Episode 4

Still My Bestie: Friendship, Part 2

Published on: 21st September, 2023

We couldn't possibly wrap up the friendship convo in one week, so here's part two. There's too much to say about friendship, and somehow, not enough words in the English language to cover it.

Join us this week for a conversation about the unique heartbreak that is the bestie break up, grieving the death of a friend, making new friends, and how we're still chasing the high of us all being Girls Together in Summer 2023. We also get into tips for making new friends (it helps to get weird, and fast!) and rekindling conversations with old friends.

Topics this week include:

  • Sick kids and mom guilt (hate it, sorry)
  • What is your version of the Roman Empire?
  • The regret of a lost friendship
  • Girlhood Summer 2023: Beyonce, Taylor, and Barbie
  • The magic of the women's bathroom at the bar
  • Girl Fights, Real Housewives, and how capitalism benefits from tearing women apart
  • Gremlin time, Barnyard animals, and the friends you can't take anywhere (it's us, hi, we're the problem, it's Crystal and Vienna)
  • Tips for connecting with new people, and how to foster a new friendship in the awkward early days
  • How to tell a new friend about pooping in your pants

This weeks challenge:

  • Reach back out to an old friend that you lost touch with- tell them what their friendship meant to you.
  • Take a chance and connect with someone new.

Reading List:

Find Us:

Music by FASSounds on Pixabay.

Transcript
Speaker:

Welcome to the Healing Happy Hour with Crystal and Vienna, two deeply

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unserious people exploring serious topics while cackling and sometimes crying.

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Together we're learning to push back against the trauma of being a human in

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the world today through ancient wisdom and practices, modern therapeutic

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techniques, and anything else that moves the needle towards healing.

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If you're also sick of tripping over your own bullshit, Join us while we create

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a sanctuary for everyone who is ready to activate the magic in their life.

Vienna:

All right, well, how are you while we get the cards ready?

Crystal:

I'm okay.

Crystal:

I am in a little bit of like Semi sad emo girl mode.

Vienna:

Is it the changing seasons or just like?

Crystal:

It's like changing seasons for sure I think that has something to do with

Crystal:

it, which is like it's an it's naturally, you know like the time where we become

Crystal:

more introspective, but um It's that and I think like so over the weekend.

Crystal:

I had a great weekend.

Crystal:

Um I had a great weekend.

Crystal:

However, I probably like Over did it a little bit in terms of substance

Crystal:

and so Sunday, I was like, Oh, girl, you need to go on a sabbatical.

Crystal:

So I'm currently on cannabis sabbatical.

Crystal:

I am 3 days into sabbatical after, like, I am a, I am a user of the cannabis.

Crystal:

It was prompted because my therapist was like, Are you self medicating?

Crystal:

And I was like, I mean, like, no more than usual, but like, that is a lie.

Crystal:

I was like, okay, I just need to, um, I probably just need to feel some things.

Crystal:

And so I'm feeling them.

Crystal:

And so I'm a little bit like in sad girl mode.

Crystal:

It's good because it's like prompting me to make some changes.

Crystal:

You know?

Crystal:

Yeah.

Crystal:

Um, and the boys were sickies over the weekend too, and I

Crystal:

have now, like, what they have.

Crystal:

I'm, but like, otherwise fine, you know, just like seasonal ish.

Vienna:

And yeah, on the bright side, your nails are adorable.

Vienna:

And your voice is like sexy sick, you know what I mean?

Crystal:

You know, girl, the last time I had laryngitis, I was like, ooh.

Vienna:

You're like, let me.

Vienna:

Try out a couple of side businesses, right?

Crystal:

I mean, I would abandon ship immediately for like a really good

Crystal:

operator position if it's lucrative.

Crystal:

Yeah, I could totally pick up a pack of new parts again and like really get.

Crystal:

A sexy type voice going.

Vienna:

If nothing else, a little ASMR.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

I love the one where they like throw the things down the stairs.

Crystal:

Oh my god, that stresses me out, like the marbles and stuff.

Vienna:

Yeah, but then there's this girl who like reacts to them, and

Vienna:

her voice really does it for me.

Vienna:

And like, I just like the whole thing.

Crystal:

I like the ones where they're making...

Crystal:

Drinks?

Vienna:

Oh, I haven't seen those.

Crystal:

Yeah, I like the ones where they're making drinks.

Crystal:

Like, it's so extra too.

Crystal:

Like, there's, I don't know her name, but there's this one girl.

Crystal:

I don't know where she works, but it's like, I don't know, somewhere, like,

Crystal:

random, like a five below or some shit.

Crystal:

And it's like, she's making, like, this Red Bull drink.

Crystal:

And she, like, puts Red Bull and, like, flavor syrup and, like,

Crystal:

these, like, cute little ice cubes.

Crystal:

And she's got, like, her own little, like, mini fridge.

Crystal:

I don't know, but it's just so, and, like, the sound of her long ass

Crystal:

nails are, like, tick, tick, tick.

Crystal:

Mmm.

Crystal:

It cracks me up and I'm like, this is so extra, but also I can't stop watching it.

Crystal:

Cleaning videos like carpet cleaning videos.

Vienna:

I've gone through some phases with those variety of things.

Vienna:

I was like into the ones where they were using the compression,

Vienna:

like they would squish them.

Vienna:

Love.

Vienna:

I got, I think I like really got a little too stressed with some of them though.

Vienna:

Um, carpet cleaning ones were a big one.

Vienna:

I loved those.

Vienna:

And then I was like in the one where they would mix the different paint

Vienna:

colors or like silicone colors to see like what it was going to be.

Crystal:

Love those.

Crystal:

That's a good one.

Crystal:

Oh, so good.

Crystal:

Yeah, I love the carpet cleaning ones because they'd be like, oh, I

Crystal:

just restored this carpet that had a dead body in it 20 years ago and

Crystal:

it like grew mold in a landfill.

Crystal:

And I'm like, oh my god, look at that gorgeous Persian rug.

Crystal:

That's the thing that makes me think that I can do anything.

Crystal:

Yeah, like I could clean my life up as well as they're cleaning that carpet.

Vienna:

Meanwhile, I have like One dress that's been sitting on top of my washer

Vienna:

for 47 wash loads because The idea of like getting whatever's on there out of it.

Vienna:

It's a little too stressful for me.

Crystal:

That's okay Take your time.

Crystal:

It'll be there.

Vienna:

It'll be there.

Vienna:

I don't Setting into it too ready for you when you're ready I think I

Vienna:

have to just dye the whole thing or like let's be real I was probably

Vienna:

like 12 dollars or something from Target that I could probably just use

Vienna:

for rags or whatever at this point

Crystal:

Do you ever just, like, not do something to see how

Crystal:

long it'll take you to do it?

Vienna:

I mean, I think that's everything I do.

Vienna:

Anything I'm supposed to do when I do it, and then when I finally get around

Vienna:

to it, and it takes me like 12 seconds, it does not put anything in my brain.

Vienna:

Like, I learn nothing from it, but I'm like, this is so easy.

Crystal:

Every time.

Crystal:

Although like, I'm not gonna lie, when the riddling is riddling, like, um, it's

Crystal:

a little like less likely I'll do that.

Crystal:

Sometimes I'm just like, you know what?

Crystal:

One more day.

Crystal:

One more day.

Crystal:

One more day.

Vienna:

It'll be there.

Vienna:

Yeah, it will be there.

Vienna:

You'll wait for me.

Crystal:

How are you, my love?

Vienna:

How am I?

Vienna:

I'm good.

Vienna:

You know, the baby, had a cold, or I don't know.

Vienna:

It's not COVID.

Vienna:

I'm just assuming like a typical baby cold.

Vienna:

And I wish I was a more compassionate person when people are sick,

Vienna:

but I think I get very nervous.

Crystal:

I do too.

Vienna:

And I think it like triggers me in some way that, like, I'm not the really

Vienna:

compassionate, kind person I wish I was.

Vienna:

And...

Crystal:

That's crazy talk.

Vienna:

I know, and I'm like, but I wish that I was the person that was

Vienna:

like, oh, let me tuck you in, and like, let me get you this, and let me

Vienna:

get you this, and like, oh, I'm gonna do this for you, and I'm gonna do

Vienna:

this for you, and like, I'm gonna be puttering around every second of the

Vienna:

day just doing all these things for you.

Vienna:

First of all, that's not me.

Vienna:

Second of all, I'm a little more likely to do it with my kids.

Vienna:

I'm like...

Vienna:

I'll grow an ass, man.

Crystal:

Shade.

Vienna:

What a shade right there.

Vienna:

I mean.

Vienna:

But even still, then I'm like, oh my gosh, if I was like.

Vienna:

I should be doing that because that's what like, you know, I don't know.

Vienna:

I just I really get my own head about it.

Crystal:

I get that.

Vienna:

It's like I abandoned them or anything.

Vienna:

Like, I'm still like, of course not, you know, like, okay, birdie,

Vienna:

baby girl was not eating any meals.

Vienna:

She like she was hungry.

Vienna:

Like she would have like a gogurt pouch or like an applesauce.

Vienna:

But like, clearly, like the food was not doing it for her.

Vienna:

And we ran out of popsicles.

Vienna:

So I door dashed a couple boxes of popsicles and like just fed

Vienna:

her some popsicles all day.

Vienna:

But then of course, like once I sat down, I was like, Oh my

Vienna:

God, like I did have fruit.

Vienna:

Like I could have been like blending her up some like pureed berries and

Vienna:

like made her like there'd be more nutrients if I made the popsicles myself.

Vienna:

And like, But I feel like, okay, I do feel like my mom would

Vienna:

have done that when I was a kid.

Crystal:

My mom too, and then she would have been like hella mad because

Crystal:

she had to fucking take the time to blend that shit up and get it to me.

Crystal:

Like my mom literally was like, Pero Crystal, when you was a baby,

Crystal:

I blended all you food myself.

Crystal:

And I'm like, that's fantastic.

Crystal:

And I tried that for like a minute, which I'll know.

Crystal:

And like, is the baby fed?

Crystal:

Is she fed?

Vienna:

She's fed by 47 popsicles.

Crystal:

She's fed and we're, and she loved those popsicles.

Crystal:

What she will remember is that my mom gave me like 47 popsicles

Crystal:

when I was sick because that is, that's what made me feel better.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

And you know what?

Vienna:

I did get the no sugar added ones.

Crystal:

Look, my kids would be like, ew, my mom made me popsicles.

Crystal:

She didn't even buy them from the store.

Crystal:

That's like what my kids would do.

Vienna:

You would have put some like beautiful healing, like

Vienna:

Herbal botanicals in there.

Vienna:

They would have been fixed up by the end of the day.

Crystal:

Those are no, they, they didn't give a shit.

Crystal:

They were sick.

