Episode 2
Rest, Don't Quit: The Power of Pauses and Shaking the Shame of a Comeback
What does it mean to take an intentional break? When is it quitting? When it is hitting pause? Why do we feel shame when it’s time to get started again? How do we know when we’re ready to start again? When is it “rest” and when is it “laziness?” Is “lazy” a real thing? (Hint: no, it's not.) This week we're talking about how to get yourself going again after stepping back- intentionally or not! There doesn't need to be shame about not being productive, and we're sharing our own experiences and tips as the podcast comes back from its own little pause!
Topics this week include:
- Strength training
- The plural of octopus
- Spring Equinox energy and all the spring cleaning vibes
- Gardening and how 2 hours of pulling weeds can bring up all the metaphors for life
- Punxsutawney Phil and earthworms as icons of rest
- Rest as resistance
- Taking money out of the definition of success
- Celebrity Fit Club and Bobby Brown
- On ramps to motivation
- Doing "the thing before the thing."
This weeks challenge: Define your April goals, and then identify the thing BEFORE that thing. Write it down, bring a friend in, or email to us so we can share.
Reading List:
Find Us:
- Healing Happy Hour on Instagram
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- Healing Happy Hour on Facebook
- Healing Happy Hour on TikTok
- Crystal on Instagram
- Vienna on Instagram
- Healing Happy Hour Website
Music by FASSounds on Pixabay.
Transcript
I can't wait to hopefully take a class with you one day.
Speaker:Yeah, that'd be really fun.
Speaker:I'll,
Speaker:see me sweating bullets, but
Speaker:no, I would make it all about you.
Speaker:I would give
Speaker:I will say this.
Speaker:yes.
Speaker:so in my strength training journey, I always like stretch beforehand.
Speaker:Um, and I, I can't believe how much easier, like before I was
Speaker:to a point where like I could barely hold a downward dog and.
Speaker:I was like, I don't know how people could just hang here
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:And like,
Speaker:so I have carpal tunnel in my wrists and I'm pretty sure I'm
Speaker:becoming like mad arthritic.
Speaker:But, um, I, I used to not be able to do that.
Speaker:And I, and I haven't taken like a full yoga class in a long time, but just
Speaker:the fact that I could hold myself up in a more difficult pose, a pose that I
Speaker:normally like, this is fucking the worst.
Speaker:I was just like, Oh, this is great that I have some core strength
Speaker:that my arms are a little stronger, that my wrists are not screaming.
Speaker:I was just happy for that alone.
Speaker:So now that I noticed that I'm like, I really do want to take the yoga
Speaker:class now and just see how much better now that I've incorporated
Speaker:the strength training in there.
Speaker:So like,
Speaker:I'm gonna give you a little, amuse bouche of something you can try if
Speaker:you are finding that your wrists are acting up or you're just like
Speaker:not feeling it in your practice.
Speaker:Maybe your shoulders are really tight for that day and you're just like
Speaker:downward dog is not doing it for me.
Speaker:Try dolphin.
Speaker:So it's basically downward facing dog, but you're on your forearms.
Speaker:I do it a lot.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:okay.
Speaker:So when you're there, if you want to do like a little challenge pulse, bring your
Speaker:hands together and you're going to do a little pike down and kiss your wrists
Speaker:and pike back up then forward and back.
Speaker:It feels, it's like a little challenging.
Speaker:It's a little pike of like a push up, but it feels really nice and it's,
Speaker:I think it works a very different part than downward facing dog.
Speaker:I'm going to try it.
Speaker:yeah, I love doing them.
Speaker:I call them my little dolphin kisses because you're kissing your hands.
Speaker:Anything
Speaker:called the dolphin.
Speaker:Like
Speaker:A dolphin!
Speaker:It puts me back in my Lisa Frank era, and I really enjoy it.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:A little dolphin kiss.
Speaker:Although, dolphins are mad sexually aggressive, so I don't think
Speaker:they are aggressive period.
Speaker:Like they are, I think they're like notorious for being like, really
Speaker:spiteful to other animals in the ocean.
Speaker:Yeah, I think they, like, grab baby
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:They like get mad.
Speaker:They like punt things.
Speaker:Speaking of very aggressive, animals in the water, um, octopi
Speaker:are also more, so it was my favorite, underwater animal.
Speaker:they will just like hit shit for no reason.
Speaker:And like, for real though, like I get it.
Speaker:I'm not
Speaker:Can I tell you the most upsetting thing regarding octopi?
Speaker:It's like, not actually.
Speaker:But I learned that the correct plural of octopus is octopuses.
Speaker:It's not octopi, which it
Speaker:No, I, again, I thought you were going to say octopuses and I was like, please stop.
Speaker:But
Speaker:it, I wish it was octopuses.
Speaker:I wish it was just like, that's, I think, I wish we called a group
Speaker:of octopuses like an octocunt.
Speaker:I can't believe it's really octopuses.
Speaker:It is.
Speaker:I just learned it the other day.
Speaker:I
Speaker:hate it!
Speaker:I yeah, yeah.
Speaker:I know that would ruin your day.
Speaker:But, petition to make Octocunt, like, their group name.
Speaker:Because I like that.
Speaker:It's like a school of fish and Octocunt of octopuses.
Speaker:Octopuses.
Speaker:Octopuses.
Speaker:I hate this.
Speaker:It's like, thanks, I hate it.
Speaker:I hate it.
Speaker:Alright, I'm just gonna call them whatever
Speaker:You call them whatever you want.
Speaker:You know what?
Speaker:Weird.
Speaker:into your power.
Speaker:You call them
Speaker:Rename the animal kingdom.
Speaker:Damn it.
Speaker:I can't
Speaker:your time.
Speaker:Step into your power, adjust that crown, and call them an octopussy if you want.
Speaker:Nobody will stop you.
Speaker:But how are you?
Speaker:Oh man,
Speaker:do you find healing this week?
Speaker:What's going on?
Speaker:where did I find healing this week?
Speaker:I'm gonna be very honest not doing a good job on the healing for me.
Speaker:Note that I'm
Speaker:that's that's real.
Speaker:That's like, I'm being very realistic.
Speaker:I have, I have found like some pockets of things where I'm like, Oh my
Speaker:God, I'm really glad I'm doing this.
Speaker:I feel like I've been in a little bit of survival mode and it's, it's interesting
Speaker:that we ask this question because I have been feeling a little bit disconnected
Speaker:from healing and I have been meaning to kind of sit with that and see what it is.
Speaker:But where I hope to find healing.
Speaker:Is in a little bit more rest before I start this new job and
Speaker:in some spiritual practices.
Speaker:I am really trying to remember that when I feel like that, I need to lean
Speaker:back into my spiritual practices.
Speaker:Um, but again, because I've just been in such a stressful like survival mode,
Speaker:it can be hard to hear anything higher than my immediate physical need.
Speaker:So that is on the docket for sure.
Speaker:So I'm always hopeful.
Speaker:I am always cackling at something.
Speaker:So I have not lost the joy of humor I am still honoring my physical needs to
Speaker:like move my body a bit and go to the gym and like eat a little bit better
Speaker:and to rest, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker:So I'm going to continue to lean into that while I reintegrate some
Speaker:of my emotional and spiritual health.
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:Yeah, like if I hear somebody say healing is not linear one more time, it's just
Speaker:like, I fucking know, like we know.
Speaker:I saw somebody who was like, could they just like reinvent a,
Speaker:a type of healing that is linear?
Speaker:Like, that would be great if they could just do that, could they come out
Speaker:that,
Speaker:would be fantastic.
Speaker:launch that product?
Speaker:Um, but it's so real, like, I think I was saying last time, that's like
Speaker:where I was the last three months.
Speaker:And I was like, Oh, this is not good.
Speaker:I don't feel good.
Speaker:Everything feels hard and bad.
Speaker:And I am not able to reconnect with my best and highest self.
Speaker:I'm just like, trying to slog through every day.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:until I start work.
Speaker:I'm probably gonna feel like that.
Speaker:. It just feels like off kilter.
Speaker:I'm thinking a lot about,, just the amount of financial obligations that come up.
Speaker:So, like, you know, kids, birthdays, there's a spring break.
Speaker:There's summer camp.
Speaker:That is like, right around the corner.
