Episode 10

Gratitude for the Grumpy Girlies

Published on: 23rd November, 2023

Can we talk about gratitude for a minute? In this episode, we discuss how gratitude can coexist with various emotions and challenges (including when you're just in a bad mood and don't really want to change that). From previous experiences with gratitude journals that felt like toxic positivity to finding a way to get out of our own heads, we're leaning into the duality of life.

We talk about experiences in finding gratitude in the small joys of life and the importance of sharing gratitude with others. The episode intentionally confronts the tension that can arise between acknowledging the joy that exists in life, and the fact that we live in a hellscape. So fun!

Topics this week include:

  • The fire McDonalds + Crocs collab that resulted in Grimace sandals and we can't stop thinking about them.
  • Is it a cry for help to do an escape room all alone because you can't trust anyone to take it seriously enough?
  • Is it gratitude or is it toxic positivity?
  • Bob Ross sleep stories on Calm
  • Internal vs External gratitude practices
  • Seasonal pressures

This weeks challenge: Say thank you to someone else. Give someone a thank you note or tell them to their face!

Relevant Links:

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Music by FASSounds on Pixabay.

Transcript
Crystal:

First of all, let's talk about your mug and how it's the shit.

Crystal:

Blanche hoes forever, baby.

Vienna:

It says, eat dirt and die trash.

Crystal:

She's the vibe of a lifetime.

Crystal:

Truly.

Vienna:

She is.

Vienna:

I used to use it like in all my work meetings.

Vienna:

Not even that I was like, feeling that way towards anybody I was

Vienna:

meeting with, but I was just like

Crystal:

It's a message.

Crystal:

A warning.

Crystal:

Mm-Hmm.

Vienna:

What are you eating?

Crystal:

Monster Trail Mix,

Crystal:

which is candy.

Vienna:

It's got some nuts in there.

Crystal:

Sure

Vienna:

Oh, is that like a Costco one?

Crystal:

Targe.

Vienna:

Oh god, I love it there.

Crystal:

I know, me too.

Vienna:

We had some friends staying with us over the weekend from Europe.

Crystal:

You

Vienna:

of course the first thing I'm like, y'all got Target over there?

Vienna:

Which is like,

Crystal:

do.

Crystal:

They

Vienna:

ignorant.

Vienna:

They don't have Target over there.

Crystal:

awful.

Vienna:

And I was like, you wanna go?

Vienna:

You wanna go to Target?

Crystal:

What do

Crystal:

they do Like

Crystal:

that sounds so dumb.

Crystal:

Like do they have Walmarts in Europe?

Vienna:

I don't, I didn't

Vienna:

think to

Crystal:

probably like abso fucking lutely not.

Crystal:

Do y'all

Crystal:

have

Crystal:

Walmart

Crystal:

in Europe?

Vienna:

Y'all, where do you, where do you buy your guns and your turkey jerky?

Vienna:

Like...

Vienna:

I was so excited, like, they were like, what are you doing?

Vienna:

Do you have any plans for later today?

Vienna:

And I was like, I think I'm gonna go to Target, and they're like, oh,

Vienna:

and I'm like, do you have Target?

Vienna:

And they're like, no.

Vienna:

I was like, it's incredible.

Crystal:

It's a little bit of everything that brings you joy.

Crystal:

Mm-Hmm.

Vienna:

and a lot of nothing you need,

Crystal:

Not one fucking thing.

Vienna:

with things you need.

Vienna:

just

Crystal:

You go there with like, you.

Crystal:

go there with a vibe and target is like, oh, this is your vibe today.

Crystal:

Come to these aisles.

Crystal:

And then you select based on what the universe presents you.

Vienna:

made this list in my notes of things I missed during

Vienna:

the pandemic and one of them was just touching things at Target.

Vienna:

Like, I just wanted to,

Vienna:

like, go touch tactile experience,

Crystal:

Yeah.

Crystal:

Blankets

Crystal:

and

Crystal:

like.

Vienna:

blend sweater.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Vienna:

like a fuzzy blanket.

Crystal:

Mm-Hmm?

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

So now, I will not take that for granted.

Vienna:

I'm gonna touch all this shit at Target.

Vienna:

I'm gonna touch

Crystal:

As long as you use some sanitizer afterward, but for real, sometimes I just

Crystal:

go in there and I like, I do this in a lot of, I do this like with online shopping.

Crystal:

I just like fill the cart and then I'm like, just kidding.

Crystal:

You don't need any of these things.

Crystal:

And so, to a lesser

Crystal:

degree in person, but like I don't put the shit in my cart, but I will like

Crystal:

put together an entire room look and then be like, oh, that'll be nice one

Crystal:

day, and then just walk away from the section because I just needed like the

Crystal:

creative energy to come out somehow.

Vienna:

It checks the

Vienna:

box like and a lot of the time even when I do like the virtual cart If

Vienna:

I had to buy them and like actually incorporate them into my life That's more

Vienna:

stressful because now it's like shit.

Vienna:

I gotta find a place for all this stuff Like I hardly have room for this stuff.

Vienna:

I do have

Vienna:

I don't really want this stuff I just want the moment of like living that fantasy

Crystal:

Yeah.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Vienna:

it's like usually the person Who would buy that stuff.

Vienna:

Maybe like she has her shit together.

Vienna:

She's really organized.

Vienna:

It's just like a fantasy life.

Vienna:

You're

Vienna:

like

Crystal:

hou, her house would never look like kids live there.

Vienna:

Would never let kids live there.

Vienna:

She would wear the hell out of a front pleated pant, because lord knows with

Vienna:

the fupa and the mom pouch there's not a whole lot of pleated pants

Vienna:

happening for me.

Crystal:

Mm-Hmm.

Vienna:

But whoever put that in the cart, she likes a pleated pant.

Crystal:

She gets her pleated pant and her hyaluronic acid serum from ole at the same

Crystal:

place because she is a multitasking bad

Vienna:

A target.

Crystal:

She

Vienna:

is that girl.

Vienna:

I did buy, I

Vienna:

vienna_1_11-21-2023_201227: bought that cropped little red

Vienna:

jacket.

Crystal:

Oh my God.

Crystal:

You've got, when it comes in, you have got to model it.

Crystal:

You've gotta

Vienna:

even know what I'm gonna wear it with.

Vienna:

I'm thinking like a slouchy denim.

Vienna:

I kind of, but the problem is now I also want to get red flats.

Vienna:

Like red little

Crystal:

I mean,

Vienna:

sweet shoes.

Vienna:

A little shoe.

Crystal:

DSW is having.

Crystal:

A quite a sale.

Vienna:

And the kid, the boys have a half day tomorrow, so I'm thinking like, maybe

Vienna:

I'll just make a little run to the store,

Crystal:

scooch a scooch for a little

Crystal:

Thanksgiving.

Crystal:

Uh, treat.

Crystal:

You know,

Vienna:

Yeah,

Crystal:

the boys had a half day yesterday and today, and then they're off

Crystal:

tomorrow and I'm really, really tired.

Crystal:

I have been like trying to purge in the Time that they are at school.

Crystal:

Um, like in between like meetings and work stuff.

Crystal:

Take, even if it's like to set my phone for like a 15 minute timer to just like

Crystal:

purge, because I know the holidays are coming and like I'll need to make room for

Crystal:

things, but also like, I just don't want a whole bunch of like stuff floating around.

Crystal:

but it's so hard because

Crystal:

I feel like I'm like, oh, you know what would be nice there

Crystal:

and what would look good here?

Crystal:

And you know what?

Crystal:

I could really, it's so overwhelming, but I love

Vienna:

And then it adds up so fast.

Crystal:

Sure.

Crystal:

As it ever

Vienna:

yeah, I keep seeing 100 room renovations, and it's like, I like nailed

Vienna:

up all this trim around the walls and I put this wallpaper and I'm like, where

Vienna:

are you getting this shit for under 100?

Vienna:

Have you seen the cost of living?

Vienna:

A slat of wood is 6.

Vienna:

And now you're putting up 100 of them like where are you buying these from?

Vienna:

I think it's bullshit and everybody's lying because I'm like.

Vienna:

It's 35 to step outside the house, like,

Crystal:

Girl, it, everybody is lying out here.

Vienna:

mm hmm,

Crystal:

is lying out here.

