:And it's
Speaker:I'm not gonna buy you another one.
Speaker:I'm not gonna buy you each your own because I'm not gonna reward you guys
Speaker:Because it doesn't fucking matter what it is, they will fight about it.
Speaker:If they have, we literally have, Javi had a bunny.
Speaker:And Enzo always kept taking the bunny.
Speaker:It's an Easter bunny thing that my mom gave Javi.
Speaker:Enzo wanted one for himself, so I had to stuff my hand in the butt of the bear
Speaker:to find the tag, go on Amazon, and find a bunny that was just like that bunny,
Speaker:but this one is white instead of green.
Speaker:And they still fight over the bunny.
Speaker:They fight they fight, doesn't matter.
Speaker:How many Squishmallows, it doesn't matter how many Nintendo controllers we've got,
Speaker:it doesn't, they will find it because that's just like what brothers do, right?
Speaker:right.
Speaker:I can't tell you How my brain wants to just absolutely shut down when It's
Speaker:homework time, and I'm trying to get dinner, and the cat is trying to trip me.
Speaker:It's like that moment where like your house keys drop, and it's like, Oh
Speaker:my god, not one more thing, not one more thing, not one more thing, like
Speaker:when you're trying to get in the door.
Speaker:It's like all the things are happening, all the life things are happening at once.
Speaker:And and you're still getting work emails, and you're still getting
Speaker:work IMs, and I'm like, oh my god, you're at the pinnacle, and one of
Speaker:your children starts to lose it.
Speaker:Over the switch and then the other one loses it over the switch and I just
Speaker:will take that switch and stomp it in the street I don't give a shit about
Speaker:Mario in that moment or Princess Peach or Kirby or any of the other shit going
Speaker:on What I want is to break that thing in half and throw it in the trash and
Speaker:make them churn butter Or something like that instead because I am just so tired.
Speaker:I'm like Be of use.
Speaker:And they're kids, so they're not, they're, that's not it's not gonna work.
Speaker:You know what I mean?
Speaker:And I am just trying to remember this is normal for brothers to fight.
Speaker:And when there is that burnout, you can't step in the way you want to, right?
Speaker:I want to be able to step in a place of compassion and be like, damn, like you're
Speaker:having a hard time with this video game.
Speaker:And I understand
Speaker:That is frustrating because you are five years old or newly six years old, and You
Speaker:can't read this instruction here and you
Speaker:don't know how to do it.
Speaker:And every time you ask your older brother for help, he steps
Speaker:in and he just does it for you.
Speaker:And that's not what You want
Speaker:Oh my god!
Speaker:Were you spying?
Speaker:Were you spying in our house?
Speaker:Because it's literally like that scenario that happened.
Speaker:and it's like I, if I can step out of myself for a moment,
Speaker:Yeah, that is really fucking frustrating.
Speaker:I feel you on that kid.
Speaker:Like
Speaker:that sucks.
Speaker:You must be really frustrated right now and I want to come at it from that place.
Speaker:But when there's all that burnout and exhaustion and just this is the
Speaker:million thing I've done for the day, it's really fucking hard to do that.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And then it's also easy to add the guilt you feel for that to that
Speaker:pile of shit to process of oh God, like I got that one wrong today and
Speaker:Oh my god.
Speaker:Nothing will make me feel worse than when I have a less than
Speaker:stellar moment as a parent.
Speaker:I have to remind myself of everything I have done to be a good parent that
Speaker:I know I've been successful at Because I'm gonna make mistakes and also know
Speaker:that like I will always apologize To my kids if I'm wrong and I have heard
Speaker:something wrong and they might not get it right now But that's important to me.
Speaker:So there's some things I'm like, okay you still have to stick by this if you
Speaker:like had a less than stellar moment like trying to I guess take that it's
Speaker:never too late for me to turn it around and sometimes like those moments would
Speaker:be the thing that ropes me back in because I think I can't control anything
Speaker:that's going on that I'm worried about,
Speaker:but I can control my reaction in this moment because
Speaker:the energy that I put out to them will ripple, I pray,
Speaker:yeah, and that's just part of the like never ending onslaught of what
Speaker:it means to be a parent in 2023 in this fucking capitalist hellscape that
Speaker:I'll have that moment with my kids in the morning and then we're rushing
Speaker:out to the bus stop and everybody's frazzled and everybody's crazy.
Speaker:And as we're waiting for the bus, I think, what if today it's my kid's school.
Speaker:What if today there's a school shooter and this is how we spent the morning.
Speaker:That's what we then get to sit with because of the trauma of the never ending
Speaker:news cycle, that every day there is another mass shooting in this country.
Speaker:And we take that on and we have to send our kids out into the world
Speaker:knowing that, damn, I'm sorry, this is like such a bummer, but
Speaker:No, it's real, because
Speaker:it ne it never fucking stops.
Speaker:this is what contributes to where we are.
Speaker:And this is why we get so tired that we have to just stop.
Speaker:That, it's, that's terrifying.
Speaker:What you said is terrifying, but it's real.
Speaker:And that's why, like, when people are like, Oh, I don't want kids or whatever.
Speaker:I get it.
Speaker:I get why they don't.
Speaker:This shit is hard.
Speaker:I never rag on anybody when they say they don't want kids.
Speaker:Because they're like, look what the fucking world is today.
Speaker:And
Speaker:day will break your fucking heart
Speaker:Every day.
Speaker:day.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And even if you don't have kids, every day is breaking your heart.
Speaker:And it just compounds it to
Speaker:have these little humans there
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:fucking hard
Speaker:Especially when you're still trying to take care of the little human in you,
Speaker:which I think so many of us are still trying to do, desperately, is find
Speaker:and honor who we are outside of just like adulthood and capitalism, like
Speaker:we are still, yes, we are adults in terms of like our bodies and whatever,
Speaker:but what does it mean to be an adult?
Speaker:It's outside of just working and it's like in those questions is where I'm
Speaker:like, okay knowing what I do now and being very honest about what I don't know,
Speaker:how can I try to find a way to cultivate like some joy in the middle of that?
Speaker:And when it feels heavy, how can I just be like, okay, I need to rest.
Speaker:Because like, when I think of it, when I hope this is not like too weirdly
Speaker:esoteric, but when I think of it in those terms, it's another thing that kind of
Speaker:helps me get back out of the spiral.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:It's there's something about like thinking about something in such
Speaker:a large concept way of being like.
Speaker:Like you said what does any of this even matter?
Speaker:Or adulthood isn't just, does adulthood just mean like you work and you're
Speaker:in an endless, capitalistic loop?
Speaker:And you think no, it can't be just that.
Speaker:So what is
Speaker:right?
Speaker:What is it that is defining about being a human?
Speaker:And it's not, monkeys can use tools and no disrespect to monkeys, 'cause I have
Speaker:big feels for Darwin, the IKEA monkey.
Speaker:Oh my God.
Speaker:His
Speaker:I check in with him annually.
Speaker:What can humans do that only humans can do?
Speaker:I was at this workshop the other day and the instructor, it was
Speaker:like the best fucking workshop I've ever done in my life.
Speaker:But the instructor was saying, I.