Speaker:And like, all of that.
Speaker:Stresses me out.
Speaker:In addition to the, like, still feeling the energy of some
Speaker:very tumultuous world energy.
Speaker:So, like, all of that is, is just like a mobile, like, circling about my head.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:It's heavy.
Speaker:Yeah, but I am still like trying to find I need like I need
Speaker:like two things like very much.
Speaker:I need to dunk myself in a body of water as soon as I can.
Speaker:Have you watered your water sign lately?
Speaker:And I really need to
Speaker:I did like I even did like a like a spiritual bath recently and I and I feel
Speaker:like Um, I probably need some of that.
Speaker:I need to like water that part of myself very much.
Speaker:So I need to put myself in some water and I also need like
Speaker:a very good energy clearing.
Speaker:You know, every healer has a healer, you know, yes, we, this is made for
Speaker:you to always like be able to do as much of your healing as you can, like
Speaker:through like the practices, you know, but it's always really beautiful
Speaker:to have someone hold space for you.
Speaker:And I think that I am like at that point where I could use that.
Speaker:So I'm like, let me call my Calvary in.
Speaker:Calvary, you know what I mean?
Speaker:Call your
Speaker:people.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I hope you find that and feel better soon.
Speaker:Thank you, friend.
Speaker:How are you?
Speaker:Are you out of your, um, are you out of that zone?
Speaker:Are you still like finding your way through it?
Speaker:I think I'm finding my way out.
Speaker:I definitely have been feeling better.
Speaker:I think as I'm tapping a little bit more into, like, purpose.
Speaker:And now I'm like, alright, I've been wallowing for a couple months now.
Speaker:And I can feel myself tipping a little too far into, like, feeling the overwhelm.
Speaker:Of just, like, so many projects, so many things I want to do.
Speaker:I want, I gotta do everything.
Speaker:Like, okay, I, you know.
Speaker:Literally was looking up like how to rent an excavator.
Speaker:because I was like, and I have to do all my landscaping like I go too far.
Speaker:So I have to walk myself back a little bit and be like, okay, I don't
Speaker:have to do everything right now.
Speaker:It can.
Speaker:Like for real, I spent six hours pulling weeds by hand I was so sore.
Speaker:I don't think I've ever been that sore.
Speaker:It was so painful.
Speaker:But also, like, I hyper focus.
Speaker:I was like, I have to do all this.
Speaker:And then I'm like, literally Googling, like, how much does
Speaker:it cost to rent an excavator?
Speaker:Like, can I get a backhoe?
Speaker:Like, what do I have to do?
Speaker:How can I do all this?
Speaker:I had, like, a landscaper come by today to give me a quote.
Speaker:And he's like, you need to hire, like, a company to come do this.
Speaker:no girl, you can't just roll up in here with an excavator and like dig and shit up
Speaker:this
Speaker:because I was like, if I dig this up, can you clear away the brush?
Speaker:And he's like, um, like, what do you mean if you dig this up?
Speaker:I'm like, if I like a backhoe and just like dig the whole thing up,
Speaker:he's like, no, you, you probably need a company and you have to have like
Speaker:them come out to mark if there's like lines that are buried underground.
Speaker:I was like, this sounds like a lot more work than I was ready for, which
Speaker:only then added to the overwhelm.
Speaker:But you know, I just want to do everything.
Speaker:I want to get my consulting website up and running.
Speaker:I want to have all my products listed out.
Speaker:I want to schedule some client calls.
Speaker:I want to do everything all at once.
Speaker:And I want my headshots and I want my branding and I want everything
Speaker:done and I want 12 more yoga classes.
Speaker:And there comes a
Speaker:which is beautiful because like, you're excited about it.
Speaker:You're excited about it.
Speaker:And it's, and it is like, it speaks to something obviously that
Speaker:like your spirit wants you to do and lets you to take action on.
Speaker:But I think it's really good that you have the awareness of like a,
Speaker:but I'm going to burn myself out.
Speaker:If I literally
Speaker:make a backhoe to all of this right now.
Speaker:I'll, I mean it sounds fun, but I did make myself like a Google spreadsheet
Speaker:today called Goals and Tasks.
Speaker:So I have like all my goals outlined there.
Speaker:And it could be something about like finish, finally finishing my laundry
Speaker:room renovation that I still have not put up like the cabinet doors.
Speaker:Or my consulting website.
Speaker:Or pulling weeds, like, so I have everything on there, all the tasks that
Speaker:have to happen, that are assigned to it, because, you know, the Virgo in me just
Speaker:then is like, oh, a spreadsheet, putting in how long each task is going to take,
Speaker:what the, like, intended deadline for it is, and start prioritizing from there.
Speaker:So that's, that's where I'm at.
Speaker:So now I'm, like, trying to walk myself back, but yeah, definitely diving in
Speaker:a little bit more to the passion and, like, lifting myself up out of that slog.
Speaker:I love
Speaker:And trying to not feel guilt about the last several months to let it
Speaker:feel like time wasted and instead be like, no, the slog, the wallow.
Speaker:Sometimes you really need to wallow.
Speaker:And I think society has really made us feel like if you're not in the hustle,
Speaker:you're not on that grind 24 seven, you're
Speaker:I know it.
Speaker:money all the time
Speaker:And the thing is you have to do that because it's like you can't
Speaker:keep putting yourself in like this perpetual cycle of burnout,
Speaker:too.
Speaker:You need to have it interrupted.
Speaker:And it's like, yes, we know you can't wallow for too long or you
Speaker:can't like be still for too long.
Speaker:But like, that's also what winter is for, is for you to do some rest
Speaker:and some reflection and be like, hey, where have I been overdoing it?
Speaker:Where have I been maybe not doing enough?
Speaker:And how can I like sustain myself as opposed to being like, yeah, motherfucker,
Speaker:do all the things, excavate, like, you
Speaker:know,
Speaker:Like there is healing in the wallow.
Speaker:But also I don't know if it's the energy of like the spring
Speaker:equinox that now I'm like
Speaker:Oh, I
Speaker:spring clean everything
Speaker:Organize every cabinet which is like on my excel spreadsheet.
Speaker:I've like organized this drawer go through this clean out this thing
Speaker:it's funny that you say this because since obviously the last year was
Speaker:such a big year of transition for me, I've been, I've been in a wallow.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:I've read about this on my blog.
Speaker:Like I've been in what I call like a liminal space of half
Speaker:grief half like moving on.
Speaker:I'm like carrying a little bit of it with me and then each
Speaker:stop I like drop a little bit.
Speaker:The slow dance through that phase has left me in this place where I
Speaker:feel like it's been very hard for me.
Speaker:In terms of like healing work or like spiritual work.
Speaker:I haven't done a lot of readings.
Speaker:I haven't done a lot of Reiki sessions or anything like that because , if
Speaker:I'm overwhelmed, I can't show up for someone if I am not my best self . I
Speaker:have to fight that guilt every day of being like, as someone that knows
Speaker:that part of their purpose is to stay deeply rooted in that space, I haven't
Speaker:been able to, and there's just a lot of guilt around , having a lot of ideas
Speaker:or wanting to achieve a lot of things.
Speaker:And then just being like, I can't, it's not the right time.
Speaker:I'm really tired.
Speaker:I'm really burned out.
Speaker:Or I'm really like, I need healing before I can like continue to help anybody
Speaker:else in their journey kind of energy.
Speaker:And it always makes me feel such guilt look at all the momentum you've lost.
Speaker:I'm not one that really gives a big shit about social media interaction,
Speaker:but like your, even your social media interaction is down and like,
Speaker:I feel like this is such a perfect way to start talking about our
Speaker:topic today, which is rest.
Speaker:Don't quit.
Speaker:Or like pause, don't quit and how to get back into something once you've taken
Speaker:that break, the power of taking breaks.
Speaker:Before we get into the meat of that, do you have anything that you could teach
Speaker:us about like spring equinox and why people might be feeling energy around
Speaker:this or like why this is a good time to start thinking about things like that?
Speaker:This is one of those things for me that I feel like it's just very innate.
Speaker:Um, we spend a lot of time in this, you know, proverbial and
Speaker:literal darkness of wintertime.
Speaker:And you know, bitches get some vitamin D on them in the form of sun rays.
Speaker:I am bitches.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:And like, we feel amazing.