Crystal:

How are you also joyful right now when everybody is so broke?

Vienna:

A smile costs money.

Vienna:

I'm going to start just Venmo requesting people,

Crystal:

yeah.

Vienna:

just going to be like,

Crystal:

We should

Vienna:

I want to have one of those like little like 10 percent tip things

Vienna:

on my phone to like, anytime somebody interacts with me and be like, and

Vienna:

what is, would you like to tip today?

Vienna:

Thank you so much.

Vienna:

Thank you.

Crystal:

like 15, 20, or 25% like you're paying for a drink at

Vienna:

20 percent of nothing is still nothing.

Crystal:

It's so funny that like, I'm like, hmm, today and that we're doing

Crystal:

our gratitude episode today because

Vienna:

not feeling a whole lot of gratitude right

Vienna:

now, at least

Vienna:

not in this part of the day.

Crystal:

Yeah, literally

Crystal:

I was like, this is the perfect stank attitude for me to come

Crystal:

onto the podcast with, but like, this is some real life shit.

Crystal:

So like, here we are, Oz bitch ain't feeling very grateful right now.

Crystal:

But I, I mean, I am, there's plenty of things I'm grateful for, but

Crystal:

like I'm also in a stank mood.

Crystal:

Two things can be true at once, and that's just

Vienna:

Yeah,

Vienna:

and it's probably also a third thing true that these stink ass moods are

Vienna:

when gratitude becomes most important.

Crystal:

truly,

Vienna:

I don't like

Vienna:

that though.

Crystal:

Valid because like there are a million other things that could go

Crystal:

wrong, and I'm just glad that they're not like, there are enough things right

Vienna:

Yeah, it right sizes.

Vienna:

Yeah, gratitude like helps right size stuff, but sometimes you

Vienna:

just don't want things right size.

Vienna:

Sometimes you just want to sit in that.

Crystal:

and be pissed for

Vienna:

Like I want to be in a bad mood.

Vienna:

I just want to be grumpy.

Vienna:

I don't want

Vienna:

to know that it could be worse.

Vienna:

I know it could be worse.

Crystal:

it's, yes,

Vienna:

Let me live here for a second.

Crystal:

that's exactly, it's like, I know it could be, but also this sucks

Crystal:

right now because that's the way time is.

Crystal:

Um, it's not linear.

Crystal:

And I had, so I had my Akashic records reading last night,

Vienna:

Oh,

Vienna:

tell me

Crystal:

it was a dingy, it was a dingy, um.

Crystal:

Basically I'm really fucking tired and my guides are very much like, yeah,

Crystal:

you're burning the candle at both ends.

Crystal:

You can't do everything and you need to start asking for help.

Crystal:

But I, you know, I'm, I'm working on it.

Crystal:

Um, I, I just have to start leaning back into myself a lot more.

Crystal:

And all of the things I'm mad about are I'm, I'm okay to be mad about them.

Crystal:

And that's, it's good that I'm mad about them because they're

Crystal:

helping me set new boundaries

Crystal:

I just have been like so drained by people and things and doing stuff and,

Crystal:

um, it's what a terrible place to be in because there's so much that I want

Crystal:

to do that I can't yet simultaneously.

Crystal:

You know, you don't have energy for much.

Crystal:

So, uh, her suggestion, I'm actually gonna take, I started to write my list,

Crystal:

already, write a list of everything that like I've got on my mind and go

Crystal:

through like the things that I can do, but then prioritize them and to things

Crystal:

that like, yeah, this would be nice if you could do, but what do you need?

Crystal:

What do you like, need to do?

Crystal:

Because there's plenty that I'm like avoiding doing that I need to do.

Crystal:

Sooner rather than

Vienna:

there was

Crystal:

But I, you know, it's interesting, like how easily, like

Crystal:

you can fall back into like a trap of over exerting yourself and not even

Crystal:

know until like you are, um, you're, you are where I am, where I'm like,

Crystal:

oh shit, I'm really fucking tired.

Crystal:

But it's okay.

Crystal:

I took, like, even writing it out made me feel a lot better.

Crystal:

Um, the amount putting like starting small like today, like Put away buttons

Crystal:

of laundry that have been piling up.

Crystal:

Um, and I started to, like, I had to go through like our pantry, like

Crystal:

our cabinets and like, just like get rid of stuff I know I'm not gonna

Crystal:

use, like it's been looming too long.

Crystal:

Um, organize it a little bit better so it makes sense for me to use and for

Crystal:

the boys to use so that they can like learn how to do some things on their own.

Crystal:

Get your own effing snack.

Crystal:

Dammit.

Crystal:

Um, I cleaned their room and I cleaned my room and like, you

Crystal:

know, like I did a meditation.

Crystal:

Today for the first time in a long time.

Crystal:

And like, that's, that's good.

Crystal:

So it's like sometimes I beat myself up and I'm like, you know what?

Crystal:

Today was a really, really good start.

Crystal:

And side note, I ended it up with my ship as well today.

Crystal:

So there's the

Vienna:

Making room.

Vienna:

Speaking of clearing, what is that deck you're holding on to?

Crystal:

This is my classic baby.

Crystal:

It's the Energy Oracle card deck.

Crystal:

This is my go-to, because I feel like it always gives me a little hot tea.

Crystal:

Oh, okay.

Crystal:

All right.

Crystal:

All right.

Crystal:

Healer of the ages.

Crystal:

This definitely looks like Jesus up in here.

Crystal:

Okay.

Crystal:

A white Jesus.

Crystal:

There he is right there.

Crystal:

Okay, here of you.

Crystal:

Just let's take

Vienna:

That is oh, white man!

Vienna:

No!

Vienna:

? Crystal: It's definitely white Jesus.

Vienna:

All right.

Vienna:

Let's see.

Vienna:

Orley China, Dan, depending on your Forest Gump fan or not.

Vienna:

Um, okay.

Vienna:

Health and vitality.

Vienna:

Ooh.

Vienna:

This powerful being brings the force of ancient wisdom and profound healing.

Vienna:

The light of the divine consciousness pours from his hands and heart

Vienna:

flowing to you with love and powerful healing and tension, this amazing

Vienna:

entity is with you now, bringing resolution to physical, mental, and

Vienna:

emotional ills, helping to unblock stuck energy and revitalize your life.

Vienna:

Lauren.

Vienna:

You may have felt this strong presence recently, or you may just be

Vienna:

opening to the wonderful sensations.

Vienna:

Now you could call upon this emissary of miraculous transformation, whatever

Vienna:

you need, vitality, balance, or renewal.

Vienna:

Know that at the deepest level, an important healing is taking place.

Vienna:

I actually really like that, considering that we talked about shadow work last

Vienna:

week, and I hope that wherever you are in this, um, phase in your healing,

Vienna:

um, but you're feeling good about it.

Vienna:

Um, it's not lost on me that this is like, um, . Like we had the

Vienna:

Scorpio New Moon, right, recently.

Vienna:

Um, and just like the start of everything that comes with Scorpio season to get

Vienna:

that message is, is very comforting because this is the seal season for

Vienna:

deep healing and for leaning into self.

Vienna:

So big

Vienna:

ups to you if you are on that journey right now.

Vienna:

And just to know that you have that healer with you.

Vienna:

That healer energy.

Crystal:

Mm-Hmm.

Vienna:

I guess that's

Vienna:

a little reassuring.

Vienna:

Um, speaking of all that, where did you find healing this week?

Vienna:

Was it in that, having your records done and checking in on

Vienna:

that?

Vienna:

Was there anything else going on for you?

Crystal:

Yes.

Crystal:

think that was what I, I, for sure.

Crystal:

Not only that, but going to bed really early.

Crystal:

I've been going to bed at like nine o'clock, getting into bed

Crystal:

at eight o'clock and like trying to like get some sleep by nine.

Crystal:

And increase how much I'm sleeping each night because

Crystal:

I have been just super tired.

Crystal:

Um, and that helps to like wake up a little bit more

Crystal:

naturally and bit more rested.

Crystal:

So really prioritizing sleep been a big thing and helped me get a little bit more

Crystal:

grounded and a little bit more levelheaded too instead of toing into the wee hours.

Vienna:

I know, right?

Vienna:

Like, I am so guilty of just sitting on my phone and like trying to tire my eyes.