Crystal:

They started to get sick on Friday when they're like that.

Crystal:

They, they want to like lay in my bed and like sleep with me and like, I'm like,

Crystal:

no, and this is, it sounds terrible, but I, my kids are so flippy floppy.

Crystal:

All I've got is like the sleep I get at night.

Crystal:

And I'm like, please, Lord.

Crystal:

So, like, unless, like, like, when they had COVID, I was like,

Crystal:

okay, come on, like, come to me.

Crystal:

But, like, when you have, like, a cold, child, if you don't go

Crystal:

back to your room and lay down.

Crystal:

Because we can't both be crazy in the morning.

Crystal:

Like, we need to all get our rest and I can't do it if your foot is in my face.

Crystal:

And I will, I will snuggle them.

Crystal:

I will get them whatever they want within reason.

Crystal:

But, like, there is sanity to maintain.

Crystal:

And as long as they are fed.

Crystal:

And not like, you know, falling over.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Crystal:

We're doing what we do.

Crystal:

We don't need.

Crystal:

We're mothering.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Vienna:

Right.

Vienna:

I, I also got some like frozen berries in that DoorDash order.

Vienna:

I was like, maybe I can make her like a smoothie tomorrow.

Vienna:

A fruit and that that's a little more.

Crystal:

Oh my gosh.

Crystal:

You see, like, you're a real mother.

Crystal:

You know, just that, like the mommy.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Vienna:

Something more you tell yourself you could be doing.

Crystal:

There's always something we could be doing.

Vienna:

There's always something else though.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

Might as well just do the bare minimum.

Crystal:

Sometimes like it's all I can manage, truly.

Crystal:

Like I said, if they're happy, all they're going to remember is that like

Crystal:

they snuggled in your lap and you fed them popsicles and they got better.

Vienna:

That's true.

Vienna:

We watched so much Mickey Mouse and Elmo today.

Vienna:

So I'm like, all right, you got your friends, we're good.

Crystal:

I loved it.

Crystal:

Shall we pull a card to see where we are?

Vienna:

Yeah, go ahead.

Vienna:

Go for it.

Crystal:

Jesus Christ.

Crystal:

We're just jumping out at you.

Crystal:

I know.

Crystal:

Thank you, Spirit.

Crystal:

I appreciate that.

Crystal:

Oh, I love that for us.

Crystal:

It's community.

Vienna:

Oh, she's pretty

Crystal:

Three bad bitches on this Oracle deck.

Crystal:

I love it.

Crystal:

It popped out like here, shut your mouth.

Crystal:

Take this.

Crystal:

Okay.

Crystal:

Connection with kindred spirits.

Crystal:

So this card shows three women celebrating, sharing

Crystal:

ideas and supportive energy.

Crystal:

The lights in the picture represent your ever present spirit community as well.

Crystal:

When this card appears, it indicates an association of some kind.

Crystal:

It may be a casual connection of like minded people joining a

Crystal:

club or community of some sort, or even a business partnership

Crystal:

consisting of three or more entities.

Crystal:

The time is right to make new connections and to share intentions on whether

Crystal:

they're personal or professional.

Crystal:

Networking and community are important parts of the human experience,

Crystal:

and the security and sense of connection can be beneficial to all.

Crystal:

It's true that when several people join their intentions, it accelerates

Crystal:

their power in the energetic realm.

Crystal:

Receiving this card puts you on notice that the universe is sending

Crystal:

some beneficial allies your way.

Vienna:

Wait, I love that for us.

Vienna:

And for the...

Vienna:

Podcast community, all the listeners too.

Crystal:

I know.

Crystal:

And, and like, just for the record, nothing makes me happier than when the

Crystal:

homegirls send like me a voice note after they listened to one of the episodes.

Crystal:

And they're like, Oh my God, we loved it.

Crystal:

Like we said in the very first, like this has been such like a,

Crystal:

Oh, to the homies, you know, that.

Crystal:

Like, I just love that for us, you know, like if, if obviously like I want to be

Crystal:

like a little famous, like podcast famous, but if, if like nothing else happened,

Crystal:

just the fact that like the people we love are like, oh my gosh, love it.

Crystal:

It just makes me delighted.

Vienna:

So, my favorite thing about the those messages from people is finding out.

Vienna:

Which of the people in my life, which, like, new acquaintances, people I

Vienna:

don't know quite as well, which of them are also Cheesecake Factory stans?

Crystal:

Hell yeah.

Vienna:

Because I found a few of them, and I'm like, so you're in, right?

Vienna:

Like, we're going to Cheesecake Factory together, we're gonna start

Vienna:

working our way through that menu.

Crystal:

We need a network.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Crystal:

Cheesecake across the USA.

Vienna:

Truly something that we could not do on our own.

Vienna:

The Cheesecake Factory spinoff.

Vienna:

Crystal, you and I have never even talked about this, but I feel like that card

Vienna:

was put there because we should start really talking more about the Patreon

Vienna:

community that's going to be coming up too and having people get involved because

Vienna:

we've come up with some really great resources that we're wanting to put there

Vienna:

and I think there's some great stuff.

Crystal:

Sure.

Crystal:

So.

Crystal:

For sure.

Crystal:

There's, we've, we've had like, um, a couple opportunities to like, brainstorm

Crystal:

about some things that we want to do in a Patreon community and, you know,

Crystal:

it's, it's, I think it's going to be some really good juicy stuff, like even some

Crystal:

meditations and, um, Oh my God, somebody who like is learning yoga, like as, as a

Crystal:

teacher might also be contributing, um, as just like some very exciting things

Crystal:

that we're going to make from the heart.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Crystal:

And maybe even like some side discussions like cheesecake factory,

Crystal:

like how passions is the best.

Crystal:

Yeah, yeah, television watching you ever experienced in the modern era.

Crystal:

Rest in peace to Timmy.

Crystal:

Okay.

Crystal:

So like some of these really fun things and also just needed

Crystal:

things, which is perfect.

Vienna:

And like some worksheets, workbooks based on different

Vienna:

prompts from different episodes.

Vienna:

And yeah, so stay tuned.

Vienna:

Yes, please.

Vienna:

I think we'll probably be putting together some like pre launch email signups, maybe

Vienna:

for some extra freebies or whatever, but just keep checking in on our socials and

Vienna:

you'll find that there when we're ready.

Crystal:

Check it.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Crystal:

Follow us.

Vienna:

Say that at the end, but I'll say it right now.

Vienna:

Follow us.

Crystal:

That's right.

Crystal:

This is our show.

Crystal:

Damn it.

Vienna:

So before we get into it, where did you find healing this week?

Crystal:

So I found a lot of healing on Sunday when, like I said, some of

Crystal:

my, like, weekend sads set in, like, after, like, the kids being sick

Crystal:

and me starting to not feel well.

Crystal:

And I actually took a moment to have a really good, like, spiritual check in.

Crystal:

With myself, I actually made a spiritual bath and did a lot of self introspection.

Crystal:

I did a really beautiful Reiki meditation as well and, um, started to just like kind

Crystal:

of get myself together for the week and like ask myself, why am I uncomfortable?

Crystal:

And not like, troubleshoot it yet, but just say like, what is the

Crystal:

discomfort and like really identify it so that I could then later on make.

Crystal:

Some adjustments and try to just give myself the space to look at, like,

Crystal:

what these growing pains are right now, like, as we head into fall without

Crystal:

judgment and hold space for them.

Crystal:

And that was very healing for me.

Crystal:

And then I put my ass to bed, like, mad early.

Crystal:

I was like, good night.

Crystal:

And I was asleep by like, oh, my gosh, probably 9, 9 30.

Crystal:

And it was a beautiful thing for me.

Crystal:

Me and the cat.

Vienna:

You're so good about doing that.

Vienna:

I really admire when you do that.

Crystal:

Thank you.

Crystal:

I have to, or I'm a raging bitch in the morning.

Vienna:

I used to be such an early to bed, early to rise person.

Vienna:

And as I got older, I'm not like up super late.

Vienna:

Although I do think my Vyvanse probably keeps me up a little

Vienna:

later than I otherwise would be.

Vienna:

Uh, but I just sleep in so much later.

Vienna:

Like I, even in high school, I would be like out of bed at 5 AM.

Crystal:

Same wild.

Vienna:

Yeah, but now I'm like if I didn't have to get out

Vienna:

of bed before seven o'clock.

Crystal:

I mean, I I my like ideal wake time is like 738 o'clock but I feel

Crystal:

like I am very much always up before then because the cat is obnoxious.

Crystal:

The cat's obnoxious.

Crystal:

And also like the kids just get up.

Vienna:

So that's so nice though.

Vienna:

That's definitely healing.

Vienna:

I'm trying to think what I want to find some healing this week.

Vienna:

I've gotten back on the Peloton and I had really switched over to like a lot

Vienna:

more Peloton yoga or yoga conditioning.

Vienna:

And I've gotten to this point in my yoga training.

Vienna:

I think we're like, I'm kind of sucking the fun out of classes a little bit.

Vienna:

Even like in classes for my own practice, I feel like I'm taking it way too

Vienna:

much of like, how would I incorporate this into my classes that I teach?

Vienna:

And I think I just need a little bit of a break from that.

Vienna:

And I'm like, I need some high intensity workout.

Vienna:

So I've been doing a lot more like riding and like, Strength and weights and

Crystal:

amen, honey,

Vienna:

this felt really good.

Vienna:

There are two very different things for me.

Vienna:

Like when I come into yoga, it's because I'm like, I want to quiet my brain in

Vienna:

a way that I'm able to like be present.

Vienna:

But when I'm working out and wanting something really intense,

Vienna:

I don't even want to hear my brain.

Vienna:

I want to just be like a physical being moving with loud

Vienna:

music, my heart pumping and

Crystal:

yeah, you want to get like those endorphins, like coursing, you know?

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

And I've definitely got a little more into that lately.

Vienna:

It's feeling good.

Vienna:

I missed my Peloton instructors, my favorites that I used to always ride with.

Vienna:

Robin to come back from her maternity leave.

Crystal:

Oh my god.

Crystal:

I love Robin.

Crystal:

I love Camila.

Crystal:

I love, love all of them.

Crystal:

All of the ladies are, are the shit to me.

Crystal:

Tunde is the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen.

Crystal:

In my life, her skin be flawless every time.

Vienna:

I'm on a Tunde and Cody kick lately.

Vienna:

And like, throwback Robin rides.

Vienna:

But I'm just like, I need some, I need some new ones.

Vienna:

Even though like, you'd never know if it was new or old.

Vienna:

Doesn't really matter, but I'm still, I know that they're

Vienna:

older and I want a new one.

Crystal:

I need to get back on it.

Crystal:

Like, back when I got laryngitis some like, weeks back, I like,

Crystal:

I fell off the exercise train.