Speaker:It's like something gets uncovered in us and I feel like it's a very primal thing.
Speaker:So the spring equinox,
Speaker:Happy Equinox.
Speaker:But like, yes, It's March 19th.
Speaker:Um, is, is the Equinox and which also like, we're obviously right
Speaker:here at the, um, the Astro new year and they're one in the same.
Speaker:I think there is just this very innate raw primal energy that
Speaker:like, we're like, oh my God.
Speaker:Newness is being born.
Speaker:We've been in the dark long enough.
Speaker:Now we get to the, like, we see the birds or we hear the birds chirping
Speaker:a little bit early in the morning.
Speaker:We see the sunlight, so we can like, enjoy a little bit more time outside.
Speaker:Again, like we get that sunlight on her body and we're like, Oh, we're just
Speaker:so overjoyed to be feeling like that.
Speaker:And I feel like we, as animals, we are still animals.
Speaker:Like we get to experience that very.
Speaker:Beautiful primal feeling of being like, Oh my God, time for renewal.
Speaker:And I think that it is really built in to, for us to be like,
Speaker:I don't want to carry old shit.
Speaker:Here in the West, like we're always like, Oh, the new year, January 1st.
Speaker:But like, for real, for real, do you feel more alive than like when spring
Speaker:hits and like this, this happens?
Speaker:So for me, the new year is very much the equinox.
Speaker:It is the, the, astrological new year.
Speaker:That is the new year that, cause to me, that's when you plant the seeds,
Speaker:like that's when you have surveyed, like everything that you've taken
Speaker:in during your rest or during your recovery, during your contemplation
Speaker:that, you know, that, um, shadow season.
Speaker:And you're like, okay,
Speaker:Yeah,
Speaker:during the wallow, right?
Speaker:You, you had your wallow.
Speaker:That's
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:A built in wallow nature, nature literally builds it in for us, like a built in
Speaker:time for us to rest and reflect and a plan for ourselves going forward.
Speaker:And can feel like quitting if we are doing so much.
Speaker:That when we stop a lot of it or slow a lot of it.
Speaker:We tie so much of our worthiness to productivity.
Speaker:We feel that really heavy being like, Oh my God, I haven't done anything.
Speaker:I haven't, you're not made to, you're not made to do a whole
Speaker:bunch of shit at this time.
Speaker:I understand that like, because capitalism, like we are all had to still
Speaker:go to work and we have all still have like all of these things that we have to
Speaker:do in order to make it here in society.
Speaker:But we are still creatures of this earth at the end of the day, and we
Speaker:are meant to have that rest, you know,
Speaker:and it's not quitting.
Speaker:It's literally what we are designed to do.
Speaker:You know, it's so funny.
Speaker:So, I was saying how I was pulling my weeds.
Speaker:I was out in the yard.
Speaker:There was like 50 degrees and sunny day here in Boston area.
Speaker:Which, you know, as soon as that comes everybody's in
Speaker:shorts outside at this point.
Speaker:It's amazing, um, Boston is a wild place,
Speaker:I yell
Speaker:a while, yell a while for that for real.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:legs, but all right.
Speaker:You know, I did that and then I did the ADHD thing of like hyper fixating
Speaker:on pulling weeds for a couple hours.
Speaker:And now I'm considering my career as a landscaper, right?
Speaker:Because I'm like, I'm going all in.
Speaker:I love this.
Speaker:This is amazing.
Speaker:So of course now I'm getting all these videos on TikTok,
Speaker:which hopefully won't be banned.
Speaker:Maybe we'll talk more about that at some point.
Speaker:Um, but I'm getting all these videos about gardening, yard cleanup,
Speaker:spring planting, all this stuff.
Speaker:And the thing I'm seeing over and over again is like, don't
Speaker:do your spring cleanup too soon.
Speaker:You need to wait.
Speaker:You need to see what starts to come back.
Speaker:It's spring, you think, all right, let me go ahead and start cleaning it up,
Speaker:and everybody says, wait, it started, that's great, you can get out there, you
Speaker:can start, you know, do minor things, you don't need to rake everything, you
Speaker:don't need to clear everything away yet, because the helpful little bugs and the
Speaker:helpful little animals that turn over our soil, that make really beautiful
Speaker:places, They're just starting to wake up.
Speaker:They're not doing their work yet.
Speaker:And we're coming in with, with a, with an excavator And
Speaker:they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Speaker:Mm
Speaker:we just woke up.
Speaker:Like, talk about getting woken up by like a blaring alarm.
Speaker:They're like, let us, let them get started on their work so you can really see.
Speaker:Which I
Speaker:think is like such a kind, compassionate way to ease into the equinox too.
Speaker:Of like,
Speaker:that.
Speaker:it's not just like the clock flips over.
Speaker:It's the spring equinox, go get everything done as soon as you can.
Speaker:Rent your excavator, become a landscaper, launch your website, do
Speaker:everything all in the first week.
Speaker:Like, no, give everything a chance to start to wake up, start to
Speaker:see the buds that are coming up.
Speaker:Start to see.
Speaker:Where those weeds are popping back up where you do need to pull them
Speaker:start to see like, oh, I thought that was a weed, but it's actually like
Speaker:this really beautiful thing that just maybe needs to be pruned a little.
Speaker:But I, if I had pulled that too soon and thrown it out, I would have never
Speaker:realized that like it was a beautiful plant that just didn't flower last
Speaker:year because it wasn't pruned right.
Speaker:You know, there's, I feel, you know what?
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:like she gardens one day and now is just going to spout out all this
Speaker:knowledge, like a gardening expert.
Speaker:It's always just crazy to me how we, we as like humans think we are exempt from the
Speaker:cycles of nature, that we're not affected by like when the seasons reawaken us and
Speaker:we're not affected by like phases of the moon or anything like that, like we're
Speaker:literally flesh and bone of this earth.
Speaker:So it's like the little, little creatures in the dirt.
Speaker:Also, back in the day prior to like massive, like farming, this
Speaker:is not how we would operate.
Speaker:Everybody got to chill like a little bit, let's give ourselves
Speaker:some time to wake up a little bit.
Speaker:And while we're waking up, maybe like one of the things that we can like gently
Speaker:like explore and eventually put into practice is like how we carry rest over
Speaker:into the rest of the seasons, like, it doesn't mean to go balls to the walls, but
Speaker:like, in that initial few weeks, right?
Speaker:But how can we build in rest in all of the seasons, yeah,
Speaker:a little earthworm for its wallow time for the winter.
Speaker:Nobody's like, Get that bread!
Speaker:Get that dough!
Speaker:Hustle, hustle, earthworm!
Speaker:Like, I can't believe, like, you've been letting these hoes, like, flaunt
Speaker:on you for the last three months.
Speaker:You haven't done shit!
Speaker:You're bad!
Speaker:Like, nobody's doing that!
Speaker:Especially these little
Speaker:no one is like, like, how mad are we at Puxatawney Phil?
Speaker:How mad are we at, like, a box turtle, like, out of the yard somewhere?
Speaker:Like, are we really mad at them?
Speaker:Like, why are we mad at ourselves?
Speaker:Like, we gather in delight as a country.
Speaker:We celebrate somebody
Speaker:coming out of this beautiful rest.
Speaker:We're like, yeah, you rested.
Speaker:Let's see what this little critter does when he crawls out.
Speaker:Like, we love that so much.
Speaker:half the time he comes out and he's like, Oh, get out of my face.
Speaker:right.
Speaker:And we're still like, yay!
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:We're like, Oh, you're so cute.
Speaker:All right.
Speaker:Go back to bed.
Speaker:Like,
Speaker:Take, take another six weeks, come back
Speaker:to bed, you're good.
Speaker:Yeah, let's, let's like channel some of that energy when we talk to ourselves.
Speaker:Seriously.
Speaker:Seriously.
Speaker:we're just all little groundhogs and earthworms trying to get through our life.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I think I agree with that wholeheartedly.
Speaker:So
Speaker:Well, that is so perfectly tied into what we're talking about
Speaker:with resting, not quitting.
Speaker:What does a rest and a pause look like versus just stopping
Speaker:and throwing in the towel?
Speaker:Um, so we'll be talking about, you know, what does it mean to
Speaker:really take an intentional break?