Vienna:

That's

Vienna:

like, I'm like doing sudokus until I can't possibly keep

Vienna:

my eyes open one more second.

Vienna:

Um, I love it though.

Vienna:

You're so good at that.

Vienna:

Always.

Crystal:

Oh man.

Crystal:

I love a, but like, when I can't sleep, I, the first thing I do is I'm like,

Crystal:

well, butter open my TikTok, eh, and like

Vienna:

Yeah,

Crystal:

save all these

Vienna:

brain chemicals going.

Crystal:

Exactly, exactly.

Vienna:

Fire up the dopamine machine.

Crystal:

by the way, how are your classes going?

Vienna:

They were both cancelled this week.

Vienna:

I,

Crystal:

that's because it's Thanksgiving week though.

Vienna:

that's what I, yeah, and I even thought that earlier.

Vienna:

I was like, I should have just cancelled this week because people are, like,

Vienna:

running around and running crazy.

Vienna:

Um, yeah.

Vienna:

It's hard to, like, not feel discouraged a little bit, even though

Vienna:

I knew this is what it was going to be.

Vienna:

Well, I was warned that this is what it was going to be, and I was

Vienna:

just like, yeah, okay, I get it.

Vienna:

But then, the actually going through it is like, oh wait, that

Crystal:

You're like, what are you doing here?

Crystal:

Yeah.

Vienna:

Yeah, it's like, aw, I didn't like that.

Vienna:

Um...

Vienna:

But it's good, I mean, even like just the thinking through different

Vienna:

flows and trying to like plan out

Vienna:

stuff, I feel like at least I'm getting ahead for future

Vienna:

weeks and hopefully we can

Crystal:

creative juices are flowing

Vienna:

They really are.

Vienna:

I do

Vienna:

feel more creative about it.

Vienna:

And like, what's been fun about being creative is I've been able

Vienna:

to like, talk to other people.

Vienna:

I had a friend that I met up with on Sunday.

Vienna:

Sunday?

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

She was applying to a PhD program.

Vienna:

And I like, sat down with her and we worked on her personal statement.

Vienna:

And I was helping her write that.

Vienna:

And like, it was just so fun to be like, creative with somebody else's story and

Vienna:

get to like, tell that in a new way.

Vienna:

And I just feel like...

Vienna:

on all these different cylinders, like the creativity is bubbling up a little bit.

Crystal:

Mm-Hmm.

Crystal:

Truly.

Vienna:

that.

Vienna:

I don't really know what comes next, but in the meantime, it's

Vienna:

fun just to talk to friends and help them and like, at least play

Vienna:

with the creativity, creativity a little bit.

Crystal:

Yeah, definitely.

Crystal:

You're, you're onto something.

Crystal:

I just feel like you're . And just discovering many, many layers to some

Crystal:

of your talents, even though you might not see them as your talents yet.

Crystal:

But yeah, it's pretty cool.

Vienna:

I

Crystal:

did you find healing?

Vienna:

yeah.

Vienna:

Okay.

Vienna:

So I have also been trying to go to sleep earlier inspired by you

Vienna:

because I'm so bad at that normally.

Vienna:

Um, And it's really hard for me.

Vienna:

But here is a new thing I found.

Vienna:

Um, on the Calm app, my kids, like, always love their sleep stories and

Vienna:

meditations, so I have it on my phone.

Vienna:

They have Bob Ross.

Vienna:

Like, and it's just him doing, like, a painting.

Vienna:

it's,

Vienna:

like, quiet, and you go to sleep during it.

Vienna:

I am out cold before the first happy little tree has been painted.

Crystal:

His voice is

Crystal:

a butter.

Vienna:

and I was like I thought like I was being really annoying and I was

Vienna:

apologizing to Jimmy I'm like, I'm really sorry Like if I'm asleep before

Vienna:

you come in and like it's still going like you could just turn it off And

Vienna:

he's like no, no, don't worry about it.

Vienna:

And then the other night he was like, can you put that Bob Ross on?

Vienna:

I was like, yeah, you get it

Crystal:

I love it.

Vienna:

I feel like there's probably like plenty of them on YouTube that I could

Vienna:

just put on instead of paying for the Calm app because I think it's like 80 a year.

Vienna:

Like I said, everything's getting more expensive,

Crystal:

Yeah.

Vienna:

Yeah, Bob Ross.

Vienna:

It is a good life hack.

Vienna:

It will help you fall asleep, and you can put

Vienna:

your phone down and just listen.

Crystal:

Amazing.

Crystal:

Amazing.

Crystal:

Who knew?

Crystal:

All right,

Vienna:

The other place, I don't think this is where I found healing this week,

Vienna:

but I do just want to talk about it.

Vienna:

The McDonald's and Crocs collab.

Vienna:

The Grimace Crocs.

Crystal:

Those are those slap.

Vienna:

obse I am so obsessed.

Vienna:

I have not stopped thinking about them.

Vienna:

I didn't buy them because I'm like, there's no way

Vienna:

I'm ever going to wear them.

Vienna:

And like,

Crystal:

Yeah.

Crystal:

Like where, where are we going?

Crystal:

Like, where are we going?

Crystal:

But also like

Vienna:

Obviously the McDonald's play place to start a fight.

Crystal:

to stop you with my Gibbs like, like legit

Vienna:

Was that this?

Vienna:

I don't I don't know if this is universal or if it's just like, whatever.

Vienna:

But I feel like the McDonald's play place was like where you

Vienna:

went middle school to fight.

Vienna:

Like, was that a thing everywhere?

Crystal:

that is not a thing that I've heard of.

Crystal:

But if, if, if, if it is a thing for you and where you're from,

Crystal:

from your hood, let us know.

Crystal:

But clearly

Vienna:

Yeah, I need to

Crystal:

hose out

Vienna:

I, I did not have any personal experiences of it, I just

Vienna:

remember hearing people talk about it.

Vienna:

And I'm like, did I make that up?

Vienna:

Like, was that a thing?

Vienna:

I don't know, but

Crystal:

So

Vienna:

it seems like a good place to go fight, though.

Crystal:

Yeah,

Vienna:

didn't have

Vienna:

Waffle Houses, though,

Crystal:

yo, I'm not ready for a WPA

Crystal:

house.

Crystal:

I'm a lover girl.

Crystal:

But yeah,

Crystal:

if I, if I like ever, go ahead.

Vienna:

oh, I wasn't, I feel like Waffle House is the place to go fight.

Vienna:

Because, like, anywhere where you can fight and still get

Vienna:

food

Crystal:

huh

Vienna:

Like that, I think, is what it comes down to and I think

Vienna:

maybe that's why my brain is making the McDonald's connection.

Crystal:

But yeah, I would be worried about the hot grits

Crystal:

though at the Waffle House.

Crystal:

Like, I'm not gonna lie, I love when like a Waffle House video hits the internet.

Crystal:

And like the internet isn't a frenzy.

Crystal:

Like that one that like was Mo the most recent one I saw where like the

Crystal:

girl literally slapped like a fucking chair that like was thrown at her.

Vienna:

Yeah,

Crystal:

I was like, wow.

Crystal:

She's a hero.

Crystal:

Truly.

Vienna:

no,

Vienna:

no one is afraid at a Waffle House.

Vienna:

Like,

Crystal:

you better be ready.

Vienna:

they're fearless, they're ready, they walk

Vienna:

in and they're like, I might get some waffles, I might

Vienna:

get some, like, scrambles,

Crystal:

You

Vienna:

but what I'm probably gonna get is also a fight and I'm ready for it.

Vienna:

Have

Vienna:

you seen the TikToks that are like, uh, the girls are getting drafted and like,

Vienna:

here's all the assignments and it's like, there's like the most recent one.

Vienna:

She's like, if you grew up in a house with your grandma, like

Vienna:

I'll follow you into battle.

Vienna:

You've been fighting since your first day of life.

Vienna:

Like if you,

Crystal:

that one.

Vienna:

she's, I love them so much.

Vienna:

I love all of them.

Vienna:

They make me so happy.

Vienna:

It's like

Vienna:

if you're a sad, depressed girl, you get the aux cord and the

Vienna:

tank because we know you have the fire playlist and we're all gonna

Crystal:

Oh my God.

Crystal:

It's me.