Speaker:Humans are the only species that can play the guitar and sing
Speaker:and create stairway to heaven.
Speaker:No other species could evolve to have done that.
Speaker:And it's so what is that we create, like we make beauty.
Speaker:That is something that like we are we capable of doing
Speaker:is feeling something and creating something out of that emotion
Speaker:and sharing it with others.
Speaker:That for me has nothing to do with making money or,
Speaker:Mhm.
Speaker:doing anything productive.
Speaker:Sure, okay.
Speaker:Like in the example of Stairway to Heaven, like yes, that obviously made
Speaker:a lot of money that came out of it, but nobody's doing that for the sake of the
Speaker:money you create to create because it's beautiful and you can't not create and.
Speaker:Every day, there's less and less time to create just for the sake
Speaker:of creating something beautiful.
Speaker:And
Speaker:that's bullshit
Speaker:Man.
Speaker:For the sake of it.
Speaker:For the sake of
Speaker:for the sake of it.
Speaker:Because you can't not, because if you're a poet, that is how
Speaker:you process the world, right?
Speaker:Like you are writing poetry because you can't, not because it is pouring
Speaker:out of you and it hurts not to do it.
Speaker:If you are a musician, you need to that music.
Speaker:You need to play music, you're gonna hear it that way.
Speaker:And when our world doesn't create the time or the space for us to be able to do
Speaker:that, it's, holding it in and it hurts.
Speaker:Yeah, it just creates more pain for people to work through.
Speaker:And it's I, it's always weird.
Speaker:I always like shy away from saying Oh, I'm a healer.
Speaker:I'm a healer.
Speaker:Cause there's something very Ego y about it.
Speaker:It sounds like there's something very ego y about it.
Speaker:And this, by the way, y'all, this is the trouble that I have problems with
Speaker:in every creative mastermind, in every business workshop, is that I'm like,
Speaker:but I don't like how that sounds.
Speaker:Even if it's like a thing, even if it's real, but that is my role.
Speaker:Like we talk about like roles within like society, that is my role.
Speaker:I am the witch bitch.
Speaker:I am the healer hippie weirdo.
Speaker:And the whole year has been like me not shying away from some of those
Speaker:titles, trying to lean into them a little bit more or phrase them in a way
Speaker:that makes me feel really comfortable.
Speaker:And It feels authentic to me and in that role of being a healer,
Speaker:I feel like what all I know how to do, like you said earlier, is
Speaker:like holding a space for people.
Speaker:I find the empowerment.
Speaker:Of trying to get through some of those heavier energies because if I can put
Speaker:them out to one person maybe they can put it out to someone else and then that
Speaker:person to someone else and I just pray that that energy has a ripple effect out
Speaker:into the world and I feel like no matter what you believe in your spiritual or
Speaker:your energy or your energetic body needs that It needs that, and I'm like,
Speaker:okay, so let me see how I can use this.
Speaker:Let me see how I can find a way to bring joy with this.
Speaker:And all I know is I've been finding it really hard this year cause
Speaker:I, it's a year of processing.
Speaker:It's been a year of processing for me.
Speaker:And I'm really tired.
Speaker:Even after I separated and I moved, I was so tired.
Speaker:I don't remember I normally remember every dream I have.
Speaker:I didn't remember dreams for months.
Speaker:I was sleeping so hard.
Speaker:I was in bed every night at nine.
Speaker:I was so burnt out,
Speaker:it's been a lifetime of getting burnt out
Speaker:and it keeps piling up on
Speaker:top of it.
Speaker:Even while we are trying to heal from that, that it's yeah, we even
Speaker:a couple months of healing from it.
Speaker:It's not enough.
Speaker:It's a lifetime and it keeps piling up in the meantime.
Speaker:We know There's so many things that we don't have control over.
Speaker:We know that we might not be able to Put a halt to all the things that are
Speaker:causing some of that burnout We know that life is gonna life we know that
Speaker:the world is gonna do what it's doing.
Speaker:You talking about claiming or stepping into the title of healer reminded me of
Speaker:another anecdote that, the instructor at that workshop talked about, and
Speaker:you've probably heard this before, but I'm gonna share it anyway, just
Speaker:'cause I've been thinking about it for the past week since he said it.
Speaker:There was like a group class or there, there was something, and at the end
Speaker:the leader was like, oh, any questions?
Speaker:And a woman raised her hand and was like, yes.
Speaker:What is the meaning of life?
Speaker:And, everybody around her just laughed and kept packing their stuff to go.
Speaker:And the leader walked over to her and gave her a little mirror.
Speaker:And he was like this this is the answer to the meaning of life.
Speaker:And she was what?
Speaker:Am I supposed to look at my reflection?
Speaker:And he turned the lights off and he lit a candle and he had her point
Speaker:the mirror there to reflect it.
Speaker:And he said, the meaning of life is that there's two ways to light a space, right?
Speaker:You can light the candle and you can be the flame, or you can reflect it.
Speaker:You can share it with somebody else.
Speaker:And I think so much of being a healer or just being a human right, like
Speaker:a good human and whatever it is, we can't all light the candle, but like we
Speaker:all can reflect the light that we see
Speaker:I'm telling you.
Speaker:Holy shit.
Speaker:That is a bar.
Speaker:No, that's a bar
Speaker:been thinking about that so
Speaker:much that I'm just like, how am I reflecting the light
Speaker:in different interactions?
Speaker:Yeah
Speaker:And there's times that it's a hell of a lot harder to reflect the
Speaker:light when you are burnt out, right?
Speaker:Like your mirror is foggy and cloudy and dirty and smudged and you have not
Speaker:had a chance to wipe it down because you just have that taken on more and more.
Speaker:Yeah,
Speaker:Yeah,
Speaker:think that's another.
Speaker:there's so many, the world has enough people that are like we all can't be the
Speaker:same, we all have that role, and there is more than one way, no matter like what
Speaker:role we have, we are deserving of rest,
Speaker:we can't do anything if we are empty, we say that like to moms and stuff
Speaker:like that, but it's not just, it's not just for moms, it's for everyone.
Speaker:You cannot give what you expect to receive if you are giving
Speaker:from a space of emptiness.
Speaker:You can't pour from an empty cup.
Speaker:You're not going to, what are you going to be reflecting if you are absolutely
Speaker:just too tired to even show up?
Speaker:And it's under and it's understandable why people are.
Speaker:We're fucking tired.
Speaker:We all are.
Speaker:I don't care if you're like, Yo, this is like the best my life has ever been.
Speaker:Great.
Speaker:Awesome.
Speaker:how much better it could be if you If this wasn't a fucking hellscape,
Speaker:imagine how much better it could be.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:If it didn't feel like fucking Vecna was gonna descend upon your town at any
Speaker:for real though,
Speaker:You had mentioned little bit about what burnout feels like for you.
Speaker:What in your body or in your mind lets you know that it's burnout?
Speaker:So I will say, as a cancer, the first thing that's going to go is my attitude.
Speaker:Because I'm tired and I subconsciously don't even realize how tired I am yet.
Speaker:And I'm like running on fumes.
Speaker:I just have an angry little bird, and I get withdrawn.