Crystal:

And um, I always say like, if I start by saying like, Ugh, like

Crystal:

I need to do this because...

Crystal:

I need to like, you know, get in shape.

Crystal:

I won't, I won't make it.

Crystal:

So I'm just like, no, start day at a time.

Crystal:

Just move your body every day.

Crystal:

Yep.

Crystal:

So yeah, we've talked about that.

Crystal:

I think like, but I love that you're doing that.

Vienna:

Yeah, I definitely feel a little bit of like body stuff

Vienna:

creeping in and I'm trying to keep that so far separate from exercise.

Vienna:

Because I not associate the two things in my mind, like, or else it gets.

Vienna:

So that, like, early 2000s, you gotta, like, earn your food by burning calories.

Vienna:

I'm like, that's, that's not, that's never brought me to a place of feeling

Vienna:

good physically or feeling good mentally.

Vienna:

So, like, we're just not going to even let that happen again.

Vienna:

Exercise is for my brain, nothing else is the rest of it.

Vienna:

But yeah, that's a hard, like, line to draw.

Crystal:

I love that perspective that it's for your brain.

Crystal:

Yes.

Crystal:

Because I'll tell you, like, the fact that you don't see the results

Crystal:

in your body for like, for a while.

Crystal:

It's like, yes, I see like, like the benefit of like, um,

Crystal:

of exercising for sleep and for stress relief and stuff like that.

Crystal:

Um, you know, I feel those things with the body, but like most people when

Crystal:

they, I don't say most people, but a lot of people will work out for the sake

Crystal:

of changing their form and that's fine.

Crystal:

However, my crazy ass needs it for the brain.

Crystal:

Yeah, and I love that you make that distinction because it's good for that.

Vienna:

And if you do it for that reason You are going to notice it immediately

Vienna:

Yes, when I do not work out My brain is like a jumbled puzzle with all the

Vienna:

pieces just thrown up in the air and nothing put together Some of them are

Vienna:

flipped over some of them are like in the other room Somehow I got pieces

Vienna:

from a different puzzle in there.

Vienna:

Like everything's just a mess when I exercise that day I'm not gonna say

Vienna:

the puzzle comes together, but like, I at least have all the pieces, like,

Vienna:

sort of grouped together where they're supposed to be, like, I at least, like,

Vienna:

know what I'm working with and looking at, and that is, like, same day, so

Vienna:

that is immediate results, and I am an immediate, instant gratification kind

Vienna:

of girly, I don't like waiting for shit.

Vienna:

I don't want to see results in four to six weeks.

Vienna:

I need it now.

Vienna:

Now this is America.

Vienna:

I want it right.

Crystal:

I want it right now.

Crystal:

That's right.

Crystal:

American voice right now.

Vienna:

I'll be Karen for endorphins only.

Vienna:

Give it to me now.

Crystal:

Let me speak to the manager of endorphins, please.

Vienna:

Please, please get them in here.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

So that's where I'm finding healing and kicking my own ass kind of movement.

Crystal:

I love that though.

Crystal:

Beautiful, beautiful mama.

Crystal:

I love that.

Crystal:

Um, okay.

Crystal:

So you're talking about friendship and I'm not gonna lie.

Crystal:

Y'all miss like the fun part, probably like, cause we stopped recording.

Vienna:

That's on my bad.

Vienna:

I definitely hit recording a little too soon because we

Vienna:

had Monica in the, his house.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Crystal:

Shout out to my boo to my . She was, she was on the, on the hotline

Crystal:

with us, um, while we recording

Vienna:

I wanted to hear everything she had to say.

Crystal:

She's so funny.

Crystal:

I, um, actually it's funny because I was like, can you please like

Crystal:

record like a little something about like you and i's friendship.

Crystal:

And I want to use it on social and like, we didn't know what to do because like,

Crystal:

we're, you know, we're like, I don't know, I don't know, like between the two of us.

Crystal:

And now that I think about it, like, um, we were talking about over the weekend.

Crystal:

How like every year I will call her and sing her like a birthday medley

Crystal:

of songs and she saves them all.

Crystal:

I didn't, I, I know she saved some of them, but she has like all of

Crystal:

them like for years and she sent me one from like a few years ago.

Crystal:

And I was like, we are, we're a wreck, but like, I, I'm going

Crystal:

to have to post those to social.

Crystal:

I'm gonna see if I can talk her into sending them my way so that you can hear

Crystal:

the kind of, the kind of, um, artistry.

Crystal:

That I put into my specialized birthday medleys for friends.

Vienna:

Yeah, the top producers have nothing on your mega mixes.

Crystal:

No, no Scott Storch, no DJ Clue.

Crystal:

Um, this is all me here, people.

Crystal:

So, yeah, the friendship.

Crystal:

Oh my gosh.

Crystal:

Like we said last time, we could really talk about this forever

Crystal:

because there's so many aspects.

Crystal:

Like this could be a whole podcast in and of itself.

Crystal:

Just, um, All of the ways that friendship shows up in our lives and

Crystal:

how it changes, it shifts, how our needs are met through our friends and

Crystal:

how they become like our chosen family.

Crystal:

And it's just, um, it's really like, it's just a dynamic that I really

Crystal:

love to explore because I feel blessed in that regard, you know?

Crystal:

Yeah.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

As I was, you know, we were putting a couple things on social over the

Vienna:

week from last week's episode, we were talking about friendship and just, you

Vienna:

know, having people show up for you and being able to show up for other people.

Vienna:

And there definitely was a moment where I was like, man, there's gotta be people

Vienna:

out there who are going to look at this and be like, I don't have that.

Vienna:

I don't, I don't have a friend community who's going to come to me.

Vienna:

And like hold me up when I need to be held and it's really hard I

Vienna:

think for whatever reason there can be like friend breakups, which are

Vienna:

awful, horrible, just growing apart.

Vienna:

Um, there's people who, you know, have moved and maybe haven't been

Vienna:

able to find anybody near where they are and I definitely feel.

Vienna:

That piece of it a little more myself.

Vienna:

I moved up to Massachusetts and I found some friends around here.

Vienna:

It's definitely not like I don't know anybody, but I, I'm not.

Vienna:

I, in my 20s, was very into, like, no new friends kind of thing.

Vienna:

I was like, I don't need any new friends.

Vienna:

I'm not here to make friends.

Vienna:

I was like that early on every reality show.

Vienna:

I was like, I'm not here to make friends.

Vienna:

Um, you know, I had my crew and I was like, this is all I need.

Vienna:

I don't need anybody else.

Vienna:

And then, you know, you kind of scatter a little bit.

Vienna:

And then one day you look up and you're in your 30s and

Vienna:

you got kids screaming at you.

Vienna:

And like the only person you've spoken to who is an adult is like.

Vienna:

Your partner and you're like, Ugh.

Vienna:

Like if I have to talk to you for one more second, not talking to me.

Vienna:

Yeah, you anymore.

Vienna:

Um, you, you need friends.

Vienna:

You need friends close by.

Vienna:

And that's, it's been really hard for me to make the friends that

Vienna:

you're just like, come to my house.

Vienna:

It's a mess.

Vienna:

Just come in.

Vienna:

It's okay.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

And I, I just wanted to like, say, like, I, I see you.

Vienna:

If you're also in that position that you're like, well, that sounds real nice.

Vienna:

Wish I had that.

Vienna:

Um, yeah, it's hard.

Crystal:

It is hard.

Crystal:

And I want to, I want to put like a lot of honor into like, into you saying that

Crystal:

aloud, because I think that there are probably a lot of people who can relate

Crystal:

and are like, I don't want to say that, but the thing, but that's, that's the

Crystal:

reality of it is that we have these really big life events that shift how we show

Crystal:

up and how others are able to show up.

Crystal:

And sometimes those, um, Yeah.

Crystal:

Already established friendships change, or like we were saying

Crystal:

earlier, like, you know, your, your needs as a person are different and

Crystal:

how you get them met are different.

Crystal:

And I think that there is a really interesting pathway that

Crystal:

like you have to walk through.

Crystal:

In order to find like your people as you transition from one

Crystal:

phase of your life to the next.

Crystal:

And I know that that is like very common, like, you know, like where you are in

Crystal:

motherhood, you know, when you moved.

Crystal:

And I was like, No, please don't go back.

Crystal:

Go back to Boston.

Crystal:

But, you know, like when, when you move away and that happens

Crystal:

so much, there are, there are.

Crystal:

People are trying to maintain those friendships from very far distances and

Crystal:

they're great at it, but also like the people that you can lean on every day.

Crystal:

And that's important.

Crystal:

And, um.

Crystal:

I know it took me a while to find that in my adult years, but

Crystal:

I do believe that it happens.

Crystal:

And it happens with every, every like day that you are able to kind of put

Crystal:

yourself out of the comfort zone, which you do, you do all the time.

Crystal:

Like that it's in those moments that people are like, Ooh, look at that.

Crystal:

Look at that girl over there.

Crystal:

She, she and I are in, in the zone here together.

Crystal:

And, you know, you start to be able to kind of like see some things

Crystal:

and other people that Really make you think, like, yeah, I want

Crystal:

to be around these people more.

Crystal:

I want to explore that with them, you know?

Vienna:

Yeah, and I definitely, I'm not saying that if you don't

Vienna:

have a good group of friends, that's because you're an asshole.

Vienna:

Because I know a lot of assholes who have a serious group of friends.

Vienna:

Like, so, I'm not saying it's that.

Vienna:

But I will take responsibility for my own part.

Vienna:

I'm not the best at following up with people and checking in on people if

Vienna:

they're not my, like, established crew.

Vienna:

So that beginning phase of friendship, I know I drop the ball there a lot, and

Vienna:

that's something that I have to be really aware of, and Actively, I've done real

Vienna:

weird things to try to foster friendships.

Vienna:

Now, as I'm learning this about myself, like I have ADHD

Vienna:

brain, I don't remember shit.

Vienna:

It's why I'm a really great person to tell secrets to because

Vienna:

I will never remember them.

Vienna:

Like, I won't tell anybody because I forgot what you told

Vienna:

me like five minutes later.

Vienna:

But that also means that if I find an acquaintance and we're like, maybe

Vienna:

get into that next step, or like, maybe we'll actually become friends.

Vienna:

I'm probably gonna forget like something.

Vienna:

So like, yeah, Will I make a note on my phone or like a reminder to follow up on

Vienna:

something and like include a specific?

Vienna:

I will.

Vienna:

And it's so weird.

Vienna:

And like, I pray to God my phone.

Crystal:

I, I love that because I just want to roll back a second.

Crystal:

Because I just, like, I just want to point something out,

Crystal:

like, in case you can't see it.

Crystal:

I love that so much, and here's why.

Crystal:

I think it's a lot of self awareness for you to say, like, I am forgetful,

Crystal:

and there might be some things I forget as, as, like, we come into, like, uh,

Crystal:

wanting to build a friendship, right?

