Episode 7

Stop Dragging your Inner Child

Published on: 19th October, 2023

We've all had those moments where we stumble upon an old photograph and get hit with a rush of nostalgia, right? Maybe it's hearing a Taylor Swift song, making a milkshake, or playing Mario Kart that bring back memories. Join us as we uncover the significance of how past experiences have shaped us, and how we can move forward with intentionality toward healing.

This episode shines a light on the concept of reparenting ourselves as we unravel how early experiences create our worldviews and how we can harness the power of neuroplasticity to rewrite our narratives. We delve into the importance of self-care, reparenting ourselves, and how setting boundaries can sometimes require a bit of tough love for ourselves. In addition, we examine the profound impact of healing and unlearning for our inner child.


In our reflections on childhood and growth, we find strength in acknowledging that all of our ages and experiences are still within us. We discuss rewiring negative self-talk, practicing self-compassion, and reconnecting with childhood joy for healing. From reminiscing about Taco Bell to indulging in nostalgic activities like playing Nintendo, we discover the simple yet profound ways to reconnect with our inner child.


Topics this week include:

  • Pets
  • Taylor Swift Eras Tour Movie
  • Dreams and subconscious exploration (what do dreams about shoes mean? What about that dream about being unprepared for an exam?)
  • What is shadow work?
  • What is this inner child stuff?
  • Mean mommy and gentle parenting
  • Homework battles
  • Reparenting and setting boundaries
  • Mario Kart
  • Taco Bell
  • Reconnecting With Childhood Joy


This weeks challenge:

  1. Save a picture of little you in a place where you'll see it often.
  2. Write a letter to yourself as a child. Tell them what you wish someone would have told you then.
  3. Reconnect with your favorite childhood activities and have an "inner child playdate."

Reading List:

Relevant Links:

Find Us:


Music by FASSounds on Pixabay.

Transcript
Crystal:

She crazy as hell.

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Vienna: =is she only like that with you?

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Crystal: Mostly she's a little

bit like that with Javi and so

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it's just JD

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never snuggles me.

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And I'm like, because you literally

don't even acknowledge your

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presence because you're an air

sign and you can't fucking help it.

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Anyway, he just he's oh, hey, KA

doesn't, whereas J's like an animal

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lover, like through and through

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Vienna: That's really

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Crystal: Me

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Vienna: Do the boys miss

having doggies around, or?

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Crystal: actually.

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Yeah, definitely.

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Is more of a cat person, so he's

very affectionate with Diddy.

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Enzo really loved Talia, and he

does say every week, I miss Tully,

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which is what he called her.

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And I'd be like,

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Vienna: too!

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Crystal: but so while he's

oh, Diddy, hey, what's up?

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But like with Talia, he like loved Talia.

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Vienna: That's

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Crystal: to always harass her, like as a

one year old, he'd pull her tail and shit.

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I'm like, stop it.

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But yeah, he loved her.

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Vienna: That's so cute.

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Crystal: girl?

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Vienna: She looks pretty cozy.

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Crystal: I know.

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Vienna: always tell me that when

I die, they're gonna get a cat.

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It's not that I don't like cats,

I'm just allergic to cats, but

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Crystal: That's a valid reason.

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Just breathe in the dander.

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Mom.

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Vienna: They tell me, they're like,

it's okay that we can't have a cat

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now, even though we both really

love cats and we really want a cat,

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but when you die we'll get a cat.

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Crystal: damn,

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Vienna: thanks guys.

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Crystal: my mom told us she was

allergic, but she's not really,

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she just doesn't like them.

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Vienna: Did you have

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Crystal: And so,

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Vienna: up?

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Crystal: Dogs and they were

always cocker spaniels.

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Actually, we had the same cocker

spaniel and then I had two more

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in college, like graduate school.

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I had two.

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She just does not

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like cats, like old

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people.

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Oh, they're sneaky.

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And they get

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on, piano and

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everything and I'm like, yeah, they are.

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But they're also very sweet and I never

thought I'd have a cat, but here we are.

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Vienna: I like

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it.

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Crystal: I am a cat.

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I think

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Vienna: it's very much

your vibe right now.

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Crystal: A little bitchy, a little.

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Like

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Vienna: like you have to

work for it a little bit,

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It

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really pays off.

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Crystal: There's some people that

could stand to hear that message,

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but anyway.

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Oh my gosh.

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So I just I'm like, what day is it?

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I'm like, where are we in the week?

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And I haven't even asked, how

was your week, like the rest of

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your week, last week, and what

did you do for your healing?

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Vienna: Doesn't it feel

like the days are just...

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Crystal: Blurring

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Vienna: even know, I don't even know

what happened over the past few days.

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I'm looking at my calendar

now to see what I did.

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We went to see the Eros tour

concert on Friday night.

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My trials.

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Amazing.

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Crystal: I love that for you.

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Vienna: Incredibly healing.

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Crystal: I love that for you.

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Vienna: It was

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Crystal: I, what did Jimmy do?

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Was he like, yes.

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Vienna: Okay, he is the OG

Swifty in our household.

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He has been into her since he was like

in high school and she was doing country.

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Crystal: Oh my God, Jimmy.

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Vienna: I know.

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He will bring that up every time I

try to be like, you don't even know.

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He's I don't even know.

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I don't even know who used to drive to

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Crystal: was that, his crush?

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Vienna: He had a crush on her.

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Yes.

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Crystal: Aw,

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Jimmy.

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Vienna: always she was, she's so hot.

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I can't believe I'm

like, she wasn't my type.

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Although now it's changed a little

bit, but Yeah, she definitely

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wasn't my type there, but I respect

it, yeah, so he was loving it.

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Crystal: Lover boy.

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Vienna: you're like a speak now boy and

he's no I'm folklore evermore that's

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his era, but I'm like, no, you are pure

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speak now

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Crystal: for the audience, I

don't even know, I remember when

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she came out and she was country.

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I remember when Kanye was mean to her.

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I remember when she milked it

for the next thousand years.

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Vienna: Okay, I'm going to stop you right

there because she actually disappeared

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for a year and a half and deleted all

her socials and then they came after her

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but I will say you are a rep era girlie.

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You're in your reputation era and

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Crystal: name?

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Okay.

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Name a song off that album,

and I probably know it.

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Vienna: that's like the one

with all the snake imagery.

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It's ooh, look what you made me do.

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You need to like, I feel like

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you

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Crystal: All Let's look at

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Vienna: with it.

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You need to vibe with it a little

bit because that is so you and

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I, it blows my mind that you are

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Crystal: It's called,

it's called Reputation.

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Vienna: That was like

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her, like angsty it was a good era.

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Crystal: Oh I

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can't, I don't know any

songs from this album.

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Vienna: I always say I'm in my

reputation era, but I'm not.

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If I could tell you to start with...

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I really want you to do Don't Blame

Me and Look What You Made Me Do

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because the transition of those

songs in the live version is so good.

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But also, Delicate is sweet and soft

and I think you'll like that too.

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Crystal: Okay.

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Listen for you.

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I will do it

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for no other reason.

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By the way, I did cackle at

the social media posts because

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when I saw it I was like, oh.

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And then I was like, that's fair.

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That's

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fair.

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It's

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Vienna: though.

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I love that she was like at her own

movie of her concert singing along to

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Crystal: rocking out to

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herself.

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Vienna: We should all show

ourselves that much self love.

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I took that as

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Crystal: I was gonna say, I

wanna hate on it, but that's like

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absolutely something that I would do.

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Vienna: I'm like,

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Crystal: I'd be like, Ooh, look at me.

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Vienna: Good for her.

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I love that for her.

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I need to channel that a little bit and

be able to enjoy my successes there.

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And that really is what I

listen to our podcast back.

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I'm just like, oh my god, we're so funny.

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We're so charming.

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I love these girls.

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Crystal: I do feel like we are delightful.

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Vienna: Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Crystal: I don't know what I was doing

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I don't know what I

was doing Friday night.

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Vienna: I know what you Were doing.

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You told me what you were going to

do, which is why I knew I was safe to

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Crystal: Oh,

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Vienna: That's why I knew it

was safe to be posting TikToks

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without your permission.

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Because I was like, she's busy.

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Crystal: you're right.

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Yeah, that was uneventful,

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Vienna: That's disappointing.

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Crystal: We'll discuss offline.

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But yeah, that's right.

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But I did Calco When I saw it before

bed, I was like, oh girl, you know what?

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I gotta let you have it.

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Okay.

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Because you knew what to do.

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You knew the

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timeframe in which I would be

unavailable for commentary.

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But what did I do?

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Oh, I went to I went to the rum

distillery that I often work at,

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hadn't been there in a long time.

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So the eastern shore of Maryland in St.

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Michael's shout out to women and

distilling in Lion Rum, and I

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just was so happy to be there.

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It's always a happy place for me.

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It's just very chill and I don't

know how anybody could be bad selling

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booze, so it was just a good time.

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The girl I worked with,

Erica, she was awesome.

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And It's fun to get people

to taste a whole bunch of

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stuff and see what they like.

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So

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that was fun.

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for me.

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But I will say I think like just

standing for a long time 'cause I'm old.

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And then the drive back, I just

my hips felt so bad when I got

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home that I just got in the bed

and I was like, oh God, help me.

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Like, I just was old why did I

think that I could be standing up

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for hours on end in docs, which are

comfortable, but not for hours on end.

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And I was like, crystal,

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Vienna: some like insoles in there.

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Crystal: yeah I'm gonna need

like some orthotics or something.

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But because of that I just feel like

I've been tired the last few days and

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I've been just going to bed very early.

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I've been dreaming crazy all

night, which probably has a lot

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to do with why I'm so tired.

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Nice.

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And whenever I get weird like

that, I have to start obviously

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trying to figure out what's up.

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And so I started writing a

lot more in the past few days

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and just pulling a lot more cards

because something has been like, Hey

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bitch, you got something to work out.

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And yeah,

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Vienna: Are you a dream analysis person?

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Crystal: big time because every dream

I get I I can tell the difference

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between a dream that's like me working

out something in my subconscious.

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And then there I have dreams that

are projective in nature and these

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are like subconscious dreams that I'm

having, but they're like very vivid

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in the sense that I know I need to

be paying attention to some details.

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And so I'm waking up in the morning,

like grabbing my phone like trying

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to write out as much as possible and

unpack some of that stuff I'm seeing.

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It's so weird.

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Vienna: I don't have very

many dreams these days.

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Oh, and I do.

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They are so vivid.

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And I'm just like, that's scary.

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I didn't like that.

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Even when they're, like, an okay dream,

something about it being vivid really

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freaks me out because I'm one of those

people that I don't have visual...

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I feel like we've talked about this

before, but I don't see things, if you

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tell me to visualize an apple, I don't see

an apple, like it's like inside my brain.

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I don't see it So when I have a

vivid dream It's really freaky

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to me because I'm like, I don't

see things in my waking hours

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Crystal: But it's amazing 'cause

it's like a totally different set

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of eyes that you're viewing it with.

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It's like your third eye.

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It's the way your soul sees, as opposed

to like our like human peon brains.

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There's just so much that our

subconscious knows that we don't

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pick up on in our, waking life.

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And it's amazing to me like what

comes out in dreams because I bet

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you, you have some very like, strong,

intuitive things popping off in your

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dreams, and I would guarantee, because

you are pretty grounded, right?

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Pretty realistic.

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That's not to say you're not a dreamer

or creative, 'cause people always like,

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insinuate you have to be one or the other.

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But you are very like, practical, right?

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I feel like your dreams are probably

a place for you where they're

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like, let me show you some wild

shit since you're always getting

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stuff done during, your waking

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Vienna: there's definitely wild shit in

there There's so much disorganization

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that comes through in my dreams,

which is probably like my biggest

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fear in like real life, but it's

like I can't find somebody or like

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That I was supposed to do didn't get

done and now the world is falling apart

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because of it and like it always comes

back to me and a lot of the time in those

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dreams like I just can't find somebody

or I can't get to somebody fast enough.

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Or I'm supposed to give somebody a

message and I, I can't get to them

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there's so much of that and I'm just

like, yeah, it's because my Virgo

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self does not like my ADHD brain

and is bitch, get your shit together

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Not gonna be able to do this

anymore, but there's probably

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something more to it, but also,

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Crystal: there's

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much symbolism.

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It's insane.

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I always have these dreams where

like I'll be in an elevator and like

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I can't get to the fucking floor.

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I'm trying to get to dreams

where I go back to school.

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I have like last night I think it

was a combination of like wild shit

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I was watching before bed and like

whatever, but I had a dream that I

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was like a dignitary of some kind

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and was like, or pretending to

be one and had, and I was like

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speaking in this British accent.

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Vienna: Cardi, what,

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Crystal: Right.

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Vienna: is this just Cardi?

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Okay.

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Crystal: I fucking love her.

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Um, I was unhinged like for sure,

but I was speaking in this British

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accent and I think I remember like

thinking I know I'm not British, but

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I'm doing it because I need to like.

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Infiltrate this place, or I

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need them to believe this.

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It was something weird.

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Like I knew I was faking it and I

was trying to, I was getting ready

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to be introduced to some people, but

I could not find my fucking shoes.

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And they were all these shoes,

it was like a pile of shoes.

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And they were, some of them would be

the same color but not the same style.

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And it was, they were just all messed up.

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And I could not fucking find

two shoes that matched for shit.

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And like, I don't know,

let's fucking look it up.

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I

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don't, I mismatched shoe dream.

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Vienna: yeah, shoes

feels like very specific.

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Crystal: I, yeah, it's got to I'm gonna

look at the first thing that comes

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up on Google 'cause just for time's

sake, but Oh, that's ha, that's funny.

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Spiritually, I dream about

wearing mismatched shoes.

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Means that you are making some decisions

that are not in your best interests.

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Best things come in pairs.

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So why were so By wearing mismatched

shoes, you may be making some decisions

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that lead to frustration in the future.

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You may feel uneasy about the

relationship you're involved in.

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Oh,

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Jesus Christ.

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Vienna: Is that too on point?

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Oh, and shoes in general, like what they

represent in a dream, what does it say

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Crystal: Yeah,

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Vienna: Maybe stepping into

new roles, trying on different

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aspects of your identity.

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Different shoes might represent

different roles that we're taking.

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Crystal: I can see that.

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Vienna: the pile of shoes is

like all the different roles that

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you have in your life, and like

how do you bring them together?

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Or,

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Crystal: Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Like it was like nothing went couldn't,

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Vienna: seeing shoes and dreams

provides insight into our willingness

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or unwillingness to embrace change.

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Are there changes that are

happening that maybe we're not

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able to get it together for?

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Or not willing

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to?

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Does that

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Crystal: sure.

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sure.

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Yeah,

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Vienna: You're like, fuck this shit.

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Fuck these

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Crystal: yeah.

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Yeah.

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I I can see multiple areas where

that would all apply very accurately.

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Vienna: I hope you just have

really satisfying dreams tonight.

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Crystal: I do too.

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'cause Some of them are lit though.

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Some of them are like, what?

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Like I do have these dreams that

are like, they're not recurring.

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The theme isn't recurring, but

I'm visiting the same place

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and it's not any place I know.

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So I don't, I think it's, I

personally think I'm Ash or

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projecting somewhere else, but

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Vienna: I like that for you.

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Crystal: 'cause no dream is the same,

but I'm starting to learn like the the

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terrain of this place and it's so weird.