Speaker:So I could use a lot of help, but I don't ask for it, or I want to talk
Speaker:but I don't know like I just get, I'm a typical cancer in that way.
Speaker:I get moody and I get withdrawn.
Speaker:And then I get sad.
Speaker:And then I stop doing stuff, or if I have the energy to continue on doing
Speaker:stuff, I'm going to bed much later, I am not eating very well, I'm not moving
Speaker:my body with any kind of intention I'm letting a lot of shit slide.
Speaker:My patience just starts to wear thin and the first physical sign that
Speaker:kind of shows up in is the tension I hold in my jaw, I start to bite
Speaker:my tongue all night in my sleep.
Speaker:Like I went to the dentist she was like, oh my god, do
Speaker:you have a geographic tongue?
Speaker:I was like, no I do not.
Speaker:My tongue was like dented and it was literally from me clenching the shit
Speaker:out of my teeth while I slept and like waking up and my jaw hurting really bad.
Speaker:Bernad is very sneaky.
Speaker:It's very slowly falling dominoes, just one by one.
Speaker:It starts to form this picture that's pretty shitty.
Speaker:And it's if you don't listen, if you're not like, why am I so moody?
Speaker:Why am I so tired?
Speaker:I can't, start to back off or start asking for help.
Speaker:Then.
Speaker:That burnout for me always makes me sick.
Speaker:I got like the flu and strep within two weeks of each other one
Speaker:time Because I was so burned out.
Speaker:I didn't listen.
Speaker:It's wild
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:It is just like an avalanche, right?
Speaker:Where you have these little signs up front, but it's so easy just to
Speaker:brush those off or to be like I don't got the time for this right now.
Speaker:And it gradually builds and then it comes fucking barreling through that.
Speaker:It's it demands to be noticed and
Speaker:What's that phrase Vanna like I know we've probably heard it before well,
Speaker:I'll probably say much less artfully but if you don't Give your body rest
Speaker:like your body will force you to rest.
Speaker:But yeah, that's exactly what happens.
Speaker:Your body's just like, where the fuck do you think you're going?
Speaker:So for me it's more like big on like avoidance, withdrawing,
Speaker:just disassociating fully, and
Speaker:like a numbness really that kicks in.
Speaker:But I also get really sensitive
Speaker:and I'm never gonna let somebody see that.
Speaker:I'm not gonna show somebody, but any perceived?
Speaker:No, not even any perceived slight because like I am sensitive to that in
Speaker:general, but like any interaction, I will find something in there as like
Speaker:evidence of things I'm doing wrong and it's just yeah, more fuel to the fire.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Like I'm not gonna pick that fight and I'm not gonna fight back on it.
Speaker:But I more allow things to confirm negative self-talk for me.
Speaker:YeAh.
Speaker:and I can't sleep for shit.
Speaker:Like I have the worst sleep and I'm always tired when I'm in this
Speaker:mental space but can't sleep at all.
Speaker:Like I'm just exhausted, which then is like every interaction
Speaker:is just colored by it.
Speaker:And I think I started to realize that past stints of too much alcohol.
Speaker:Was my attempts at self-medicating through that because I would be like,
Speaker:all right I'll have a glass at two or wine of wine at the end of the night
Speaker:and try to set myself up for sleep.
Speaker:And it was just a cycle, right?
Speaker:That I'm like, all right, I need this to sleep, but also my sleep
Speaker:isn't any better with alcohol.
Speaker:It's not as restful, so I'll do it more.
Speaker:And yeah, I was self medicating and I'm actually like not
Speaker:drinking much at all these days.
Speaker:Started with a sober October kind of deal.
Speaker:But
Speaker:I think that's awesome.
Speaker:yeah, I'm still like, I'll still take an edible every once in a while, But
Speaker:let's not get let's not get ridiculous
Speaker:Even that, like I'm notorious for Me and Mary taking too much time together.
Speaker:No shame, no judgment.
Speaker:Like I'm not gonna judge anybody.
Speaker:But I think if you're using it as a crutch, I.
Speaker:Yeah,
Speaker:Then it at least demands a little bit of like why am I using it like
Speaker:this?
Speaker:I'm not saying anybody has people make their own decisions, like
Speaker:you do what you need to do.
Speaker:I think it's important, like you said, to every now and then, you've got to stop
Speaker:and reevaluate what you're doing with it.
Speaker:And what exactly it's helping with.
Speaker:if it's not from a place of if you're not choosing it intentionally
Speaker:anymore, and it's just this is a tool, this is a crutch.
Speaker:Just check in with why and do you like that?
Speaker:Is that
Speaker:okay?
Speaker:Is that the best plan for you right now?
Speaker:Maybe
Speaker:it is.
Speaker:Maybe maybe you're like, you know what, I'm gonna deal with this in two months,
Speaker:but I gotta get through like this.
Speaker:Great.
Speaker:Like you
Speaker:which is how I started with it.
Speaker:Like I started using THC when I had a very bad adenomyosis before my hysterectomy.
Speaker:And I found it to be quite helpful with that and with the stress and
Speaker:anxiety of being home with the kids all the time during pandemic.
Speaker:I'll go on a week or two sabbatical, where I'm like, you know what, not
Speaker:during the week, only on the weekend.
Speaker:Because I still need to, especially as a healer, I need to be able
Speaker:to feel what I need to feel.
Speaker:At least enough to discern.
Speaker:And I'm very big on You can't, I can't dead end all my emotion, all my feeling
Speaker:or that's going to dead end my gift.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So if there's a point where it helps, if there is, that's one
Speaker:thing that it helped a lot with.
Speaker:I'm not gonna lie, like being a spiritual person it really helped it really
Speaker:helped me get back into a goodhead space where I could process a lot of that.
Speaker:But there is a point where you can overdo it.
Speaker:And,
Speaker:Yeah,
Speaker:I think it's intention, right?
Speaker:Are you
Speaker:choosing it or
Speaker:are you just letting it choose?
Speaker:Are you walking the dog or is the dog walking you?
Speaker:Exactly.
Speaker:That's what it is.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:That's for me, those are like the biggest signs that it's oh, this is
Speaker:not just run of the mill anxiety.
Speaker:This isn't just like ADHD meds need a little adjusting.
Speaker:It's something more when all those things start to creep up.
Speaker:And I think for other people, you might notice if I'm sending less toss or text
Speaker:messages, I might be a little burnt out that it's like I'm seeing the TikTok.
Speaker:Don't worry, I'm still looking at 'em.
Speaker:I'm still going through TikTok and attending hours there a day.
Speaker:But it just feels too overwhelming to open my text messages and share them.
Speaker:I might be a side 'cause it's gonna be a reminder of all the things I haven't done
Speaker:and I can't begin to process that yet.
Speaker:I think it's important that if you have a good network around you and
Speaker:someone asks you like, hey, why aren't you sending me, you're only sending
Speaker:me like three TikToks a day, not like
Speaker:17.
Speaker:Or whatever,
Speaker:tos are more concerning than normal
Speaker:yeah.
Speaker:Saying hey, are you good?
Speaker:Because chances are, like I think a lot of us are not good in that regard,
Speaker:and I think that we would get better a lot faster if we were a little
Speaker:bit more vulnerable with each other.