Crystal:

But, like, if you were not, if you were not a good friend, or, you know, like,

Crystal:

the fact that you're, like, I like this person, and I want to remember

Crystal:

a detail about their life, because I want to show up for them later.

Crystal:

And so I'm going to put it in my phone.

Crystal:

I'm going to make a reminder.

Crystal:

I'm going to jot that down or like, Hey, I remember she told me she likes this.

Crystal:

I'm going to talk it away.

Crystal:

For later, because that's a detail about them that is important to them.

Crystal:

I feel like there could be no greater display of being like, I'm

Crystal:

genuinely interested in who you are.

Crystal:

And I'd be forgetting, but also like, I want to remember.

Crystal:

You know, I just feel like that's such a beautiful thing.

Vienna:

Well, thank you.

Vienna:

I do hope that there is like, a very clear, big boundary between

Vienna:

like, A forgetful girly who just wants to like show up as a friend

Vienna:

and a stalker taking notes on.

Crystal:

No, now like if you were like Every day at 8 37 This

Crystal:

is your order from starbucks.

Crystal:

Like no, no, no.

Crystal:

No, it's like it's like if I said like, um, I don't know something fucking

Crystal:

weird like about me for example, like oh crystal loves cocker spaniels.

Crystal:

It's her favorite dog breed true story um And like, you saw something online

Crystal:

and you're like, Oh my God, you know who loves like weird Cocker Spaniel memes?

Crystal:

Crystal does.

Crystal:

I'm going to send it to her.

Crystal:

That to me is a love language.

Crystal:

That's such a love language.

Crystal:

It's like, I remembered that you really like Cocker

Crystal:

Spaniels because they're weird.

Crystal:

And here is, um, a few memes about them or something like that.

Crystal:

So there's just, there is something about, you know.

Crystal:

Being like, I really, I really want to remember these details about you

Crystal:

because they're, they're important parts of your personality and I

Crystal:

like your personality and I want to learn more about that with you.

Crystal:

Um, and I think it's, it's lovely.

Crystal:

I, like, I'll tell you what, I'm really shitty at birthdays.

Crystal:

It's fucking terrible.

Crystal:

Like every year, every year I ask like the same, like five

Crystal:

people, I'm like, what day is it?

Crystal:

Like, and I know it's always like within the same week, but like,

Crystal:

I know like a thousand Virgos.

Crystal:

And so I'm always like, what is it?

Crystal:

What is it?

Crystal:

What is it?

Crystal:

And I know that every year they're probably like, girl, can you

Crystal:

just like write it on a calendar?

Crystal:

And I'm sorry.

Crystal:

I haven't written it on a calendar yet.

Crystal:

I'm probably going to do that forever, but I should really get it together.

Crystal:

I should put it in the calendar recurring, you know, but like.

Crystal:

There are other ways.

Crystal:

There are other details that I remember, you know, that I, I'm like, okay, I

Crystal:

might be bad with dates, but these are some other things that I know

Crystal:

I show up with, you know, to like remind them like, Hey, I know you

Crystal:

and I want to continue to know you.

Crystal:

And I think that however we as adults with a million and one things

Crystal:

to do remember all these details about our favorite people, however

Crystal:

we do that is beautiful, you know?

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

And I mean, all right.

Vienna:

If they're, if your birthday is important to you and you are the

Vienna:

kind of person that has a birthday week, I'm looking at you Leos, but

Vienna:

if that's you, that's a little shade.

Vienna:

Sorry.

Vienna:

Um, we all know a Leo like that though.

Vienna:

Um, but if that is you, your friends are going to know when your

Vienna:

birthday is, but like also tell them that that's important, right?

Vienna:

Like, don't make anybody guess, but I would say the vast majority of

Vienna:

other people do not care if you.

Vienna:

Missed the exact day of their birthday because, hey, that means a couple of

Vienna:

days later to extending the celebration when you got happy belated text,

Vienna:

um, I mean, that's how I approached it anyway that I'm like, oh, it's

Vienna:

another birthday message the next day.

Vienna:

Amazing.

Vienna:

Like, let's keep the good times rolling.

Crystal:

That's me.

Crystal:

I'm very like nonchalant about my birthday for the most part.

Crystal:

This year was a little bit different, but, um, even like, like Monica's

Crystal:

birthday was just recently.

Crystal:

Okay.

Crystal:

Um, every like, you know, one, one thing I learned this year, I learned a little bit

Crystal:

more this year about like how Monica wants to be celebrated and I'm like, all these

Crystal:

years into our friendship, I feel like very honored that I get to still learn

Crystal:

a little bit more about her and be like, okay, I didn't think about it this way.

Crystal:

Like, this is really like something that is, um, important and beautiful to her.

Crystal:

And so like, And I want her to feel special.

Crystal:

So like, we're going to do A, B and C.

Crystal:

Um, and I, and I love that.

Crystal:

I like that there is always still, you know, within a friendship room

Crystal:

to kind of grow and surprise your friends and be like, Hey, like, this

Crystal:

is what I'm thinking I'd like to do.

Crystal:

You know, can we make a little bit of a deal out of it this year or whatever,

Crystal:

you know, like, I, I like that.

Crystal:

Um, and even if like, we don't get it exactly right, or we don't

Crystal:

get the date right, I feel like, you know, your friends are always

Crystal:

just very happy for the intention.

Crystal:

And, you know, for the ways we show up.

Vienna:

There's recently all those TikToks that are like, ask your man how

Vienna:

often he thinks about the Roman Empire.

Vienna:

Have you seen this?

Vienna:

What?

Vienna:

What?

Vienna:

What is this?

Vienna:

Apparently men think about the Roman Empire like all the time.

Vienna:

I asked Jimmy about it.

Vienna:

He says it's like three to four times a week.

Vienna:

He probably thinks.

Vienna:

And I'm like, what?

Vienna:

But then I love how there's all these other ones that are like,

Vienna:

what is a girl's Roman Empire?

Vienna:

And it's like, Princess Diana, Jon Benet Ramsey, like all these things,

Vienna:

like true crime this, true crime that.

Vienna:

And the other one, I saw somebody posted one that was like, the friend you lost

Vienna:

touch with or like your old best friend.

Vienna:

And that for me is so true because I had a best friend in high school

Vienna:

who I, I need to like own that.

Vienna:

As we got older, I wasn't a very good friend and I do take a lot of

Vienna:

responsibility for Us losing track and losing that relationship because

Vienna:

She was really really special to me.

Vienna:

I think in a lot of ways.

Vienna:

She was like kind of my first love also, I think like went beyond just Friendship.

Vienna:

I I really truly like Love journey sister to you.

Vienna:

Yeah, I think about her all the time and losing that friendship

Vienna:

It's definitely taught me more about How to treasure what I have now.

Vienna:

But I do think if I had a time machine, that's the thing I would go fix as like

Vienna:

showing up in the places where in my early 20s, I was an idiot and didn't

Vienna:

know how to be a good friend to someone who was in a different position of

Vienna:

their life and in a different place.

Vienna:

And we weren't right near each other.

Vienna:

And, you know, our your early 20s on gold and on this way, that's in your 20s.

Vienna:

There's like infinite pathways that you can choose.

Vienna:

And the fact that.

Vienna:

You know, you and your friend might not be on the same one for a little while,

Vienna:

it's hard and I've had other friends that like, we weren't on the same path,

Vienna:

but like we came back to each other.

Vienna:

So I guess the silver lining there is there's still time, right?

Vienna:

Like maybe we can get together one day.

Crystal:

It's a very big thing to be in this space and look back and be like,

Crystal:

oof, you know, I, I relatable content.

Crystal:

Um, my early twenties, what a blur, you know, like what a blur and I can,

Crystal:

I can easily name several instances where I was terrible because I was,

Crystal:

um, in the, in the like quest to have like other needs I had met.

Crystal:

Um, I wasn't like being a good friend.

Crystal:

I think what changed what changed that for me was, um.

Crystal:

Like, if you know me personally, you know that I lost, um, one

Crystal:

of my best friends when we were really young, like her, like 23.

Crystal:

Um, and she was, we, we all knew her from high school.

Crystal:

Um, and we were very close.

Crystal:

Her and I lived together when, um, I was in college in Salisbury.

Crystal:

I think that that puts something into perspective for me about like,

Crystal:

um, you know, they always say, like, give people your flowers,

Crystal:

their flowers while they're here.

Crystal:

Right.

Crystal:

Um, and I don't always get it right, but I think that that really propelled

Crystal:

me into, um, wanting to tell the people that I am friends with as often

Crystal:

as possible, how much I love them.

Crystal:

And I appreciate like, the way that they show up.

Crystal:

Um, and there's, there's something about that because like my friends are

Crystal:

also like my chosen family, you know, um, where like you were saying, you

Crystal:

hear, you're saying like, friend is like not even a big enough word, right?

Crystal:

Um, But yeah, there, there is something about the grief that really puts things

Crystal:

into this perspective of, like, I'd really like to do this differently again.

Crystal:

And I don't ever think that it's too late, not ever, um, for, like,

Crystal:

when you, you know, when you might have grown apart a little bit.

Crystal:

And you've learned a lot to like, come back and say like, I've learned

Crystal:

so much about myself and you know, about the kind of friendship energy I

Crystal:

want, you know, swirling in my life.

Crystal:

And I just want to say like that, even if nothing else, our, our time

Crystal:

as friends really means a lot to me.

Crystal:

And I look back on it really, really fondly, um, because it can change

Crystal:

like the trajectory of, of where you are now in your friendship, you know?

Vienna:

Yeah, and there's There's so much self work that really has to go on

Vienna:

there because as much as I've changed from those days where I just kind of was

Vienna:

a garbage friend, I don't even know that I'm fully capable of accepting it out

Vienna:

and saying it out loud and acknowledging, like, exactly what I did wrong.

Vienna:

Um, admitting it to myself of being like, Ooh, I.

Vienna:

Did not care enough about other people.

Vienna:

I was really lucky and slipped out of things without many consequences and other

Vienna:

people face those consequences and I just walked away in some cases and it's really

Vienna:

shameful and I think having to accept that and acknowledge it and apologize I

Vienna:

don't know how to do that and you know, I I know I beat myself up over this a lot

Vienna:

And I also, at the same time, would tell a friend in that situation, This is your

Vienna:

first time being a human on planet Earth.

Vienna:

We're learning this for the first time.

Vienna:

And we're all learning this for the first time.

Vienna:

You've never been here and done this before.

Vienna:

Um, maybe just like, you know, Stop beating yourself up.

Vienna:

Take a second.

Crystal:

Yeah, and it's, it's really, you know, you were also so much

Crystal:

younger and there is so much we don't know about our capacity to weather

Crystal:

different storms in our lives and also like show up for other people.