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I just want me, if I could just get

into my metaphysical bag for a second.

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Vienna: Oh my god.

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That sounds amazing.

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Is it

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What's the vibe of it?

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Does it feel good?

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Does it feel

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Crystal: It's seaside.

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It doesn't feel scary anymore because

I feel like I've been there so much

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and it's this seaside town that

goes from like mountains on one

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end to like jungle on the other.

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It's insane.

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And part, sometimes it feels

like, it reminds me a little bit

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of Long Beach, but like nicer.

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So it's like my brain is like, puts

together like a certain strip of

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road and then like I'll have another

dream and it'll connect like that

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strip to another strip of road.

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it's like,

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Vienna: it's like building out the

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Crystal: yeah, it's the most insane place,

like insane thing I've ever experienced.

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And it's also I've been dreaming

about this place for a solid

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two, three years I think.

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So it just keeps expanding for me.

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Vienna: That's wild.

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My main recurring dream is so annoying.

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It's it's so fucking annoying

because I always have it.

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It's, I didn't know until the

very last day that I was supposed

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to, that I had signed up for a

class, and now it's the final.

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But I didn't even know I was taking the

class, and I have to take the final.

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They're not letting me not do it.

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They're like, no, you

have to take the final.

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And I'm like, but I didn't do anything.

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What, I was supposed to

withdraw from this class.

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I submitted the paperwork to withdraw.

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I didn't even

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Crystal: that's so frustrating.

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Vienna: And I'm just like, I haven't

even been in school for how long?

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Like I

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Crystal: are you waking up

like frustrated beyond measure?

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Like

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Vienna: Yeah, I wake up like in a panic,

but I'm just like, this is everything I've

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ever been afraid of, is that I'm gonna

show up to something and not be prepared.

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Crystal: What does that mean?

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Vienna: Probably that I'm a crazy person.

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Crystal: Oh, girl, I, let's see.

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Dreams.

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About what?

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Vienna: Like

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Crystal: missing Like a test?

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Vienna: a final without taking the class.

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I feel like that's common.

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I don't know.

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Maybe I'm just like, Oh, these

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are people who have demanded a

high performance from themselves.

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Yeah, tell me about that.

403

:

Crystal: I don't appreciate how shady

404

:

Vienna: alright, Washington Post.

405

:

I don't even need that from you.

406

:

Crystal: shut the

407

:

Vienna: coming for me like this.

408

:

Reflection of responsibilities.

409

:

Yeah.

410

:

Crystal: Fear of judgment.

411

:

Vienna: It's what a very...

412

:

Okay, there's a whole article.

413

:

in psychology today about

this specific dream, so

414

:

Crystal: Oh man.

415

:

Vienna: it's very common.

416

:

Crystal: Oh my God.

417

:

Look, the Google search

for that comes right up.

418

:

oh,

419

:

oh.

420

:

, the dream as a reminder not to

miss an opportunity or take a more

421

:

a active role in one's destiny.

422

:

Vienna: Beating myself up for always

being a procrastinator, and it's

423

:

Crystal: Yeah.

424

:

Yes.

425

:

Vienna: of being a procrastinator, but,

426

:

Crystal: Or feeling like you're taking too

long to achieve a goal, which is bullshit.

427

:

Vienna: Yeah,

428

:

Crystal: that wild?

429

:

Good God.

430

:

Listen here.

431

:

I don't need our dreams.

432

:

Shading the shit out of us.

433

:

Vienna: yeah, I don't need that at all

I already, I've got enough going on.

434

:

Yeah, do you want to pull what

we're, what do we pull in from today?

435

:

Crystal: Oh my gosh.

436

:

So listen, y'all, shadow work season

we bought is like all up in it.

437

:

It's here.

438

:

As your resident cancer, I can feel that

incoming energy long before it arrives.

439

:

If you feel like things are very

heavy and you want a hermit crab.

440

:

If you've been asking yourself

the question of why am I like this

441

:

frequently throughout the day embrace

shadow season, doing a little deep

442

:

dive into self and my favorite

Oracle deck for doing shadow work.

443

:

It's called The Lantern Oracle.

444

:

This deck is super, super special to me,

probably because it's most Oracle decks.

445

:

A lot of people will

say are like bullshit.

446

:

I hear that, okay, I do,

I receive it, whatever.

447

:

But this one is the most on point and one

of the most visually beautiful, but also

448

:

emotionally connected decks I've ever

worked with because it really is I really

449

:

love the way the stack divides the journey

of your womanhood into the maiden, the

450

:

mother, the crone like moves you through

these different stages in your life.

451

:

And it just gives these really

beautiful fitting messages.

452

:

And it's really great for shadow work.

453

:

Vienna: Can you tell me a little

bit more about shadow work?

454

:

Crystal: I'd say the short of it is

shadow work is Really trying to hold

455

:

a light to the subconscious or hidden

aspects of our personhood and bringing

456

:

those things to the forefront, because

there's often places within that landscape

457

:

where we really need to find healing.

458

:

And it's, to me, the subconscious, it's

the 12th house, astrology that shadow

459

:

is not always things that might be

dark, they might be seemingly dark, but

460

:

in those things are really beautiful

opportunities for healing and for being

461

:

witnessed and being seen for the better.

462

:

I know that I'm in a shadow work

season examining what my patterns

463

:

are and how those connect to maybe

some previous events from when I was

464

:

younger or from my childhood or learned

behaviors and how those can help or

465

:

hurt my interpersonal relationships.

466

:

And that.

467

:

And that's not to say like romantic

lovers, you also calm down.

468

:

But with everyone with my kids, with my

parents, all of it with other friends.

469

:

So that is a shadow work.

470

:

It doesn't always mean it doesn't ever

mean like to me some weird, dark nonsense.

471

:

The way like some people

will paint it out to be.

472

:

It is the necessary work of

asking why we are the way we are

473

:

How we can, apply some healing

to ourselves and not do any more

474

:

damage to ourself or to others.

475

:

Vienna: yeah,

476

:

that makes sense.

477

:

Like literally the

478

:

piece of pieces of ourself that

we try to talk into those shadows

479

:

that we aren't bringing out

480

:

into the light.

481

:

That makes sense.

482

:

Crystal: Precisely, exactly.

483

:

So this this is a really

great resource for that.

484

:

I don't come to this deck every day.

485

:

I come when I know that there are

things that I need to unearth.

486

:

So I just want to ask spirit to

draw from our collective energy

487

:

and give us a message as we move

into this season of shadow work.

488

:

Okay.

489

:

This is radical self-acceptance.

490

:

You are perceived the way

you perceive yourself.

491

:

Vienna: This feels incredibly targeted.

492

:

I hate when Spirit is

493

:

Crystal: It's loud like

494

:

this,

495

:

Vienna: the 4U page algorithm.

496

:

Okay, this is too much.

497

:

I can already tell, and I'm mad about it.

498

:

Crystal: When I tell you I've been getting

shaded all week and I'm like, damn, y'all

499

:

are really beating my ass a little bit.

500

:

The relationship you have with yourself

informs how you relate to others.

501

:

The way you see yourself

affects how you perceive others

502

:

and assume how they see you.

503

:

The expectations you place in

yourself are reflected in the

504

:

disappointments you experience.

505

:

From, and the judgments

you make upon others.

506

:

When we only accept the best parts

of ourselves, we mirror well of

507

:

wow, such conditional acceptance

towards others and the world.

508

:

Drawing this card calls for

a time of deep reflection.

509

:

What is it about yourself

that you're rejecting?

510

:

And why?

511

:

Where did that story come from that

suggested something about you was wrong,

512

:

not good enough, or needed to change?

513

:

Whose belief was that before it was yours?

514

:

As you meditate on the answers to these

questions, it's is it negative and

515

:

oppressive energy that comes up for you?

516

:

If so, it's okay to breathe.

517

:

When you're ready, proceed with

the following writing prompts.

518

:

They do have some writing prompts here.

519

:

Make a note of any aspects that

you will struggle to accept.

520

:

And yourself.

521

:

They want you to write a letter.

522

:

I love this 'cause it's very similar

to what we're gonna talk about today.

523

:

Write a letter of gratitude to your

shadow parts, letting them know that you

524

:

appreciate how they have served you and

stood by you the only way they knew how.

525

:

Take them into your heart as

they are and celebrate them.

526

:

As you do this, notice whether

any powerful or positive

527

:

energy comes up for you.

528

:

If so, good, breathe deeply into

it and allow all the positive,

529

:

compassionate, and loving energy to

marinate through every atom of your body.

530

:

Tune in to your voice from

your heart center and tune out

531

:

unsupportive external forces.

532

:

Allow your body thoughts and

heart to breathe in tune with your

533

:

spirit, self beat and vitality

so that blessings can reach you.

534

:

Remember that every perceived rejection,

setback, or failure is a lesson forming

535

:

your pathway to the door that opens.

536

:

Only you can stop you

from walking through.

537

:

And the guardian's message here is

your difference is your blessing

538

:

and your responsibility to share.

539

:

Vienna: Okay.

540

:

Okay.

541

:

I hear it.

542

:

They're like, so you're talking

about inner child work today, huh?

543

:

Crystal: Mm-hmm.

544

:

Vienna: get the ball rolling.

545

:

Crystal: just let me help you

out a bit is what they said.

546

:

Um, that's really beautiful and very

fitting actually to some personal

547

:

writing I was doing earlier.

548

:

It's on point, but I love that as a really

beautiful segue into our topic this week.

549

:

Vienna: Yeah.

550

:

No, I was also talking with

my therapist earlier today

551

:

about pretty much exactly that.

552

:

And I'm like, oh, this

is all very relevant.

553

:

I think we hear a lot of people talking

about inner child Both from a psychology

554

:

perspective, from a healing perspective,

from a more spiritual perspective.

555

:

And I think this is one of those really

interesting places where it's actually

556

:

pretty aligned from medical psychology

and the spiritual understanding

557

:

of what an inner child is and my

understanding from those different places.

558

:

It's really the part of us

that's been with us since we were

559

:

born, maybe before we were born.

560

:

And just that piece of ourselves

that's been subconsciously picking up

561

:

information, picking up cues, patterns

categorizing the information, that in

562

:

a way that like our human conscious

brains can make sense of, from the

563

:

time you are an infant, if you are

crying and there's a certain response

564

:

to you, or if every time you smell your

mother, you know that food comes next,

565

:

you begin to categorize these things.

566

:

And there's millions of pieces

of information flying at us every

567

:

day, every second, seemingly.

568

:

So our inner child is using those.

569

:

And those pieces of information to

form the narratives, the beliefs, and

570

:

the way we see the world as adults.

571

:

Crystal: Wow.

572

:

Vienna: Is that sort of how you feel?

573

:

Is that, do you have any other differences

in how you would describe it, Crystal?

574

:

Crystal: That's pretty, a pretty,

comprehensive way to look at

575

:

it, and I think very accurate.

576

:

My inner child to me, always feels like

the most unfiltered, unadulterated,

577

:

purest version of self, which I

like to think is our highest self.

578

:

Because of those observations,

because of that data collecting, it's

579

:

like we feel it and we see it and

recognize it before we even have the

580

:

language to understand what it is

581

:

Vienna: yeah, and

582

:

Before we have the language to judge

how we feel about something, too.

583

:

Crystal: Exactly.

584

:

It's like we're, it's like seeing

something Truly in its most raw form

585

:

and experiencing that.

586

:

in the same way,

587

:

Vienna: And I think when you start to

get into the fact that as children,

588

:

we may not have always gotten the

things that we needed, and this

589

:

is also not to place blame, right?

590

:

We might just have needed something

different than what our caretakers,

591

:

our providers, the world at large,

was capable of providing at that time.

592

:

But that lack of having those things also

informs the narratives that we grow up

593

:

with then, and that become our worldview.

594

:

And I think what's really important

to note there is because of the things

595

:

that we do understand scientifically

about neuroplasticity, it's not

596

:

too late to change these things.

597

:

And I think a lot of people do.

598

:

With, whether it's shadow work,

whether it's therapy, whatever that is,

599

:

We're using that neuroplasticity

and building on that to change

600

:

those stories, change those beliefs,

explore where they're coming from,

601

:

and maybe changing them a little bit.

602

:

And that right there, for me, is a

process of reparenting ourselves that

603

:

we're just like, all right let's dig

back into this, see how we got it.

604

:

Crystal: Yeah.

605

:

Vienna: And maybe how can

we tweak that a little bit?

606

:

Crystal: Yeah.

607

:

Yes.

608

:

it's interesting.

609

:

I'm glad that you said re-parenting.

610

:

To me, re-parenting is like when

people say self-care re-parenting

611

:

is, to me is self-care.

612

:

Yeah.

613

:

crystal--she-her-_1_10-17-2023_195258:

Self-care can be spa days and

614

:

Crystal: skincare and shit like that.

615

:

It can be, but re-parenting is self-care

to me because it's like Being a parent

616

:

is not easy, and it doesn't mean that

you do the thing that you wanna do.

617

:

It means you do the thing you have to do.

618

:

And I think that one of the

most self-affirming thing you

619

:

can do is ask yourself what you

need and give yourself that.

620

:

And for example, that means me

not going to bed at midnight.

621

:

It means I need to go to bed earlier.

622

:

I'm gonna feel like shit.

623

:

If I don't start like having some care

with my sleep hygiene and like building a

624

:

better routine, I am gonna be exhausted.

625

:

And so that means maybe I need to

put some new boundaries in place.

626

:

Maybe I need to put d and d

on my phone at nine o'clock.

627

:

Maybe it means I need to turn the

TV off by 10 so that I can, I.

628

:

Like wind down, or maybe I

don't need to have a TV in

629

:

the bedroom or whatever it is.

630

:

Or if I know that my back is aching a lot

because I am, I don't know, not moving

631

:

my body enough and I'm stiff as fuck.

632

:

Maybe I have to say I don't

really feel like it, but I should

633

:

probably stretch before bed.

634

:

Maybe reparenting is being like, I need

to rework my budget because some things

635

:

that I like to do are not necessarily

things I can work in the budget,

636

:

Vienna: Don't say it.

637

:

That's mean parenting.

638

:

Crystal: I like, I don't,

I don't love you, mom.

639

:

You're mean.

640

:

I feel sometimes, like trying

to tell myself like, no, girl,

641

:

you can't do that this month.

642

:

Vienna: but also like I tell my kids

this all the time that I'm like,

643

:

hey, mean mommy is coming through

and mean mommy sometimes knows

644

:

what's best.

645

:

And is it fun that I tell you that you

can't have any screens until homework

646

:

is done and your room is picked up and.

647

:

Everything you needed to do is done,

no, but I'm gonna be mean mommy and if

648

:

mean mommy needs to confiscate the iPad

because you're sneaking it, I need you

649

:

to trust that it is for your benefit.

650

:

Crystal: Sometimes we have to mean

mommy ourself and that doesn't

651

:

mean talking to ourself like shit.

652

:

It means being like, Hey, you

gotta do something different

653

:

if you wanna feel different.

654

:

And so let's form some different habits,

some different methods of self-care

655

:

that are not superficial.

656

:

Vienna: that is so faxed, too, because

I think when we hear mean mommy, we

657

:

think abusive, or rude, or harsh.

658

:

And I think that's that line of

people talking about gentle parenting.

659

:

It's not permissive parenting.