Speaker:Why do we feel so much shame when it's time to get started again?
Speaker:Also, how do we know when we're ready to get started again?
Speaker:Mm.
Speaker:Mm.
Speaker:Is it laziness?
Speaker:Is there such a thing as laziness?
Speaker:Is that a real thing or is it a societal construct?
Speaker:I have some thoughts about that.
Speaker:Um, but yeah, what, what are, what are you thinking on this topic, Crystal?
Speaker:a very lady topic for me.
Speaker:The reason why this topic is always um, so interesting to me is because
Speaker:like everything for me, everything does come back to Me as a black woman.
Speaker:And so like to be very intentional about rest, like it is true.
Speaker:They say like rest is a resistance.
Speaker:Um, and that's like something I'm really trying to continue to
Speaker:tap into as I get a lot older.
Speaker:Um, because I have seen in my, amongst my own family, what it is like when
Speaker:you are always, when you continue a lineage of going balls to the walls.
Speaker:And not taking good care of yourself and not slowing down to
Speaker:enjoy different parts of your life.
Speaker:And I do believe it is absolutely a form of resistance to be like, I am not
Speaker:going to fucking work myself to death.
Speaker:And I, um, I'm really going to do my best to hold onto that
Speaker:because I think that we deserve.
Speaker:And so I'm just like, like, wait a minute.
Speaker:Um, If I am tired and I had to ask my ancestors, they'd be like,
Speaker:girl, you better go lay down.
Speaker:You better sit on the couch and play Animal Crossing.
Speaker:You better take some time to stretch.
Speaker:You better go for a walk outside.
Speaker:You bet.
Speaker:Like you have the freedom to choose how you rest and you need to go do that.
Speaker:So like when I say rest, I always think it means like, I always
Speaker:thought it meant like sitting on the couch and not doing anything,
Speaker:Fetal
Speaker:is very difficult for me.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Super difficult for me to just sit there.
Speaker:Um, and I will admit I'm like a fidgeter.
Speaker:like I need to do something or like that.
Speaker:I, um, Feel very guilty.
Speaker:If I just sit and watch a movie for two hours, I'm like, Oh my God, you
Speaker:didn't do anything for two hours.
Speaker:That's not true.
Speaker:I sat there and I allowed like a very good story to take my attention.
Speaker:So I like, I watched a lot of movies because I don't get a
Speaker:chance to do stuff like that.
Speaker:It's just like sit and watch a movie.
Speaker:I took myself to the movies.
Speaker:That was amazing.
Speaker:I had never done that before in my life.
Speaker:I took myself to see Dune.
Speaker:Um, the second film, it was amazing.
Speaker:And I was so happy that I did that the other day I went and I got like,
Speaker:a little bit of pizza and I had a beer at pub dog and that was amazing for me.
Speaker:Like those things to me are restful.
Speaker:I go to the lounge a little bit longer in bed, just like a little bit
Speaker:longer because I can, if I feel like going to bed at eight o'clock cause
Speaker:I'm tired, I'm going to get in bed.
Speaker:I don't have anything else to do.
Speaker:And I still found the time to do my laundry and like, you know, so I'm like
Speaker:taking care of things, but also I'm like, am I going to die if I don't, um,
Speaker:load the dishwasher right this second?
Speaker:What else could I do?
Speaker:I could load the dishwasher.
Speaker:Yes, I could, but also I could sit down and write.
Speaker:A little bit instead.
Speaker:I could read a book instead.
Speaker:I could, um, I've been studying, uh, specifically 12th house astrology.
Speaker:I could read my astrology book because that brings me a lot of joy.
Speaker:I am reading a actual book, like a fictional book for a long, like for the
Speaker:first time in a long time, I'm reading the never ending story, like the actual book,
Speaker:Oh my gosh.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Very, very exciting stuff.
Speaker:So like, I, I am like, these things are restful things for
Speaker:me that I never get to do.
Speaker:And I'm like, Oh, man, I can't like I'm excited to start work, but I'm
Speaker:also like, I really hope that I don't give up all of these little things
Speaker:that have been really helpful for me to learn how to rest like, yes, I've been
Speaker:going to the gym to keep myself active and to keep, um, to keep my mental
Speaker:health in a really, really good space.
Speaker:But to me, that is also some rest because it gives my mind a rest from
Speaker:like the, the overthinking and the, the fretting and the worrying, like,
Speaker:so kind of defining what restfulness is for me has been really, really big.
Speaker:And then remembering, like, if I did nothing of note
Speaker:for several days, Who cares?
Speaker:I am still, I am still like, I'm still living as long as
Speaker:it is what I wanted to do.
Speaker:As long as everybody is fed, everybody is happy and clean and feels loved.
Speaker:Um, it is okay for me to bow out and, and, you know, Become a little like
Speaker:here in my cocoon and bundle myself up.
Speaker:So it's like giving, giving myself like the time to like swaddle
Speaker:myself indoors too, um, has been really nice and some, and deserved.
Speaker:And I have no intention of stopping that practice, even though like that
Speaker:awakening is coming out from spring.
Speaker:Yeah, I think something we're so bad at as like, An American society, maybe
Speaker:other countries too, obviously I can only speak to the culture I know.
Speaker:Um, I just think we're really bad at pressing the pause button and like
Speaker:saying I'm going to take a rest before it gets to the point of burnout or before
Speaker:we're forced to for whatever reason.
Speaker:Um, and then I think so much of that being forced to rest in one way or
Speaker:another is where the shame comes in,
Speaker:Mm hmm.
Speaker:Mm
Speaker:couldn't even like go out of my own terms.
Speaker:I had to stop.
Speaker:I couldn't do this.
Speaker:I wasn't good enough at it.
Speaker:I'm so lazy.
Speaker:Like, especially thinking about what people start up.
Speaker:If you think about like New Year's resolutions, right?
Speaker:Like everybody's trying to like force something totally new on themselves.
Speaker:January one for God knows what reason, obviously nature did not intend for
Speaker:us to start something new then, but they want to start their workout plan.
Speaker:They want to.
Speaker:They want to, like, clear their counters every night before they go to bed.
Speaker:They want to, like, go after a new job, and I'm saying they, meaning, like, me.
Speaker:I've wanted to do all of these things at different points.
Speaker:Um, and maybe you go really hard for, like, a week, and then you work out.
Speaker:You work your ass off.
Speaker:You're at the gym an hour and a half in the morning.
Speaker:You got up at 430, um, and then you burn yourself out.
Speaker:You hurt yourself.
Speaker:You have an injury.
Speaker:You just can't do it anymore.
Speaker:You wake up one morning and you're like, forget it.
Speaker:I'm not going today.
Speaker:And then because you didn't go that day, you're like, well, I
Speaker:guess I'm not going to go again.
Speaker:I already ruined it for the week.
Speaker:Now I'm not going to have a perfect week.
Speaker:Um, and there's just, yeah, there is so much shame about it.
Speaker:And I know, at least for me, so much of my shame comes back to like that
Speaker:voice of being a kid where somebody is like, you know, you're not stupid.
Speaker:You're lazy.
Speaker:You're just not working hard enough.
Speaker:And, um, Right?
Speaker:I want to know everybody who's heard that phrase before.
Speaker:Why are you playing dumb?
Speaker:You're not stupid, you're just lazy.
Speaker:Um,
Speaker:because I think, I think that was like really a thing that was
Speaker:said a lot in the 90s to kids.
Speaker:Um,
Speaker:I,
Speaker:I hear that voice every day.
Speaker:I think we really internalize it and now every time that we Um, try to
Speaker:stop doing something or try to give ourselves more time, it comes right
Speaker:back in that you're lazy, you're lazy, you're not doing it right, you're not
Speaker:doing everything you need to be doing.
Speaker:Um, and then I think once we take that break, I think it can become
Speaker:like this perpetual part where we feel the shame of taking the break or
Speaker:being forced to take a break, right?
Speaker:Whether it was intentional or not, you're, you're in that period of not
Speaker:doing the thing you said you were going to do, and it feels even more shameful.
Speaker:To start again, because that's admitting that we did stop, right?
Speaker:Like that's admitting, oh, we, we have to have this new push to go for something
Speaker:again, where if I had just kept it up, I, I wouldn't have to restart it.