Crystal:

And so, you know, like, I just say that to say, like, give yourself lots of grace.

Crystal:

Because I think the fact that you're even thinking about it still.

Crystal:

And then it weighs so heavily on you in that way.

Crystal:

It's like, cause girl, there are people that are like, I don't really give a fuck.

Crystal:

Like that, like, that's, that's not your nature.

Crystal:

Um, And just to acknowledge that, like, here you are in this place saying, like,

Crystal:

yeah, I can look back on some things and say, like, I didn't handle that

Crystal:

in the way that I wish I would have.

Crystal:

But, like, then you didn't know.

Crystal:

You did not know how to do it then.

Crystal:

You know now.

Crystal:

And that's the difference.

Crystal:

And that's the healing is in that too, you know, and, you know,

Crystal:

hopefully the rest will come.

Vienna:

There's also the piece of it that's like when you are that young and

Vienna:

making those really stupid decisions.

Vienna:

And.

Vienna:

Not being the person that you would be now.

Vienna:

Right.

Vienna:

Where are you acting from when you were that young?

Crystal:

Oof.

Vienna:

I can tell you that, like, it has been a constant process in my life, in

Vienna:

my adulthood, to step away from a place of moving and making decisions out of

Vienna:

fear, and I'm gonna guess that 22 year old me who was doing really stupid shit.

Vienna:

Oh, honey.

Vienna:

Terrified.

Vienna:

And...

Vienna:

It's not an excuse, definitely not, I'm not trying to make an excuse here,

Vienna:

but I do know that every decision I had made was really just grasping

Vienna:

wildly for a little bit of a feeling of safety and at least looking back at my

Vienna:

relationships with that lens, I'm able to understand a little more, even if I

Vienna:

can't rationalize it with who I am now.

Crystal:

Oh, girl.

Vienna:

Youngins are idiots.

Crystal:

We're fucking foolish.

Crystal:

If you want to hear, um, I'm going to tell a story because I love to run my mouth and

Crystal:

feel vulnerable and then regret it later.

Crystal:

When I was in high school, I had this boyfriend who was very sweet

Crystal:

but absolutely no good for me.

Crystal:

Like, not good for me.

Crystal:

And, uh, I don't know.

Crystal:

He was in jail.

Crystal:

Okay.

Crystal:

Stop.

Crystal:

Okay.

Crystal:

Okay.

Crystal:

He was in jail and, um, he was so sweet though.

Crystal:

And I was like, oh my God, like, look, I fucking, I am who I am.

Crystal:

Right.

Crystal:

Anyway, he had gotten arrested for something.

Crystal:

He was in jail for a few days.

Crystal:

Maybe a few weeks.

Crystal:

I don't know.

Crystal:

I had scheduled some time to go out with Monica and Teresa.

Crystal:

And that, that probably at the time, like might've looked like we were

Crystal:

going to like ride around in our car and like smoke out of a bowl.

Crystal:

I don't know.

Crystal:

We were doing some, and I want to say it was like around the Thanksgiving.

Crystal:

timeframe, maybe.

Crystal:

And I found out that my boo thing was home and I canceled on my home

Crystal:

girls so I could go see my boo.

Crystal:

Okay.

Crystal:

And they were pissed.

Crystal:

And at the time I was like, surely they understand.

Crystal:

But like also girl, like, first of all, what are you doing?

Crystal:

Why, first of all, why you got a boyfriend in jail?

Crystal:

Second, why are you dragging your friends to go hang out with your

Crystal:

boyfriend that just got out of jail?

Crystal:

And, but me, like, fucking idiot that I was.

Crystal:

And also just, you know, someone who at the time felt very

Crystal:

validated by the males, okay?

Crystal:

And, and like, you know, the attention of boys.

Crystal:

That was where my priority was.

Crystal:

And I hate that for me.

Crystal:

I hate that for me because dudes are a dime a dozen, especially when you're,

Crystal:

you know, like 16, 17 years old.

Crystal:

And I would have much rather have looked back on the memory and been

Crystal:

like, I, I was out like rolling around with my girls, um, cackling at like

Crystal:

nothing, because that's what we do.

Crystal:

Like that those nights are the best.

Crystal:

And I could kick myself every time I think about that.

Crystal:

Cause I'm like, first of all, like, listen to what a mess you were second,

Crystal:

you know, like you, you missed out and, um, and I always feel bad about it.

Crystal:

And like every now and then, like Monica or Teresa will like tease

Crystal:

me about it and I'll never forget.

Crystal:

Like that.

Crystal:

Like I did not even, it did not even occur to me at the time that like what

Crystal:

I was doing was like kind of shitty.

Crystal:

It was just like, uh, Oh my God, guys, it's my boyfriend's over.

Vienna:

Right?

Vienna:

And, like, they were the bad friends if they didn't understand.

Crystal:

Yeah, like, oh my, like, how could you guys not understand

Crystal:

that my boyfriend's not from jail?

Crystal:

Um, for, spoiler alert, we didn't last very long.

Vienna:

Did he end up going back?

Vienna:

Is that why?

Crystal:

So, much later, I'll have to tell you off here.

Vienna:

Oh, no!

Crystal:

Like, it's much worse.

Crystal:

Um, it's actually, it's actually quite sad.

Crystal:

But, um, but he was, he really was, like, one of the sweetest people.

Crystal:

Just a person not in a good place.

Crystal:

Um, and that, that I just want to know that that was a theme of my life.

Crystal:

This person is really sweet, but they're not good for me is literally the zone

Crystal:

I lived in for the following decade.

Crystal:

Oh yeah.

Crystal:

And some of them who weren't sweet and not good for me.

Crystal:

I loved, I loved for a solid, like 10 years to choose the absolute

Crystal:

biggest fuck person I could find.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

I would not say.

Vienna:

In your early 20s, you're not you, but like people are known for making really

Vienna:

good decisions that are well thought out and good long term like plans.

Crystal:

I just started like the year ago.

Vienna:

I mean jury's still out even on me like I don't even know

Vienna:

we'll see how some of these go.

Crystal:

But yeah, I am lucky that like my, my friends.

Crystal:

That I have them.

Crystal:

That I have them, like for real, that I have them.

Crystal:

And that, like I said, that they've shown up for me in a way they have.

Crystal:

And that, um, I always thought that it would be really, really difficult to

Crystal:

make friends as you got older, but I feel like all that is really done because we

Crystal:

have some of the insight from our early twenties and, and before then, and, you

Crystal:

know, those like really like somewhat tumultuous times in our life when we're

Crystal:

really learning ourselves as adults.

Crystal:

I think that I've been able to.

Crystal:

Collect some of the experiences and learn some things for them.

Crystal:

It's been like a very big part of, of my healing.

Crystal:

Like I said, last time, it's just showing up in and asking to be seen

Crystal:

by them, but also like really wanting to make a lot of effort to see them

Crystal:

as well, where we are in our life.

Vienna:

This is, this conversation is definitely inspiring me to

Vienna:

reach back out to that girlie.

Vienna:

Um, just let her know that like, I.

Vienna:

I totally understand if you don't want to, you know, have a conversation or any

Vienna:

sort of relationship with me anymore.

Vienna:

I know that we're probably in different places, but you are in most of my

Vienna:

favorite memories of high school.

Vienna:

And I will really just forever treasure that.

Vienna:

And probably forever kind of beat myself up over letting it go.

Vienna:

but, if nothing else, those are times that I look back on and really smile

Vienna:

because we were so foolish together.

Vienna:

So silly and so stupid.

Vienna:

And, yeah, like we said, friend is not a strong enough word because that girl

Vienna:

was like half my heart for a while.

Vienna:

And in some ways I think it still lives in there, so.

Crystal:

Oh, beautiful.

Crystal:

Aww.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

I'll keep you posted.

Crystal:

Call into the show!

Crystal:

Call into the show.

Vienna:

You know who you are.

Crystal:

I love that though.

Crystal:

It's beautiful.

Vienna:

She can call in and just ream me out.

Vienna:

I'll take a good public lashing about being a shitty friend in my 20s.

Crystal:

I think we all have plenty of things that we could take a lashing for.

Vienna:

I guess it doesn't have to be public lashing.

Vienna:

We don't really need to, like, shame ourselves and people.

Crystal:

No, there's no, this is not Game of Thrones.

Crystal:

We don't need to shame, like, too hard.

Vienna:

But, if Hannah Roddingham...

Vienna:

Oh, shit.

Vienna:

wants to publicly shame me...

Vienna:

She's like, Mommy?

Vienna:

I love her.

Vienna:

And Ted Laszlo.

Vienna:

Good God.

Vienna:

Rebecca is like.

Crystal:

I just started that.

Crystal:

And I like, I haven't even gotten to the first season.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

Like, is she not mommy?

Vienna:

She is mommy.

Crystal:

She's, she's a hottie.

Crystal:

That's for sure.

Vienna:

She's tall.

Vienna:

She's tall.

Vienna:

She can yell at me.

Crystal:

Girl, this sounds like a different podcast.

Vienna:

I mean, not friendly.

Vienna:

There's nothing friendly about it.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

We can change the subject there a little bit.

Crystal:

um, I, I, I love that we got to touch on just like

Crystal:

some of the lessons learned.

Crystal:

Yeah, in friendships, because everything isn't, you know, everything isn't always

Crystal:

going to be like cackles and like mimosas.

Crystal:

And, um, you know, the reality is that like, um, just like with all the

Crystal:

other things that we have to face in life, there are lots of transitions

Crystal:

and things that maybe you wish you would have done differently or had

Crystal:

the opportunity to do differently.

Crystal:

And I just think that no matter where we are, In our, in like the journey of

Crystal:

worrying about ourself, we're always going to uncover some of those parts.

Crystal:

Um, but I think ultimately to look at them makes them really beautiful, like

Crystal:

to look at them, like gives you some perspective of like, maybe some like a

Crystal:

tinge of sadness, but also like, oh, but like, look how beautiful that also was.

Crystal:

You know, like I, I spent like a solid, oh my gosh, many years trying not to

Crystal:

think about the death of my best friend.

Crystal:

And, um, I, I, I can't, I think about her every single day, every day of my life.

Crystal:

And I figured it's better for me to think about her every day and smile about it

Crystal:

and maybe shed a tear or many about it than to not be able to, to think about

Crystal:

those beautiful things, um, at all.

Crystal:

You know, like if I have to have the tears to accompany, like the, the

Crystal:

things that I, I want to remember desperately, then okay, I'll take it.

Vienna:

Have you seen like on Instagram and just going around the internet

Vienna:

there's like all those things like we were girls together and just how special

Vienna:

that really is when you look back and think like we were, we were babies

Vienna:

together like we were, we were just girls.

Crystal:

We thought we knew so much.