Speaker:ANd I know one of the things we want to ask is like how we move out of that space.
Speaker:But for me, that's, that is the start being like, I don't
Speaker:know that I'm okay right now.
Speaker:And maybe saying it aloud to someone so that they can have the accountability
Speaker:of someone checking in with me and being like, Alright, I know that you're
Speaker:not alright, so let's what do we have to do to bring you out of that funk?
Speaker:tHat's like such a good point.
Speaker:Jimmy and I were talking earlier today because there
Speaker:was no school today here 'cause
Speaker:it's election day, which I'm just like, these kids are never in fucking school.
Speaker:But he was home today also, so we.
Speaker:I Just, I wasn't doing great today.
Speaker:I am like, I'm ovulating too.
Speaker:So it's like a whole like mental piece going on there with that part of my cycle.
Speaker:Stupid.
Speaker:But I'm too
Speaker:old for this.
Speaker:This needs to stop.
Speaker:Opt out.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:and be like, you don't need to ovulate anymore.
Speaker:We're done here.
Speaker:We're done with the babies.
Speaker:But no, and I was just like, I just, I don't feel good.
Speaker:I don't feel right.
Speaker:Things feel really hard and I feel like there's so much that I can't
Speaker:even bring myself to say out loud of things that I'm feeling because
Speaker:I, the process of putting the words together feels exhausting and scary
Speaker:and I don't want even to bring it up.
Speaker:And he was like, what could you bring up one thing?
Speaker:Can you just say one thing out loud?
Speaker:Would that make it easier?
Speaker:What?
Speaker:Let's just like one of 'em.
Speaker:I couldn't say it out loud.
Speaker:I had to show him a picture actually.
Speaker:And I was like, I think my vitiligo is spreading to my face.
Speaker:And I showed him the picture and I was like, this is what I'm worried about.
Speaker:And it did get easier after saying that one thing that I was like,
Speaker:I know this isn't like a on par with a human genocide, right?
Speaker:I get it, but all those things are bottled up in my brain together and
Speaker:they all feel equally scary, and there's no way to begin to process
Speaker:them at the scope that they deserve.
Speaker:and just being vulnerable and saying that one thing to I, he is the person most
Speaker:in the world that I'm vulnerable with.
Speaker:And like even in these moments of burnout, I was just like, I can't do it.
Speaker:I can't say it.
Speaker:I can't say why I feel scared or what's bothering me, but
Speaker:what if I could say one thing?
Speaker:Yeah,
Speaker:And it helped a little bit.
Speaker:take something off of your shoulders and share it.
Speaker:And
Speaker:you don't, Yeah.
Speaker:And that was the key there is I can't do anything about this right now if
Speaker:my vitiligo is spreading onto my face.
Speaker:And there's like history there because I always said that I'm never going
Speaker:to really try to seek any sort of treatment for vitiligo until it's
Speaker:like, unless it goes to my face.
Speaker:And that's where it bothers me.
Speaker:And I've been saying that for 15 years.
Speaker:So of course like now that I'm seeing this, I'm like, oh my gosh
Speaker:what am I even supposed to do?
Speaker:There is that.
Speaker:I'm like, in that moment, what am I gonna do?
Speaker:I'm not gonna go I can't go to my dermatologist.
Speaker:There's nothing I can do about it right there.
Speaker:I'm not looking for a solution.
Speaker:I
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:to say it.
Speaker:I'm like, verbalize it and be like, all right like I said the words and it's okay.
Speaker:Like I lived through that moment.
Speaker:And it just, it helps it feel a little lighter.
Speaker:And
Speaker:maybe even if you can't say the words, can you send a picture?
Speaker:Can you show somebody a picture of something?
Speaker:And you don't have to find the words just yet.
Speaker:Not everybody can vocalize things the same way and how can we express that and
Speaker:I will encourage you like if you feel like you were just not at that point, I always
Speaker:say like you go back to basics, honey.
Speaker:Strip your shit back until you are doing only what you can manage to do.
Speaker:Until you can get to a point where you're like, ready to make changes to your day
Speaker:to day that are less stressful for you.
Speaker:Peel everything back to the basics.
Speaker:It's so hard to prioritize too.
Speaker:I know I was saying that it was hard to prioritize in my brain the stressors,
Speaker:but like it's hard to prioritize everything when you're in that place.
Speaker:So we'll tell you right now your priorities.
Speaker:Sleep, eat and yes, I would love for you to eat healthy foods, but if
Speaker:all you can eat is a protein shake and stop a taco Bell and get a taco.
Speaker:Beautiful.
Speaker:Beautiful.
Speaker:You don't overcomplicate it.
Speaker:It doesn't need to be.
Speaker:I know also eating for me is like a very, when I'm feeling really
Speaker:burnt out, I get a ton of food aversions I said tacos and protein
Speaker:shakes because that's my safe stuff.
Speaker:That's the stuff that even when everything is awful, I can get that down.
Speaker:Don't worry about
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:idealize, like ideal numbers of macros and who caress
Speaker:eat.
Speaker:Get your
Speaker:and
Speaker:take your
Speaker:eating everything on their plate as orange because all they will eat
Speaker:is chicken nuggets and fries and
Speaker:and mac and cheese,
Speaker:or
Speaker:Great.
Speaker:Beautiful.
Speaker:fine, like at least you were fed.
Speaker:don't worry about the vitamins.
Speaker:Don't worry about take your meds.
Speaker:Take your fucking
Speaker:Oh my god, take your meds,
Speaker:let me tell you something, I know, let me tell you, I can't believe I lied to
Speaker:you like that because one of the first things that I forget about, I forgot
Speaker:all about this, again, literally.
Speaker:As we speak.
Speaker:One of the first things that happens to me is that I start to forget to take my
Speaker:medication and Then I'll be like damn a bitch is extra weepy and then I'll be
Speaker:like, oh maybe because you don't take
Speaker:The number of times I accidentally put myself into withdrawal
Speaker:when I was taking an SSRI
Speaker:and I would be like, oh, I haven't taken that in four days and I'm
Speaker:getting brain zaps and I want to die.
Speaker:It's like that Elsa ornament that's like dying.
Speaker:Like
Speaker:like,
Speaker:let it
Speaker:go.
Speaker:Yeah take your medication.
Speaker:Try take your medication, go to bed earlier,
Speaker:Even if you cannot fall asleep,
Speaker:get
Speaker:your body down, close your eyes.
Speaker:Yes,
Speaker:that sounds so romantic.
Speaker:Lay your body down, close your eyes.
Speaker:And it is romantic because it is a
Speaker:moment of deep love for self, right?
Speaker:Turn off the lights, put uncomfortable clothes, lay down and close your eyes.
Speaker:If you can't sleep, you can't sleep, that's fine.
Speaker:You're still resting.
Speaker:Put
Speaker:on an audio book.
Speaker:Create a sensory experience for
Speaker:to a podcast.
Speaker:Listen to the latest episode of the Healing Happy Hour.
Speaker:I.
Speaker:But yes, you still need rest, even if it's not sleep.
Speaker:I tell, I yell at my kids that all the time.