Speaker:And we know from all the research, like, like, I feel like you can't open
Speaker:Instagram without seeing stuff about how you can't shame your way to a better you.
Speaker:You can't shame someone into changing.
Speaker:Shame is not beneficial, but we.
Speaker:We can't shake that off for ourselves, and I think it's the thing that holds us
Speaker:back the most of allowing those pauses to just be pauses, press play again,
Speaker:but instead they turn into quitting.
Speaker:Um, and there's more shame that comes
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And it's like, if we weren't maybe not so hard on yourself about just
Speaker:resting or like pausing, um, and evaluating our relationship with the
Speaker:thing we're pausing to, we probably would have a lot less quitting.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Like, I know, like, again, like I was saying earlier, like my relationship
Speaker:in, in, in, Healing business space has shifted dramatically over the past year.
Speaker:Um, and it's because like, I truly needed to give myself.
Speaker:As much attention as possible to take care of me and the things
Speaker:that I was experiencing and like processing and all of that.
Speaker:And, um, when I returned to the space to be like, I am ready, I
Speaker:was kind of like, Oh, I don't know, but I be here in the same way.
Speaker:I think I stayed away long enough to be like, is this bringing
Speaker:me the joy that it once did?
Speaker:Um, and what does that mean for me is like my identity as like this person
Speaker:that that does this as a part of like their, their contract here on earth.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And I'm like, it doesn't make me any less of anything.
Speaker:If I say, you know what?
Speaker:I don't want to do.
Speaker:I don't want to do.
Speaker:Want to get on Instagram and find a marketing plan to get you to
Speaker:purchase a Reiki session from me.
Speaker:I am tired.
Speaker:Great.
Speaker:And it doesn't, it doesn't mean that I'm not good at it.
Speaker:It doesn't mean that I won't do it.
Speaker:I absolutely will.
Speaker:But do I want to spend, um, many parts of my day, weeks coming up with perfect
Speaker:words to be like, yeah, Buy this for me.
Speaker:I do not.
Speaker:And it doesn't, it doesn't make me any less anything.
Speaker:I still do what I do.
Speaker:I still do it for my friends.
Speaker:I still do it for my family.
Speaker:And I'm always going to have that in me.
Speaker:It doesn't take away from any part of my identity.
Speaker:Your relationship with things can change too as a result of like that rest.
Speaker:You might find that like there's a better way for you to serve yourself.
Speaker:There's a better way for you to serve other people.
Speaker:And it doesn't have to be this thing where it's like, I've got, I have to do
Speaker:this because people are relying on me.
Speaker:It's not, it was something.
Speaker:It's sure.
Speaker:Like I get it.
Speaker:But like for me anyway, with that particular thing, I was like,
Speaker:Crystal, why are you forcing us?
Speaker:It's not necessary.
Speaker:Rest, rest, sit your ass down.
Speaker:Sit your, who, who is going to talk shit because you, you
Speaker:had like a wild ass, like.
Speaker:Year two years and you are tired and you want to just rest
Speaker:And show up for yourself.
Speaker:No one is going to be mad at that.
Speaker:So like, what is the resistance really to like this period of time?
Speaker:Yeah, something I've been like trying to get through my own head and I've
Speaker:been like telling myself over and over is that time away from the hustle is
Speaker:not time wasted and you don't lose the progress you made in the first place.
Speaker:I hear this a lot in like, uh, addiction and recovery circles too that it's like
Speaker:if you have a relapse, you might reset the clock but you don't lose the time before.
Speaker:You still had learnings there
Speaker:Well said.
Speaker:and you don't, you don't throw that away, right?
Speaker:You can reset your clock, you can restart yourself, but, but you
Speaker:still learn something and you're taking that with you into the next
Speaker:phase of whatever it looks like.
Speaker:So Yeah,
Speaker:maybe it's a new clock.
Speaker:Um, and you were talking earlier about like I lost this momentum
Speaker:from being on social media, right?
Speaker:Like I'm not getting the same engagement I was.
Speaker:And I think that is like a really valid.
Speaker:feeling, especially social media has socialized us to do this.
Speaker:That's like, we need to keep it up.
Speaker:We need to keep posting.
Speaker:We need to get that engagement.
Speaker:We need to like do all these things, but you're not unlearning
Speaker:the things that you learned.
Speaker:You already know how to get engagement when you're ready to get engagement
Speaker:and it feels good to you to do that.
Speaker:You also learned probably where your priorities are and maybe your priorities
Speaker:in this next phase of what that healing and energy work looks like for you.
Speaker:Maybe it's not.
Speaker:the same way that you were doing business before.
Speaker:Maybe that kind
Speaker:of thing is not the priority in this next phase and that's not saying it
Speaker:can't come back at some point but you're restarting with all that knowledge
Speaker:learned from your last point of hustle
Speaker:and your phase of rest like which is so much more of a solid
Speaker:ground to build back on that
Speaker:Agreed.
Speaker:Agreed.
Speaker:And, and I think about this a lot too, like for the Astro girlies.
Speaker:I have a, I have a stelium in Sagittarius.
Speaker:A lot of my, a lot of that for me, like what that brings up for me is this,
Speaker:like, I am, I'm always going to be a person that goes through, that like
Speaker:wants to pursue knowledge, that wants to soak things in, that wants to learn
Speaker:new things that wants to, um, take in a lot about spirituality, a lot about
Speaker:religion, a lot about culture, society, philosophy, like those things are.
Speaker:Like paramount in my life, and I am never going to get off that train
Speaker:and it's, it's the destinations might shift a little bit for me, but I'm
Speaker:always going to be on that ride.
Speaker:And for me, it's not cycles of death and rebirth.
Speaker:It is in some ways and some things, but like, it's not
Speaker:cycles of death and rebirth.
Speaker:I don't like to think of it in that term.
Speaker:I like to think of it as like, um, like just shedding
Speaker:different skins all the time.
Speaker:And I had to be very, very comfortable with the fact that like I'm in
Speaker:this lifetime, I'm going to live like a thousand different lives.
Speaker:Um, and it's always going to be like centered around, like, I
Speaker:want to know more about that.
Speaker:I want to know more about that.
Speaker:There's always going to have like this natural curiosity.
Speaker:I'm always going to follow that like no matter what.
Speaker:And like, yeah, it is a little bit of shiny ball syndrome, right.
Speaker:At first.
Speaker:But like, I know that for me, like that is, that's going
Speaker:to be a big theme of my life.
Speaker:So there's just no escaping that for me.
Speaker:I have that innate like need to continue absorbing, I just have to be
Speaker:comfortable with that and not feel guilt about what that looks like, you know,
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:and know that this is just me and I'm always going to be curious.
Speaker:I'm always going to want to know.
Speaker:More.
Speaker:Why?
Speaker:What is that?
Speaker:Where did, what is, where's the origin story?
Speaker:What is that from?
Speaker:Like, how does this, what does this mean for me?
Speaker:Does it mean anything at all?
Speaker:Like, and I think it's a curiosity that like very much
Speaker:fuels my every day, you know,
Speaker:yes.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I think that's so valid because even the time away, you're still growing
Speaker:as a person, you're still learning new things, you're learning, you're growing
Speaker:your interest and your knowledge.
Speaker:And whenever you're ready, you can incorporate that and you can incorporate
Speaker:it in a thousand different ways as you take off each new layer of skin
Speaker:and become the next phase of yourself.
Speaker:Like you're constantly leveling up.
Speaker:Like remember like the good place where Janet kept like every time she was reset,
Speaker:she would come back with a new update and be like a little more advanced.
Speaker:What if that's what we treated this as?
Speaker:Like every time we take that break and we start again, instead
Speaker:of feeling shame about it.
Speaker:No, we're just like the
Speaker:Incorporate it
Speaker:or not,
Speaker:We We, have a new update.
Speaker:We are so fucking advanced now after three months of the wallow, or at least
Speaker:I'd like to look at myself that way because I've been feeling big imposter
Speaker:syndrome, and I know I feel so much shame about all sorts of things, but instead
Speaker:of being like I wasted all this time.
Speaker:Like I was getting like a real big software update and I am so much
Speaker:more advanced than the pre wallow me.
Speaker:And
Speaker:who, and like, who was to say that, like, who was to say that
Speaker:that time would be a waste?