Crystal:

Hell

Crystal:

yeah.

Vienna:

I was like, well, that's a little targeted, but

Crystal:

I mean,

Vienna:

like we're gonna put the ADHD girlies up with their vibance

Vienna:

and their Ritalin on snipers

Vienna:

because we know y'all can hyper focus.

Vienna:

Hey.

Vienna:

Oh,

Crystal:

should like, I should

Crystal:

truly

Vienna:

it.

Vienna:

Mm

Crystal:

try some like tasks.

Crystal:

Tasks that I never thought I would be good at before when my Ritalin is peaking,

Crystal:

like outside of work and just see how good like ax throwing something like that.

Crystal:

Right?

Crystal:

A mystery room.

Crystal:

Like, you know what I mean?

Crystal:

Like one of those rooms at like a breakout room.

Crystal:

Like I should do one of those and see like how is my mental capacity under duress

Vienna:

Have

Vienna:

you, have you ever done

Crystal:

riddling?

Crystal:

I haven't,

Crystal:

and I want to,

Vienna:

rooms?

Vienna:

I think I'd be really fucking good at them,

Vienna:

but I haven't done them because I don't think I would enjoy it because I

Vienna:

think I would take it way too seriously and ruin the vibe for everyone else

Vienna:

there because I don't think other people would take it seriously enough.

Vienna:

And I,

Crystal:

The not serious enough.

Crystal:

I would be like such an agent of chaos.

Crystal:

You'd be like, crystal, just don't suggest anymore things.

Vienna:

like,

Vienna:

you know, I,

Crystal:

would be a mess.

Vienna:

I don't take things seriously.

Vienna:

If there is a puzzle, if there is a riddle to be solved, I do

Vienna:

take that shit very seriously.

Crystal:

Virgo is Virgo.

Crystal:

You're

Crystal:

organized.

Crystal:

You organized information well.

Vienna:

yeah.

Vienna:

And I'm picking up the patterns like I'm seeing things and like the problem is I

Vienna:

have a feeling that I would be in those rooms and I'd start to make connections

Vienna:

but it wouldn't become clear in my brain yet of like what the connection is but I'd

Vienna:

start to see it and I just don't have the words yet to say it out loud so I'm like

Vienna:

trying to focus and I know other people are gonna be goofing off and they're

Vienna:

gonna be making suggestions that are just

Vienna:

blatantly

Crystal:

gonna be like, shh.

Vienna:

I'm gonna be like where would you even suggest that from

Vienna:

that's such a stupid idea you Idiot?

Vienna:

Like, obviously not.

Vienna:

Um, yeah, I think I would take it too seriously.

Vienna:

I would like to do one by myself, but I think that's like serial killer behavior.

Vienna:

Could you imagine just

Vienna:

showing

Crystal:

don't,

Vienna:

and be like,

Crystal:

do it.

Vienna:

hi, I'd like to rent this space out for myself.

Vienna:

Thank you.

Crystal:

They'd be like, ma'am, the game needs to be played with six.

Crystal:

And you'd be like, it's fine.

Crystal:

I've got all the parts.

Vienna:

Honestly, though?

Vienna:

If that does sound like a good fucking time

Crystal:

Outta control out of cooking control.

Vienna:

I want to do this by myself that I like the I also love going

Vienna:

to the movies by myself I get to control the entire experience I

Vienna:

get to pick my seat the snacks.

Vienna:

I

Crystal:

Do you know?

Crystal:

I've never done that.

Crystal:

Oh my god.

Crystal:

Maybe I'll do that.

Vienna:

It is I do it every year for my birthday And it is always the

Vienna:

best, it's the highlight of my year.

Crystal:

Wow, I might need to do that.

Vienna:

A matinee show, you get to pick the movie, you don't

Vienna:

have to compromise with anybody.

Vienna:

You could show up as

Vienna:

early or as late as you

Vienna:

like.

Crystal:

eat all the popcorn

Vienna:

All the

Crystal:

all the Sprite.

Vienna:

no feedback about like how much extra butter you're putting on there.

Vienna:

I

Vienna:

love

Crystal:

my God.

Crystal:

I need to write, I need to put that in my phone.

Vienna:

Put it in your phone, do it.

Vienna:

And I kind of feel like the breakout room might be the next step of this.

Crystal:

Listen, if you do that and it and it, I need to know.

Crystal:

I need to know what day.

Crystal:

I need to know like which one you're going to

Vienna:

Part of me feels like that

Vienna:

might be a little bit of a cry for help.

Vienna:

It doesn't stop me from wanting to do it, even though it probably is a

Crystal:

You are like, I just wanna see, I just wanna see,

Vienna:

I just want to see how it feels.

Vienna:

It's going to feel

Crystal:

I'd be like, who abandoned me in this room?

Crystal:

I would be furious.

Vienna:

If

Crystal:

be like, how dare you leave me in here.

Vienna:

yeah, I want to know if somebody's done it themselves,

Vienna:

they should let us know if it's as wonderful as I imagine it would be.

Vienna:

And then the glory is all yours, too.

Vienna:

You have to be like.

Vienna:

That's the

Vienna:

thing, like, I could just imagine myself walking out of that room like, Oh,

Crystal:

Where they take the group photo and you're by yourself,

Vienna:

I'll hold all

Crystal:

we survived with the breakout room.

Crystal:

And you're like, it's me.

Crystal:

I did it.

Vienna:

I'm going to hold, hold that sign that's like MVP.

Vienna:

Of course I am.

Vienna:

Unapologetically.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Crystal:

I love it.

Crystal:

Foolishness.

Vienna:

What a fucking weirdo.

Vienna:

That is where I would wear my Grimace Crocs to solve a

Vienna:

breakout room by myself.

Crystal:

Somebody would be talking about you years from then.

Crystal:

Do you remember the woman that came in here with the grimace crocs

Crystal:

on and insisted that she do the hardest breakout room by herself

Vienna:

I would be like, Oh, you mean the one that shows up every week by

Vienna:

herself and continues to come here because she says she's chasing the high.

Vienna:

She's chasing the dragon.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Crystal:

shit out on your own?

Crystal:

What does this say about us?

Crystal:

Welcome to the Healing Happy Hour podcast,

Vienna:

The unhinged healing happy

Crystal:

where, whereas like me upon present being presented with this would

Crystal:

literally be like, I'm not doing this shit by myself and sit in the corner

Crystal:

until the door opened, because they were like, ma'am, your time has expired.

Crystal:

You didn't even

Vienna:

You know, you would be like, oh wait, I got an hour here.

Vienna:

Sweet.

Vienna:

I'm going to sit down and

Vienna:

relax for an hour and take

Vienna:

this time to myself.

Vienna:

See you on

Crystal:

I would literally watch TikTok the entire time.

Crystal:

. The

Crystal:

entire time I'd be

Vienna:

though?

Vienna:

Being locked in

Crystal:

dissociation.

Crystal:

Oh, absolutely.

Vienna:

starts now.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

An

Crystal:

not gonna lie tomorrow morning,

Vienna:

All right, well, we should get into it.

Vienna:

I love how we're both so Stinky tonight that we're just like

Vienna:

and I want to talk about it.

Vienna:

I don't want to talk about gratitude But

Crystal:

no gratitude.

Crystal:

That's how I feel

Vienna:

and

Vienna:

maybe, maybe by the end of this chat we'll be feeling better about it and

Vienna:

be like, I love gratitude and I do.

Vienna:

Oh, all right.

Vienna:

So Crystal, let's start off with, do you have an existing relationship

Vienna:

to gratitude or gratitude practice?

Vienna:

What is, what does

Vienna:

gratitude look like for you?

Crystal:

What a beautiful question.

Crystal:

So, the way I've really come to, um, know gratitude, . Is through this embracing

Crystal:

of duality that I've been really heavily leaning into the last few years that

Crystal:

things are not either or that they're both and, and so even what I am stank as

Crystal:

I am today, I can still find the things to be grateful for because like every

Crystal:

time, like someone asks how I'm doing, like my therapist or like, like even

Crystal:

Yoshi last night, I'm like, I am always

Crystal:

Extremely joyful while also wanting to scream into the void.

Crystal:

I'm always finding myself like in the zone, and so I feel like that

Crystal:

is the way it is with the gratitude.