Speaker:I don't know if it's true, if it still counts, but my mom used to say that to
Speaker:me too, and I think that was her just trying to get me to lay my ass down.
Speaker:I still believe it.
Speaker:Like even if you're not gonna sleep, it still counts to rest And close your eyes.
Speaker:I, I, it's crucial.
Speaker:And sometimes that's all you can get.
Speaker:Like sometimes in the middle of the day I'm exhausted and I'm like, I
Speaker:just need to lay on my couch for 20 minutes just to have some stillness.
Speaker:I saw TikTok the other day where the girl was like, when she gets
Speaker:overwhelmed, she just lays on the ground, like in, in her house somewhere.
Speaker:And I get it.
Speaker:It's, it is grounding.
Speaker:It is grounding for you to do that.
Speaker:I think part of it is the sensory experience of Eat something
Speaker:that is delicious to you.
Speaker:Get in the most comfortable thing without tags and without it's the softest
Speaker:thing you can think of after the most warm bath, change the sheets on your
Speaker:bed and get in a freshly made bed.
Speaker:God, that sounds so nice.
Speaker:Thinking about my bed as I speak, but
Speaker:it also admittedly it does sound overwhelming too, like the idea of
Speaker:shit, that's a lot of steps to get that.
Speaker:And I think maybe tomorrow I'll feel better prepared for that because hopefully
Speaker:I'll be on the other side of this
Speaker:Just do one of them.
Speaker:You don't even need to do all of it.
Speaker:Can you just take a shower
Speaker:Oh my
Speaker:and brush your teeth and you know what?
Speaker:Yes, your ideal daily hygiene, right?
Speaker:You're gonna brush your teeth two or three times a day.
Speaker:You're gonna wash your face in the morning.
Speaker:You're gonna do your whole skincare routine at night.
Speaker:You're gonna do a beautiful shower, you're gonna shave your legs if you're in this
Speaker:place, that is not accessible to you.
Speaker:Can you brush your teeth once?
Speaker:Can you just wash your body?
Speaker:Don't wash your hair in the shower.
Speaker:What's the simplest piece that you can do to
Speaker:just take that first step of whatever your
Speaker:basics
Speaker:Bit by bit.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Bit by bit.
Speaker:Maybe tomorrow you will feel well enough to put on clothes.
Speaker:Put on like an outfit.
Speaker:And not like a fancy outfit.
Speaker:Maybe just your favorite t shirt and a pair of jeans.
Speaker:You
Speaker:know what I
Speaker:Mom's hair are gonna say, change your underwear.
Speaker:Just put on some clean panties and brush your teeth.
Speaker:Listen, I'm gonna tell you what.
Speaker:No shade to anybody.
Speaker:One thing I'm gonna do is wash my ass every day.
Speaker:I'm gonna wash it.
Speaker:For me, water is very symbolic.
Speaker:Also, I love to be clean.
Speaker:It's energetic for me.
Speaker:But nothing will make me more delighted than a bomb ass shower.
Speaker:And if I have the time and energy for it, like drawing myself like a ball, but like
Speaker:a shower will make me feel new every time.
Speaker:It's like the only thing sometimes I can, I'm like my teeth and my shower,
Speaker:I don't have any hair, so fuck it.
Speaker:I remember like very early days of parenting for me, I got the tip from,
Speaker:I don't even know who the hell it was, but it was like, just put, if like the
Speaker:kids are crazy, if they're having a day, like just put 'em in some water.
Speaker:iT doesn't matter what it is.
Speaker:In the
Speaker:the bath, take 'em to the beach, go to the pool.
Speaker:Like whatever it is, just put some just add water but water is so powerful
Speaker:and that's not just for kids.
Speaker:That's for us too.
Speaker:That's true.
Speaker:It's
Speaker:if if I'm trying to work through something in my head, I'm gonna,
Speaker:I'm just gonna take a shower because I swear to God the ideas like that
Speaker:unlock as soon as water hits my brain.
Speaker:something powerful there.
Speaker:But yes,
Speaker:unlocks, I always say, because I feel water is the mother, water is God.
Speaker:I feel like there is a lot to benefit from immersing yourself if you can.
Speaker:And it's funny, I remember distinctly doing that a lot with Javi.
Speaker:And then again with both of the boys when I was like, I don't know what
Speaker:else to do for the next two hours.
Speaker:Get in the bathtub.
Speaker:And they loved it.
Speaker:They'd never complain about it.
Speaker:Some glow sticks in the bathtub.
Speaker:Oh my God.
Speaker:One of the best ideas ever.
Speaker:Yeah,
Speaker:You want to keep your kids, literally, we call it a magic shower here at
Speaker:oh, we call it
Speaker:disco bath We turn the lights
Speaker:off, throw
Speaker:some glow sticks in the bathtub.
Speaker:And sometimes I put their tablet in there and I'm like, look at your tablet while
Speaker:I like, while I lay across your bed.
Speaker:And just like vibe for a second.
Speaker:Yeah, sometimes that's necessary.
Speaker:And then like in the shower I often do, of course, like I'm always going
Speaker:to try to do my energy work as well.
Speaker:So I do like a Reiki meditations in the shower, um, to cleanse my spiritual
Speaker:body and my energetic body as well.
Speaker:I
Speaker:listen to a lot of audio books when I'm in the shower.
Speaker:is that's weird.
Speaker:I don't
Speaker:No, that's like the perfect time.
Speaker:I'm like, iPhones are so resilient for water now that like I bring
Speaker:my phone in there with me, and speaking of water and like what can
Speaker:we narrow down the priorities to and shaking it off drink some water.
Speaker:Oh my
Speaker:Can you drink and can you drink a little less coffee?
Speaker:I'm not gonna like begrudge anybody there morning coffee.
Speaker:You do what you need to do, but maybe you don't need quite as much coffee.
Speaker:And when I say you, I mean me, like
Speaker:maybe I don't need a third cup of coffee with my Vyvanse
Speaker:because
Speaker:I learned the hard way that the quickest way to a panic attack is to take my
Speaker:Ritalin and have a second cup of coffee.
Speaker:I have to time it.
Speaker:It's if I haven't had coffee by nine o'clock, I can't have it.
Speaker:And especially if you're like, not on the best schedule of taking your meds
Speaker:and you're taking those a little too late, I swear to God, it's that third
Speaker:cup of coffee and the Vyvanse they just hit at the same time in my brain.
Speaker:And I feel like they're like at some like German brave and like the mid nineties,
Speaker:and they're like and it's just like my, all my brain cells are just like these
Speaker:little, like MBOs that are just like,
Speaker:Yes, exactly yeah,
Speaker:drink less coffee
Speaker:and
Speaker:oh it's so good,
Speaker:it's
Speaker:so good.
Speaker:I have been drinking a lot of water lately as and I definitely feel the difference.
Speaker:I don't drink juice anymore, I used to drink a lot of juice before I was
Speaker:pregnant And if I want like a treat, I will make myself a homemade pink drink.
Speaker:Shout out to my boo, Fang Melanie, for showing me how to make a homemade
Speaker:how do you do this?
Speaker:Are you at liberty to share it?
Speaker:I I can.
Speaker:I like to buy the strawberry cranberry Ocean Sprite or whatever it is.