Speaker:That's crazy.
Speaker:It always like makes me think of like, you know, like, um, people who reinvent
Speaker:themselves, like I have like careers, like massive career changes, like midlife.
Speaker:And I remember reading some at some point in time that like women would
Speaker:have like up to five, like, Big shifts in their careers over the course of
Speaker:their lifetime or something like that.
Speaker:And I'm just like, that's amazing.
Speaker:And also like have more, why not?
Speaker:What, like, who was to say we're locked in any one thing?
Speaker:That's, this is not to be like, so transient in your nature that like,
Speaker:you don't, you're not grounded.
Speaker:That's
Speaker:Like don't, don't like abandon your family and run out and start all over.
Speaker:that's not the
Speaker:move, but like,
Speaker:it's can be tempting some days, but you know,
Speaker:we're all locked in.
Speaker:Cause my kids are playing in my face today, but at the same time, like who
Speaker:is not, who is to say that it is not our calling to just be continued to be as
Speaker:curious and open minded as possible about what we could accomplish in this lifetime.
Speaker:yes.
Speaker:And the thing that came into my head as you were saying that was.
Speaker:What if we take financials away from it?
Speaker:Because for me, I'm like, Oh, well, each one of those new shifts has to come with
Speaker:like a big financial step up, right?
Speaker:Because that's what it looks like to make progress and to
Speaker:level
Speaker:God.
Speaker:That's, that's the tea
Speaker:But like, yeah, what if we de center?
Speaker:money from this one and say, it doesn't matter what the financial
Speaker:thing is just because you maybe haven't earned more or you're not
Speaker:making a big increase in your money.
Speaker:That doesn't necessarily mean that you're not leveling up and you're not
Speaker:stepping into this new role or this new identity or whatever that is.
Speaker:110%.
Speaker:This is something my mentor and I talk about, um, fairly often.
Speaker:. It doesn't make it any less than, um, A part of you because you can't monetize
Speaker:it my mentor and I have like, I'll have this conversation where it's like, I would
Speaker:do this if I, I would, if I could help in it, like someone with energy work.
Speaker:Consistently for the rest of my life, I would, and I would do it for not a fucking
Speaker:penny because it makes me that happy.
Speaker:And it is my, it is literally why I'm here to, to help, to be a conduit in that way.
Speaker:Um, however that happens, you know, like whatever, whatever the channel
Speaker:is, it could be through Tarot.
Speaker:It could be through Reiki.
Speaker:It could be through a variety of other things that I do through
Speaker:writing, but like I would do it.
Speaker:I would do it no matter what, it doesn't matter whether or not I got paid.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:That's one
Speaker:And it brings me joy.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:That was your leveling up and having that shift at some point you went through that.
Speaker:Dare I say that the rest comes in for, comes in for me anyway, with accepting
Speaker:that makes doing it so much more restful, more useful, more beautiful,
Speaker:all of the things more personally valuable than when I try to monetize
Speaker:it, because that should be stressing me.
Speaker:And that's why I don't press it.
Speaker:Yeah, and we're told to put the money first.
Speaker:But, I think anybody who is feeling very fulfilled emotionally, spiritually,
Speaker:passion wise, and financially, will tell you that like, the money comes later.
Speaker:Like, the money just comes, and you have to go with the
Speaker:passion, and go with the idea.
Speaker:And, You know what?
Speaker:That's a beautiful sentiment in 2024.
Speaker:It doesn't feel like we have a lot of room to do that, but that's
Speaker:the goal., we can strive there.
Speaker:Um, so a couple of ways when you're in this mode of feeling like I'm resting.
Speaker:Is it still rest?
Speaker:Have I transitioned to laziness?
Speaker:Which I just want to say there, I don't think there is such a thing as laziness.
Speaker:I think this is an idea that we've been sold to tell us that we're
Speaker:not doing enough, we're not being productive enough, and we're not
Speaker:making enough money for other people.
Speaker:Um, most adults will not be lazy just for the sake of being lazy.
Speaker:I think that there's.
Speaker:things that are priorities for you and things you don't want to do, but
Speaker:I think for the most part you're doing the best you can at any given moment
Speaker:and that doesn't mean you're lazy just because you're not producing a lot.
Speaker:So I've been, that's another thing that I'm trying to convince myself of.
Speaker:Not doing such a great job, but eventually, hopefully we'll get there.
Speaker:Um, but when you're in these moments of the wallow, how do
Speaker:you get yourself started again?
Speaker:Um, and I.
Speaker:regularly listen to the audio book, How to Keep House While
Speaker:Drowning by KC Davis.
Speaker:I
Speaker:love her.
Speaker:She has like the podcast Struggle Care and it's all about doing
Speaker:these self care and like,
Speaker:I love it.
Speaker:not just self care, but like cleaning your house, dental hygiene, taking
Speaker:a shower, like all these things that become really, really hard.
Speaker:When things get hard, right?
Speaker:These are the first things to go and things that we shame ourselves about
Speaker:and she has such a compassionate way of discussing this I listen to this I listen
Speaker:to her podcast and her audiobook just like on a loop as i'm cleaning my house because
Speaker:I feel like I have somebody there with me who's like very kind and compassionate Um,
Speaker:and something she talks about is giving herself an on ramp to get started again.
Speaker:So she Tells the story of, I think it was a Peloton that she got.
Speaker:Um, and when she got it, she was like, I am going to do every day.
Speaker:I'm going to have the best routine.
Speaker:And that first month she like did really good.
Speaker:She was on it every day.
Speaker:She like checked every box she set out to do.
Speaker:She was doing 45 minute rides.
Speaker:It was amazing.
Speaker:And then something happened.
Speaker:Maybe she got sick.
Speaker:I don't even remember what the impetus was, but she stopped.
Speaker:And she kind of beat herself up about it, and she was feeling the shame about
Speaker:it, and she was like, Okay, I'm going to restart, and I'm going to do five minutes.
Speaker:I can do five minutes every day.
Speaker:I'm just going to come on, ride for five minutes, after
Speaker:I drop the kids off at school.
Speaker:Easy.
Speaker:And she did it once, and then she couldn't do it again.
Speaker:And she realized that five minutes, even though it seems
Speaker:like nothing in the moment, it was too big of an on ramp for her.
Speaker:It was too much, so she said, Okay, I'm going to do three minutes.
Speaker:And three minutes she was able to do because in her mind it was smaller and
Speaker:I'm sure the version of her that was doing 45 minute rides and the version of
Speaker:all of us that look at that picture of our most accomplished self and see that
Speaker:as our true self then think anything short of that is a failure, right?
Speaker:So it's really hard to allow yourself to do anything less.
Speaker:Meanwhile, maybe you did that best version of you once.
Speaker:Maybe you could maintain it for three days.
Speaker:Because that's not the real version of you.
Speaker:That's, that's,
Speaker:And that is okay.
Speaker:yes, it's one version of you, but it's maybe not the most
Speaker:achievable version of you right now.
Speaker:That's fine.
Speaker:Um, so yeah, she talks about giving yourself a smaller
Speaker:way into the task initiation
Speaker:and if three minutes is too much, then go to one minute.
Speaker:Literally
Speaker:sit on the bike
Speaker:smallest obligation you
Speaker:can make to yourself.
Speaker:What if
Speaker:you
Speaker:working out.
Speaker:I was like just move like I was like I could say I got my Peloton a
Speaker:couple of weeks before my hysterectomy and I had to just look at it.
Speaker:I couldn't do it.
Speaker:So I was like, I want to go balls to the wall as soon as I can.
Speaker:I could not.
Speaker:The goal was move a little bit every day.
Speaker:Sometimes it was a walk.
Speaker:I was like walking Talia around the block.
Speaker:Sometimes it was like, I'm going to do this five minute stretch.
Speaker:Sometimes I was like, that is a lot.
Speaker:Sometimes I couldn't do hardly anything.
Speaker:And then I got, when I got a trainer, she would give me like two
Speaker:workouts and one of them was just like a stretching mobility workout.
Speaker:She was like, if you do one thing a week, do the stretching and
Speaker:mobility.
Speaker:Like, it was like.