Crystal:

Like some things suck, but some things are so amazing and like so glad

Crystal:

that I have those things, you know?

Crystal:

To experience both feels very, like sometimes a little bit of a mind fuck,

Crystal:

but also it is nice to know that you can like reach for something beautiful

Crystal:

when it's chaotic because you are just very grateful for its presence.

Vienna:

that's really, that's fucking lovely.

Vienna:

Okay.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Vienna:

I'm so grumpy.

Vienna:

I'm so salty about everything.

Vienna:

And I'm like, yeah, you're right.

Vienna:

And that is fucking beautiful.

Vienna:

Um, I think I have tried a lot of like gratitude journaling and like

Vienna:

three things you're grateful for.

Vienna:

And I don't think whenever I've done them in the past, I don't think I've

Vienna:

ever gotten pretty deep with them.

Vienna:

I think it was just like, I'm grateful for this, I'm grateful for that.

Vienna:

And it, I don't know.

Vienna:

I think I've always approached it from like a fake it till you make

Vienna:

it sort of thing with it and I think it never really clicked for me.

Vienna:

But while you were talking about like the duality of things, that like

Vienna:

multiple things can be true at a time, I'm realizing the one thing, I've

Vienna:

probably talked about it on here before.

Vienna:

But the one, like, thing I actually do with my kids very regularly

Vienna:

is, we used to do peak and pit.

Vienna:

So like, every day at dinner, it's like, what was the peak of your day?

Vienna:

The pit of your day.

Vienna:

And now they've like added on all these things.

Vienna:

So now we do rosebud, thorn, and gardener.

Vienna:

They just keep adding shit to it.

Crystal:

Oh

Vienna:

So the rose is like the best thing of your day.

Vienna:

The thorn was the worst, or like your peak and pit.

Vienna:

The bud is something that you're looking forward to that's coming up.

Vienna:

It's like a little bud.

Vienna:

And gardener is like, the person who helped in your day.

Vienna:

Um, and Jimmy and I used to do peek, like this is like going

Vienna:

way back before we had kids.

Vienna:

We always did peek and pit.

Vienna:

Um, and what I really liked about giving it to my kids was like, it

Vienna:

shows you that like, even on the really good days, there might be

Vienna:

something that's like a little more

Vienna:

bitter about it but it doesn't color the whole day, right?

Vienna:

Like you can still have a good day and be like,

Vienna:

Oh Yeah,

Vienna:

and this part wasn't that great.

Vienna:

It sort of teaches you that, but like then also on days that you're like,

Vienna:

It was really hard, like it sucked, there's like still usually at least one

Vienna:

thing you can pick out and be like, all right, well, even if it's like when I

Vienna:

tripped and fell in my face, I didn't break my nose, like, there you go, like,

Vienna:

there's still something a little good.

Vienna:

And I think

Vienna:

maybe that is part of gratitude a little bit of just like, finding the duality

Vienna:

there of like, yeah, one thing doesn't change your whole day, but it maybe

Vienna:

can change at least how you view it.

Crystal:

Yeah, it has to because sometimes.

Crystal:

Say like the, the concept of saying like, this is not going to like color

Crystal:

the whole day helps me fence, put like a fence around the things that like

Crystal:

I wanted to protect about the day or protect about my experience to something.

Crystal:

Because that is sometimes like it, like that's the bright spot.

Crystal:

In the day and I'm like, or the week or, you know, whatever the timeframe.

Crystal:

And I'm like, Mm-Hmm, no.

Crystal:

Like, we are not gonna let like a couple of stank things infiltrate and I'm

Crystal:

not gonna ruminate about those stank things when instead I could ruminate

Crystal:

about something that feels really good.

Crystal:

And I, I guess it's like a nice.

Crystal:

It's like someone saying like, oh, that looks terrible, but like, look over here.

Crystal:

This thing right here.

Crystal:

There's something a little it, it, yeah.

Crystal:

I, there are many days where I have to fake it until I make it, but it

Crystal:

does help a lot to, to put a, a little bit of a, a guard around like some of

Crystal:

the things that are really beautiful that you wanna protect when other

Crystal:

things feel like they suck, you know?

Vienna:

Yeah, I think one of the struggles that I've had around, like, a lot of what

Vienna:

you hear is recommended practice of, like, list out three things every night or every

Vienna:

morning that you're grateful for, is it feels very, like, toxic positivity veneer,

Vienna:

almost, like, of, Yeah.

Vienna:

everything's going to shit, but, like, you had a warm bed to sleep in last

Vienna:

night, and, like, you had a meal, and I'm not saying that those things

Vienna:

aren't important and that, like, a lot of people don't have those things.

Vienna:

Yes, absolutely, I am, I do want to acknowledge, like, the privilege of

Vienna:

having, like, sort of not focusing on gratitude for those things.

Vienna:

But it's really easy to tip over to that side of being like, well, I had that

Vienna:

warm bed, I had three meals yesterday, and I have a roofer over my head.

Vienna:

Like, so I then shouldn't feel shitty about the other stuff.

Vienna:

And I think for me, like, I'm just such an all or nothing black and white thinker,

Vienna:

like, it's very hard for me to have nuance and shades of gray in the way that I'm

Vienna:

approaching things that, I don't know, that's really been a struggle for me, that

Vienna:

I'm like, how do I balance being grateful and having a gratitude practice while,

Vienna:

like, being present and also acknowledging the truth of what's going on around me?

Vienna:

I think it's a hard thing to balance that I haven't quite

Vienna:

figured out

Crystal:

that.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Crystal:

practices really can become particularly challenge challenging

Crystal:

when the world is also just very full of these traumatic things too, like

Crystal:

happening around and as observing that.

Crystal:

And when you're in the thick of your everyday stress as well,

Crystal:

all of that energy like lays very heavily on people and.

Crystal:

It is hard to be like, but at least I have this like, great bed.

Crystal:

Like, or you know, or I could take a hot bath, like, you know,

Crystal:

you know, something like that.

Crystal:

It feels almost, um, like flippant, you know?

Crystal:

And

Vienna:

you, do you ever get to the point with those things too though

Vienna:

that you're like, I have all these wonderful things and I don't deserve

Vienna:

a, like, why do I, like, I don't know.

Crystal:

Mm-Hmm.

Vienna:

brain

Vienna:

is stupid.

Crystal:

Oh yeah.

Crystal:

We can't ever just rest in peace.

Crystal:

But I think that, excuse me.

Crystal:

I think that sometimes when I have trouble, I also have to, this is one

Crystal:

instance where normally I'd say like, Hey, if this is feels overwhelming

Crystal:

or not real, or fake, or whatever.

Crystal:

Takes smaller bites, but I think in a way with gratitude, sometimes

Crystal:

it's much easier to zoom out and look at things in totality.

Crystal:

So like, for example, it's really easy for me to, um, get really down on

Crystal:

myself about the progress that I have or have not made in the last six months.

Crystal:

Right?

Crystal:

Um, and so the bite-sized pieces are like . But look at this, this still isn't done

Crystal:

and you haven't done this and you haven't.

Crystal:

But also like, like how could you say you're grateful?

Crystal:

Like how, you know, like how can you find, reach and find the gratitude when

Crystal:

your life is a mess, kind of energy.

Crystal:

But if I zoom out and I look at it over the past six months, and I'm like,

Crystal:

but look at where you were and look at where you are, and look at the resources

Crystal:

that you had available to you and.

Crystal:

How could you not be grateful for that?

Crystal:

Sometimes like zooming out in this instance helps me a lot, a lot more than

Crystal:

like trying to find something day to day.

Crystal:

And I think that the pressure to be like every day I'm gonna say three

Crystal:

things that I'm super grateful for and like, oh my God, like feel so like.

Crystal:

It's like when you're a little kid and you're like kneeling in front of your

Crystal:

bed, you are like, and God, please protect my grandma and also please help

Crystal:

me get an A on my math test tomorrow.

Crystal:

And like, it feels so, like, I don't

Crystal:

know, it

Crystal:

just doesn't, it doesn't feel right to

Vienna:

like it, it puts everything in the same bucket somehow or like you're

Vienna:

supposed to be equally gratified, grateful for like your family being

Vienna:

healthy and a new Prada bag and that it was a sunny day and that like work is

Vienna:

going really well.