Speaker:They Trader Joe's has a version.
Speaker:Target has a version of it.
Speaker:And then you buy vanilla coconut milk.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:And a little,
Speaker:that all it is?
Speaker:or coconut milk, like sweetened coconut milk.
Speaker:IT's like from Target or wherever, a splash of vanilla and you get
Speaker:your ratio just right and you give it a little shake a shake a
Speaker:and it is bomb.
Speaker:It's so
Speaker:gonna try this.
Speaker:I'm gonna, I have to go grocery shopping tomorrow.
Speaker:I'm I think I'm gonna do a grocery order, but I'm gonna try that.
Speaker:please do, it's delicious, yeah, I like it a lot, the coconut
Speaker:milk is like truly what makes
Speaker:That's what does it,
Speaker:yeah.
Speaker:There's some things so wonderful
Speaker:and I've done it with mango juice too and that was also bomb
Speaker:I, I'm like, I am here to represent the sensitive stomach, tummy trouble girlies.
Speaker:And I can't have a lot of juices anymore because I get
Speaker:really bad reflux and I had to
Speaker:cut out orange juice like a long
Speaker:oh
Speaker:and I miss it.
Speaker:And it's almost not worth it.
Speaker:Half the time.
Speaker:It's a bummer.
Speaker:but a big, like a big cold glass of like fresh squeezed
Speaker:orange juice with extra pulp.
Speaker:Ugh.
Speaker:Ah!
Speaker:Extra pulp!
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I like my brother when he was little, he used to call 'em
Speaker:feathers in his orange juice.
Speaker:He would be like
Speaker:why is this juice got feathers in it?
Speaker:I love the feathers.
Speaker:Ugh,
Speaker:Really?
Speaker:Cause it gets, like, all in my teeth and I'm like gah.
Speaker:It's too
Speaker:I love it.
Speaker:I
Speaker:can't have it anyway, but if I were to go to hell with myself and
Speaker:just be like, all right, you know what, I'm gonna spend three days
Speaker:in absolute agony with this reflux.
Speaker:It would be extra pulp.
Speaker:Wild.
Speaker:No way.
Speaker:Mine would be pasta sauce, but...
Speaker:it's like a meal.
Speaker:It's a whole fucking meal in a class.
Speaker:J Juice!
Speaker:Meat!
Speaker:Pulped meat!
Speaker:Delicious.
Speaker:listen, I like a lot of fiber with my
Speaker:juice.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:I like it to be
Speaker:It really sets the meal off.
Speaker:Fibrous.
Speaker:Oh,
Speaker:another way to shake it off, I don't know what this is, but I was in it and
Speaker:like it really all came to head for me.
Speaker:So I'm so glad we're talking about this today.
Speaker:There was a puzzle that my kids had.
Speaker:It was like a 60 piece puzzle and it it must have exploded in my house.
Speaker:There was just pieces all over the place.
Speaker:I couldn't find them all.
Speaker:I couldn't even find the box that was like telling me how
Speaker:many pieces were in the puzzle.
Speaker:So I had to like, sit down and do it.
Speaker:my God.
Speaker:It was 60 pieces in the end, and it was like a little scavenger
Speaker:hunt too, because I kept not being able to find all the pieces.
Speaker:So I would have to look in different places.
Speaker:And what did the two year old stick in her backpack and what in a trunk?
Speaker:I found some in the pots and pan drawer.
Speaker:But doing that puzzle was very
Speaker:helpful.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:It felt really good.
Speaker:And it wasn't, it was a children puzzle.
Speaker:Let's not let's not go wild here.
Speaker:It was for like a five year old, but it felt really good.
Speaker:And I think it was just like the mental shift of being like, I need
Speaker:to put some concentration to this.
Speaker:At least be able to like, find all the pieces.
Speaker:A focused task.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:It changed the task that my brain was focusing on and, uh, yeah, do a children's
Speaker:puzzle apparently, or I don't know, maybe you could just do an adult puzzle
Speaker:I we did a lot of puzzles during the pandemic and I am so sad that we fall
Speaker:off from that because I love them.
Speaker:I love
Speaker:Oh my God, this cat right now, she's such a ham.
Speaker:is full on hugging you.
Speaker:So hi honey, aww, what an angel.
Speaker:Oh my God.
Speaker:She is saying that if you wanna shake off some burnout, snuggle with a pet.
Speaker:I do.
Speaker:I harass the shit out of her during the day, but she also does this to
Speaker:me like on zoom calls with my boss.
Speaker:she loves it.
Speaker:I love her.
Speaker:Wait,
Speaker:this reminds me of Birdie when I was putting her to bed tonight though.
Speaker:That her new thing is she'll be like, more cuddle.
Speaker:More cuddle.
Speaker:And I'm like, you want more cuddles?
Speaker:And usually that means like she also wants to talk and chat.
Speaker:And so I was like, okay, more cuddles.
Speaker:And she like cuddled in and I was like, did you have a good bath tonight?
Speaker:And she looks up at me like, she had cuddled into my chest and she like
Speaker:sat herself up so she could look me in the eye and she just goes.
Speaker:Sh and then laid back down.
Speaker:She was like, shut up.
Speaker:We're cuddling.
Speaker:We're not talking.
Speaker:I was like, all right.
Speaker:That's a vibe.
Speaker:I love her.
Speaker:She is a spirited little birdie bird.
Speaker:I was just like, you right, girl.
Speaker:You right.
Speaker:I'll sh
Speaker:She was like, no girl, don't speak.
Speaker:We don't have anything to say in this moment.
Speaker:She is I don't need to hear your voice.
Speaker:I just wanted your cuddles.
Speaker:And I respect that.
Speaker:But that's a good one.
Speaker:Thank you Kitty Katt.
Speaker:That's a good one.
Speaker:Snuggle with a furry friend
Speaker:Yes, they're the best.
Speaker:Or talk to a human friend.
Speaker:Or snuggle a human friend
Speaker:snuggle, get real romantic with
Speaker:this.
Speaker:It's, you do get like oxytocin release of
Speaker:being with another person
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:Calm and blissful feelings from contact and that's, Oh, that reminds me.
Speaker:A dear friend of mine, Jamie, gave me this book called Burnout.
Speaker:And one of the things that they mention
Speaker:, hugging someone or doing that snuggling for a certain amount of time.
Speaker:Like one of those really good ones where like you rock back and forth a little bit
Speaker:and you settle into it and it almost feels weird and you're like, Alright,
Speaker:when are you going to let me go?
Speaker:But try to push past that hard part
Speaker:of like when it feels awkward there are really beautiful benefits
Speaker:to moving past that awkwardness and using that human touch.
Speaker:To reset our nervous system.
Speaker:We're built for that.
Speaker:We're built for that connection,
Speaker:Does
Speaker:it have to be like just romantic though, or
Speaker:could it be like,
Speaker:Not at all Yeah, hey more power to you that's what you're looking for and
Speaker:you get it but like Just you meet with a friend, and you feel comfortable.
Speaker:And I know not everybody likes to have like physical contact in that way.
Speaker:If that's not your thing don't push through it.
Speaker:You know what I mean?