660

:

It's saying that I'm going to put

these boundaries in place, and

661

:

I'm going to hold you to them.

662

:

I'm going to respect you.

663

:

I'm not going to call you names.

664

:

I'm not going to scream at you.

665

:

But there are boundaries, and I'm

going to treat you like a human who

666

:

is worthy of respect, because you

are a human who is worthy of respect.

667

:

If we could gentle parent

ourselves, that's great too.

668

:

And

669

:

Crystal: seriously

670

:

Vienna: that's what I mean

when I say mean mommy.

671

:

I'm not calling anybody names.

672

:

Although I will call myself names,

which is not a good behavior, but

673

:

I'm not going to do that to my kids.

674

:

Crystal: This is why we are

where we are here, baby.

675

:

That's showbiz

676

:

because That's We, it, I love it.

677

:

But that's how we are, we end

up here and talking about this

678

:

because we could take two routes.

679

:

We could go like where we think

the me mommy is, or we can operate

680

:

from a place of you might not like

this, but it's for your own good.

681

:

And it's not like you beating up on

yourself, it's you being like, no,

682

:

we've gotta change some habits around.

683

:

Or we have to put some

more boundaries in place.

684

:

Or we have to remove some and

be a little bit more flexible.

685

:

take a little bit better care of

your body outie because you are stiff

686

:

everywhere and your joints hurt.

687

:

Vienna: Yeah.

688

:

Crystal: And maybe there are some things

that we don't wanna do because it requires

689

:

a healthy amount of change and change

is really overwhelming in adulthood too,

690

:

just like it

691

:

Vienna: That's such a like,

mean mommy moment that you're

692

:

like, you have one iPad.

693

:

If you break that iPad, I

will not buy you another one.

694

:

You will have to have no iPad.

695

:

We have one body.

696

:

You break that body, I'm not

going to buy you another one.

697

:

You're going to

698

:

have to work with what you've got.

699

:

Crystal: you've got.

700

:

Like,

701

:

legitimately.

702

:

And I think that sometimes when you

phrase it in those terms, you can

703

:

hear how much sense it makes, I had

a client, she was the most lovely.

704

:

Like the kind of like heart space

that is overflowing all the time which

705

:

is beautiful, but also if it's like

overflowing all the time with no, like

706

:

it can flood the areas around it, right?

707

:

It can, it,

708

:

can flood others.

709

:

And the thing is like she had a wonderful

child who was really like gifted

710

:

and in many ways, and particularly

with sports, and they were always

711

:

forgetting their equipment every time

he forgot it, he would call her at work.

712

:

She would leave work and go home, get the

equipment and bring it to him at school.

713

:

And she was just so frustrated by this

behavior and, and understandably and,

714

:

while like venting about this frustration,

she's I basically she feel, she also felt

715

:

bad for him at the same time, but she was

really frustrated by the fact that just

716

:

assumed no matter what, she would drop it.

717

:

And I said but

718

:

Vienna: Yeah.

719

:

Crystal: drop everything and then go get

his equipment and bring it to school?

720

:

She's yeah, I do And I'm like,

so you're mad at him because

721

:

you have set the precedence that

you're gonna do this every time.

722

:

You think that he doesn't appreciate it?

723

:

I said, and that might be true, but

if you don't like this, you're going

724

:

to have to stop because it's not doing

him any kind of service to say every

725

:

time you don't have yourself in order,

I am going to drop what you're doing.

726

:

Because in the real world, that

just doesn't happen like that.

727

:

That's not to say that you can't have

like empathy or help when you're able

728

:

to or whatever, but to always put

yourself out to make sure that they,

729

:

that you can fix a mistake for them

every time, doesn't teach them that

730

:

they are capable of doing it themself

731

:

Vienna: It teaches them that they

need to rely on somebody else,

732

:

that they cannot do it themselves.

733

:

That's the worst case outcome

there, is you're actively teaching

734

:

them to not rely on themselves.

735

:

Crystal: Yes.

736

:

And truthfully, like this kid was awesome.

737

:

He absolutely could do it.

738

:

And this is not to say this is not like a

bootstraps narrative like This is to say

739

:

it's a, it's an issue of like boundaries.

740

:

I need you to understand that my work

is important, that I can't drop my

741

:

work every time you forget a thing

because you were a teenager and you

742

:

should remember your own equipment.

743

:

If this is if this sport is your life and

it's not important to you, then you need

744

:

to prioritize it and remember your stuff

the same way I have to prioritize work

745

:

because I have bills to pay for all of us.

746

:

You know what I mean?

747

:

it's Like showing someone the way

in which they can be an adult.

748

:

And that way you are not resentful

749

:

You know that you always

have to help someone.

750

:

who doesn't know or can't see

751

:

that.

752

:

like someone needs help

753

:

Vienna: are explicitly great at

understanding the nuance there of Yeah.

754

:

Invisible labor

755

:

.

Crystal: And she was worried about being labeled a mean mom.

756

:

That's why

757

:

I went on this tangent,

758

:

Vienna: it makes so much sense though.

759

:

I, when Dominic was in second

grade, he started getting homework

760

:

and he came like the first day

and he started to do his homework.

761

:

And I was like, here's the deal.

762

:

I'm not going to make

you do your homework.

763

:

I'm not gonna sit here with you and fight

764

:

with you like I will.

765

:

If you want me here while you

work on it, happy to do that.

766

:

If you want me here so you can ask

some questions, we can chat about

767

:

your day while you're working on

it, you want me to put on music

768

:

Crystal: Mm-hmm.

769

:

Vienna: happy to help you create

the environment, but I will not sit

770

:

here and scream at you to do it.

771

:

And he started flipping out, like

he threw his pencil, he knocked his

772

:

homework over, and I was like, I see

you're having real big feels about this.

773

:

I'm not gonna be a part of this.

774

:

I'm gonna let you do

whatever you need to do.

775

:

You give me a call when you're

ready to get back to it.

776

:

If you need some help, I'm

right in the other room.

777

:

But I'm not.

778

:

This is, we have a long lifetime of

homework doing to get through together.

779

:

And right now the precedent that I

will set is not going to be that like

780

:

we're gonna fight about this every day.

781

:

Because I have enough confidence in

you that you can do this yourself.

782

:

I know that you are smart, you

783

:

are capable, you're on top of your shit.

784

:

I'm like...

785

:

I have faith in you for that.

786

:

I know that I don't need to be

here sitting on you to do this.

787

:

Because I also remember doing homework

as a kid was a battle every day.

788

:

Crystal: Oof

789

:

Vienna: stupid at the end of it.

790

:

I felt like I wasn't

taking it seriously enough.

791

:

I was doing everything wrong

and I was like, This I'm not

792

:

bringing this into my house.

793

:

Crystal: I know it.

794

:

And that's, it's, listen, if your

parents have ever screamed at you

795

:

while you've done your homework

796

:

Vienna: Like every day of ever doing math.

797

:

Crystal: I didn't know dyscalculia was

a thing, but I bet you a bitch has it.

798

:

And yeah.

799

:

I'm just gonna say this.

800

:

It is very difficult to erase

the narrative that I came to

801

:

believe at the hands of my

parents helping me with homework.

802

:

And, um, it's a bummer,

803

:

Vienna: it comes up.

804

:

Every therapy session that it's I'm lazy.

805

:

I'm playing stupid.

806

:

I'm not working hard enough.

807

:

I'm not focusing.

808

:

I'm getting distracted.

809

:

It's not cute to play dumb.

810

:

Why are you like these things

come up that it's like the

811

:

you're these are sloppy mistakes.

812

:

It's because you're

not trying hard enough.

813

:

These things every day of my life

have now become part of my narrative

814

:

that I tell myself every day.

815

:

And I, it was truly my senior

year of high school when I was put

816

:

into an honors math class that I

was like, Wait, I'm good at math.

817

:

And I remember my teacher was like,

Yeah, we're putting you in this

818

:

because you're really good at math.

819

:

And I'm like no somehow we

got like things mixed up.

820

:

I'm not good at math.

821

:

I'm stupid.

822

:

And I'm lazy.

823

:

And I don't work hard enough.

824

:

And he's just looking at

me like, What are you like?

825

:

What is what are you talking about?

826

:

But I was just like, this.

827

:

This can't possibly be, and these are the

narratives that we tell ourselves, and it

828

:

takes a long time to unlearn these things.

829

:

Crystal: Yes it does.

830

:

Vienna: So where, How does the

inner child show up in our life?

831

:

I know we definitely gave a couple of

examples of where we are finding ourselves

832

:

touching in with our inner child and

I'm, I had read this book, it's called

833

:

Reconciliation, it's super good, it's

really short, called Reconciliation,

834

:

Healing the Inner Child, I'll include

that in the show notes but the author

835

:

gives a really interesting example where

he's talking about refugees fleeing.

836

:

From where they grew up, coming to

another land, maybe it was a really

837

:

dangerous voyage across the water.

838

:

They get to safety.

839

:

They're living this new life where the

danger of that does not exist anymore.

840

:

They can still tap into those feelings.

841

:

They can still tap into those memories.

842

:

And if somebody brings it up,

they can still tap right into it.

843

:

And then he was talking about, there

might be like, you might have a picture

844

:

of the ocean, and it's just a picture.

845

:

A picture cannot hurt you, you are not

in danger, but like, when someone looks

846

:

at this picture, they can physically

feel those sensations of danger, of

847

:

fear, they can hear the voices, they

can hear everything they went through.

848

:

We still physically feel that danger

when we tap into these things.

849

:

And it's because we hold on to

the experiences, because that

850

:

person who we were at the time

is still inside us, right?

851

:

we have those moments, and just thinking

about yeah, a picture is not dangerous,

852

:

but I know there's pictures I can see.

853

:

And it's of a moment in time, and

I'm like, throws you right back

854

:

there, because maybe we didn't

fully deal with these things that

855

:

we were going through at the time.

856

:

And we just put it away, put

the picture away, don't look

857

:

at it, don't think about it.

858

:

But

859

:

Crystal: Wow.

860

:

I can see that for sure.

861

:

It's almost I don't know,

it's like opening up a, like

862

:

a memory box of things that.

863

:

You just don't think you are

like, oh yeah, I remember that.

864

:

But to say you remember something and

then to see it, something about seeing a

865

:

picture or like hearing a song or having

a smile like that limerence or something

866

:

like that feels so real and it's jarring.

867

:

And I think obviously that's the thing

that, in many situations when people

868

:

have like P t Ss D and stuff like that

it brings all of that to the forefront

869

:

and you're like, Ooh, like what?

870

:

Especially with some of the childhood

stuff, like you said, it's like we

871

:

thought we dealt with it and here it is

creeping back up again and it's never

872

:

gonna have a different it's always gonna

be like a little bit triggering, right?

873

:

But like, how we deal with it,

I think is like how we deal or

874

:

how we heal the inner child.

875

:

It's like learning different ways to

deal with it when those things come up.

876

:

Vienna: I am having.

877

:

In real time.

878

:

Illegit.

879

:

Like a breakthrough a little bit.

880

:

So I always say I am sensitive

and I am not sentimental.

881

:

I don't keep things.

882

:

I don't cling to things.

883

:

I don't have toys from when I was a kid.

884

:

Like anytime my mom would be like, oh

here's a box of things to go through.

885

:

I'm like, throw it out.

886

:

I don't want it.

887

:

I don't need it.

888

:

I don't keep anything.

889

:

And I can remember having this

dress and waking up one morning and

890

:

being like, I need to get rid of it.

891

:

I can't look at it.

892

:

I can't see it.

893

:

I can't even put it into a bag.

894

:

I need to just get rid of it

because, like a thing that

895

:

happened while I was wearing it.

896

:

And it's I will not allow myself to

hold onto souvenirs, memories, because

897

:

they're so physically in these things.

898

:

I'm like, maybe I'm not just

Marie Kondo ing my life.

899

:

Maybe I'm just like, running

from potential triggers.

900

:

Shit!

901

:

Maybe I shouldn't have

gotten rid of all that stuff.

902

:

Oh man.

903

:

Crystal: First of all, that's huge.

904

:

That's huge.

905

:

And I'm glad that you're sharing

that because it's worth examining.

906

:

Like when you're ready,

that's a huge thing.

907

:

I love to get rid of shit.

908

:

I will throw any fucking thing away.

909

:

And I think it's part, and I'm a

cancer, so like everybody always

910

:

oh, cancers are a little hoardy.

911

:

Because we're very s we

are very sentimental.

912

:

And I do keep some things, but

there's a lot of shit I don't,

913

:

I'm just like, get rid of it.

914

:

It doesn't serve any purpose.

915

:

Get rid of it.

916

:

Vienna: I also think there is a little

bit of the millennial response to boomer

917

:

parents who hang on to a lot of stuff.

918

:

I think there is a little bit of that

at work here, so I won't say it's all

919

:

just me refusing to deal with stuff.

920

:

But, wow.

921

:

that's a

922

:

whole

923

:

Crystal: That's amazing.

924

:

Vienna: Thank you for this

free therapy breakthrough.

925

:

I didn't even have to pay my

therapy copay for that one, so

926

:

Crystal: Oh, honey, that's all you,

that's an, but that's what a, like what

927

:

Amazing self-awareness and I'm just

glad that you feel safe enough to allow

928

:

that to even come to the forefront.

929

:

That's pretty cool.

930

:

Oh my God.

931

:

On the con.

932

:

So while we're talking about

like getting rid of shit, there's

933

:

stuff, then there's memories.

934

:

I feel like there's a chunk of shit

that I don't remember very well at all.

935

:

I remember specific The

same like couple of events.

936

:

There's a lot of stuff I don't remember

937

:

Or I don't wanna look at, whatever.

938

:

And sometimes when I feel a little

trick or trigger and I don't know,

939

:

like where it comes from, I'm like,

oh, I bet you it's locked away in there

940

:

somewhere like It's it's all connected.

941

:

But I think that what happens when we

start to like square away some of that

942

:

stuff, the stuff, physical stuff and

the memories and some of the emotional

943

:

stuff is that we take with it some of

the good things about being a kid too.

944

:

And I think it's how we very easily

allow like the tiny heater voice to

945

:

take over and be more dominant or

we forget how to connect with the

946

:

creative parts of ourself or how to

voice our needs and things like that.

947

:

I feel like that's the stuff that gets

buried along with some of the other

948

:

stuff that we might not wanna look at,

949

:

Vienna: yeah, it's hard to start to

unpack those things, it definitely feels

950

:

like it could be dangerous to open that

box when you don't know what's there.

951

:

And I will not shame anybody

who's just yeah, no, I can't

952

:

go there, sorry, because that's

953

:

fully where I'm spending

a lot of time right now.

954

:

I don't know.

955

:

Maybe there's good stuff in there, too.

956

:

Maybe you're right.

957

:

Crystal: I have, I had to look

very deep for, was it E M D R

958

:

I had to think like very hard.

959

:

And I noticed I was able to pull out

a couple things and in all three or

960

:

four things that I could think of.

961

:

My sister was like a part of

them and one of them being like,

962

:

her making me, you're so fat.

963

:

Oreo milkshakes, like after school, like

before my mom got home, like a shit ton

964

:

of Oreos and then ice cream and milk.

965

:

It's just like a lactose bomb

966

:

waiting to go off

967

:

Vienna: That is...

968

:

Honestly I know this.

969

:

We all would be like, my inner fat

kid as well is yes, love that, but

970

:

the sweetness of that being like,

971

:

nourishment from

972

:

your sister who's truly nourishing you.