Crystal:

We really did.

Crystal:

We thought we knew.

Vienna:

Those moments just need so much of who we are.

Vienna:

I would never trade any of those for.

Vienna:

The pain of the loss of it.

Vienna:

I mean, I wish I could change things, you know, with that time machine.

Vienna:

For sure.

Vienna:

It does make me think about the girl summer that we had.

Vienna:

A lot of us were noticing that this summer felt really special with

Vienna:

Girlhood, with Taylor and Beyonce and the Barb ie movie and just what.

Vienna:

What a really sacred time a lot of those places felt like going, going to the

Vienna:

movies, going to a show and having that really big sense of girlhood and community

Vienna:

and what it feels like when it's silly and sparkly and just safe to be together.

Vienna:

I think that's why a lot of the stuff this summer just took over societally because

Vienna:

really nothing's really recaptured the feeling of being A girl with your best

Vienna:

friend, quite like those places did.

Vienna:

I want to keep this summer going forever.

Vienna:

I loved the feeling of it.

Vienna:

It felt in a lot of ways like the entire world, and obviously not the entire

Vienna:

world, but you know, you get my point.

Crystal:

Yes.

Crystal:

I felt like I was in a cocoon, like I was just in a little cocoon with my girls.

Crystal:

I do.

Vienna:

I felt like I was in the girls bathroom, like a nightclub, and Or

Vienna:

like a bar, like there is, I feel bad for people who don't do that and like

Vienna:

don't go out to places like that because like there is no greater love than you

Vienna:

will have or feel from someone you have never spoken to before and will never

Vienna:

speak to again in about seven minutes.

Vienna:

When she is, like, crying over how beautiful you are, and you're fixing

Vienna:

each other's hair, and like, you might walk out of that room both

Vienna:

breaking up with your boyfriends.

Vienna:

Because that's what goes on in those girls.

Crystal:

And I felt like we're a split back to Where tea is spilled.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

Ugh.

Vienna:

I love the girls bathroom.

Crystal:

Right.

Crystal:

You know, any private room where I can cackle with, like,

Crystal:

with a witch is my favorite.

Crystal:

Like, I think I spent the whole summer.

Crystal:

Um, gosh, I, we all know how I spent the whole summer, but like what I think about

Crystal:

the, when I think about this summer, like I think about like how like Monica

Crystal:

and I spent a lot of time, like just in here, like, like Monica and I scream,

Crystal:

laugh, like we scream, laugh at things.

Crystal:

Um, like we are the funniest people we know.

Crystal:

And, um, that was amazing.

Crystal:

Celebrating, um, my friend Julie and her birthday and all

Crystal:

the awesome things in her life.

Crystal:

Me and Jessica, um, out in the street, like, but just, you know, like continuing

Crystal:

our, our spiritual growth and like investing in that part of ourself and

Crystal:

like going out and having a good time and, um, just like seeing some of just

Crystal:

these beautiful people, like, Having like a regular brunch with my friend, Stacy

Crystal:

has been so lovely and, you know, sending insane texts about crime, brain goon back

Crystal:

and forth with my friend, Teresa, like each, each of my like friendships has like

Crystal:

this beautiful little like channel with which we like share our energy together.

Crystal:

And it's, and it just is so special.

Crystal:

And this summer was like full of that.

Crystal:

And it literally has like picked me up off the floor.

Crystal:

I was starting a podcast.

Crystal:

With one of your favorite people in the whole wide world.

Crystal:

Like so many amazing things.

Crystal:

Everything just felt like summer camp.

Vienna:

That is it.

Vienna:

The summer felt like summer camp.

Crystal:

Without the drama though.

Crystal:

And the straight up vibes.

Vienna:

Yeah, I think it sort of felt like We were outside of

Vienna:

the male gaze for a little bit.

Vienna:

There wasn't the performance aspect, not that like any individual woman,

Vienna:

I'm not going to say that like women just are doing what they're

Vienna:

doing for the attention of men.

Vienna:

No, no, no.

Vienna:

That's not what I'm saying at all.

Vienna:

But I do think as a group, the gaze of men is on women and we are not

Vienna:

allowed to exist or have relationships outside of, uh, the profit of men.

Vienna:

And it felt like we were able to step outside of that and be like, no, no, no.

Vienna:

Our businesses, our Taylor, Beyonce and Greta, like those are, those

Vienna:

are our capitalist icons that we're going to give our money to.

Vienna:

And you know what?

Vienna:

Like, yes, it's still within the system, blah, blah, blah, but there

Vienna:

are women and we get to do that.

Crystal:

How they make us feel.

Vienna:

Right.

Vienna:

It's a lot.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Crystal:

I also want to note that there's been a couple of times that I went out

Crystal:

this summer and I saw, like, Gaggles of girls like girlfriend groups in the

Crystal:

club or at the bar at the lounge or whatever out to dinner and they could

Crystal:

give a shit like they looked fantastic.

Crystal:

They were, it's like you could tell like you were saying like, That they're not

Crystal:

concerned about the male gaze, like, some of them were dressed to the, like,

Crystal:

you know, in their heels and their body cons and, you know, their hair

Crystal:

was, like, done all up and some were, like, just very casual and whatever,

Crystal:

but they were doing it for them.

Crystal:

Like, you could absolutely tell that their energy was such that.

Crystal:

They didn't care if you were looking at them or not, they were there to look at

Crystal:

each other, like they were there to see each other, they were there to shake ass

Crystal:

with each other, they were there to have tricks with each other, to be loud and to

Crystal:

laugh and to, you know, be hyped together.

Crystal:

They were, you know, not concerned.

Crystal:

With who was looking at them.

Crystal:

And I just wanted to be like, dang, like if I could go back a solid, like

Crystal:

15 years, I would love to do that too.

Crystal:

But like, you know what, what, of course I can do that right now, you know?

Crystal:

And, um, I just love seeing a lot of the younger generations of women really

Crystal:

lean into, uh, this is like a slight tangent, but lean into enjoying each

Crystal:

other's company and continuing, like.

Crystal:

To have a really good time together and cultivate their

Crystal:

friendships together, completely de centering men from the spotlight.

Vienna:

Amen.

Vienna:

Let's have it.

Vienna:

That's it.

Vienna:

It's over.

Vienna:

If we could just implement, like, like shoot that into my veins.

Vienna:

Okay.

Vienna:

Like shoot that into everyone's veins because that, it felt like that's what

Vienna:

we've been looking for this whole time.

Vienna:

And I don't know how we carry that through.

Vienna:

And I don't want to give it up.

Vienna:

Um.

Vienna:

So I think there's like a desperately holding on to it, and like, I'm a

Vienna:

girl's girl, like, I, loving it, like, I'm for the girls, like, I will, like,

Vienna:

I'm ride or die for my girlies, and like, my girlies, meaning like, any

Vienna:

girlie I don't even know, anybody I just met, if we like sat next to each

Vienna:

other, and we have like a similar color on, like, guess what, now we're

Vienna:

besties, um, I just want to keep that.

Crystal:

I do.

Crystal:

I, same, same.

Crystal:

I only have one male friend.

Crystal:

One.

Crystal:

Shout out to Derek, whose wife, Maya, I'm also very close with.

Crystal:

And I love her so much.

Crystal:

And I'm like, that's it.

Crystal:

That's, that's more than anything.

Vienna:

You've hit your quota.

Vienna:

That's it.

Crystal:

That's it.

Crystal:

Um, yeah, like, and, and I do, I love my, I love my girls.

Crystal:

They are, they are literally my family.

Crystal:

And, um, I hope that.

Crystal:

You know, like, as you listen to this, like, you know, you get like a smile

Crystal:

across your face just about just your crew, you know, like just your crew

Crystal:

and the way that they like lift you and you know, the way you lift them

Crystal:

and how you can keep that energy going from the, this, this summer from,

Crystal:

from whenever it is never too late.

Crystal:

Really look at the depth of those friendships and want

Crystal:

to just let it fill your cup.

Vienna:

Yeah, and it's also never too late to add some new girlies to the squad.

Vienna:

I was really excited for the Barbie movie.

Vienna:

I actually went with two newer friends who I didn't know very well.

Vienna:

Two women that I met in my yoga teacher training, and we decided

Vienna:

pretty early on that we were going to go see Barbie together.

Vienna:

And I definitely had this moment that I was like, am I

Vienna:

going to be able to like relax?

Vienna:

I'm like, okay, let's watch the movie.

Vienna:

Okay.

Vienna:

I'm a crier.

Vienna:

I love a good cry in a movie.

Vienna:

And it was just really special to get to go and experience

Vienna:

something with some new friends.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Crystal:

Did your mom go?

Crystal:

That's when your mom

Vienna:

I went another time with my mom, yeah.

Vienna:

And of course, like, I wasn't there.

Crystal:

You know I love your mom.

Crystal:

Mom!

Crystal:

I saw the Barbie movie three times in the movie theater.

Crystal:

I haven't seen it.

Vienna:

Shut your face.

Crystal:

I know.

Crystal:

So listen, I have a lot of like, the way my ADHD is set up, I have a lot

Crystal:

of like, issues going into these.

Crystal:

Um, and I have, like I get very squirmy and weird.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Crystal:

And I wanted to go, but I just couldn't make it happen, like, with the schedule.

Crystal:

So, I can't wait to watch it, cause I, everybody that I have talked to has

Crystal:

had nothing but Great things to say about it all across the board that it

Crystal:

was absolutely not what they expected plus like Anything with Issa Rae in it.

Crystal:

I'm gonna see it.

Crystal:

I'm gonna see it Um, and i'm really really excited for that alone but

Crystal:

like yeah, I and I watched like the little mermaid this weekend too and

Crystal:

I was just like Yes, all the movies.

Crystal:

I think I like to save it too for like a quarter months so that I have something to

Vienna:

It's on digital now so you can watch it.

Crystal:

Excellent.

Crystal:

That's on my agenda

Vienna:

It's gonna like keep it'll keep your attention.

Vienna:

It's moves fast.

Vienna:

It's not super long.

Vienna:

You'll You'll enjoy it.

Vienna:

I enjoyed it so much and I normally, like, I can't even watch a five minute show

Vienna:

because I'm like, I can't focus on that, but I was able to watch it several times.

Vienna:

Another point that you brought up when we were initially talking about potentially

Vienna:

doing an episode about friendship was about why are women fighting?

Vienna:

Like, what is this?

Crystal:

I'm fighting out here.

Crystal:

That's crazy to me.

Vienna:

I think it plays so closely to what we were saying about De centering

Vienna:

men and female friendships because what we see on TV and our societal model of

Vienna:

friendship of female friendship is what?

Vienna:

Real housewives?

Vienna:

Like, we get so few shows about female friends going to bat for each other.