Vienna:

And it's, and like, that's where I really struggle because like when

Vienna:

I did this exercise and talked to my therapist about it, I was like.

Vienna:

Like, some of these shit, I have no control over.

Vienna:

Some of these things, I don't deserve.

Vienna:

Some of it's totally random, like, this feels really false

Crystal:

feel so arbitrary.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Crystal:

And, and so I don't know.

Crystal:

I feel like I have started to move away in terms of a gratitude practice.

Crystal:

I really started to move away from like . Those things, like those

Crystal:

daily, like whatever, and a lot of the time I spend it instead

Crystal:

reflecting on, like, for example, um,

Crystal:

I am really grateful that even though this has been such a difficult year,

Crystal:

what I have had is an incredible amount of support, like from my friends, you

Crystal:

know, and I'm like, I'm really grateful that I, I have . Their continued support

Crystal:

because these days are rough and I, and I don't know what I would do otherwise.

Crystal:

Um, or saying like, there are some days where like all I can manage is to

Crystal:

just do the bare minimum and I'm just really glad I can do it for that day.

Crystal:

Or I, you know,

Crystal:

with all the transitions and things like that, I'm like, oh my gosh.

Crystal:

I'm really stressed out, but at least my kids are okay.

Crystal:

At least like they are, they love their school and like, yeah, they're

Crystal:

on my nerves right now because they are completely oblivious to the fact that

Crystal:

their mom is stressed the fuck out, which means that they're doing amazing.

Crystal:

So it's like I, I

Crystal:

try to

Vienna:

that you're doing great, too.

Crystal:

yeah.

Crystal:

Well, yeah,

Crystal:

kind of.

Crystal:

I'm, I could be doing worse . , but

Vienna:

Well, it means that you're

Crystal:

know, like,

Vienna:

job, at least, with them.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Crystal:

So it's like sometimes I'm just like very grateful that everything isn't shit.

Crystal:

Um, and I feel like sometimes when I, when I think about like what is

Crystal:

important, I often think of them in, in a, in a greater concept.

Crystal:

And it's so much easier to say like, yes, I'm very, very

Crystal:

grateful for that instead of

Crystal:

the way I would.

Crystal:

Like when I was eight, I'm just really glad that I have like, I don't

Crystal:

know, my favorite Barbie or whatever.

Vienna:

hmm.

Vienna:

And then, like, also, when I was a kid, I think about, like...

Vienna:

The other things that I would include in those prayers or like in those,

Vienna:

not even prayers, but just like the wishes and it's like, and please,

Vienna:

like, let me get the Barbie dream house

Vienna:

and don't let a murderous clown jump out of the weeds at me and kill me and

Vienna:

please let my Nana live forever, like, none of those things make any sense.

Crystal:

Like what exact Yeah.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Vienna:

all right, crazy.

Crystal:

Let my nana live forever.

Vienna:

I wish.

Vienna:

I wish you could've lived

Vienna:

forever.

Vienna:

Um, I think that, I like what you brought up though about gratitude for

Vienna:

the support you have in your life.

Vienna:

And the thing that I've been sort of transitioning my gratitude practice to,

Vienna:

um, is more externally focused stuff.

Vienna:

So like, I'm really hard on myself.

Vienna:

It is really, really hard for me to ever look at anything I've done or accomplished

Vienna:

and be like, Oh, pat on my back.

Vienna:

Like, I'm grateful.

Vienna:

I'm so wonderful.

Vienna:

Um, and I think everybody else is doing way better than me.

Vienna:

And that like, I owe them everything, right, like there's that little

Vienna:

voice inside, we, we, if you've ever listened to an episode of this

Vienna:

podcast, you know how I am with my tiny hater, you know, I'm like a little

Crystal:

He's a tiny hater.

Vienna:

whatever, but, um, I found it really healing to

Vienna:

write thank you notes to people.

Vienna:

Like, a lot.

Vienna:

Like, a lot more

Crystal:

Hmm.

Vienna:

ever did.

Vienna:

Um, and I've started, like, just writing, like, a quick little note to, like, let

Vienna:

somebody know how, like, they inspire me.

Vienna:

And, like, I'll just drop it in their

Crystal:

I love that.

Vienna:

a big deal.

Vienna:

But, like, it helps.

Vienna:

I think it also helps me, um...

Vienna:

Find like also identify things that I like in other people and I'm gonna

Vienna:

guess that most of those things are things I'm hoping to cultivate in

Vienna:

myself as well and like maybe they're

Vienna:

already there but like seeing it Externally, I think is easier and

Vienna:

it's also like just give people their flowers now like let them know

Crystal:

I love this so much and I feel like this needs to be the, the, this

Crystal:

needs to be the action for the week.

Vienna:

it makes

Crystal:

It's gotta be That's so beautifully said, because

Crystal:

it's like, while I think while you're expressing gratitude, I.

Crystal:

For something that they have inspired you to be or do or something that

Crystal:

you admired or observed in them.

Crystal:

You are also just like filling their cup in a really beautiful way.

Crystal:

And it's like we don't even know how much they might need that.

Crystal:

Um, and I think that's, I think that happens with a lot of us.

Crystal:

You know, we're like, even like, like for example, like with you and

Crystal:

I, like sometimes I'm like, damn, look at my girl doing the damn thing.

Crystal:

And I feel so inspired by that.

Crystal:

That I'm like, I should try to do this other thing that like

Crystal:

I've been putting off, or that I didn't think I had the capability

Crystal:

to do, or, you know what I mean?

Crystal:

Like to, it's like keeping the energy of inspiration and gratitude

Crystal:

flowing in a really lovely way.

Crystal:

But I think that, like you said, to give people their flowers.

Crystal:

Oh man.

Crystal:

You know, I'm really like, I love that, you know, I'm really big on that.

Crystal:

And I feel like it does something both for your spirit and for their

Crystal:

spirit, and that's such a, like a beautiful, beneficial, like symbiotic

Crystal:

relationship that you can have with

Crystal:

energy.

Vienna:

I feel like a lot of the dialogue around gratitude practices

Vienna:

Uh, lately have shifted more towards like your own mental health, right?

Vienna:

So like when you practice gratitude, you have like more

Vienna:

positive recency bias, right?

Vienna:

So you're thinking about like, look at all these wonderful things in my life.

Vienna:

And it calms your nervous system and brings down your stress level.

Vienna:

Um, but I, and that's, those are wonderful things.

Vienna:

I'm not saying like, but who fucking cares?

Vienna:

Um, but I think that's, is maybe not.

Vienna:

100 percent of the intention for like a gratitude practice in our life and

Vienna:

maybe we are forgetting that while we can be grateful for those things,

Vienna:

we can also say thank you and like

Vienna:

tell other people like it should also be about other people, I guess.

Vienna:

I, I don't know, like I, when I was even saying about like writing thank

Vienna:

you notes, I'm like, people are gonna be like, well, that's not really a

Vienna:

gratitude practice, even though like,

Vienna:

it literally is,

Vienna:

like,

Vienna:

that's the word.

Vienna:

Like that's, I am, I tell people all the time, like, I'm so grateful for you.

Vienna:

I really appreciate you.

Vienna:

And I am, I am not.

Vienna:

This is manners.

Vienna:

I have like, I am awful about writing a thank you note for a gift or like I

Vienna:

always show up empty handed to somebody's house because I always forget and

Vienna:

then like I get there and I'm like, Oh my god, I'm supposed to have like,

Vienna:

like, I'm not good at those things.

Vienna:

I'm just too forgetful, which is why I like the like out of the blue.

Vienna:

Thank you note.

Vienna:

I think I'm hoping that covers me for all manner of sins.

Vienna:

But, um,

Crystal:

Not only is it very clowning, but I just, I lo also love the, like when,

Crystal:

as a recipient, when like you just get to find that again and you're like, oh, like

Crystal:

it's, I don't know, I don't like to throw away, like I, if anybody has sent me like

Crystal:

cards or anything like that, like I have.

Crystal:

I have a pretty shit because I just love to look through them.

Crystal:

It brings me a lot of joy and you just never know.

Crystal:

You might find that thing when like you need it the most.

Crystal:

And so to, it's kind of like to immortalize that energy in a note

Crystal:

is just a really sweet way to let that gratitude, um, and energy

Crystal:

live on a little bit longer.