973

:

Was it the most nutritious thing?

974

:

Absolutely not.

975

:

But That is probably like,

how many ways did she have to

976

:

show you she cared about you?

977

:

Crystal: Totally.

978

:

Vienna: you the snack is like,

how she cut in that moment.

979

:

And of course that sticks with you.

980

:

That is so special.

981

:

Crystal: Yeah.

982

:

Big time like that.

983

:

That's one of my favorite that's

one of my favorite memories.

984

:

Like I can, I feel like I can almost

hear the blender and like playing

985

:

Super Mario Brothers with her on the

Nintendo, right when it came out.

986

:

And we had a very specific way

we would play with each other.

987

:

And like when it was her, she'd always

make me be Luigi because she sucks.

988

:

And she's the older sister,

she's eight years older than me.

989

:

And I'd be like, Lu, you fucking sinks.

990

:

I hated it.

991

:

She would literally sit in my ear

while I was playing and be like die.

992

:

So and I would do it to her like,

so that our character would die.

993

:

Like those things.

994

:

Like they crack me up and so

but it took me like a minute

995

:

to pull them back out again.

996

:

And I was so glad when I did.

997

:

'cause they

998

:

just like, they cracked me up, and

it's unfortunate that with a lot

999

:

of the stuff that we have trouble

with, that we bury, like those

:

00:47:43,437 --> 00:47:45,517

things that like, are really joyful,

:

00:47:45,727 --> 00:47:47,557

Vienna: just pack the whole thing up.

:

00:47:47,677 --> 00:47:48,697

We don't have time to,

:

00:47:49,577 --> 00:47:49,817

Crystal: Yeah.

:

00:47:50,127 --> 00:47:51,177

Like a picnic blanket.

:

00:47:51,407 --> 00:47:51,937

Just like

:

00:47:52,337 --> 00:47:52,937

Trash you go.

:

00:47:53,127 --> 00:47:53,417

Yeah.

:

00:47:54,367 --> 00:47:54,657

Yeah.

:

00:47:56,097 --> 00:47:57,617

Vienna: That's really, I love that.

:

00:47:57,627 --> 00:47:59,647

I love that you were able to

get some of those out of there.

:

00:48:00,647 --> 00:48:04,537

Did you ever read the story

Eleven by Sandra Cisneros?

:

00:48:05,387 --> 00:48:06,907

It's a very short story.

:

00:48:07,807 --> 00:48:08,027

Crystal: No.

:

00:48:08,097 --> 00:48:08,387

Okay.

:

00:48:08,657 --> 00:48:11,747

I've read I've read something else by her.

:

00:48:11,847 --> 00:48:13,587

Is it, is she the author of House on Mango

:

00:48:13,587 --> 00:48:13,787

Street?

:

00:48:14,607 --> 00:48:14,827

Yes.

:

00:48:15,097 --> 00:48:15,387

Yeah.

:

00:48:15,497 --> 00:48:15,787

Okay.

:

00:48:16,217 --> 00:48:16,867

I've read that.

:

00:48:17,367 --> 00:48:18,307

But I have not read this.

:

00:48:18,467 --> 00:48:20,547

I am going to read it though,

because you didn't mention it

:

00:48:20,587 --> 00:48:25,547

Vienna: Okay, I, Put a link up, but

I'll just read the first paragraph.

:

00:48:26,367 --> 00:48:28,877

It says, What they don't understand

about birthdays, and what they

:

00:48:28,877 --> 00:48:32,387

never tell you, is that when you're

11, you're also 10, and 9, and

:

00:48:32,397 --> 00:48:35,937

8, and 7, and 6, and 5, and 4, 1.

:

00:48:36,297 --> 00:48:38,257

And when you wake up on your

11th birthday, you expect

:

00:48:38,257 --> 00:48:39,617

to feel 11, but you don't.

:

00:48:39,707 --> 00:48:42,907

You open your eyes, and everything's

just like yesterday, only it's today.

:

00:48:43,387 --> 00:48:45,967

And you don't feel 11 at all,

you feel like you're still 10.

:

00:48:46,197 --> 00:48:48,687

And you are, underneath

the year that makes you 11.

:

00:48:49,302 --> 00:48:51,452

Like some days you might say

something stupid, and that's

:

00:48:51,452 --> 00:48:52,742

the part of you that's still 10.

:

00:48:53,232 --> 00:48:56,172

Or maybe some days you need to sit on

your mama's lap because you're scared,

:

00:48:56,202 --> 00:48:57,542

and that's the part of you that's 5.

:

00:48:58,182 --> 00:49:00,802

And maybe one day when you're all

grown up, maybe you'll need to cry

:

00:49:00,802 --> 00:49:02,382

like if you're 3, and that's okay.

:

00:49:02,752 --> 00:49:04,912

That's what I tell mama when

she's sad and needs to cry.

:

00:49:04,972 --> 00:49:05,972

Maybe she's feeling 3.

:

00:49:06,932 --> 00:49:08,072

So it goes on, and

:

00:49:08,072 --> 00:49:09,492

it's a beautiful story.

:

00:49:09,552 --> 00:49:12,342

And this is one of the

few childhood memories.

:

00:49:12,372 --> 00:49:15,552

I remember reading this, and

it must have been in 4th grade.

:

00:49:16,647 --> 00:49:24,217

And I remember reading it as you're

11 now, don't be a baby, don't be

:

00:49:24,217 --> 00:49:27,037

three, push that part away and be 11.

:

00:49:29,247 --> 00:49:32,197

And it was only rereading it

as an adult that I was like,

:

00:49:32,287 --> 00:49:35,157

I got that so fucking wrong.

:

00:49:36,222 --> 00:49:36,442

Crystal: Wow.

:

00:49:36,647 --> 00:49:37,987

Vienna: that it's all in there.

:

00:49:38,117 --> 00:49:41,257

And I'm like, of course it's in there.

:

00:49:41,287 --> 00:49:45,197

And the beauty of that

is You can feel three.

:

00:49:45,207 --> 00:49:47,037

You don't need to respond in that way.

:

00:49:47,037 --> 00:49:51,247

You can choose to respond

as 11 or 22 or 37 or 45.

:

00:49:51,547 --> 00:49:53,157

You can choose a different response.

:

00:49:53,677 --> 00:49:53,927

But

:

00:49:54,287 --> 00:49:54,577

the rest

:

00:49:54,577 --> 00:49:55,877

of that is still in there.

:

00:49:55,907 --> 00:49:56,617

And that's okay.

:

00:49:56,617 --> 00:50:00,867

And I, The second we started talking

about like inner child work and

:

00:50:00,867 --> 00:50:03,647

this sort of thing, I was like,

Oh my gosh, I remember that story.

:

00:50:03,647 --> 00:50:05,257

And it's just I think

everyone should read it.

:

00:50:05,277 --> 00:50:06,977

It's a great short little story.

:

00:50:07,602 --> 00:50:10,002

Crystal: Oh man, that's beautiful.

:

00:50:10,867 --> 00:50:11,837

Vienna: It's such a good one.

:

00:50:13,167 --> 00:50:13,572

Crystal: Especially'

:

00:50:13,632 --> 00:50:15,352

cause we're always in

such a rush to grow up

:

00:50:16,627 --> 00:50:21,357

It's just, we do a lot of letting

our childhood person talk for

:

00:50:21,357 --> 00:50:23,877

us, probably in the wrong ways,

but like what about those ways,

:

00:50:24,447 --> 00:50:24,977

Vienna: Yeah.

:

00:50:25,617 --> 00:50:27,647

What is that seven year

old feeling right now?

:

00:50:27,657 --> 00:50:29,077

Because that seven year old's still there.

:

00:50:29,337 --> 00:50:30,177

What's she feeling?

:

00:50:30,857 --> 00:50:32,387

Like, how would she respond to this?

:

00:50:32,967 --> 00:50:35,527

She might be looking at you like, I

don't know how to respond to this.

:

00:50:35,537 --> 00:50:36,597

You're the 37 year old.

:

00:50:36,597 --> 00:50:37,507

You figure it out.

:

00:50:37,517 --> 00:50:38,027

That's okay,

:

00:50:38,077 --> 00:50:40,607

Crystal: Like you don't have your shit

together and you are 40 girl, like

:

00:50:42,607 --> 00:50:45,437

Vienna: The other place, That I think

:

00:50:45,967 --> 00:50:48,407

that this has really come

top of mind for me lately.

:

00:50:48,587 --> 00:50:52,507

You are going to be like, you're

insane, this is stupid, crazy,

:

00:50:52,637 --> 00:50:55,417

wild, Taylor Swift, Swifty nonsense.

:

00:50:55,927 --> 00:50:59,997

But it did come up for me watching

that Heiress tour, and here's why.

:

00:51:00,877 --> 00:51:02,927

I swear I have a point,

so trust me on this one.

:

00:51:03,937 --> 00:51:06,537

She introduces the concert, and

she's we're gonna go on a journey

:

00:51:06,537 --> 00:51:08,837

of 17 years of making music.

:

00:51:08,967 --> 00:51:11,387

These 10 albums, it's

been amazing, blah blah.

:

00:51:12,457 --> 00:51:15,907

And she's playing some of those old

songs from her first albums that she

:

00:51:15,907 --> 00:51:17,117

wrote when she was in ninth grade.

:

00:51:17,547 --> 00:51:20,077

And I started thinking what

was I writing in ninth grade?

:

00:51:20,777 --> 00:51:20,997

Crystal: Oh

:

00:51:21,007 --> 00:51:22,747

Vienna: would have been so

cringey I would have slammed the

:

00:51:22,747 --> 00:51:24,587

door on that stuff so quickly.

:

00:51:25,727 --> 00:51:31,157

Not 17 years later, been walking around

and being like, let me tell this story.

:

00:51:31,177 --> 00:51:33,197

Let me sing this for you.

:

00:51:33,237 --> 00:51:34,567

Let me be proud of this.

:

00:51:35,567 --> 00:51:36,507

And...

:

00:51:37,012 --> 00:51:40,862

With each era she is introducing

herself as a new artist,

:

00:51:40,862 --> 00:51:42,162

she's creating new things.

:

00:51:43,232 --> 00:51:46,062

And yes, I'm saying this through the

lens of this one artist, but it's all

:

00:51:46,062 --> 00:51:49,132

of us we've all become different people

at different points in our lives.

:

00:51:49,552 --> 00:51:54,512

But I think it's so powerful that,

communally, we were able to sit in this

:

00:51:54,512 --> 00:51:59,482

show and Watch someone take pride in

what they created, and maybe who they're

:

00:51:59,482 --> 00:52:04,412

not anymore, but be like, this is who

I was in this moment, and this is what

:

00:52:04,412 --> 00:52:06,762

came out of it, and it's not me anymore.

:

00:52:06,952 --> 00:52:11,002

But I could still polish that up and let

it shine and let it speak for itself.

:

00:52:11,192 --> 00:52:11,982

And that's okay.

:

00:52:12,772 --> 00:52:16,742

And I don't know, I was like,

oh my gosh, that's so sweet to

:

00:52:16,762 --> 00:52:18,412

be able to do that and enjoy

:

00:52:18,542 --> 00:52:18,702

Crystal: Yeah.

:

00:52:18,862 --> 00:52:21,622

'cause I would have no

grace for ninth grade.

:

00:52:21,682 --> 00:52:21,902

May.

:

00:52:22,032 --> 00:52:23,782

Vienna: No, oh my gosh, I would...

:

00:52:24,687 --> 00:52:28,917

I can guarantee that anything I wrote

in 9th grade has long been thrown out.

:

00:52:29,487 --> 00:52:31,787

And now me regrets that.

:

00:52:31,787 --> 00:52:32,847

I wonder what I was thinking.

:

00:52:32,847 --> 00:52:35,297

I wonder what was in those

journals from 9th grade.

:

00:52:36,747 --> 00:52:36,837

I

:

00:52:36,837 --> 00:52:39,877

wish that I had a little bit

more compassion for that.

:

00:52:41,102 --> 00:52:41,322

Crystal: Man,

:

00:52:42,097 --> 00:52:42,547

Vienna: See?

:

00:52:42,742 --> 00:52:44,582

Crystal: I, I wouldn't mind looking.

:

00:52:45,992 --> 00:52:48,432

I do have a box of like

notes and stuff like that.

:

00:52:49,672 --> 00:52:50,712

I might have to go through it.

:

00:52:51,912 --> 00:52:53,792

I might have to go through

it and take a gander.

:

00:52:54,462 --> 00:52:56,202

It was probably dumb stuff, but...

:

00:52:56,292 --> 00:52:57,282

stuff that's funny.

:

00:52:57,602 --> 00:52:58,842

I feel like I was probably really funny.

:

00:52:59,037 --> 00:53:02,907

Vienna: There's this girl on TikTok

who reads entries from her old diaries

:

00:53:02,907 --> 00:53:05,437

for when she was in middle school

and high school, and it's so funny.

:

00:53:05,457 --> 00:53:09,227

Every time she reads one, I'm like,

she's so dramatic, but I love everything

:

00:53:09,227 --> 00:53:12,887

about it because it's just such a

universal experience of being in seventh

:

00:53:12,887 --> 00:53:15,247

grade and being Math is so stupid!

:

00:53:15,247 --> 00:53:15,877

I hate it!

:

00:53:16,137 --> 00:53:17,667

I'm bigger than math!

:

00:53:18,007 --> 00:53:19,017

I just, I love it.

:

00:53:19,667 --> 00:53:21,267

Crystal: Like something I

would absolutely say as well.

:

00:53:21,927 --> 00:53:22,147

So,

:

00:53:23,102 --> 00:53:23,462

Vienna: Yeah.

:

00:53:23,527 --> 00:53:23,747

Crystal: wow.

:

00:53:24,272 --> 00:53:24,612

Vienna: to make a

:

00:53:24,612 --> 00:53:28,852

Swifty out of you yet, or just gonna,

we're going, I'm going with the slow

:

00:53:28,872 --> 00:53:30,802

infiltration, just a little bit under

:

00:53:30,877 --> 00:53:33,897

Crystal: I don't know, I just, I

:

00:53:33,897 --> 00:53:34,817

just dunno.

:

00:53:34,957 --> 00:53:35,177

Vi

:

00:53:35,382 --> 00:53:36,052

Vienna: that's okay.

:

00:53:37,062 --> 00:53:37,662

Crystal: I don't know.

:

00:53:37,662 --> 00:53:39,802

Listen I, it depends

on how high you get me.

:

00:53:39,812 --> 00:53:40,282

We'll see.

:

00:53:40,502 --> 00:53:40,722

But

:

00:53:40,847 --> 00:53:42,397

Vienna: All right,

Blondie's coming for you.

:

00:53:42,662 --> 00:53:44,322

Crystal: one of these, one of these days

:

00:53:45,052 --> 00:53:50,592

Vienna: All right, so I guess the

point is, when you hear what I call

:

00:53:50,622 --> 00:53:54,212

my tiny hater voice in my head, we've

talked about my tiny hater before.

:

00:53:55,252 --> 00:53:58,652

I think it really is just a matter

of take a second and listen and

:

00:53:58,652 --> 00:54:00,032

try to decide who's talking there.

:

00:54:00,342 --> 00:54:02,312

Is it actually that external hater?