Speaker:It sounds like an insult at first to like set the bar so low for yourself, but like
Speaker:my god Look at how much we have going on at any given time When you're already
Speaker:overwhelmed if you are an overwhelmed person and you feel like you're not
Speaker:taking good care of you or whatever It's you're not gonna get better by piling
Speaker:some more shit on yourself And then, like you said, like being like beating
Speaker:yourself up, like, you know what I mean,
Speaker:If you already ruined your You already ruined your perfect week and
Speaker:your plan, so like, why bother now?
Speaker:You're already a failure.
Speaker:I think back to, um, God, I hate the world that we grew up in.
Speaker:But, I mean, yes.
Speaker:Period.
Speaker:Just that.
Speaker:Um, I think back to The Biggest Loser, which was so fucking
Speaker:harmful in so many ways.
Speaker:And Jillian Michaels, who was screaming like, it's so offensive
Speaker:to tell people to just take the stairs instead of the elevator.
Speaker:They should be able to work out.
Speaker:And it's like, yes.
Speaker:Anybody who has the desire and the ability to do so will do so.
Speaker:But for some people, maybe taking the stairs is going
Speaker:to be their on ramp that day.
Speaker:That doesn't mean it's their on ramp for the rest of their life.
Speaker:Maybe it's what they need to do this week because it's all
Speaker:they can get their head around.
Speaker:And like, if for, for me personally, if the decision is I'm going to take
Speaker:the elevator instead of the flight of stairs to my doctor's office,
Speaker:or I'm just not going to fucking go to the doctor, guess what's better?
Speaker:Take the fucking elevator, right?
Speaker:Like, take the elevator to the doctor if that's what gets you to the doctor.
Speaker:Um, and it's not cheating.
Speaker:It's not shameful to do the smaller thing if it gets you to the place in the end.
Speaker:You're all, like, if you get there in the end, who cares?
Speaker:Who cares how you got there?
Speaker:It doesn't, it doesn't matter.
Speaker:By the way, listen, I have to pivot real quick to something mad petty and dumb.
Speaker:love Petty and,
Speaker:I love it.
Speaker:It's
Speaker:it this is the most random reference ever.
Speaker:I couldn't remember if it was celebrity fit club or, um, the biggest loser
Speaker:I totally forgot about
Speaker:Celebrity Fit Club.
Speaker:Oh, my
Speaker:it.
Speaker:I have it.
Speaker:And here's why my favorite episode, favorite episode of Celebrity Fit Club.
Speaker:And the only one I remember, Bobby Brown was on Celebrity Fit
Speaker:Club
Speaker:god.
Speaker:at one time, like Bobby, like, showed up for weigh in.
Speaker:This is not going to be as funny to everybody else, but I've got to say it.
Speaker:Bobby Brown showed up for weigh in and he had gained weight and he'd
Speaker:like gained some pounds and they were like, Bobby, what happened?
Speaker:And he goes, he's like, well, I slipped up and I had a piece of
Speaker:fish, like a piece of fried fish.
Speaker:And they were like, Bobby, that is not what happened.
Speaker:So they roll the footage.
Speaker:What they show is that Bobby was like, Bobby was drinking
Speaker:his motherfucking ass off.
Speaker:And they literally show, like, a fucking glass.
Speaker:Bobby had filled the glass, like, with vodka, like, brimmed to the top, and
Speaker:they were like, Bobby, could this be why?
Speaker:Like,
Speaker:Could this be why?
Speaker:But like, That is, that is me.
Speaker:That is me.
Speaker:I'm like, well, I might have had too much of this.
Speaker:Like, no girl, maybe it's because, like, it's not the extra piece of,
Speaker:like, meat that you had at dinner.
Speaker:It is probably from the, the, the gummy bears that you were shoving in your
Speaker:mouth, like, while watching TV last night.
Speaker:Like, that's the kind of shit I've been doing.
Speaker:Not of a glass of vodka full, but like, let me tell you something.
Speaker:Love you some Bobby Brown.
Speaker:And I love that he was like, well, I, you know, all right, fine.
Speaker:I had some fish.
Speaker:Bobby,
Speaker:that is not why you gained weight at that weigh in.
Speaker:Oh my god, now I'm like going in that rabbit hole.
Speaker:I need to
Speaker:It's so good.
Speaker:re watch all of it.
Speaker:It's probably going to be so depressing and problematic to re watch.
Speaker:It's really bad.
Speaker:. I'm sure I could watch it like in three minute clips at
Speaker:a time somewhere on TikTok.
Speaker:Um, and so I like to watch all my shows.
Speaker:Um, but yes, I like that.
Speaker:The on ramp.
Speaker:That's the on ramp theory.
Speaker:Um, another way.
Speaker:Okay, this is I feel like where I'm at right now.
Speaker:I was talking about my spreadsheets and all my stuff, but the way that
Speaker:I find it easiest to start is to give myself a target start date.
Speaker:Mm hmm.
Speaker:But then back up a little bit from there and give myself like a prep day.
Speaker:Oh!
Speaker:Move
Speaker:doing this is because I noticed with my kids, if I give them a 10 minute
Speaker:timer and say, iPad's down in 10 minutes and it's time to clean up, or like
Speaker:whatever, When that timer goes off, if it goes off in 10 minutes and I'm
Speaker:like, okay, switch gears, let's go.
Speaker:And they're like, no, like it's a blow up.
Speaker:If I set an eight minute timer, then give them a two minute warning.
Speaker:So now they know they have two minutes to wrap up
Speaker:last
Speaker:it a little bit.
Speaker:That transition, when the 10 minutes are up is so much easier because they
Speaker:had that last few minutes to get their head right, to close up whatever they
Speaker:were doing, to do the last thing.
Speaker:If they were like building something in one of their apps, like whatever,
Speaker:they were able to do that last thing.
Speaker:And I think I do that to myself too where I'm like, okay,
Speaker:this is my start date, right?
Speaker:That's the January 1st metaphor, right?
Speaker:We're like, all right I've been like partying and doing all this stuff for
Speaker:the last Three months and now all of a sudden it's January 1st I have to
Speaker:meal prep for my entire family every day And I I can't order takeout and I
Speaker:have to do all this stuff and then the second you fail at it It's like oh shit.
Speaker:Meanwhile, did you set yourself up for success for it?
Speaker:Did you
Speaker:that's that is a huge thing.
Speaker:I think we might have talked about this on a previous episode of like what you
Speaker:have to do to like set your it's also part of like moon phasing to where it's
Speaker:Like before the thing.
Speaker:Yeah
Speaker:take some time to like figure out.
Speaker:What is going to what is going to be like the like, what is the foundation
Speaker:that you can build yourself where you can be successful in the goal?
Speaker:And that's part of it.
Speaker:I think it's like, okay, well, what do you need?
Speaker:What?
Speaker:What do you want to prep for?
Speaker:Like?
Speaker:Yeah, you've got a meal prep, but like, damn, do you have any bowls?
Speaker:Do you have lids?
Speaker:Do you have?
Speaker:Like what, what day are you going to do it?
Speaker:Do you have anything going on at that time?
Speaker:Like, do you need to make, put in an order for groceries?
Speaker:Like, do you need to look at some new recipes?
Speaker:Like, is there anything like, are there any dietary restrictions
Speaker:that you have to consider?
Speaker:It's like, yeah, you can probably, you don't have to, again, like
Speaker:it's, it's like that you don't have to balls to the walls, everything.
Speaker:You can ease so beautifully into it.
Speaker:You can be like a river, um, that is like, Calm and gentle flowing
Speaker:as opposed to like raging down.
Speaker:Like, and I think it, it makes things so much more.
Speaker:I don't want to say fun.
Speaker:It's not the word that I'm looking for, but much less overwhelming.
Speaker:And I think you feel so much better when you finish it.
Speaker:You're like, Oh my God, I did this.
Speaker:And I don't feel, I don't feel like awful now after I accomplished this major thing.
Speaker:It
Speaker:makes you more likely for you to continue to do it again in the future too.
Speaker:Yeah, like if you decide that you're like, I want to start a new hobby, right?
Speaker:I want to do this craft.
Speaker:I want to make this thing.
Speaker:I want to start this thing.
Speaker:And you sit down to do it and you open up that book that you ordered
Speaker:that has all this stuff and you're like, Oh shit, I don't have this.
Speaker:Oh shit.
Speaker:I don't have this thing that I needed.