Vienna:

And I think that's why shows like Ted Lasso and Parks and Rec, like these

Vienna:

shows where there are really great female friendships that come through,

Vienna:

those become really special to people.

Vienna:

But they're also way the minority of what we see reflected to us in

Vienna:

TV and media, where every other show is just bitches be fighting,

Crystal:

like, like every fucking time,

Vienna:

flipping tables, pulling hair, throwing wigs on the floor,

Vienna:

like, that is not real life.

Crystal:

That's not that's not real life.

Crystal:

And also, like, I've never.

Crystal:

That's not anything that I've experienced, even like when I've had like beef with

Crystal:

a friend or, you know, or something that just needed to be resolved.

Crystal:

That's never something that I've experienced because I just don't, I was

Crystal:

about to be like, that's not how I am.

Crystal:

That's not necessarily true, but if I'm, I'm a firm believer that like,

Crystal:

if you, if you get me to that point, like why, why would we be friends?

Crystal:

That's, that's crazy.

Crystal:

So I, I've never gotten there because I just don't allow that energy close to me.

Crystal:

But I watched, I re watched three different shows.

Crystal:

I re watched, these are all classic black television, okay?

Crystal:

I re watched Girlfriends, I re watched Living Single in its

Crystal:

entirety, my personal favorite, and Insecure, another personal favorite.

Crystal:

And they are my favorite representations of female friendship.

Crystal:

Cause there's like, there's bickering and there's like a little drama or whatever,

Crystal:

but like at the end of it, it's like this infinite love, you know, for one another.

Crystal:

And, um, and all of these shows like show like these girlfriends less so, that one

Crystal:

was problematic, but like insecure and living single really show like, you know,

Crystal:

your friendships in these transitional states as you can move through, like.

Crystal:

young adulthood to like adulthood to like, Oh shit, like people are getting

Crystal:

married and having babies and, or, you know, or finding their way through

Crystal:

life, you know, outside of that path.

Crystal:

And like, I was like, even in those, I was like, I don't, there's a lot

Crystal:

of like beefs that I don't have, but like, I felt like those are really

Crystal:

good examples where conflicts can come up and they can be resolved without

Crystal:

like this weird, um, social media esque style of managing conflict.

Crystal:

And maybe that speaks to more about how we as a society handle conflict than it

Crystal:

does about um, friendship, but I feel like it's all tied together, truly.

Vienna:

But also like those shows that you mentioned and like a couple others I

Vienna:

can think of about like female friendships or that feature female friendships,

Vienna:

maybe not are specifically about them.

Vienna:

They are girls shows, like they are not considered mass media even.

Vienna:

I'm like.

Vienna:

Why is that?

Vienna:

I'm not gonna say that Real Housewives is, you know, for the boys, it's not

Vienna:

like they're a big audience, but even thinking through, you know, more popular

Vienna:

shows, I just, I don't watch a ton of like, the Game of Thrones or like those

Vienna:

type of like really popular shows.

Vienna:

I don't have the attention span for those sorts of things.

Vienna:

But from what I've seen, it doesn't seem like, you know, It seems like there's

Vienna:

more bromances and shows, more popular shows than female friendships that

Vienna:

ring true to what we live in our lives.

Vienna:

That's like, are the men profiting off of this?

Vienna:

Like, I'm sure they do profit when we, when we are pitted against each other.

Crystal:

And they often do.

Vienna:

And are we being trained to like, that's where the disconnect is

Vienna:

for me because If you watch all these shows, and they're saying, you know,

Vienna:

TV or media as a mirror, as a lens that we're holding up and seeing ourselves

Vienna:

reflected in, that one just does not hit.

Vienna:

Like, I know very few people in real life, even the biggest assholes I know, I don't

Vienna:

know many people who are constantly having these, Drag down talking shit fights

Crystal:

like what are y'all doing?

Vienna:

Well, like it just who has time for that?

Vienna:

The biggest fight that I've seen or like been part of are between

Vienna:

different groups of Breton's Navy.

Vienna:

And then you call your homegirls to come over and be like.

Vienna:

There's this girl here at this party.

Vienna:

Can you come over and make her feel real uncomfortable because I don't like her.

Vienna:

That's acceptable.

Vienna:

I'm not going to say that I've ever done that.

Vienna:

Um, but also my home girls came through.

Vienna:

I mean, the girl feel she was very passive aggressive towards her.

Vienna:

I guess that's how I handle conflict.

Vienna:

Yes.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

There were lots of dirty looks.

Vienna:

Um, yeah, but no, there's no,

Crystal:

I think the worst thing I ever did, like when I really didn't

Crystal:

like someone steal a bottle of wine from their house and leave their party.

Crystal:

Like, I was at the party, I took a bottle of wine, like,

Crystal:

from the party and I was like.

Vienna:

But like, also, that's something that I would have done

Vienna:

even if I did like somebody.

Crystal:

Like, yeah, like, don't be offended.

Crystal:

I would have taken wine from you no matter what.

Crystal:

The behavior at that age was not dependent on if I, like, not.

Vienna:

I was just a barnyard animal.

Crystal:

Looking at gremlin.

Crystal:

Oh, yeah.

Crystal:

I was always like, I was, listen.

Crystal:

I was such a gremlin.

Vienna:

If you let me into your house, it was like you had let a pig

Vienna:

from the farm run through your shit.

Vienna:

She was getting muddle everything.

Vienna:

She was, she was a mess and a monster.

Vienna:

And I don't know how much damage I caused back then, but it was not good.

Vienna:

But also, like, that's on you.

Vienna:

You, like, if you invited me over, you should have known better.

Vienna:

I probably warned you.

Crystal:

I, I feel like, at this, one of the best things about being this age

Crystal:

and, like, having these well established friendships is the fact that they

Crystal:

all know exactly how the fuck I am.

Crystal:

You want to take me somewhere I gotta be quiet?

Crystal:

Don't do that.

Crystal:

Mm mm.

Crystal:

Okay?

Crystal:

That's crazy.

Crystal:

Why would you do that to me?

Crystal:

You know?

Vienna:

Why would I do that to you?

Vienna:

Right, like, why?

Vienna:

You want to shush me?

Vienna:

For an hour?

Vienna:

Or two?

Vienna:

How many hours are you going to shush me for?

Vienna:

Because however long you have in you, I have longer.

Crystal:

To go.

Crystal:

I will be a minute.

Crystal:

I'm always ready.

Crystal:

Alright?

Crystal:

When I tell you that I'm always ready to switch to demon time, I am not kidding.

Crystal:

That's where I live, baby.

Crystal:

In that gremlin cave.

Vienna:

I think the world should be thanking themselves, or like thanking us

Vienna:

for the fact that we don't live closer.

Crystal:

Honest to god, y'all really should, seriously.

Vienna:

You don't know how bad it could be.

Vienna:

It could be worse.

Crystal:

For all of you!

Crystal:

No, just kidding.

Vienna:

Let's destroy everything.

Crystal:

I will wreck this shit.

Crystal:

The worst thing I ever did, probably like with a friend, well, not the worst,

Crystal:

but like, I remember distinctly, um, knocking over like a chip rack display at

Crystal:

Sheetz when I was drunk and frostburred.

Crystal:

And I was like, oh my life together.

Crystal:

Um, that's not the worst thing I did in Frostburg, but

Crystal:

that was one of my favorites.

Crystal:

Because I, I would never do something like that.

Crystal:

Like, I was like, oh my god, I did that.

Vienna:

I walked out of a bar, Bathroom and Fell's Point.

Vienna:

A friend had like rented the bar out.

Vienna:

She wanted to have like a really nice upscale party.

Vienna:

I was like, sure.

Vienna:

My friend are like, are you okay?

Vienna:

I was like, somebody flushed a champagne glass down the toilet

Vienna:

and they were like, was it you?

Vienna:

I was like, it was me.

Vienna:

And then like 10 minutes later.

Crystal:

What?

Vienna:

Is running to the bathroom and like putting up like signage

Vienna:

say like this is closed you can't go in there and I'm like you invite

Vienna:

me somewhere I don't want to be I will take down their whole plumbing.

Crystal:

I will throw a champagne glass in this toilet.

Vienna:

I want to say it was not intentional I had placed a champagne

Vienna:

glass on the back of the toilet tank.

Vienna:

Oh that's fair.

Vienna:

I thought you were like, what does this do?

Vienna:

That should speak to my prior behavior that everyone was like,

Vienna:

Vienna, you did that on purpose.

Vienna:

And I was just like, really?

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

Well, do you have any tips for people when it comes to making friendships

Vienna:

for going together more closely?

Crystal:

Oh my gosh, absolutely.

Crystal:

First things first, like I really just feel like if you're, if you're

Crystal:

worried that like you're weird and you're gonna have trouble making

Crystal:

friends, please let your weird out.

Crystal:

Let your weird out.

Crystal:

I am telling you that no good friend I ever had came for me being like

Crystal:

pretending for a second that I was normal.

Crystal:

Yeah, let your weird out to play a bit in that space is where you

Crystal:

find like your kindred spirits.

Vienna:

Yes.

Vienna:

And on that, the faster you let it out, the faster you will know

Vienna:

if this person is for you or not.

Vienna:

Don't waste your time pretending to be somebody or not seriously.

Crystal:

Like show, show up as you and show up as you completely whole.

Crystal:

My personal strategy is if, if I make like a really good off-color joke and

Crystal:

you respond well to it, Like we're good.

Crystal:

Yeah.

Crystal:

I'll call her joke or like, or I say something that's kind of like wild and

Crystal:

out of pocket, but you know, it's true.

Crystal:

And so we're all going to laugh.

Crystal:

That's always a good strategy for me, because that kind of tells you

Crystal:

where I'm at a lot of the time.

Crystal:

And I feel like letting my weird out has been like, essential for me to find.

Crystal:

My true, true people, and also just meeting people where they are to, like,

Crystal:

letting things build really naturally and.

Crystal:

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable, if we can, like, go back to,

Crystal:

you know, some of what we were talking about a few weeks ago.

Crystal:

Allow yourself to be vulnerable, and you have to allow yourself to

Crystal:

be seen, too, if you want to have those good friendships, you know?

Vienna:

That is really sweet.

Vienna:

Yeah, that is so true.

Vienna:

Um, being weird and being vulnerable at the same time.

Vienna:

You might as well just overshare from day one, and if they don't

Vienna:

like it, they're not your people.

Vienna:

That's okay.

Vienna:

Thank you.

Vienna:

I know, uh, I went, I'm real socially awkward.

Vienna:

I went to a, an event and it was like, I had nothing going on in my life.

Vienna:

Like I'm a stay at home mom.

Vienna:

Like, what do you want from me?

Vienna:

Um, and people were like, well, what have you been up to lately?

Vienna:

And I was like, um, I don't.