:

00:54:02,932 --> 00:54:06,822

And a voice that we've embodied

and taken into ourselves and we

:

00:54:06,822 --> 00:54:08,532

could really do to get rid of it?

:

00:54:08,922 --> 00:54:11,372

Or is it just yourself as a scared child?

:

00:54:11,572 --> 00:54:13,712

And what is it looking for?

:

00:54:13,732 --> 00:54:17,682

If it's just little you being

like, Hey, I don't know, this is a

:

00:54:17,682 --> 00:54:20,922

really big thing, maybe this is too

much for us, maybe we can't do it.

:

00:54:22,087 --> 00:54:23,627

How are we talking to ourselves?

:

00:54:23,637 --> 00:54:24,997

Like, how can we talk to that?

:

00:54:24,997 --> 00:54:27,737

Are we just brushing it off and

saying shut up, you stupid idiot.

:

00:54:28,157 --> 00:54:29,697

You're so dumb, of course,

like you think that.

:

00:54:29,777 --> 00:54:33,547

Or do we say hey, you're really

scared right now because this feels

:

00:54:33,547 --> 00:54:36,947

really big for you, but we got this.

:

00:54:36,997 --> 00:54:37,547

You're okay.

:

00:54:37,547 --> 00:54:38,877

I'm not scared right now.

:

00:54:39,747 --> 00:54:40,747

You can be scared.

:

00:54:40,767 --> 00:54:41,447

We got this.

:

00:54:41,447 --> 00:54:42,507

I'm in control here.

:

00:54:42,977 --> 00:54:46,677

And I don't know, just showing that voice

a little more compassion instead of just

:

00:54:46,697 --> 00:54:48,317

being so quick to try to silence it.

:

00:54:50,472 --> 00:54:50,672

Crystal: Yeah.

:

00:54:50,812 --> 00:54:56,802

You have to you have to do that in order

to be the adult that your childhood

:

00:54:56,912 --> 00:54:58,322

self really needed in the moment.

:

00:54:59,622 --> 00:55:05,622

And that's difficult to do, especially

when you don't have a lot of examples

:

00:55:05,682 --> 00:55:09,232

of that or you're not familiar

with how to be good to yourself.

:

00:55:10,412 --> 00:55:14,692

And I think asking like though what

I, what did I need in that moment kind

:

00:55:14,692 --> 00:55:18,972

of question is the, one of the most

centered ways you can approach it.

:

00:55:19,722 --> 00:55:22,702

We might not know exactly how

to respond to ourself and like

:

00:55:22,702 --> 00:55:25,472

what we need right off the bat.

:

00:55:25,812 --> 00:55:30,302

But if we can just say you felt really sad

about this, but what could, what would've

:

00:55:30,302 --> 00:55:31,662

made you feel better in that moment?

:

00:55:32,552 --> 00:55:34,902

Would it have just been

someone witnessing you?

:

00:55:34,912 --> 00:55:37,862

Would it have been someone

saying Hey, you need to rest.

:

00:55:38,642 --> 00:55:39,702

Hey, you should lie down.

:

00:55:39,882 --> 00:55:42,782

You should eat something and

you should go for a walk.

:

00:55:43,122 --> 00:55:45,182

You should scream into this pillow.

:

00:55:45,762 --> 00:55:50,992

But allow yourself to explore the things

that feel good so that you are familiar

:

00:55:51,142 --> 00:55:55,192

with what feels right and how you can

get in touch with that part of yourself.

:

00:55:56,257 --> 00:55:59,257

Vienna: Yeah, that's such a great point,

and I know we talk about this a lot

:

00:55:59,257 --> 00:56:03,297

coming at it from our experience as

mothers, but I think if you could think

:

00:56:03,297 --> 00:56:07,297

if there's any child that trusts you,

you don't have to be a parent to say if

:

00:56:07,297 --> 00:56:12,187

there's a scared child coming up to me and

asking me for help, or expressing their

:

00:56:12,187 --> 00:56:17,257

fear, that's a big deal for somebody to

trust you enough to express being afraid.

:

00:56:17,527 --> 00:56:17,937

How would you

:

00:56:17,937 --> 00:56:18,827

respond to them?

:

00:56:18,987 --> 00:56:19,677

I think even

:

00:56:19,687 --> 00:56:20,367

Crystal: the fuck outta here.

:

00:56:20,457 --> 00:56:24,617

Vienna: Even the toughest people, I think

if a scared child came up to them on

:

00:56:24,617 --> 00:56:28,097

the street and expressed fear even the

:

00:56:28,107 --> 00:56:30,187

Track 1: biggest hardened person

:

00:56:30,197 --> 00:56:32,507

Vienna: is not going to be like, get the

fuck out of here, you stupid little bitch.

:

00:56:32,627 --> 00:56:35,327

Everybody's going to be like, you

might be like, where's your mommy?

:

00:56:35,677 --> 00:56:38,087

Like, where's somebody else

that can deal with this?

:

00:56:38,087 --> 00:56:39,967

But you're going to show compassion.

:

00:56:40,637 --> 00:56:40,927

Crystal: yeah.

:

00:56:41,767 --> 00:56:46,807

That's important to do it, be approach

your childhood self with a compassionate

:

00:56:46,807 --> 00:56:52,657

heart and with less judgment and

just a little bit more empathy.

:

00:56:53,037 --> 00:56:53,477

Vienna: Yeah.

:

00:56:53,907 --> 00:56:56,607

Crystal: There also is some

bravery to be had around that too.

:

00:56:56,687 --> 00:57:04,267

It takes a lot of bravery for you to

respond from a place that you think

:

00:57:04,267 --> 00:57:06,667

might be better, but you're not sure

of because you haven't experienced it,

:

00:57:06,667 --> 00:57:09,987

instead of responding to yourself in the

way that you know, which is probably to

:

00:57:10,767 --> 00:57:13,127

reinforce some of those old narratives

:

00:57:13,637 --> 00:57:17,807

that we're already familiar with

that are harmful and hurtful.

:

00:57:17,882 --> 00:57:22,362

Vienna: If you were growing up not

feeling heard, refusing to hear that

:

00:57:22,372 --> 00:57:24,622

now is not going to make it go away.

:

00:57:24,732 --> 00:57:27,202

It's just going to keep it

coming up more and more.

:

00:57:28,777 --> 00:57:29,517

Crystal: Boy oh boy.

:

00:57:31,622 --> 00:57:36,252

Vienna: So if you want that scared little

inner voice to shut up, maybe listen

:

00:57:36,252 --> 00:57:39,712

to it once in a while and let it know

that it's heard and it's okay, it's

:

00:57:39,762 --> 00:57:40,292

Crystal: it's okay.

:

00:57:40,472 --> 00:57:40,912

Vienna: Yeah.

:

00:57:41,152 --> 00:57:43,642

Crystal: Let it get angry or let

it say what needs to be said.

:

00:57:44,222 --> 00:57:47,982

And if you feel like you're not in a

place where you're safe to do that.

:

00:57:50,152 --> 00:57:50,732

Oh man.

:

00:57:51,742 --> 00:57:51,862

Vienna: Yeah.

:

00:57:51,872 --> 00:57:52,882

Crystal: Then talk to me about it.

:

00:57:53,042 --> 00:57:55,932

Vienna: That's when you're like,

I'm coming back for you, baby

:

00:57:56,042 --> 00:57:56,902

I'm going to come back for you.

:

00:57:56,902 --> 00:57:58,712

We don't have time for this right now.

:

00:57:58,822 --> 00:58:01,932

We're going to, we're going to circle

back and I, we will, there is a

:

00:58:02,102 --> 00:58:05,572

cardboard box at home that is going

to be very satisfying to kick when we

:

00:58:05,572 --> 00:58:10,382

get there, but you just got to hang in

there, little angry 12 year old angsty

:

00:58:10,402 --> 00:58:15,322

Vienna, like she, I got a box to kick

across the room with your name on it.

:

00:58:16,592 --> 00:58:17,082

I love.

:

00:58:17,472 --> 00:58:18,702

Kicking a cardboard box.

:

00:58:18,732 --> 00:58:20,092

It is just something about it.

:

00:58:20,092 --> 00:58:20,972

It gets air.

:

00:58:20,982 --> 00:58:21,652

It's great.

:

00:58:21,672 --> 00:58:23,762

I love it highly recommend it

:

00:58:24,862 --> 00:58:26,242

Crystal: It makes a good sound too,

:

00:58:26,442 --> 00:58:29,262

Vienna: Yeah, I think the final

piece of it too is like just how

:

00:58:29,262 --> 00:58:30,992

did we learn to cope as a kid?

:

00:58:31,122 --> 00:58:33,442

How did we learn to express our feelings?

:

00:58:33,482 --> 00:58:35,252

Was it safe to express our feelings?

:

00:58:35,952 --> 00:58:38,322

Did we learn that we had

to perform certain emotions

:

00:58:38,332 --> 00:58:39,732

for others benefits, right?

:

00:58:39,792 --> 00:58:44,082

Did we have to really ramp up the

excitedness even when it wasn't

:

00:58:44,082 --> 00:58:45,632

connecting and we weren't feeling it?

:

00:58:46,102 --> 00:58:48,472

Did we have to hide fear or discomfort?

:

00:58:49,272 --> 00:58:51,892

And I think a lot of the time if you

start looking at that's where you do

:

00:58:51,902 --> 00:58:55,642

start to find that thread connecting

it to how are you responding now?

:

00:58:55,962 --> 00:58:59,592

A lot of the time you have to be

really intentional to change these

:

00:58:59,592 --> 00:59:04,102

learned behaviors and learned responses

and it takes a really long time.

:

00:59:04,992 --> 00:59:05,412

Crystal: It does.

:

00:59:05,582 --> 00:59:10,362

And I wanna acknowledge that it is very

hard for you to hang in there and do

:

00:59:10,442 --> 00:59:12,802

something different than what you know.

:

00:59:13,542 --> 00:59:17,922

And I am saying that the only way

I have been able to stick with

:

00:59:17,922 --> 00:59:19,562

it is to fake it until I make it.

:

00:59:20,012 --> 00:59:23,522

There are many a time where I

have been in the process of trying

:

00:59:23,522 --> 00:59:24,922

to rewire those pathways, right?

:

00:59:24,982 --> 00:59:25,682

And tell myself.

:

00:59:26,697 --> 00:59:29,307

That, hey, this old narrative

is no longer serving.

:

00:59:29,437 --> 00:59:30,707

Let's start to rewrite it.

:

00:59:31,287 --> 00:59:35,907

And it felt like months or years

before I could be like, yeah,

:

00:59:36,027 --> 00:59:37,227

I do believe that about me.

:

00:59:37,927 --> 00:59:38,827

It takes a long time.

:

00:59:39,127 --> 00:59:44,547

But fake it until you make it, because

I can assure you that the narrative that

:

00:59:44,547 --> 00:59:52,307

you have of yourself where you are lazy

or difficult or too much or whatever it

:

00:59:52,307 --> 00:59:57,207

is that kind of, that rocks you or that

triggers you it takes a long time to

:

00:59:57,487 --> 01:00:03,247

rewire that and to replace it with the

narrative of I'm brave, or I am, I can do

:

01:00:03,247 --> 01:00:05,047

difficult things without losing my shit.

:

01:00:05,357 --> 01:00:06,767

What I have to say is valid.

:

01:00:07,517 --> 01:00:11,807

It's okay for me to be angry and

express that I'm still gonna be

:

01:00:11,857 --> 01:00:13,367

loved, even if I'm imperfect.

:

01:00:13,557 --> 01:00:15,207

Like it takes a long time.

:

01:00:15,997 --> 01:00:17,287

Fake it until you make it.

:

01:00:18,037 --> 01:00:20,537

At some point in time, you will

get to this point where you're

:

01:00:20,537 --> 01:00:23,617

like, oh, I know I'm right.

:

01:00:23,767 --> 01:00:26,257

Like you, you're gonna, you're

gonna get to that moment.

:

01:00:26,437 --> 01:00:28,977

And it happens incrementally,

but it does happen.

:

01:00:29,482 --> 01:00:34,042

Vienna: That is such a great point

because neuroplasticity is a beautiful

:

01:00:34,052 --> 01:00:42,002

thing, but also we are trying to rewire

thousands, hundreds of thousands of

:

01:00:42,002 --> 01:00:45,612

these neural pathways that had been

formed over the past 20 or 30 years.

:

01:00:47,312 --> 01:00:48,222

And we can, right?

:

01:00:48,232 --> 01:00:49,022

It can.

:

01:00:49,282 --> 01:00:50,582

It's going to take time.

:

01:00:51,182 --> 01:00:53,742

And you might make a little

progress and then feel your

:

01:00:53,742 --> 01:00:55,762

slip slipping back a little bit.

:

01:00:56,022 --> 01:00:59,362

Because it's a lot to unpack

and unlearn, but it really does

:

01:00:59,362 --> 01:01:00,732

get easier the more you do it.

:

01:01:01,202 --> 01:01:04,142

In previous episodes we've talked

about being present, getting

:

01:01:04,142 --> 01:01:06,332

grounded, using affirmations.

:

01:01:06,332 --> 01:01:10,982

These are all different ways that you

can actively rewire those pathways.

:

01:01:11,697 --> 01:01:13,417

To something that you

are choosing instead.

:

01:01:13,417 --> 01:01:16,747

Something that's more positive,

more uplifting, and is going to help

:

01:01:16,747 --> 01:01:17,897

you have the experience you want to

:

01:01:18,077 --> 01:01:18,497

Crystal: Mm-hmm.

:

01:01:19,627 --> 01:01:22,357

Vienna: But yeah, like Crystal

says, it takes so much time.

:

01:01:23,437 --> 01:01:24,317

Crystal: Patient with yourself.

:

01:01:24,437 --> 01:01:27,597

Vienna: I feel like this goes for

everything we ever say on any episode

:

01:01:27,597 --> 01:01:34,577

ever, but like this work If it's

feeling like you're not safe to do it,

:

01:01:34,597 --> 01:01:38,767

if you're not comfortable, if it's too

hard, you don't have to do it alone.

:

01:01:39,467 --> 01:01:42,887

It, then this doesn't replace

therapy with professional or like

:

01:01:43,007 --> 01:01:46,827

professional mental health help.

:

01:01:46,987 --> 01:01:50,987

So if that's what you need, there's no

shame going that route with it as well.

:

01:01:51,877 --> 01:01:52,957

And that's great.

:

01:01:52,987 --> 01:01:54,627

You can do two things simultaneously.

:

01:01:54,627 --> 01:01:57,907

You can work on this more spiritual side

and you can also work with a therapist.

:

01:01:58,622 --> 01:02:01,482

But if it feels too hard and too

scary, you don't have to do it alone.

:

01:02:02,482 --> 01:02:04,532

Alright, so talking through

some of the action items of

:

01:02:04,532 --> 01:02:06,372

how to get moving through this.

:

01:02:06,372 --> 01:02:10,612

We already said, getting present

and grounded, affirmations,

:

01:02:10,662 --> 01:02:12,152

great ways to get started.

:

01:02:12,852 --> 01:02:17,332

We already said also, really

intentionally pause for a

:

01:02:17,332 --> 01:02:18,962

moment when you hear that voice.

:

01:02:19,812 --> 01:02:20,722

See who it is.

:

01:02:20,872 --> 01:02:24,092

See if it's like just your tiny

hater or if it's your inner child.