Crystal:

And you never know when the recipient might find it again and

Crystal:

be like, oof, I really needed that.

Vienna:

yeah, that's such a good point.

Vienna:

My I was talking to somebody who is a yoga teacher.

Vienna:

Um, she finished her, she started teaching maybe a year or two ago.

Vienna:

And she was telling me about this email she recently got from somebody who came

Vienna:

to one of her classes and sent like an awful email and like about how it was

Vienna:

terrible, like she's never coming back and like very personally attacking her

Vienna:

about like, I don't know, it was just.

Vienna:

It was mean.

Vienna:

Like, it was really mean.

Vienna:

And then I was like, oh my gosh, wow, like how many other people were in this class?

Vienna:

And she said there were 19 other people there.

Vienna:

So like, you look at that track record, that's like 19 people

Vienna:

who, and like, on the way out were like, thank you, this was amazing,

Vienna:

wonderful, and one person who said something that was like, kind of nasty.

Vienna:

And of course,

Crystal:

It's so not about her,

Vienna:

and like,

Vienna:

we all hang on the one negative thing we hear versus the, like, 19 good things.

Vienna:

Um, and then today, earlier, she sent me a screenshot of all these other emails

Vienna:

that she had gotten, thanking her for things and like how wonderful it is.

Vienna:

And she's like, I just wanted to send this because I realized that, like,

Vienna:

it's so easy for us to focus on that one negative and I wanted to like,

Vienna:

at least remind us that, like, There is a lot more positive feedback out there.

Vienna:

So yeah, like

Vienna:

people do keep those

Vienna:

things.

Vienna:

And some days, and you never know which day it's gonna be, but like there are

Vienna:

some days that maybe some kind message you sent to somebody is gonna be like

Vienna:

the thing they need to see that day.

Crystal:

I really love that.

Crystal:

And not, first of all, whoever wrote that email, that person

Crystal:

is probably doing something.

Crystal:

Massive projection onto her, and so I'm so sorry that happened to her, but

Crystal:

also I love that she was able to take it and flip it and be like, but look

Crystal:

at all the good, look at all the good.

Crystal:

This one person cannot, cannot color the experience, you know, it

Crystal:

cannot define her.

Vienna:

We have to figure out better ways to protect ourselves from those.

Vienna:

I'm like, delete the email!

Crystal:

Gosh, I can't imagine.

Crystal:

But um, yeah, this is, this has felt, this feels like a very difficult season

Crystal:

for many reasons and not, not to mention, and I, and I believe that we're like

Crystal:

going to be talking about this very soon, this like holiday survival.

Vienna:

Mm

Crystal:

Um, probably like the next episode or two.

Vienna:

I

Vienna:

think so, yeah.

Vienna:

I think we have, like, three different episodes planned

Vienna:

for it over the next month,

Crystal:

Girl.

Crystal:

Yeah, because that's a, it's a big end.

Crystal:

Okay.

Crystal:

This is a big time of year for the healing honeys out here.

Crystal:

Um, but I feel like there's something about Thanksgiving that is very

Crystal:

much the kickoff of a lot of, that there is this weird pressure, um,

Crystal:

to like spring into a holiday mode.

Crystal:

That starts now with the gratitude and given everything that is just

Crystal:

kind of taking place for people personally and on a world stage.

Crystal:

Um, there's just a lot.

Crystal:

It's, it can feel very challenging and it's okay to pick the small things if

Crystal:

you have trouble with the small things.

Crystal:

Just give it a bird's eye.

Crystal:

Just do your best either way.

Crystal:

Like I don't think that there is any wrong way.

Crystal:

For you to show your gratitude towards someone to say it,

Crystal:

to show it, to write it out.

Crystal:

Um, and it's okay to be grateful for like the small things as well as the

Crystal:

larger things wherever you can find it.

Crystal:

You know?

Crystal:

Um, and yeah, you might have to fake it till you make it

Crystal:

through those really rough parts.

Crystal:

I don't think there's wrong with anything.

Crystal:

I don't think there's anything wrong with that either.

Crystal:

I think that like, while we're having such a very human experience, we're not going

Crystal:

to live every day like gung-ho about where we're at and what we've got going on.

Crystal:

Um, but we will get there.

Crystal:

I think that gratitude is a practice just like meditation,

Crystal:

just like yoga, just like.

Crystal:

Reiki, um, just like writing, uh, it, it is a practice and

Crystal:

some days you were gonna nail it.

Crystal:

Other days it's gonna be really hard for you to reach down and find something,

Crystal:

even though it might be like right there in front of you, and that's okay too.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

I think some of the I'm just realizing this now, like in real time realization.

Vienna:

I think when I was trying to like do a gratitude journal in the past, I

Vienna:

felt like it was going to be graded.

Vienna:

Like I felt like I had to say the right thing.

Vienna:

That I was like, I have to acknowledge my privilege in each one of these statements.

Vienna:

I have to like.

Vienna:

Give context for them.

Vienna:

I have to give like supporting statements.

Vienna:

I was just

Crystal:

feels like you have to justify everything,

Vienna:

which I

Crystal:

and I feel like it's because like, do we, we

Crystal:

feel like, do we deserve it?

Vienna:

definitely not like why

Crystal:

another layer.

Vienna:

But I think it also has been easier for me to do like

Vienna:

photo gratitude journals like that

Crystal:

Oh my gosh.

Vienna:

There's no justification there.

Vienna:

Like you could just post a picture and be like, I'm so grateful for

Vienna:

this hilarious display that I saw because it's brightening my day.

Vienna:

And like, maybe that's all you really need.

Vienna:

You don't need to justify that.

Vienna:

Like,

Vienna:

I saw this thing when I was in Target and it was really funny and I'm So

Vienna:

grateful that I was able to not have to work today and I was able to be a target

Vienna:

and take care of my child because I understand that the socioeconomic reality

Vienna:

for a lot of people is that they don't get this and then like it becomes this

Vienna:

whole thing where you're just like I mean

Vienna:

I get it I know and I'm sorry and I'm sorry I exist I'm sorry I'm a human

Vienna:

never mind I'll like never do this

Crystal:

But thank you.

Crystal:

like,

Crystal:

yeah.

Vienna:

not that deep, like, you're doing worse to do it that way.

Vienna:

Just like, enjoy the thing.

Vienna:

So yes, if you are like me and you feel like you have to justify why you're

Vienna:

laughing at something that made you happy, maybe just take a picture of it.

Crystal:

I feel like there's also this really beautiful overlapping of joy that

Crystal:

happens when you can be in the moment and be like, holy shit, this is so cool.

Crystal:

And I love that they can be linked immediately in that way.

Vienna:

That is such a good point.

Vienna:

Because my initial.

Vienna:

Reflection is when you're doing like a gratitude practice can feel really phony

Vienna:

because it doesn't feel present, right?

Vienna:

Like it

Vienna:

feels like I'm ignoring all the other things that are happening to focus

Vienna:

on this specific thing, but like actually it could be the opposite

Vienna:

where you are being really present and you're saying I acknowledge that the

Vienna:

world can be burning down around me.

Vienna:

And in this moment, I still choose to acknowledge this joy.

Vienna:

I don't even have to let it totally get to me, but I can acknowledge that this joy

Vienna:

here exists, in like, a nice cup of tea.

Vienna:

It's still there, whether we feel it or not.

Vienna:

So maybe just give ourselves the freedom to acknowledge

Vienna:

it and feel it for a second.

Crystal:

Very well said.

Vienna:

You said it.

Vienna:

You're the one.

Vienna:

you're you're really good at this.

Vienna:

You should have a podcast.

Crystal:

Did anybody ever tell you you should own a podcast oh my gosh,

Vienna:

you're a beautiful

Crystal:

I do already feel better.

Crystal:

Although I'm

Vienna:

I do too.

Vienna:

Oh, and I'm mad about that.

Crystal:

Mm-Hmm.

Crystal:

. Vienna: Oh,

Crystal:

you wrong.

Vienna:

I've been smiling too much.

Vienna:

I wanted to be grumpy.

Vienna:

I wanted to hang on to it.

Vienna:

I'm

Crystal:

What?

Crystal:

Yes.

Crystal:

I've looked like that all

Vienna:

don't worry.