Speaker:And then you either try to make it worth work with what you have and it doesn't
Speaker:come out the way you want it and you're frustrated or you throw in the towel and
Speaker:you're never going to touch it again or it's like what if like beforehand you
Speaker:just did like a quick inventory what are the things I have to do like if I'm
Speaker:going to be if I'm telling myself I'm going to write every single day on this
Speaker:website I'm going to do that nano remo I'm going to write I'm going to do all
Speaker:Oh my God.
Speaker:do you have a login do you know your login for the website you're going to
Speaker:do it on Did you set up your account?
Speaker:Do you
Speaker:Get yourself set up.
Speaker:Just, you don't have to start.
Speaker:You just have to look at like, what are the things that I might need to do?
Speaker:And I think the power that comes with that gives you a little
Speaker:way to start that momentum.
Speaker:Yeah,
Speaker:Yeah,
Speaker:so yeah,
Speaker:that like I'm starting to incorporate more.
Speaker:Trying to work my way back from needing to do everything all at once and then
Speaker:beating myself up when it doesn't work.
Speaker:it's funny you mentioned this because like one of the things that we did
Speaker:recently was like very much around that.
Speaker:Um, and I think I think, well, I'll probably like, I'd like to
Speaker:chat about that a little bit in a different at a different time.
Speaker:But.
Speaker:Um, like giving yourself or building with someone, a trusted friend, a roadmap
Speaker:of when you're starting something new, a roadmap of what you want, the, of
Speaker:what your goals are, what your fears are, or what your roadblocks could be.
Speaker:And looking at those things very plainly and simply and preparing for that
Speaker:Yeah,
Speaker:can take a lot of pressure.
Speaker:It's like, it's like looking at the monster directly in
Speaker:the face and being like,
Speaker:we're Not going to get overwhelmed.
Speaker:on.
Speaker:Not so scary with the lights on.
Speaker:We're turning the lights on.
Speaker:We're going to look at this and we're just going to set ourselves up to tackle it.
Speaker:We're going to set a time that it's going to happen.
Speaker:We're going to start with an even smaller task if we need to.
Speaker:We'll give ourselves a really safe, gentle on ramp.
Speaker:We're easing into
Speaker:Dental on ramp, not, um, a Thelma and Louise over a cliff.
Speaker:Exactly.
Speaker:90 mile an hour traffic and like trying to have our little go kart, right?
Speaker:You're in the wrong car, you're doing everything wrong, but you
Speaker:are trying to keep up with the big dogs, and you can't, and then you're
Speaker:going to blame yourself for it?
Speaker:Absolutely not.
Speaker:Not on my watch.
Speaker:Um, yes.
Speaker:I
Speaker:love
Speaker:that's a beautiful action item and challenge for the week.
Speaker:I think that's it.
Speaker:For the listeners, if there's something that you are wanting to get started,
Speaker:this is a great time of year with our spring equinox to plant those seeds.
Speaker:I think if there's something that you want to start, maybe if you set yourself
Speaker:a start date of April 1st, use this time, allow the, the little bugs to start waking
Speaker:up, let them come out of hibernation, start thinking about what that looks like
Speaker:for you, um, and then back yourself up a little bit from that April 1st start date.
Speaker:What are the things that you need to do to really position yourself right?
Speaker:Um, You can make a note for yourself, journal on it, you can send it in
Speaker:to us and let us know and we will be checking in with you on that.
Speaker:We're not going to be weird about it, but you know, we just want to make sure
Speaker:that everybody is feeling good about the things that they want to be doing because
Speaker:that is part of the healing process.
Speaker:And like I said, we're in the same place too, where we're starting
Speaker:to work towards these goals.
Speaker:I'm sure we'll be talking about that more in future episodes.
Speaker:Um, Yeah, so that's your action item.
Speaker:Our email address is healinghappyhourpod at gmail.
Speaker:com.
Speaker:So if you want to write it up and send it into somewhere, just to
Speaker:send it out into the universe and
Speaker:Yeah, like we, I love to hear like what people are working on,
Speaker:what you've been inspired by, like what might have come up for you
Speaker:over the last few months in winter, what you're like, yeah, well, more of
Speaker:that, or no, I want less of that, or, you know, things that are that are
Speaker:truly starting to pique your interest and what you're going to plant.
Speaker:So,
Speaker:Crystal, take us out of here with a card.
Speaker:Can you do a card pull to let us know how we can kind of bring this forward?
Speaker:What message we have to?
Speaker:so shout out to my darling, darling friend, Bex, who, um, it gave me this
Speaker:beautiful Starcoast Astro Oracle.
Speaker:I just love it.
Speaker:And, um, I really have to tell them how much I love it.
Speaker:So I just pulled this card.
Speaker:It's conjunction.
Speaker:Alliance.
Speaker:Supportive aspects.
Speaker:Anytime two celestial bodies conjunct, meaning they dance close together,
Speaker:they first work together and blend meaning and purpose, then begin a
Speaker:new cycle of their relationship.
Speaker:The sun and the moon conjunct at the new moon, but because the sun is
Speaker:overpoweringly huge, it has special Planets are so tiny compared to
Speaker:that, to the sun, that when they are close within eight degrees of
Speaker:the sun, they seem to disappear or combust and lose individual power.
Speaker:But when the planets exactly conjunct the sun, their strength merges and
Speaker:grows within the heart of the sun.
Speaker:The conjunction tells us that we are stronger when we work
Speaker:together, as long as we don't disappear into each other's flame.
Speaker:Your action is to co conspire.
Speaker:Ooh, girl, that's what we'd be doing.
Speaker:Find people and allies to support your ideas.
Speaker:As this is not a situation in which to go it alone, bring in someone with an
Speaker:extra skill to offer to your project.
Speaker:Find the best friend to discuss your concerns with or spark off a new
Speaker:partnership, watch the energy build as you bounce ideas off another person.
Speaker:Just take care of your own energy fields and ideas in this process.
Speaker:If you've merged your energy with a partner, teacher, or coworker,
Speaker:or are considering merging, notice what strengths you and where you may
Speaker:need to step back and individuate.
Speaker:Find your own paradigm and technique.
Speaker:It can be lovely to love someone with a sun like personality,
Speaker:warm, expansive, though at times exhausting, but don't combust.
Speaker:If it's time to align your life with another's, think of the line from the
Speaker:poet Rilke, Real key love consists of this, that two solitudes protect
Speaker:and border and greet each other.
Speaker:Let this be a yaking of two or more equals a partnership that
Speaker:works best when each each brings gifts and challenges to the table.
Speaker:The challenge is to be wary of relationships that ask you to shrink
Speaker:yourself to fit them and value conjunction over individual growth.
Speaker:The gift is a conjunction that can, can become greater than the sum of the parts.
Speaker:So seeking support, it really sounds like, like seeking some support
Speaker:Yeah,
Speaker:and not allowing somebody
Speaker:else's plan.
Speaker:Yeah, I like that.
Speaker:I think that's really beautiful.
Speaker:I think that, uh, really pushes the idea of reaching
Speaker:out with whatever that goal is.
Speaker:Speaking it with somebody else.
Speaker:Bringing in a little bit of collaboration.
Speaker:Finding support, because you can't do it alone.
Speaker:You were never expected to.
Speaker:That's right.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:you definitely shouldn't have to.
Speaker:And, um, even if the, even if the starting point is for you to.
Speaker:Be intentional about calling in that support.
Speaker:If you like can't off the top of your head, think of it, call
Speaker:that in, ask your guides to bring that support system close to you.
Speaker:So
Speaker:I know you've been that for me lately, so I thank you, Crystal.
Speaker:All right, girlfriend, where can the good people find you on the internet?
Speaker:You can find me on
Speaker:Instagram at Crys the mystic
Speaker:or at crystal, the mystic.
Speaker:com.
Speaker:Alright, well we'll definitely have to check you out there, you have a beautiful
Speaker:blog that you've been writing on as well, so we'll check you out there.
Speaker:We are at HealingHappyHourPod, pretty much everywhere.
Speaker:Find us, email us, find us on Patreon, find us on the TikTok, find us everywhere,
Speaker:as long as TikTok is still there, who knows, who knows what the future holds,
Speaker:um, yes.
Speaker:And we will see you next week.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Okay.