:

01:02:24,732 --> 01:02:27,812

And just take a second before you

respond really quickly and be like,

:

01:02:27,852 --> 01:02:29,152

Oh no, here's how I want to respond.

:

01:02:29,182 --> 01:02:31,082

And if it's that tiny

hater tell him to fuck off.

:

01:02:31,092 --> 01:02:31,722

That's fine.

:

01:02:31,852 --> 01:02:34,352

But if it's little you don't need

to tell him to fuck off just yet.

:

01:02:35,932 --> 01:02:36,402

Yeah.

:

01:02:36,462 --> 01:02:37,862

Crystal: me is yeah, tell him to fuck off.

:

01:02:38,002 --> 01:02:38,542

No, just kidding.

:

01:02:38,822 --> 01:02:39,092

Vienna: You suck.

:

01:02:40,652 --> 01:02:41,072

Crystal: Stupid.

:

01:02:41,772 --> 01:02:42,352

So stupid

:

01:02:42,772 --> 01:02:43,982

Vienna: You're so bad at kickball.

:

01:02:43,992 --> 01:02:45,512

I could run so much faster than you.

:

01:02:45,512 --> 01:02:47,042

Your legs are so short.

:

01:02:47,052 --> 01:02:47,292

My

:

01:02:47,502 --> 01:02:49,032

Crystal: Look at your dumb tiny legs

:

01:02:50,022 --> 01:02:51,472

Vienna: You want to race across a pool?

:

01:02:51,492 --> 01:02:54,682

Okay, I have way better lung

capacity than you, idiot.

:

01:02:57,172 --> 01:02:58,442

Crystal: Roast your inner child.

:

01:02:58,982 --> 01:02:59,742

No, don't Don't do

:

01:02:59,852 --> 01:03:00,672

Vienna: your inner child.

:

01:03:01,472 --> 01:03:01,822

Crystal: Don't

:

01:03:02,032 --> 01:03:02,472

inner child,

:

01:03:02,502 --> 01:03:04,512

Vienna::

kick their ass right now.

:

01:03:04,532 --> 01:03:06,492

That is factually 100 percent

:

01:03:06,532 --> 01:03:06,812

true.

:

01:03:07,672 --> 01:03:11,892

One that I really like is make a

playdate with your inner child.

:

01:03:12,342 --> 01:03:17,822

So for me that would look like finding

things that I really enjoyed as a kid.

:

01:03:18,262 --> 01:03:19,482

Who did I want to be?

:

01:03:20,012 --> 01:03:21,912

Ginger Spice from the Spice Girls.

:

01:03:22,222 --> 01:03:22,982

Crystal: I can so see that.

:

01:03:23,377 --> 01:03:24,317

Vienna: oh my god I loved her.

:

01:03:24,587 --> 01:03:24,777

But

:

01:03:24,787 --> 01:03:24,907

Crystal: Yeah.

:

01:03:25,917 --> 01:03:31,847

Vienna: Maybe I think it's really cool

to order a sparkly Union Jack mini dress

:

01:03:31,867 --> 01:03:35,777

and giant platform boots on Amazon and

stomp around my house wearing them and

:

01:03:35,777 --> 01:03:38,847

nobody can stop me because I have grown

up money and my own shipping address

:

01:03:38,847 --> 01:03:42,197

and my own Amazon account and I should

be able to do that and you know what?

:

01:03:42,217 --> 01:03:44,857

My inner 11 year old is going to

think that's really fucking cool

:

01:03:44,887 --> 01:03:47,217

and maybe that's how I want to have

a play date with my inner child.

:

01:03:48,747 --> 01:03:49,677

Crystal: Abso fucking Lily.

:

01:03:50,417 --> 01:03:56,947

And let me tell you what, hot off the

heel hot on the heels of that conversation

:

01:03:56,967 --> 01:03:59,607

we had about dressing up like Harry

Potter and being weird and whatever.

:

01:03:59,657 --> 01:04:03,837

And like us having that really

great example of what we believe

:

01:04:03,907 --> 01:04:07,157

cosplay really is, which is, if you

haven't seen it, just Google the

:

01:04:07,157 --> 01:04:08,687

person that went as what was it?

:

01:04:08,697 --> 01:04:10,497

The pope, but also pit bull I don't even

:

01:04:10,537 --> 01:04:11,617

Vienna: Oh my gosh, yes.

:

01:04:11,797 --> 01:04:11,997

Crystal: got it.

:

01:04:11,997 --> 01:04:12,917

We'll put it in the show notes.

:

01:04:12,917 --> 01:04:14,277

Just look at the TikTok Okay,

:

01:04:14,282 --> 01:04:15,032

Vienna: I've ever seen,

:

01:04:15,537 --> 01:04:16,077

Crystal: we got it.

:

01:04:16,096 --> 01:04:17,357

We get why people cosplay.

:

01:04:17,497 --> 01:04:18,397

We totally get it.

:

01:04:18,947 --> 01:04:25,596

It's it, and it is such a big deal

for your inner child and I love that.

:

01:04:25,737 --> 01:04:29,077

And listen, do I think that the

whole Harry Potter thing is a lot?

:

01:04:29,317 --> 01:04:29,557

I do.

:

01:04:29,867 --> 01:04:31,277

Okay, but do I get it?

:

01:04:31,277 --> 01:04:37,717

And do I strongly encourage you to dress

up as your favorite, whatever do that.

:

01:04:38,277 --> 01:04:41,667

I love, like when people are dressed

up for Comic-Con and all of these other

:

01:04:41,677 --> 01:04:47,257

it's just amazing to me because if I

were a kid and I saw adults doing stuff

:

01:04:47,257 --> 01:04:51,977

like that, I'd be like, oh, thank God

that like they still have fun sometimes.

:

01:04:52,112 --> 01:04:52,442

Vienna: right?

:

01:04:53,042 --> 01:04:53,522

Oh my

:

01:04:53,522 --> 01:04:55,232

God, yes.

:

01:04:56,102 --> 01:04:56,432

Oh my God.

:

01:04:56,437 --> 01:05:00,872

I think about how many times

my oldest recently has asked

:

01:05:00,872 --> 01:05:02,342

me is it fun to be a grownup?

:

01:05:03,192 --> 01:05:04,572

Is it fun to drive a car?

:

01:05:04,782 --> 01:05:04,992

Is it

:

01:05:05,096 --> 01:05:05,867

Crystal: it's ghetto here.

:

01:05:06,612 --> 01:05:09,372

Vienna: And like my first

inclination is always be like, no.

:

01:05:10,122 --> 01:05:14,922

But I've had to really catch myself when

he says it, and I'm always like, I could

:

01:05:14,922 --> 01:05:18,532

just spend my whole day with you guys,

of course it's fun you three are so fun.

:

01:05:19,112 --> 01:05:22,382

And I'm like, is it a little

bit lying through my teeth?

:

01:05:22,392 --> 01:05:23,672

Is it a little fake it till you make it?

:

01:05:23,672 --> 01:05:24,502

Yeah, absolutely.

:

01:05:24,892 --> 01:05:27,242

But also that's what I would

have needed to hear as a kid.

:

01:05:28,582 --> 01:05:31,642

And I think, if I start saying

that maybe I can find a little

:

01:05:31,642 --> 01:05:32,862

bit more of the fun in the day.

:

01:05:33,557 --> 01:05:37,037

Maybe I can be a little more silly, and

tap into what it feels like to be...

:

01:05:37,927 --> 01:05:41,277

I won't say two, because I think,

judging by spending time with a two

:

01:05:41,277 --> 01:05:45,667

year old, it feels like a really

bad acid trip inside of a blender.

:

01:05:46,067 --> 01:05:48,997

but, what does it feel like

to be six, and to feel eight,

:

01:05:49,067 --> 01:05:50,527

and to have fun, and to play?

:

01:05:50,537 --> 01:05:52,127

I'm like, maybe there is fun there.

:

01:05:53,082 --> 01:05:53,302

Crystal: So

:

01:05:53,302 --> 01:05:54,862

feel like delighted by anything,

:

01:05:55,332 --> 01:05:55,622

like

:

01:05:56,362 --> 01:05:58,262

by the simplest, silliest stuff.

:

01:05:58,357 --> 01:05:59,927

Vienna: Sometimes it

is fun to drive a car.

:

01:06:00,317 --> 01:06:01,187

Because...

:

01:06:01,532 --> 01:06:04,332

You can put your music really

loud, and you get to go to the Taco

:

01:06:04,332 --> 01:06:05,662

Bell drive thru whenever you want.

:

01:06:06,172 --> 01:06:06,712

Crystal: Oh my God.

:

01:06:07,532 --> 01:06:09,152

That's the stuff life is made

:

01:06:09,252 --> 01:06:09,542

Okay.

:

01:06:09,612 --> 01:06:10,662

Taco Bell, drive through.

:

01:06:10,892 --> 01:06:11,382

Hell yeah.

:

01:06:11,582 --> 01:06:12,252

Vienna: There's this.

:

01:06:12,672 --> 01:06:17,172

Okay, I, total tangent here, but this is

why you're here listening to this podcast.

:

01:06:17,532 --> 01:06:22,212

I've pavloved myself into getting

Taco Bell every time I go to yoga.

:

01:06:23,221 --> 01:06:27,352

It started because when I was doing

my night class, it was from 6 to

:

01:06:27,352 --> 01:06:29,672

9, which is like prime dinner time.

:

01:06:30,072 --> 01:06:34,802

And on my way home, the only thing that

would still be open for drive thru was

:

01:06:34,882 --> 01:06:35,402

Taco Bell.

:

01:06:35,742 --> 01:06:39,232

So now, I've Really convinced

myself that every time I do

:

01:06:39,232 --> 01:06:40,912

yoga, I get to go to Taco Bell.

:

01:06:41,452 --> 01:06:43,672

But now I've developed this

weird relationship with the guy

:

01:06:43,672 --> 01:06:46,692

who works at my Taco Bell, and

I think he's it's a whole thing.

:

01:06:46,721 --> 01:06:49,142

Like I can't decide if he's just really.

:

01:06:50,112 --> 01:06:53,102

Interesting and like interested

in everything or who's always like

:

01:06:53,232 --> 01:06:55,042

really fucking high out of his mind.

:

01:06:55,832 --> 01:06:59,482

He always has a lot of questions

about like where I was, what I

:

01:06:59,492 --> 01:07:01,032

was doing, where I'm going next.

:

01:07:01,042 --> 01:07:03,692

Like he's just like really curious

and I'm like trying to be polite.

:

01:07:04,372 --> 01:07:08,602

Now every time I go I'm like a

simple creature at Taco Bell.

:

01:07:08,642 --> 01:07:10,922

I love a crunchy beef taco supreme.

:

01:07:10,922 --> 01:07:13,221

So I get like the number

one, which is three of them.

:

01:07:13,522 --> 01:07:17,922

Now every time I go, he gives me

three of the we'll make it right.

:

01:07:18,462 --> 01:07:21,997

Coupons that you can

give them for a free taco

:

01:07:22,652 --> 01:07:26,672

Crystal: So what you're saying is

he is an angel in the drive through

:

01:07:27,422 --> 01:07:29,792

providing you with free Taco Bell tickets.

:

01:07:30,327 --> 01:07:33,837

Vienna: I don't know much about this

boy . I don't know how old he is.

:

01:07:33,867 --> 01:07:35,037

I hope he never gets fired.

:

01:07:35,037 --> 01:07:39,237

I don't think he's very good at his job

because he always fucks up my orders.

:

01:07:39,927 --> 01:07:40,587

But he

:

01:07:40,882 --> 01:07:43,172

Crystal: He's probably like,

I got this batty yoga mom in

:

01:07:43,172 --> 01:07:43,772

the drive through.

:

01:07:44,197 --> 01:07:44,857

Vienna: He's look at this

:

01:07:44,882 --> 01:07:47,072

Crystal: I'm hitting shorter

with all these coupons, is

:

01:07:47,122 --> 01:07:48,592

Vienna: I am, like, a baller.

:

01:07:48,592 --> 01:07:51,262

I have a giant stack of them

because I don't know if it's

:

01:07:51,272 --> 01:07:53,322

worth really cashing them in on my

:

01:07:53,502 --> 01:07:55,162

Crystal: you better send

those shits down here.

:

01:07:55,302 --> 01:07:55,721

Damnit.

:

01:07:55,932 --> 01:07:58,142

Vienna: I'm like, I don't know I

don't think I get my money's worth if

:

01:07:58,142 --> 01:08:01,542

I cash them in on a number one combo

because you can use them for anything.

:

01:08:01,542 --> 01:08:02,412

You can get a Crunchwrap

:

01:08:02,702 --> 01:08:04,002

Crystal: No, this has to be a day.

:

01:08:04,122 --> 01:08:06,522

I was gonna say, this has to be

a day where like you're getting

:

01:08:06,522 --> 01:08:08,402

like a cheesy do goia crunch or

:

01:08:08,402 --> 01:08:09,842

like something,

:

01:08:09,902 --> 01:08:11,122

or like a Mexican pizza.

:

01:08:11,952 --> 01:08:12,242

Yeah.

:

01:08:12,942 --> 01:08:13,442

for sure.

:

01:08:13,582 --> 01:08:17,221

What do you, you and Jimmy have

a road trip and then roll in that

:

01:08:17,221 --> 01:08:19,062

drive through and drop that coupon

:

01:08:19,422 --> 01:08:21,072

a stack like, for me and my family,

:

01:08:21,787 --> 01:08:23,977

Vienna: I can't do that

for my Taco Bell boyfriend.

:

01:08:24,077 --> 01:08:26,857

I don't want him to know

that there's like a whole

:

01:08:27,102 --> 01:08:28,852

Crystal: Shout out to

the Taco Bell boyfriend.

:

01:08:29,471 --> 01:08:30,091

Oh my God.

:

01:08:30,737 --> 01:08:31,207

Vienna: Yeah, I'll see him.

:

01:08:31,237 --> 01:08:31,426

I'll

:

01:08:31,426 --> 01:08:32,237

see him in a couple days.

:

01:08:32,237 --> 01:08:32,807

I'll see him.

:

01:08:33,167 --> 01:08:34,596

I'll check in with him

and see how it's going.

:

01:08:35,047 --> 01:08:35,647

Crystal: Love that for you.

:

01:08:36,221 --> 01:08:36,612

Vienna: yeah, right?

:

01:08:37,612 --> 01:08:38,192

Yes.

:

01:08:39,362 --> 01:08:40,192

All right.

:

01:08:41,022 --> 01:08:44,461

Alright, so your challenges for the week.

:

01:08:45,122 --> 01:08:47,591

A little bit of the action items

that we discussed, but Crystal,

:

01:08:47,591 --> 01:08:51,372

you want to walk us through how

you're challenging the rest of us?

:

01:08:52,952 --> 01:08:53,912

Crystal: I love this first one.

:

01:08:54,402 --> 01:08:59,702

Saving a picture of the little you in

your phone or putting it in your bag or

:

01:08:59,872 --> 01:09:01,542

print it out, hanging on your fridge.

:

01:09:02,961 --> 01:09:06,832

Put like a little picture of you at

your desk or some, something like

:

01:09:06,832 --> 01:09:11,152

that where you can see it often in the

places where you often feel self-doubt

:

01:09:11,152 --> 01:09:15,341

or maybe even a little anxiety or

when that tiny tyrant voice kicks in.