Crystal:

I, that's

Vienna:

I'm sure I can get back there.

Vienna:

I'm sure I'll be

Crystal:

yeah.

Vienna:

there in no time.

Vienna:

I'm grateful we had this time together, too.

Vienna:

Just shake up the little funk a little bit.

Crystal:

yeah.

Crystal:

Much needed.

Vienna:

What else from your day are you feeling grateful for?

Vienna:

Can you find anything in there?

Crystal:

I am grateful just for spirit and for my guides.

Crystal:

Always come to have these conversations with my guides and

Crystal:

my ancestors when I have felt off track from like a place of shame.

Crystal:

And what I've come to find instead is that I receive a lot of grace on the

Crystal:

contrary, and I don't need to be as hard of myself as I normally am, and that all

Crystal:

of the efforts that I make, they see.

Crystal:

And I'm always just really grateful for that.

Crystal:

Any misalignment I feel, or anything that I've done or that I feel like I'm

Crystal:

still working on in a very big way, just because it's not in a place I want

Crystal:

it to be in or in like a more perfect condition doesn't mean that I'm not

Crystal:

like consistently making progress.

Crystal:

Um, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and sometimes I just need

Crystal:

to hear that and I'm always like very grateful for those reminders.

Vienna:

That's really beautiful.

Vienna:

And I hope that you heard yourself, like I hope your brain heard

Vienna:

yourself say those words out loud.

Vienna:

Because I think it's one thing like when we get the reminders from the

Vienna:

universe and from spirit and we do pick up on them, but like you saying

Vienna:

those words to yourself also, you know, puts it in there on a different level.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Crystal:

That's nice to sit with

Vienna:

our challenge action item for everyone for the week, I think

Vienna:

Crystal called it out earlier.

Vienna:

Let's, let's tell someone that we're grateful for them.

Vienna:

In real time, that can be, if you're like me, and it's terrifying to say something

Vienna:

to somebody's face, put it in a note.

Vienna:

You could slip it in their bag, they don't even, you don't even have to

Vienna:

show them that you wrote it, they'll find it later and it'll be wonderful.

Vienna:

It'll make them

Vienna:

smile and you'll probably get a

Vienna:

very sweet text message later.

Crystal:

Mm-Hmm.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

Um, or if you're the kind of person who likes to say things out loud, say

Vienna:

it out loud, tell them to their face.

Vienna:

I, they'll probably cry, um, and I'll get weird that

Vienna:

way.

Crystal:

my gosh.

Crystal:

The beauty of, of such an unexpected like gesture.

Crystal:

Like people like, oh man, you have no idea how people, how good people feel to

Crystal:

hear that when they weren't expecting it.

Crystal:

It's such a, and it will make you feel so good to see like how good they feel.

Vienna:

Mm hmm.

Crystal:

It's truly just like, no, you, no, you, no, you,

Crystal:

no, you.

Crystal:

It's like that.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Crystal:

Like, no, you hang up.

Crystal:

Like it's very much like that energy.

Crystal:

It's cute.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

Yeah, sometimes being a human is pretty cute.

Vienna:

In addition to your challenge there, I'm going to challenge everybody to share this

Vienna:

podcast episode with somebody that you are grateful with or that maybe inspires

Vienna:

you to feel some gratitude that maybe could use some gratitude in their life.

Vienna:

Just share it, let somebody else know, spread these good vibes all

Vienna:

around, especially as we're coming into the holiday season that might

Vienna:

feel complicated for I think most of us, I think there's a lot of feels

Vienna:

that go on around this time of year.

Vienna:

So maybe just sharing this lets somebody know that they're not alone.

Vienna:

I think that's a nice thing to do.

Crystal:

here.

Crystal:

Here.

Crystal:

I love that.

Vienna:

Um, don't forget to sign up for our emails at HealingHappyHourPod.

Vienna:

com.

Vienna:

We're on Patreon, we're on Instagram, we're

Vienna:

on Facebook,

Vienna:

I don't know where else we are.

Vienna:

Yes, the Shadow Work Guide, 29 pages of like, goodness that

Vienna:

you will be able to get through.

Vienna:

It's up on the Patreon,

Vienna:

so make sure you head over there.

Vienna:

There's going to be even more goodies coming out of today,

Vienna:

so make sure you're over there.

Vienna:

There's good stuff happening.

Crystal:

Cause lemme tell you what, the Patreon is about to be popping.

Crystal:

Like it's only just the beginning and it's really gonna be popping

Crystal:

and I can't wait for everybody to see some of the things that we

Crystal:

have planned and as they unfold.

Crystal:

Um, and like, it's cool.

Crystal:

The, the coolest thing about this experience, by the way.

Crystal:

Is in real time, like Vienna and I figuring out just like what we want this

Crystal:

to look like and what really feels good, um, while we continue like creating this.

Crystal:

And I attribute that to like the lack of pressure that maybe there's definitely

Crystal:

pressure we put on ourselves, people, but um, the lack of pressure we put

Crystal:

around like having it figured out like what we want everything to look like.

Crystal:

And I think that allows us to kind of put some things out that are a bit

Crystal:

more genuine, um, and keep it like the little like labor of love that we

Crystal:

intended it to be the little love letter.

Crystal:

And so I can't wait for you guys to see it.

Vienna:

That's perfectly said.

Vienna:

I, what I also really love about.

Vienna:

The Patreon specifically now, but like also where we see it going, is that we've

Vienna:

talked about these ideas of things we wanted to do and create and put out in the

Vienna:

world and work with people on for years.

Vienna:

And it's really fun to see how all of those things start to come together

Vienna:

in the Patreon as well of like other things that we're able to offer.

Vienna:

And ways that we're able to get together and like the big ideas that we had a year

Vienna:

or two years ago that were like, Oh my gosh, like this is how it can come out

Vienna:

into the world and this is how we can share it with these beautiful humans.

Vienna:

And that's really fun for me to be like, Oh, a year ago this didn't make sense.

Vienna:

But now that we're getting these people in one place, it does make sense.

Vienna:

And it was for a

Crystal:

Yes.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Crystal:

Again, looking at the bird's eye, like, look at where we are.

Crystal:

Look at where we are now.

Crystal:

And Moving through that space right now and like searching for the

Crystal:

gratitude, the joy, all of those things, um, it will come just keep

Crystal:

moving yourself forward bit by bit.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

And while you move through it, find us everywhere we said,

Vienna:

and keep listening and

Crystal:

to our Instagram.

Crystal:

Okay.

Crystal:

glowupinsideout Um, also TempleHoneyHealing.

Crystal:

Okay.

Vienna:

Oh, you got, you're dropping all the names today.

Vienna:

I love it.

Vienna:

Alright, well we will see you next week when we will be talking

Vienna:

about, Pow, pow, pow, pow.

Vienna:

Ooh, it's a biggie.

Vienna:

Battling the winter blues.

Crystal:

Ugh,

Vienna:

I forgot about that.

Vienna:

Now I'm grumpy again just thinking about it.

Crystal:

fuck.

Crystal:

It's okay.

Crystal:

Steve it off.

Vienna:

All you sad girlies, all you seasonal affective disorder

Vienna:

friends, get your sad lamps ready.

Vienna:

We're going in, we're going to talk about it together.

Vienna:

Well we will see you next week.

Vienna:

We love you very much.

Crystal:

We love you, bye.

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About the Podcast

The Healing Happy Hour
Pushing back against the trauma of being human, together
Welcome to the Healing Happy Hour with Crystal and Vienna, two deeply unserious people exploring serious topics while cackling and sometimes crying.

Together we are learning to push back against the trauma of being human in the world today through ancient wisdom and practices, modern therapeutic techniques, and anything else that moves the needle towards healing.

If you’re also sick of tripping over your own bullshit, join us while we create a sanctuary for everyone who is ready to activate the magic in their life.

About your host

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The Healing Happy Hour

I’m Crystal, an energy worker and life coach specializing in boundary work, and a mom of two beautiful wildings. I’m on a mission to stay soft in the face of hard things, while guiding others to do the same through answering the invitation to embody their whole self.

I’m Vienna, mom of three goblins, yoga teacher in training, deeply self conscious and learning how to take up space. This phase of my life is about embracing my old favorite parts of myself, nurturing new ones and letting them harmonize into the new me.