Speaker:But I know for me, physical touch is one of my love languages for sure.
Speaker:And I know one of the things they always say is Oh, when your kid's
Speaker:gives you a hug don't pull away first.
Speaker:Allow them to give you the cues that they're done.
Speaker:And I noticed that, like, when I do that they do take their time
Speaker:and I, and there's like this moment where they're and I'm like,
Speaker:so sweet.
Speaker:I'm very moved by that and I realize I do that.
Speaker:There is a moment it's just so nice to feel that warmth from someone else.
Speaker:If
Speaker:like it's filling up the love tank.
Speaker:That's the visual I always had for it.
Speaker:That it's like you just need to fill up your love tank and sometimes you're,
Speaker:you only need a little bit, like if you think of it like a gas tank, like maybe
Speaker:you're on like three quarters, so you just
Speaker:need like a quick hug to get in it.
Speaker:But if you're feeling a little depleted,
Speaker:hmm.
Speaker:little bit longer to fill it up.
Speaker:I
Speaker:like that Crystal.
Speaker:The best
Speaker:thing in my life.
Speaker:That's a big statement.
Speaker:One of the best things in my life happened yesterday though, and
Speaker:I didn't even tell you about it.
Speaker:Oh my god, tell him, man.
Speaker:Nate came home from school.
Speaker:He was like, today we watched a video gym.
Speaker:I was like, I don't know what the hell you guys are doing in school.
Speaker:They're watching videos in gym, whatever, doesn't matter.
Speaker:It was about the constellations.
Speaker:And he was like, and we learned that.
Speaker:Do you know who made up some of the constellations stories?
Speaker:I was like, who?
Speaker:And he's the ancient Greeks.
Speaker:And I was like, and what are,
Speaker:you telling me?
Speaker:And I was like, do you And I, yeah.
Speaker:And he was like, there's all the gods and like they're named and the constellations
Speaker:and there's stories for all them.
Speaker:And I was like, yes, there is.
Speaker:So we opened the door to Greek mythology yesterday.
Speaker:We watched so many videos.
Speaker:Then we found this kid's book, like an ebook on Epic,
Speaker:the reading app that they use
Speaker:at their
Speaker:yeah.
Speaker:There was like novels about the little gods, like when they were kids,
Speaker:hmm.
Speaker:What?
Speaker:took all these stories down.
Speaker:Let me go to Amazon right now.
Speaker:an hour reading these stories.
Speaker:We had so much fun and we were just cuddling and reading and
Speaker:like talking about the stories we talked about like our, we, I like
Speaker:ran with this opportunity and we were talking about the different Zodiac
Speaker:signs and he was really excited.
Speaker:'cause one of the first stories he heard is Persephone, which you know is my jam.
Speaker:But Nate and I are both Virgos and Virgo is the same as Persephone.
Speaker:It's like the same mythology and story.
Speaker:And he was so excited about this and he was like, oh my
Speaker:gosh, like that's our sign.
Speaker:And Persephone brings the spring and brings life.
Speaker:So we are like the life bringers because he was like all caught up that Dominic is
Speaker:an Aquarius, which is the water bringer.
Speaker:And he's what do we bring?
Speaker:And then he was like, oh, it's spring, we bring the life.
Speaker:And I was like, oh my gosh.
Speaker:I love, I it's so cool.
Speaker:I love how it all relates and maybe because like I lean to such
Speaker:mystic stuff, mystic related stuff.
Speaker:I love this story so much.
Speaker:And I I love when the kids are like, Oh my god!
Speaker:And then I learned that Javi checked out a book about Greek mythology twice in a row.
Speaker:And I was like, oh man.
Speaker:I've got some thangs in the Amazon cart for
Speaker:I'll send you the link to the book that we were reading.
Speaker:It's so cute though.
Speaker:It's this story is like, nine year old Zeus goes to God school to learn how
Speaker:to tame his powers and control them.
Speaker:And
Speaker:Like he meets all these other people there and Poseidon's there and it's like his
Speaker:big brother who's like a teacher there.
Speaker:It's very cute, but it's, a nice little introduction.
Speaker:I love!
Speaker:So
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:So yes, that cuddling and reading and like talking about this stuff,
Speaker:it really wasn't noticeable.
Speaker:Effect.
Speaker:And it was like
Speaker:sharing something that I think it was like a bunch of things
Speaker:that converged there, right?
Speaker:So it was like reading and like getting into a story, a narrative.
Speaker:It was sharing something that's of interest to me and like hits a really
Speaker:happy place in my heart and my memory, it was the physical touch of being with
Speaker:another person and cuddled up together.
Speaker:It was all these wonderful things coming together in one moment,
Speaker:and that was a nice way to shake off a little bit of all of it.
Speaker:I'm glad that you did that.
Speaker:With your BB.
Speaker:I'm glad that he has seen the light of
Speaker:This, the Greek mythology will be his Roman Empire, damn
Speaker:I have a feeling that he is he's in it for the long haul and I'm gonna force him
Speaker:to stay in it as long as I possibly can.
Speaker:F'n right.
Speaker:F'n, even our Wi Fi is named after Greece, something related to Greek
Speaker:mythology here in this house.
Speaker:I love that.
Speaker:Yeah, obsessed.
Speaker:Our Animal Crossing island is named after something dumb like that.
Speaker:Yeah, we're all about it here, too.
Speaker:Speaking of Doing those things to connect with self and bring
Speaker:yourself a little bit back to center.
Speaker:I just want to throw out that our action items this week should be.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:Action items, challenges all in one.
Speaker:Yeah, I just see where these things show up for you in your emotional
Speaker:body and in your physical body.
Speaker:What are, like, can you take some time to identify what things look like when
Speaker:you are nearing, A point, what do you feel like when you are burned out?
Speaker:What are you, how do you operate?
Speaker:What are some of the telltale signs?
Speaker:And just be very intentional about checking in with
Speaker:yourself on a daily basis.
Speaker:Even at night before you fall asleep, I'm not saying like mull over your
Speaker:day to the point where you're like, what could I have done differently?
Speaker:But like, how did you feel?
Speaker:Just give yourself some time and attention the same way.
Speaker:Like you would ask others like, Hey, like, how was your day?
Speaker:Ask yourself, like, how was my day to day?
Speaker:What can I scale back on?
Speaker:That it's related to like work, like where can I pour my energy
Speaker:or how can I like rewrap my energy back to myself a little bit?
Speaker:And how would that be good for me?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And if you live with somebody or if you have a close network, you can also ask
Speaker:them, if you don't even know, you can ask, Hey, I've been going through it a
Speaker:little bit, have you noticed anything I.
Speaker:In my behavior, like anything I should be aware of.
Speaker:If you're not gonna start, turn that into a fight, somebody's ah, actually
Speaker:you've been a big bitch lately.
Speaker:Maybe that's not the way to do it.
Speaker:But at a less intense moment, you can always ask and be like, are
Speaker:there signs that you're picking up on and just checking with your eating,
Speaker:drinking, making sure that you're,
Speaker:Treat yourself like a toddler.
Speaker:Did you
Speaker:What are the, what's the baseline
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:pieces that you
Speaker:Back to basics.