:

01:09:16,322 --> 01:09:22,301

And just leave it there as a

reminder to give yourself some

:

01:09:22,301 --> 01:09:25,761

grace and a little bit more T L c.

:

01:09:27,341 --> 01:09:29,502

I love that so much and I'm gonna do that.

:

01:09:29,947 --> 01:09:30,926

Vienna: That's so sweet.

:

01:09:31,407 --> 01:09:31,926

Yeah,

:

01:09:32,886 --> 01:09:36,707

I had heard, ah, and I wish I could

remember who it was, but there was a,

:

01:09:36,737 --> 01:09:41,756

someone who recently did a stint on

Broadway and they said that they put

:

01:09:41,756 --> 01:09:46,457

a picture of themself as a little girl

on the mirror in their dressing room.

:

01:09:46,907 --> 01:09:49,577

So every day when they looked and

were getting ready, they could

:

01:09:49,577 --> 01:09:52,176

look at themselves as a little girl

and be like, we fucking did it.

:

01:09:52,207 --> 01:09:55,017

Look where we are, like this,

look what I did for us, look

:

01:09:55,017 --> 01:09:56,307

where we, look where I got us.

:

01:09:56,347 --> 01:09:56,817

And I was like,

:

01:09:56,877 --> 01:09:58,997

oh, I love that so much.

:

01:09:58,997 --> 01:09:59,572

Yeah.

:

01:09:59,572 --> 01:10:00,147

Yeah.

:

01:10:00,382 --> 01:10:00,582

Crystal: I do.

:

01:10:00,742 --> 01:10:01,742

I love that so much.

:

01:10:02,267 --> 01:10:09,207

There's something very sweet about

holding that version of yourself close as

:

01:10:09,207 --> 01:10:11,167

you move, as you like, accomplish goals.

:

01:10:12,227 --> 01:10:13,937

Sometimes like things

get really hard on you.

:

01:10:13,987 --> 01:10:14,927

We don't remember the why.

:

01:10:15,747 --> 01:10:20,597

And part of that is like for our inner

child, I often believe why we keep

:

01:10:20,597 --> 01:10:25,037

going or why we work really hard,

why we wanna achieve certain goals be

:

01:10:25,037 --> 01:10:28,797

who we are when we grow up because we

have envisioned that for ourselves.

:

01:10:28,797 --> 01:10:30,997

And it becomes important, for a lot of us.

:

01:10:31,137 --> 01:10:32,917

So I love that very much.

:

01:10:33,177 --> 01:10:39,037

It just keeps you and your little self at

the forefront so that you know your why

:

01:10:39,897 --> 01:10:41,997

and you can always be grounded in that.

:

01:10:43,122 --> 01:10:43,562

Vienna: Yeah.

:

01:10:43,922 --> 01:10:46,342

And I know the example that I gave

was like, somebody on Broadway,

:

01:10:46,342 --> 01:10:50,972

which is such a big thing that

like, most of us will never see.

:

01:10:51,252 --> 01:10:51,422

But

:

01:10:51,482 --> 01:10:51,772

Crystal: huge.

:

01:10:51,967 --> 01:10:54,707

Vienna: If you could look and

be like, look what I did for us.

:

01:10:54,767 --> 01:10:58,202

I got us, a secure, safe home.

:

01:10:58,402 --> 01:11:01,062

I made us a meal that is nourishing.

:

01:11:01,072 --> 01:11:02,032

Look what I did for us.

:

01:11:02,092 --> 01:11:08,062

Those little things, I bet to scared

little you, are not little things either.

:

01:11:08,082 --> 01:11:08,682

Those are the

:

01:11:08,682 --> 01:11:09,272

big things.

:

01:11:09,657 --> 01:11:10,467

Crystal: They're huge.

:

01:11:11,032 --> 01:11:13,882

Vienna: Look at the Taco Bell

drive thru I just brought home.

:

01:11:13,942 --> 01:11:16,432

Your girl just got a

milkshake because she could.

:

01:11:16,672 --> 01:11:17,112

Yeah, she's

:

01:11:17,112 --> 01:11:18,642

lactose intolerant, but that's okay.

:

01:11:19,122 --> 01:11:20,152

I could do anything I want.

:

01:11:20,152 --> 01:11:20,712

I have a grown up.

:

01:11:20,712 --> 01:11:22,132

I could drink soda for breakfast.

:

01:11:22,522 --> 01:11:25,982

Those things are the things that

I think seven year old Vienna

:

01:11:25,982 --> 01:11:26,922

would be very impressed with.

:

01:11:26,932 --> 01:11:29,782

I could just have a soda for

breakfast if I wanted to.

:

01:11:31,337 --> 01:11:32,997

Crystal: And that you didn't

beat yourself up about it because

:

01:11:32,997 --> 01:11:34,677

you knew it was delicious.

:

01:11:35,142 --> 01:11:37,972

Vienna: Yeah, I'd be like, no,

this is for you, seven year old.

:

01:11:38,002 --> 01:11:38,402

This one's

:

01:11:38,547 --> 01:11:38,967

Crystal: Mm-hmm.

:

01:11:40,087 --> 01:11:40,567

I love that.

:

01:11:40,907 --> 01:11:41,127

Ugh.

:

01:11:42,337 --> 01:11:46,107

Vienna: Yeah, so part two of your

challenge, because I think you

:

01:11:46,107 --> 01:11:47,207

should do all of these things.

:

01:11:47,207 --> 01:11:49,347

I think they're actually

all really beautiful.

:

01:11:49,967 --> 01:11:51,917

Write a letter to yourself as a child.

:

01:11:51,977 --> 01:11:55,297

Tell yourself what you wish somebody

would have told you back then.

:

01:11:55,917 --> 01:11:58,747

Maybe it's something specific that

you needed to hear at a certain age.

:

01:11:58,777 --> 01:12:03,647

Maybe it's just the thing you just,

it took you until you were 35 or 40 to

:

01:12:03,647 --> 01:12:05,607

figure out, but that you needed to know.

:

01:12:06,207 --> 01:12:08,927

And maybe it's not a letter, maybe that's

not your style, maybe it's a video or a

:

01:12:08,927 --> 01:12:11,197

voice memo, but just talk to yourself.

:

01:12:11,197 --> 01:12:11,897

Talk to your inner

:

01:12:11,997 --> 01:12:12,417

Crystal: Mm-hmm.

:

01:12:13,527 --> 01:12:17,657

Vienna: and let them know what you

know now, and how they get through

:

01:12:17,657 --> 01:12:19,457

it, and how, maybe how you get from.

:

01:12:20,357 --> 01:12:21,557

Point A to point B.

:

01:12:22,067 --> 01:12:24,727

I'm not going to say to

Z because we're not at Z.

:

01:12:25,827 --> 01:12:29,377

We've got a long way to go, but

what are the, what are those stops?

:

01:12:29,377 --> 01:12:30,337

What are those learnings?

:

01:12:30,337 --> 01:12:35,447

And how are you now as an adult

supporting that inner child through it?

:

01:12:37,097 --> 01:12:38,227

Crystal: what Reassurance.

:

01:12:38,997 --> 01:12:39,587

Vienna: Yeah.

:

01:12:40,467 --> 01:12:40,947

Crystal: I love that.

:

01:12:42,207 --> 01:12:49,907

Oh, so our final is an ac an echo of

one of the action items and that was

:

01:12:50,337 --> 01:12:51,987

make a play date with your inner child.

:

01:12:52,527 --> 01:12:58,467

And so to that point, reconnecting with

your favorite childhood activities, like

:

01:12:58,467 --> 01:13:02,627

what a huge way of allowing your inner

child a little bit more free reign.

:

01:13:02,627 --> 01:13:05,667

In your day-to-day life, what were

the things that you loved to do?

:

01:13:06,347 --> 01:13:07,307

I used to love swimming.

:

01:13:07,767 --> 01:13:12,587

Any body of water, really that is clean

and like refreshing was my favorite.

:

01:13:13,317 --> 01:13:15,227

Loved going to the pool, I

loved going to the beach.

:

01:13:16,367 --> 01:13:20,127

And that's something that I wanna

be more intentional about, like

:

01:13:20,527 --> 01:13:24,777

reconnecting with rereading your

favorite books, visiting a theme park.

:

01:13:25,652 --> 01:13:26,832

And yes.

:

01:13:27,142 --> 01:13:30,492

Even you people who go to Disney

like eight times a year great

:

01:13:30,492 --> 01:13:31,612

job on your childhood hearing.

:

01:13:31,682 --> 01:13:31,972

Okay.

:

01:13:32,432 --> 01:13:34,212

You definitely are tapping

into something there.

:

01:13:34,832 --> 01:13:38,952

Um, playing video games, what

are these things that you loved?

:

01:13:39,252 --> 01:13:44,232

And allow yourself some time every week to

escape there every day if you're able to.

:

01:13:44,332 --> 01:13:48,112

But if every week you can make

some time to say, I need to visit

:

01:13:48,262 --> 01:13:50,832

this part of my childhood itself,

that brought me a lot of joy.

:

01:13:51,532 --> 01:13:55,552

And I understand that, for a lot of people

it might be hard to remember some of

:

01:13:55,552 --> 01:13:57,392

the things that you really love to do.

:

01:13:57,452 --> 01:13:58,792

You're like, I don't really know.

:

01:13:59,152 --> 01:14:00,352

I didn't really do this.

:

01:14:00,382 --> 01:14:02,472

Some people like you, you

don't have those things.

:

01:14:03,452 --> 01:14:07,052

And that's when I say in

that case, try everything.

:

01:14:08,547 --> 01:14:13,007

Try everything that you wanted to try

or that looks interesting to you or

:

01:14:13,007 --> 01:14:17,377

that maybe gives you a little spark

or, makes you curious because you

:

01:14:17,377 --> 01:14:21,537

never know what you might awaken in

yourself when you dive into that.

:

01:14:22,077 --> 01:14:28,077

So, For me, I am not good by any means,

but watercolor from time to time and I

:

01:14:28,077 --> 01:14:31,507

think it's just a really nice way for

me to get out of my head a little bit,

:

01:14:32,087 --> 01:14:39,997

um, or be still and be quiet without

ruminating and like producing anxiety.

:

01:14:40,637 --> 01:14:42,717

There's something really

lovely about that.

:

01:14:43,097 --> 01:14:45,597

Try a few different things

and see what lights you up.

:

01:14:45,937 --> 01:14:52,137

I know a lot of people who have like very

cool ways of connecting with their inner

:

01:14:52,137 --> 01:14:58,507

child, like the writing, podcasting,

like photography, all of those things.

:

01:14:58,657 --> 01:14:59,147

Artwork.

:

01:14:59,647 --> 01:15:03,067

And I just love when people

like rediscover something

:

01:15:03,067 --> 01:15:06,287

that they really like.

:

01:15:07,347 --> 01:15:11,277

That just like embodies their childhood

and when they allow themselves to,

:

01:15:11,337 --> 01:15:15,467

to have that time and not feel bad

about it and not need to look at it

:

01:15:15,467 --> 01:15:19,227

as productive, but just something

that you do for you for your spirit.

:

01:15:20,132 --> 01:15:20,572

Vienna: Yeah.

:

01:15:20,942 --> 01:15:26,392

I think it's such a good call out

that sometimes it's really hard

:

01:15:26,392 --> 01:15:27,942

to remember what those things are.

:

01:15:28,452 --> 01:15:32,212

About a year and a half ago when I really

started actively, maybe it was like two

:

01:15:32,212 --> 01:15:36,582

years ago now but when I really started

down this like healing path for me, I

:

01:15:36,582 --> 01:15:39,252

remember telling my therapist, I was

like, I don't even know what I like.

:

01:15:39,302 --> 01:15:40,292

I don't know who I am.

:

01:15:40,292 --> 01:15:41,442

I've lost all of that.

:

01:15:42,532 --> 01:15:50,242

And one of the first places I re found

it is I don't even know how to say this

:

01:15:50,242 --> 01:15:52,332

without sounding like a giant weirdo.

:

01:15:52,402 --> 01:15:58,462

I was walking through supplies at Staples.

:

01:15:59,402 --> 01:16:03,102

I was such a school supply girly.

:

01:16:03,882 --> 01:16:04,102

Crystal: Oh

:

01:16:04,632 --> 01:16:08,332

Vienna: I didn't need a talent, didn't

need a skill, didn't need a hobby.

:

01:16:08,332 --> 01:16:11,772

I didn't even need to start tapping

into those things right away.

:

01:16:12,092 --> 01:16:14,002

I just needed to walk through Staples.

:

01:16:14,022 --> 01:16:17,542

I'm like, look at all the pens

and pick out like a fun eraser.

:

01:16:18,332 --> 01:16:22,397

I'm like, it was like like an

instantaneous flashback of touching it

:

01:16:22,397 --> 01:16:24,487

and being like, I used to love doing this.

:

01:16:24,487 --> 01:16:25,527

I used to fantasize

:

01:16:25,527 --> 01:16:28,377

about what Trapper Keeper I was

gonna get and pick my Lisa Frank

:

01:16:28,942 --> 01:16:30,242

Crystal: Not a trap keeper.

:

01:16:30,467 --> 01:16:33,537

Vienna: that was like,

that was it and I loved it.

:

01:16:33,597 --> 01:16:39,412

And once you do start to reconnect

and find those little ways in, And

:

01:16:39,462 --> 01:16:43,252

then the other things, they come

back to you start to be like, Oh my

:

01:16:43,252 --> 01:16:45,412

gosh, yes, I loved, I love dancing.

:

01:16:45,412 --> 01:16:47,662

Can I just dance around

my room for 20 minutes?

:

01:16:47,712 --> 01:16:48,652

And is it going to feel

:

01:16:48,652 --> 01:16:50,872

really stupid for the first 18 of them?

:

01:16:50,882 --> 01:16:51,832

Absolutely.

:

01:16:52,482 --> 01:16:53,532

But that's really fun, too.

:

01:16:53,782 --> 01:16:54,952

Or can I just color?

:

01:16:54,952 --> 01:16:55,192

Can I?

:

01:16:55,642 --> 01:16:58,852

It doesn't have to be a huge ordeal.

:

01:16:59,272 --> 01:17:00,102

It might get there.

:

01:17:00,112 --> 01:17:01,622

Maybe one day I'll be like,

Oh my god, I have this whole

:

01:17:01,622 --> 01:17:02,012

routine.

:

01:17:02,012 --> 01:17:02,642

And I love it.

:

01:17:02,652 --> 01:17:03,362

But maybe you just.

:

01:17:03,822 --> 01:17:06,902

Put on some music and dance around

like you're silly or maybe Put on a

:

01:17:06,902 --> 01:17:09,052

bathing suit and some high

heels and you pretend that

:

01:17:09,052 --> 01:17:10,672

you're beyonce and like a single

:

01:17:10,672 --> 01:17:10,972

ladies

:

01:17:11,002 --> 01:17:12,632

Crystal: Dress up, Dress up.

:

01:17:12,702 --> 01:17:14,962

Vienna: a reason that kids love to

play dress up and it's because it

:

01:17:15,012 --> 01:17:18,862

allows you to tap into different

pieces of yourself so do that!

:

01:17:18,862 --> 01:17:19,562

Play dress up!

:

01:17:19,602 --> 01:17:21,752

Do your hair, do your makeup,

find a YouTube tutorial.

:

01:17:21,802 --> 01:17:22,362

Anything!