Vienna:

Uh, you know, same old, same old, but let me tell you about what I did 500

Vienna:

years ago because I just had a past life regression and I'm happy to tell

Vienna:

you all about the fact that I like was a tavern wench and I'm like, you

Vienna:

know, shut up, like shut your mouth.

Vienna:

This is so weird.

Vienna:

This is too weird.

Vienna:

And I'm like, all the way home, I was like, you were so weird.

Vienna:

You shouldn't have done all that.

Vienna:

And I'm like, you know what?

Vienna:

Nah.

Vienna:

If they didn't like it.

Vienna:

That's fine.

Crystal:

Let me tell you what.

Crystal:

I'm going to tell you every time I'm fucking weird.

Crystal:

I'm going to talk about psychic shit.

Crystal:

I'm going to talk about witchy shit.

Crystal:

I'm going to talk about astrology.

Crystal:

I want to talk about the embarrassing thing that happened to you in third grade.

Crystal:

Um, and this is not, this is not to be confused with me

Crystal:

having a lack of boundaries.

Crystal:

It's more like when I know that like I'm trying to cultivate a friendship, if these

Crystal:

things come up and I think that they're weird, I'm going to talk about them.

Crystal:

Because if they're up, they're up.

Crystal:

Okay?

Crystal:

And I just feel like

Vienna:

We're humans.

Vienna:

We're all humans.

Vienna:

And you know what humans do?

Vienna:

They shit their pants sometimes.

Vienna:

Talk about it.

Vienna:

Okay.

Crystal:

Like it happens.

Vienna:

That's how you shit your pants.

Vienna:

Okay.

Vienna:

These are the things I need to know about.

Vienna:

Cause

Crystal:

I also need to know your most embarrassing shit ever.

Crystal:

Like, like the things that you're like, this is, this is, this is a

Crystal:

great segue into if you have some listener emails that you want to send.

Vienna:

Please email us and tell us about the last shit your pants, or

Vienna:

when you saw somebody else do it.

Vienna:

Because as I said earlier, I'm not going to remember what you said.

Crystal:

No, not unless we play this episode back a couple times, but

Crystal:

like, but seriously, like, I think I like those like weird stories because

Crystal:

they just let me know so much about a person and like how they handle

Crystal:

like conflict or awkwardness or like.

Crystal:

I love people's imperfection.

Crystal:

I love people's imperfection and I love to see it because I think

Crystal:

it is what endears me to them.

Crystal:

And I think that that's why I love to hear those wild ass stories like that.

Vienna:

Right?

Vienna:

Because if you know that you can laugh at yourself, I know that you're

Vienna:

also going to help me shake it off a little bit when I'm taking myself too

Vienna:

seriously or beating myself up too much.

Vienna:

Because it's just not that serious.

Vienna:

Like we are a tiny little.

Vienna:

person on a speck of a planet in an infinite galaxy and universe with like,

Vienna:

time is not real, nothing is that serious.

Vienna:

So if you can help me like, enjoy it a little bit more.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Crystal:

Enjoy your humanity a bit, yeah.

Crystal:

I think that's essential.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

I think one thing that I've had to do, and I would encourage other people

Vienna:

to do as well, if you're like, in that place where you're like, I don't

Vienna:

have any friends, it's so hard to make new friends, It's really gross.

Vienna:

I know.

Vienna:

I hated it.

Vienna:

But like, you really do just have to put yourself out there a little bit more

Vienna:

and if you're the kind of person that doesn't naturally, uh, remember a lot

Vienna:

of things and make those connections.

Vienna:

You might have to force it a little bit.

Vienna:

You might have to put a reminder on your phone to text this person that you met

Vienna:

a couple days ago and follow up on how that restaurant was that they mentioned.

Vienna:

Or like, Ask them where they got their hair cut or like send them the contact

Vienna:

information for the library and that unit like find reasons to follow

Vienna:

up with people because otherwise, some of us are really good at just

Vienna:

never talking to someone again.

Vienna:

And those those little moments are all opportunities

Crystal:

hey, oh, I love, I truly do love this conversation.

Crystal:

Can we get out about this endlessly?

Vienna:

Can we give people two challenges this week?

Crystal:

Yes.

Vienna:

Okay, they're scary.

Vienna:

I don't even know that I want to do them.

Vienna:

Okay, first one.

Vienna:

Reach back out to somebody along the way.

Vienna:

I know last week we said the challenge was to like reach out to a current

Vienna:

friend and give them their flowers now, can you reach back out to

Vienna:

somebody that you've lost touch with?

Vienna:

Maybe a former friend and just, you know, it doesn't have to be a big,

Vienna:

huge reconciliation, but maybe just a moment to say, Hey, the times

Vienna:

that we shared are really special.

Vienna:

And I think about them a lot, really fondly.

Vienna:

Thank you for being in my life at that point.

Crystal:

I love that.

Vienna:

Second challenge might be scarier depending who you are as a

Vienna:

person, but follow up with somebody new.

Vienna:

Give yourself like a little opportunity because there's no such

Vienna:

thing as not needing any new friends.

Vienna:

Like, you can open that heart space a little tiny bit and just give

Vienna:

somebody a little bit of a way in.

Vienna:

Even if it's, you know, another mom that you see it drop off every once in

Vienna:

a while, or Somebody that like you see at your gym or your yoga class, like

Vienna:

just grab their number and say like, Oh, let me text this to you later.

Vienna:

Like I'll get this to you.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Crystal:

Organic beyond measure.

Crystal:

That's, that's a beautiful way to do it.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

You could just like, you know, you don't have to, you can like make up a reason.

Vienna:

You can ask them, say like, Oh, will you send me the hair salon that you go to?

Vienna:

And then boom, they're in your phone and you can follow up with them a couple of

Vienna:

days later, but just give it a little bit of an end to plant that seed.

Vienna:

They might, they might turn into your new best friend.

Vienna:

They might just be a really weird fucking story that you can tell somebody one

Vienna:

day, which is honestly sometimes better.

Vienna:

So.

Crystal:

I love that.

Crystal:

Ugh.

Crystal:

I love these challenges.

Crystal:

And also, bonus, just tell, tell your people that, you know, you have in your

Crystal:

life, um, give them their flowers, remind them that you love them, and some, you

Crystal:

know, if you, if your friends are like my friends, maybe like, oh, bitch, why,

Crystal:

like, why, you know, like, weird and sentimental, but like, you know, remind

Crystal:

them it's okay to be a bush from time to time, and just that you love them, and

Crystal:

you love that you have them in your life.

Vienna:

Yeah, so it was really sweet.

Vienna:

I feel like that should be the ongoing every week challenge.

Vienna:

Tell someone you love them.

Crystal:

Attitude of gratitude, people.

Crystal:

Okay.

Crystal:

Great.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

Okay, so make sure you tune in next week when we will be

Vienna:

talking about affirmations.

Crystal:

Affirmations.

Vienna:

So I affirm that wholeheartedly.

Crystal:

I do too.

Crystal:

I'm excited for this one.

Crystal:

I, I love affirmations and I can't wait to show you the ways

Crystal:

that I use them and they're going to, it's going to be a goodie.

Crystal:

So come and see us.

Vienna:

Send us out this week with an affirmation to carry

Vienna:

us through to the next episode.

Crystal:

Oh, I recently, like I said on Sunday, I did a spiritual bath.

Crystal:

Okay.

Crystal:

And I took part of a prayer provided by amazing herbalist, the

Crystal:

Empress Karen Rose in Brooklyn, from her book Spiritual Herbalism.

Crystal:

And the protection prayer, the very last line of the protection prayer is,

Crystal:

I am everywhere God is, all is well.

Crystal:

Oh, that.

Crystal:

When I tell you that that affirmed me on Sunday, whatever you believe

Crystal:

that that God is or spirit is or universe is, it just was the simple

Crystal:

and beautiful line that I needed.

Crystal:

I am everywhere god is.

Crystal:

All as well.

Vienna:

I love that.

Vienna:

Yeah.

Vienna:

That's so nice.

Vienna:

It feels very similar to one I use a lot, which is maybe like a

Vienna:

slightly different twist on it.

Vienna:

So people can pick which of the two they like.

Vienna:

Um, or do them both.

Vienna:

Use both of them.

Vienna:

But what is for me will not pass me.

Vienna:

Oof.

Vienna:

If it's there for us all is well.

Vienna:

Just like you said.

Crystal:

That's beautiful.

Crystal:

That's, that is a rooting one that roots me like in place

Crystal:

in the most beautiful way.

Crystal:

This for me will not pass me.

Vienna:

No need to be fearful.

Vienna:

And tune in more next week.

Vienna:

When you can find out more about affirmation because Crystal is a genius

Vienna:

when it comes to them, and I can't

Crystal:

Can't wait to share Thank you so much, Vienna, darling

Crystal:

Where can the people find you?

Vienna:

The good people can find me at GlowUpInsideOut on the old Instagram.

Vienna:

We are also there as HealingHappyHourPod.

Vienna:

And you should definitely follow us there and on TikTok because we be postin okay?

Crystal:

We be posting okay?

Crystal:

Follow us there on TikTok, on Instagram.

Crystal:

You can also find me at templehoneyhealing.

Crystal:

We want to hear from you.

Crystal:

We haven't gotten a lick of tea.

Crystal:

Y'all are slippin but we have faith, okay?

Crystal:

Um, but yes, let us know your thoughts, um, in the comments and in our email.

Crystal:

We'd love to hear from you guys.

Crystal:

And in the meantime, be blessed, okay?

Vienna:

Oh, yes.

Vienna:

Okay, honeys.

Vienna:

We'll see you next week.

Vienna:

Bye.

Vienna:

Thanks so much for hanging out with us at the Healing Happy Hour.

Vienna:

Subscribe or follow to make sure you don't miss a single episode.

Vienna:

We're dropping wisdom and foolishness every Thursday

Vienna:

and we want you here with us.

Vienna:

See you next week.

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About the Podcast

The Healing Happy Hour
Pushing back against the trauma of being human, together
Welcome to the Healing Happy Hour with Crystal and Vienna, two deeply unserious people exploring serious topics while cackling and sometimes crying.

Together we are learning to push back against the trauma of being human in the world today through ancient wisdom and practices, modern therapeutic techniques, and anything else that moves the needle towards healing.

If you’re also sick of tripping over your own bullshit, join us while we create a sanctuary for everyone who is ready to activate the magic in their life.

About your host

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The Healing Happy Hour

I’m Crystal, an energy worker and life coach specializing in boundary work, and a mom of two beautiful wildings. I’m on a mission to stay soft in the face of hard things, while guiding others to do the same through answering the invitation to embody their whole self.

I’m Vienna, mom of three goblins, yoga teacher in training, deeply self conscious and learning how to take up space. This phase of my life is about embracing my old favorite parts of myself, nurturing new ones and letting them harmonize into the new me.