Speaker:Peel that shit all the way back to the core.
Speaker:What do you have to do and what can be set aside for a moment while you get
Speaker:your bearings and get your strength back up, your mental strength and
Speaker:your physical strength back up so that you're not like hanging by a
Speaker:thread trying to operate at the same
Speaker:Yeah, and at some points that's gonna mean that, things like exercise,
Speaker:things like movement, like they might take a backseat and that's okay.
Speaker:They also might be some of the first things that you need to bring back in
Speaker:when you have capacity because they're important for your mental health.
Speaker:there's time for it later.
Speaker:Get through the day, get your rest get what you need to do.
Speaker:If you need to be working your job to pay your bills, then
Speaker:that's gonna be your priority.
Speaker:And do, is that how we want to be spending time?
Speaker:No, of course not.
Speaker:But treat it like a basic, treat it like a priority.
Speaker:Clock in, get paid.
Speaker:Pay your bills, eat your food,
Speaker:That's it, do the best you can and, again, be gentle with yourself.
Speaker:I'm gonna actually drop ask you to drop in the show notes, the burnout book that I
Speaker:Oh yeah, that sounds good.
Speaker:I wanna
Speaker:read that.
Speaker:along with another resource or two if you are the reading
Speaker:type That I think will help hope.
Speaker:I hope that what it does is change the narrative around rest from something
Speaker:that like you'll do if you have time to something that not only is your right,
Speaker:but is a need in that, I think it will hopefully help you rebel in the way
Speaker:that like, if your rebellion is I am no longer working myself to shreds, I am
Speaker:going to instate more of these boundaries around my life to protect my energy
Speaker:and my time and prioritize my rest.
Speaker:I'm hoping that it will encourage that in you.
Speaker:And is a full circle thing to say because that brings me back to what
Speaker:you were saying about millennials.
Speaker:Really Being seen in a different way than what we deserve.
Speaker:Because the second we started to throw up some boundaries coming out of COVI
Speaker:that we were like, you know what?
Speaker:This is not gonna be my whole life.
Speaker:I'm not going to give you my whole life and
Speaker:all my intention.
Speaker:People are like, it's quiet, quitting.
Speaker:You're such slackers.
Speaker:And it's like,
Speaker:all right, go fog off.
Speaker:But yeah, put up some boundaries.
Speaker:That's okay.
Speaker:You should.
Speaker:It
Speaker:should not be your whole life.
Speaker:Oh, by the way, quaduating is not a thing, y'all.
Speaker:Cut it the fuck out.
Speaker:I hate that.
Speaker:I hate the whole quiet conversation, quitting conversation.
Speaker:I'm just like, stop.
Speaker:Stop
Speaker:That's
Speaker:annoying.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:should quiet quit then, if
Speaker:that's what it is.
Speaker:if you need, if you want to know how to do it, hit me up.
Speaker:I got a guide for you.
Speaker:Anyway.
Speaker:in the show notes,
Speaker:Crystal's guide to quiet, quitting.
Speaker:Stop.
Speaker:Stop working.
Speaker:Don't do anything.
Speaker:No, just kidding.
Speaker:Don't do that.
Speaker:Look at,
Speaker:but just look at your job description, know, the
Speaker:one that you are being paid in accordance
Speaker:with.
Speaker:Look at that job description.
Speaker:yes.
Speaker:And, finally, at some point in time, you have to do the deep and heavy work
Speaker:of untying our identity to our work.
Speaker:Yes, we do
Speaker:Our capitalistic work.
Speaker:deep burnout.
Speaker:Maybe not the time for that,
Speaker:Later.
Speaker:Later.
Speaker:Worry about it later.
Speaker:Right now, again, just peel it back.
Speaker:Take good care of yourself.
Speaker:Move your body as gently as you can.
Speaker:You don't need to go on a 10 mile run to get the benefit.
Speaker:Stretch.
Speaker:Hang your, hang the upper half of your body down and stretch your spine out.
Speaker:Sometimes
Speaker:Oh my gosh,
Speaker:dO a downward dog.
Speaker:And if you can't do that's cool too.
Speaker:Massage your own damn feet.
Speaker:Oh yeah.
Speaker:Oh yeah.
Speaker:I love this.
Speaker:I'm glad that I feel even better just talking about it.
Speaker:I know.
Speaker:I really do too.
Speaker:I feel like I'm like actually coming out of this burnout a little bit just by this
Speaker:conversation, but thank
Speaker:We, this whole episode is a long explanation as to why we haven't had
Speaker:an episode in two weeks by the way.
Speaker:But yeah, we were burned out.
Speaker:And because we said that we were not going to like, that if we were tired,
Speaker:we were not going to push it, that this is the love letter to these things
Speaker:that we're trying to instill and like these habits that we're trying to form.
Speaker:So it's
Speaker:that means unapologetically taking a break.
Speaker:Does that mean that.
Speaker:Your type a Virgo, girly over here felt no guilt or shame about it?
Speaker:Absolutely not.
Speaker:I was
Speaker:definitely feeling very guilty and every time somebody was like, Hey,
Speaker:was there a new episode this week?
Speaker:I didn't see it.
Speaker:I was like,
Speaker:Same.
Speaker:it'll be there.
Speaker:It'll come next week.
Speaker:Same.
Speaker:Or I'd wake up in the morning and be like, another day that you didn't record.
Speaker:But yeah, we were tired.
Speaker:And and that's that is the resistance of burning yourself out.
Speaker:It's just knowing that we will get back to it and then you don't want to
Speaker:hear us anyway when we're burned out because we're just gonna be bitching
Speaker:I ke I keep thinking like if we had recorded as planned our last
Speaker:episodes, I don't think they would've been anything worth listening to.
Speaker:Yeah, so
Speaker:Even more so than usual our nonsense.
Speaker:Listen if nothing else we're gonna be delightful, but we're
Speaker:not gonna depress further
Speaker:so I'm glad we got to talk about this and I hope that if you are, if
Speaker:you're in like a stage of burnout right now, I hope you find your
Speaker:footing again and be good to yourself.
Speaker:Be good to
Speaker:And tell us too, what are your ways to shake out of this burnout?
Speaker:What are your signs of feeling it?
Speaker:Share that on the Instagram stuff we'll be posting throughout the week,
Speaker:do share because it will, it not only helps you to identify that within
Speaker:yourself, but it really will help other people who maybe can, your, your words
Speaker:will give them a little bit more of the language to see it within themselves.
Speaker:So share it.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:All right.
Speaker:You can always find us at Healing Happy Hour Pod on TikTok and Instagram.
Speaker:You can find me at glow up inside out on Instagram as well.
Speaker:Crystal, where can I find you for now?
Speaker:Find me on Instagram at templehoneyhealing.
Speaker:I'd love to hear from you.
Speaker:Yay.
Speaker:And maybe a rebrand at some point, but for
Speaker:now, temple Honey
Speaker:Healing.
Speaker:something.
Speaker:It's in the works.
Speaker:Look for it around the new year mark.
Speaker:Oh, new Year.
Speaker:New me.
Speaker:All right.
Speaker:I love you.
Speaker:I love you.
Speaker:Bye.
Speaker:Bye!