:

01:17:22,362 --> 01:17:23,842

Just start trying shit.

:

01:17:23,902 --> 01:17:26,192

You have to be intentional to

set aside that time and say

:

01:17:26,242 --> 01:17:27,791

Alright, this one's for you!

:

01:17:27,802 --> 01:17:30,312

I'm taking this playdate

with my little inner child!

:

01:17:30,802 --> 01:17:33,742

Easy to get distracted if we're

not being intentional about it.

:

01:17:35,577 --> 01:17:39,017

Crystal: Yeah, I, the Nintendo

actually is a thing that recircle,

:

01:17:39,047 --> 01:17:40,657

like it came back around for me.

:

01:17:41,517 --> 01:17:45,977

We have a Nintendo Switch and

the kids and I really bonded over

:

01:17:46,357 --> 01:17:48,137

animal crossing during the pandemic.

:

01:17:48,916 --> 01:17:51,857

Our island is all but abandoned

now because then we discovered

:

01:17:51,857 --> 01:17:55,737

like that you can actually play

like classic, um, Nintendo games.

:

01:17:56,637 --> 01:18:03,987

And I am just so proud that my kids love

Super Mario Brothers, that they love Sonic

:

01:18:04,887 --> 01:18:09,307

and that they love Kirby and like those

games because it makes me think of my

:

01:18:09,307 --> 01:18:11,467

sister and like those like happy memories.

:

01:18:11,487 --> 01:18:15,107

And I know that Enzo and Hobby will

have that as well, like with each

:

01:18:15,107 --> 01:18:16,187

other, even though they fight a lot.

:

01:18:16,187 --> 01:18:18,787

And I'm like, I'm gonna throw this

switch in the trash if you don't

:

01:18:18,787 --> 01:18:19,507

stop screaming.

:

01:18:19,862 --> 01:18:22,712

Vienna: to throw that switch

away at least twice a week and

:

01:18:22,712 --> 01:18:23,642

I'm like, I don't even care.

:

01:18:23,642 --> 01:18:24,632

I'm crazy.

:

01:18:24,632 --> 01:18:26,162

I'll throw it out.

:

01:18:26,572 --> 01:18:27,122

Crystal: And I will,

:

01:18:27,312 --> 01:18:30,402

like, that's the thing, that's an

unhinged part of me that like, yeah,

:

01:18:30,512 --> 01:18:31,802

I'll admit it and needs a little healing.

:

01:18:31,992 --> 01:18:35,502

I'll throw that shit in the trash and

be, and the next day I'll be mad that I

:

01:18:35,852 --> 01:18:36,572

Vienna: In the moment.

:

01:18:36,662 --> 01:18:36,812

And

:

01:18:36,872 --> 01:18:37,752

Crystal: a $400 item.

:

01:18:38,122 --> 01:18:38,752

Vienna: it would feel so

:

01:18:38,752 --> 01:18:39,562

justified.

:

01:18:39,562 --> 01:18:40,762

You'd feel so good at the moment.

:

01:18:40,762 --> 01:18:41,962

But yeah, it takes a little

:

01:18:41,962 --> 01:18:42,202

bit.

:

01:18:43,022 --> 01:18:43,023

And.

:

01:18:43,817 --> 01:18:44,407

For all the

:

01:18:44,652 --> 01:18:46,872

Crystal: Follow us for

more toxic parenting tips.

:

01:18:48,197 --> 01:18:48,787

Vienna: Listen.

:

01:18:49,587 --> 01:18:51,347

This ain't the healing happy hour anymore.

:

01:18:51,347 --> 01:18:54,147

This is like the unhinged petty hour.

:

01:18:54,647 --> 01:18:59,127

But if all the younger siblings out there

like Crystal and myself want a little

:

01:18:59,127 --> 01:19:04,547

bit of validation and a redemption arc go

ahead and play your kids in Mario Kart.

:

01:19:04,567 --> 01:19:05,307

Cause you know what?

:

01:19:05,457 --> 01:19:08,187

They're real bad and you get

to beat them cause you're a

:

01:19:08,432 --> 01:19:09,092

Crystal: That's right.

:

01:19:09,712 --> 01:19:10,332

That's right.

:

01:19:10,867 --> 01:19:11,207

Vienna: They don't

:

01:19:11,282 --> 01:19:12,932

Crystal: Hashtag Inner Child healing

:

01:19:13,252 --> 01:19:14,482

Vienna: Inner child healing.

:

01:19:14,722 --> 01:19:16,772

Bully an actual child.

:

01:19:17,772 --> 01:19:18,802

No, don't do that.

:

01:19:18,822 --> 01:19:19,482

But they

:

01:19:19,527 --> 01:19:20,077

Crystal: don't do that

:

01:19:20,212 --> 01:19:23,232

Vienna: It takes them like a little while

to learn that you can't just like floor

:

01:19:23,232 --> 01:19:25,282

the gas a second the countdown starts.

:

01:19:25,291 --> 01:19:27,092

You will spin out before

:

01:19:27,497 --> 01:19:28,302

Crystal: Oh, Mario Kart.

:

01:19:28,352 --> 01:19:28,522

Vienna: Yeah.

:

01:19:28,912 --> 01:19:30,092

They don't know that yet.

:

01:19:31,407 --> 01:19:34,467

Crystal: But yes, please go play

a game like indulge yourself.

:

01:19:34,927 --> 01:19:37,827

Be intentional about

giving yourself that time.

:

01:19:38,327 --> 01:19:40,567

Try not to think of it as

oh, I could be doing da.

:

01:19:40,907 --> 01:19:42,407

It doesn't matter what you could be doing.

:

01:19:42,737 --> 01:19:46,047

Allow your inner child to just

exist for a moment, free of

:

01:19:46,247 --> 01:19:48,437

judgment, and have some fun.

:

01:19:50,902 --> 01:19:57,222

Vienna: I hope somebody decides to go

after their childhood dream of mastering

:

01:19:57,472 --> 01:20:03,902

beatboxing because that was like really

a thing when we were kids and I didn't

:

01:20:03,902 --> 01:20:06,202

know anybody who was good at it but I

do know a lot of people who said they

:

01:20:06,202 --> 01:20:10,212

wanted to be good at it so if anybody

out there is looking for something

:

01:20:10,242 --> 01:20:17,062

that they want to explore I suggest

beatboxing and please create a TikTok.

:

01:20:17,502 --> 01:20:23,632

of your journey to mastery of beatboxing

and just send me the videos because

:

01:20:24,252 --> 01:20:25,462

I just really want to see that.

:

01:20:26,122 --> 01:20:27,922

I want to laugh at it a

little bit but like in a

:

01:20:27,922 --> 01:20:28,162

really

:

01:20:28,172 --> 01:20:31,732

Crystal: I, I, I wanna see it, send

it to the, send it asap to the inbox,

:

01:20:31,992 --> 01:20:36,132

or if you can also film a

video of you teaching your son

:

01:20:36,152 --> 01:20:37,452

how to make a paper football

:

01:20:38,252 --> 01:20:38,912

Vienna: Yeah.

:

01:20:39,092 --> 01:20:39,972

Crystal: a distraction in class.

:

01:20:40,282 --> 01:20:41,492

That could be healing as well.

:

01:20:42,282 --> 01:20:44,132

Just set, like, just share with us,

:

01:20:44,502 --> 01:20:48,332

Vienna: did your school, did they

play that game with the sporks?

:

01:20:49,317 --> 01:20:53,777

Where you fold the end of the plastic

spork and then whack each other's, the

:

01:20:53,777 --> 01:20:56,837

boys, like, all play this where they

would have to whack the spoon part of

:

01:20:56,837 --> 01:21:01,827

the spork and the first person who's

was totally gone, all the boys got to

:

01:21:01,827 --> 01:21:04,217

flick their hands with the plastic spork.

:

01:21:05,427 --> 01:21:10,147

I don't think that's a good one to

open the door to again, but who am I?

:

01:21:10,166 --> 01:21:11,717

If that's your go find your bliss.

:

01:21:11,747 --> 01:21:14,747

I guess if that's what's gonna light

you up, go for it, but I just, I

:

01:21:14,747 --> 01:21:16,427

would advise finding other options.

:

01:21:17,637 --> 01:21:19,477

Crystal: I don't think, I

don't think we did that,

:

01:21:19,857 --> 01:21:24,517

but the boys did the footballs

and we did, and Javi calls 'em

:

01:21:24,517 --> 01:21:25,997

chatter boxes and I'm like, what?

:

01:21:26,107 --> 01:21:26,997

I've never heard them call it

:

01:21:26,997 --> 01:21:27,277

chatter,

:

01:21:27,277 --> 01:21:27,637

but like,

:

01:21:27,637 --> 01:21:28,207

Vienna: tellers?

:

01:21:28,647 --> 01:21:28,797

Crystal: yeah.

:

01:21:28,797 --> 01:21:29,077

yeah.

:

01:21:29,597 --> 01:21:32,797

I don't know what happened, but like

second grade was a defining year

:

01:21:32,817 --> 01:21:34,957

in which they were all making them.

:

01:21:35,577 --> 01:21:36,637

And I was like, wow.

:

01:21:37,157 --> 01:21:41,077

I was, at least in sixth

grade, before I was predicting

:

01:21:41,077 --> 01:21:43,837

like the future with my

:

01:21:44,057 --> 01:21:44,477

Teller

:

01:21:44,527 --> 01:21:48,497

Vienna: If you, if anybody out there

went to PS279, shout out Canarsie back

:

01:21:48,497 --> 01:21:52,267

in the day, and you remember playing

that spork thing, please let me know.

:

01:21:52,597 --> 01:21:54,427

I want to know if it's still

going on too, if you like have

:

01:21:54,427 --> 01:21:55,847

any connections to the area now.

:

01:21:57,332 --> 01:21:59,752

Crystal: Let us know if you're like

an investment broker and you do this

:

01:21:59,752 --> 01:22:01,432

in the lunchroom at t Rowe Price

:

01:22:01,492 --> 01:22:01,712

or

:

01:22:01,962 --> 01:22:05,342

Vienna: is, that is like some primo

investment broker kind of bullshit.

:

01:22:05,822 --> 01:22:07,942

Alright, this has been so beautiful.

:

01:22:08,462 --> 01:22:10,992

My inner child is real fired up.

:

01:22:11,742 --> 01:22:12,182

My inner

:

01:22:12,182 --> 01:22:14,882

child wants to go bake

some cookies, I think.

:

01:22:15,622 --> 01:22:17,742

Crystal: I baked cookies on

Sunday, I forgot to tell you that.

:

01:22:17,762 --> 01:22:18,702

And then we watched two movies.

:

01:22:18,802 --> 01:22:23,041

We watched Elemental and The

Haunted House, and it was so cute.

:

01:22:23,332 --> 01:22:24,802

Vienna: Was the haunted house one scary?

:

01:22:25,122 --> 01:22:26,041

Too scary for the kids?

:

01:22:26,092 --> 01:22:27,302

Not like scary for you as an

:

01:22:27,541 --> 01:22:29,502

Crystal: I mean, I'm mean,

and I made Javi watch it.

:

01:22:29,572 --> 01:22:30,582

Enzo didn't even battle off.

:

01:22:30,602 --> 01:22:34,022

She was like, one of her Javi was

like, I just need to cuddle after that.

:

01:22:34,922 --> 01:22:35,902

Aw, I know.

:

01:22:35,902 --> 01:22:36,422

He's so cute.

:

01:22:36,722 --> 01:22:39,922

I didn't think it was bad, but

like a child who's not my child,

:

01:22:40,772 --> 01:22:42,082

might be like more scared,

:

01:22:42,702 --> 01:22:43,112

Vienna: Alright.

:

01:22:43,112 --> 01:22:43,187

Bye.

:

01:22:43,262 --> 01:22:43,682

Crystal: I Liked it.

:

01:22:44,537 --> 01:22:44,887

Vienna: Okay,

:

01:22:45,147 --> 01:22:45,627

I want to watch it.

:

01:22:45,627 --> 01:22:46,137

It looks cute.

:

01:22:46,777 --> 01:22:47,187

All right.

:

01:22:47,227 --> 01:22:48,397

Thank you so much.

:

01:22:48,457 --> 01:22:51,767

I, we are still working on

getting that Patreon up.

:

01:22:52,762 --> 01:22:53,182

Crystal: Mm-hmm.

:

01:22:53,477 --> 01:22:57,547

Vienna: But there is a really good little

bonus feature for this episode that will

:

01:22:57,557 --> 01:22:59,247

also go up there as soon as that's up.

:

01:22:59,247 --> 01:23:01,097

So we'll keep you in the loop on that.

:

01:23:01,797 --> 01:23:03,867

Yeah, Crystal, where

can the people find you?

:

01:23:05,232 --> 01:23:09,682

Crystal: find me at Temple Honey

Healing on Instagram right now.

:

01:23:09,982 --> 01:23:17,462

And also look for some really nice

prompts, by the way in our ig Okay.

:

01:23:17,882 --> 01:23:20,882

In the healing happy Hour pod

ig, because I'm just curious

:

01:23:20,892 --> 01:23:22,362

about the ways that you act.

:

01:23:23,022 --> 01:23:27,162

Um, but let me know there, let me know

at Temple Honey Healing, and I hope

:

01:23:27,162 --> 01:23:29,402

you all have the most blessed week.

:

01:23:29,852 --> 01:23:30,232

Vienna: Yay.

:

01:23:30,242 --> 01:23:30,562

Yeah.

:

01:23:30,562 --> 01:23:31,291

Find us there.

:

01:23:31,291 --> 01:23:33,722

You can find me at Globe Inside Out on IG,

:

01:23:34,242 --> 01:23:41,272

come hang out with us at Healing Happy

Hour Pod on TikTok and on Instagram and

:

01:23:41,282 --> 01:23:43,752

on our Patreon when we get that going

because there's gonna be good stuff.

:

01:23:44,722 --> 01:23:45,142

Crystal: one day.

:

01:23:45,242 --> 01:23:45,512

Vienna: Yeah.

:

01:23:46,502 --> 01:23:46,912

All right.

:

01:23:46,992 --> 01:23:48,092

I love you guys.

:

01:23:49,832 --> 01:23:49,882

All right.

:

01:23:49,882 --> 01:23:49,992

I love you

:

01:23:49,992 --> 01:23:50,142

guys.

:

01:23:50,322 --> 01:23:50,472

Bye.

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About the Podcast

The Healing Happy Hour
Pushing back against the trauma of being human, together
Welcome to the Healing Happy Hour with Crystal and Vienna, two deeply unserious people exploring serious topics while cackling and sometimes crying.

Together we are learning to push back against the trauma of being human in the world today through ancient wisdom and practices, modern therapeutic techniques, and anything else that moves the needle towards healing.

If you’re also sick of tripping over your own bullshit, join us while we create a sanctuary for everyone who is ready to activate the magic in their life.

About your host

Profile picture for The Healing Happy Hour

The Healing Happy Hour

I’m Crystal, an energy worker and life coach specializing in boundary work, and a mom of two beautiful wildings. I’m on a mission to stay soft in the face of hard things, while guiding others to do the same through answering the invitation to embody their whole self.

I’m Vienna, mom of three goblins, yoga teacher in training, deeply self conscious and learning how to take up space. This phase of my life is about embracing my old favorite parts of myself, nurturing new ones and letting them harmonize into the new me.